Leopold: Part Four (11 page)

He frowns. “Elle…”

I shake my head—try to shake off the feelings of humiliation that still come up when I think about it. “I don’t remember much of it, Leo. I thought we had fun when we were at the beach. I had a few glasses of wine with dinner and that’s the last thing I remember before I woke up naked in my bed the next day.”

His jaw tightens. “He drugged you.”

“I think so. I was too embarrassed to go to the emergency room to be tested for drugs in my system, considering what had happened at the hospital the week before. And I didn’t want to go out—I could barely drag myself out of bed.” I close my eyes for a moment before returning my gaze to his. “And Owen didn’t take it well, either.”

He lifts a brow but says nothing.

“There was an accident. Owen never said what happened, but the guy he fixed me up with… There was a surfing accident. And I’m not sure if you know anything about surfing, Leo, but those kinds of things don’t happen.”

My breaths are coming a little too fast—I can’t believe I’m actually telling him this. “I found the job at your family’s clinic in Rio de Campo and they hired me on the spot. I don’t know for sure what Owen did, but I owed it to him to get him out of there. Whatever he did, he did for me. And I can’t believe I’m telling you this after what just happened. But…I think you needed to know. To understand why…why I might be a little more…delicate about…about things like obvious consent than some other girls you might have been with. And…and I’m sorry if I overreacted.”

He shakes his head slowly. “I’ve already told you, Elle, there is no need for you to apologize for anything. If anyone should be apologizing, it is I—”

“My head is fucked up, Leo. I’m not ever going to be right. Ever.”

He only stares at me, not saying anything.

“The best thing for me—for both of us—is for me to get off the plane in Lisbon. I’ll go back to the States—I’ll go to my interview in Oklahoma on Tuesday—and we can pretend none of this ever happened.”

He’s silent for another moment, but his gaze never leaves mine. He finally lets out a long breath. “But that isn’t what I want, Elle. I…I still would like you to accompany me to Montovia to meet my family.”

“I’m pretty sure my brother killed someone, Leo. Even if your family can get past my negative influence on you, I don’t think they’ll be able to get past
that
.”

He’s silent for a moment. “I told you I’d hired the best investigators money could buy, Elle. There was no mention of anything untoward in your brother’s history. There is no reason for this information to be shared with anyone else. You’ve only shared it with me—”

“And Matthias.” I lift a brow.

He tilts his head. “I trust Matthias with my life on a daily basis, Elle. You have nothing to fear from him, I promise you.” He edges himself to the end of the bed, directly across from me. He looks into my eyes again. “What I said to you tonight—I meant. I still mean it. I love you, Elle. I can’t explain what’s going on any better than that. Bringing you home to meet my family has everything to do with my wish to show them how I feel about you. And there is very little you can do or say that will change that.”

I search his eyes for a moment. “I’m broken, Leo.”

He shakes his head. “You are nothing of the sort, Elle.”

“You don’t understand—”

“But I
do
. I understand that I love you. And that is really all that I need to know.”

I can only shake my head, trying to force back the tears that are stinging at my eyes again.

I’m not this girl. I’m not a woman who cries over
feelings
. And I’m not sure what’s happening here at all. I’m not sure how Leo can say the things he’s saying—especially after all the horrible things I’ve just said to him.

“If you want to land in Lisbon, I’ll fly you home first class on the first flight back. You’ll never have to see me again.”

“That isn’t true, though, Leo. I’ll see you every day. I’ll see you every time I close my eyes. I’ll see you every time I fall asleep. And that’s not even counting every time I’ll walk into a patient’s room and see someone reading a magazine with you staring at me from the cover. I’m
never
going to be able to not see you again.”

He shrugs. “Then I’ll stop going to Los Angeles. I’ll stop going to London. I’ll stop going anywhere there’s a single photographer around. If it will ease your mind, I’ll stay in the palace for the rest of my life. I can’t imagine I’ll ever want to go out into the world again, anyway, if you make the choice never to see me again.”

“Don’t say things like that.”

“I’m only speaking the truth, Elle. And I’ve already told you I can’t imagine my life without you. That hasn’t changed at all, and it won’t, no matter what you tell me.” He gazes into my eyes, and I can’t read exactly what’s behind them. “Come with me to Montovia. I know I’ve already begged you. I know I don’t deserve it. I just…I don’t want to return there without you.”

My heart races a little too much at his words—his stupid charming eloquence that melts me every time he opens his mouth. I should be a lot angrier than I seem to be. But maybe it really was a misunderstanding. Maybe I
was
touching him in my sleep—that actually wouldn’t surprise me at all. And I can’t deny my attraction to him. My feelings for him. I’ve never been able to deny any of it when I’m honest with myself. And I really, really want to be honest with myself right now.

I just hope he’s being honest with me—that there isn’t some ulterior motive for bringing me back to Montovia. I don’t know what his motivation is, but there’s definitely something more going on than he’s telling me.

I gaze into his eyes for another long moment, almost hoping he’ll tell me something to help me know he’s not hiding anything.

But he doesn’t say another word.

I finally concede even though it’s definitely against my better judgment. “I wish I knew why I’m agreeing to this.”

The tiniest smile forms on his lips. “I promise you won’t regret it, Elle.”

I
spend
the rest of the flight with a blanket on the floor.

Elle takes the bed, but from the way she tosses and turns, I doubt she gets any more sleep than I do. I know I should be grateful she agreed to continue to Montovia with me, but instead, all I can feel is shame.
If I had known, I never would have…wouldn’t have even considered…

But it doesn’t matter. I should have controlled myself. When I think about her brother’s friend…

Rage bubbles up inside of me. Perhaps it is for the best that the vile excuse for a human being met an unfortunate end. If Owen hadn’t—allegedly—made him disappear—I’d hunt down the bastard and kill him myself. Make him pay dearly for every bit of harm he committed against her. And while I was at it, I’d find that doctor, too. And her medical school instructor. And any other man who’d ever hurt her. I’d kill them all, to hell with the consequences.

To know that she’s been through this, that she’s carried this with her all this time…
My God, if I’d known…

I rub my face. Perhaps I should have insisted she return to her home. I don’t deserve another chance, and after the things she’s already endured at the hands of men, I can’t bear to be the cause of any further pain. I want to
protect
her—bloody hell, I’ve never wanted to protect something so much in my entire life—but how can I do that when I can’t even exercise some simple self-control?

I’ll never put her in that position again. I won’t even touch her at all unless she explicitly asks me first.
It will be difficult, I know, but I need her to know she can trust me, that I’m not just here because I want to have sex with her. That she’s worth so much more than that.

In my mind, I can still hear her words:
I’m broken, Leo.

As if the things she told me would change anything about my feelings for her. As if I’d think less of her for them. But somehow she believes that all of this makes her unworthy of love. That she isn’t enough as she is.

I want her to see the truth. To
know
the truth, deep in her heart.

I’m not sure how long I’ve been lying here berating myself when Matthias comes in and alerts us that we’re starting the descent into the capital city of Montovia. I offer Elle the washroom first, and as she gets ready, I pull a fresh set of trousers and a pressed shirt from the closet. I look over at Matthias, who’s standing at the door to his private compartment, waiting for my orders.

“When we land,” I say, “I want you to ensure there’s a separate bedroom prepared for Elle.” Originally, I’d hoped she’d stay in my suite with me, but I don’t want to make any assumptions anymore.

“Of course, Your Highness.”

He starts to turn away, but I call out, “Wait, Matthias.”

“Yes, Your Highness?”

I shift my weight, uncertain of how to proceed. I don’t usually feel the need to make explanations to Matthias about anything, but this is different.

“I wanted to thank you for your concern before,” I say finally. “And for your offers of assistance to Elle.”

Matthias’s face is blank as he straightens his shoulders. “Of course, Your Highness.”

“I didn’t…” I rub the back of my neck. “I would never force myself upon a woman. It is important to me that you know that.”

Matthias is silent for a long moment, but his eyes soften as he looks at me.

“If I thought you capable of such a thing, Your Highness,” he says, “I would have left your employ long ago.”

I nod, relief rushing through me. I’m not sure I realized before how much Matthias’s opinion means to me.

“Then I’d like to request something of you,” I say. “From here forward, I’d like you to be honest with me about the way I handle things with Elle. I want to ensure I’m respectful of her in all matters. I want to… In truth, Matthias, I’ve never had a relationship like this before—but of course, you would know that better than anyone.” My face grows warm. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I have no bloody idea what I’m doing, and I can’t even think straight around her, and I’m beginning to think I could use a little help with all of this. A
lot
of help, actually.”
My God, I can’t believe I just admitted that out loud.

Matthias looks just as stunned—and slightly amused. But he quickly hides his humor at my awkward plea beneath a mask of professionalism.

“I’m here to offer my assistance to Your Highness in whatever way you require,” he says.

“Then I ask for your honesty. Don’t be afraid to give me your genuine opinion about anything I—”

The words freeze on my tongue at the click of the washroom door. I straighten my shoulders as Elle comes into the room. She seems to realize she’s interrupted something because her eyes dart between Matthias and me.

But Matthias knows exactly what to do.

“Of course, Your Highness,” he says quickly. “I’ll see to it right away.” He looks over at Elle. “May I assist you with anything, Doctor Parker?”

She shakes her head. “No, thank you.”

Matthias nods and returns to his room.

That man deserves a raise. A very large raise
, I think as I gather up my things. I can feel Elle’s eyes on me as I head toward the washroom.

“If you’d like something to eat,” I tell her, “there’s still some fruit and cheese. And there’s coffee and tea as well.” If I hadn’t been so distracted, I’d have already put a kettle on. I’m going to need a lot of caffeine to make it through the rest of the day after the night we’ve had.

I can hear Elle rummaging through the cupboard as I quickly dress, and the reality of our situation finally hits me—we’re minutes away from landing in Montovia, and I still don’t have a plan. I spent so much time last night berating myself for my behavior that I forgot to make any mental preparations for the challenges ahead. And there
will
be challenges. Of that, I am certain.

I glance at my reflection in the mirror as I button up my shirt. I look exhausted. I
feel
exhausted. But I’ve survived on little sleep before—this certainly isn’t the first time I’ve been awake all night—and I’ll have to make this work. For Elle’s sake.

I lean over and splash water on my face.
This is your only chance to show her your home. To show her another side of you. Don’t let it slip through your fingers.

By the time I emerge from the washroom, I’m starting to feel hopeful again. I can manage my family. I can show Elle the truth about me. I just need to stay focused.

As Elle and I buckle into our seats for the landing, I start to reach out for her hand—then remember at the last moment how I’ve promised myself I won’t touch her again until she asks.

Instead, I look over at her and ask, “Are you ready?”

She looks down at her lap before answering. “I don’t know.”

“You’re my guest,” I remind her. “If you need anything while you are here, you only have to ask.” I tilt my head and look out the window at the approaching land. “You’re going to love Montovia. I just know you are.”

She doesn’t say anything, but when I turn my head, I find her looking out the window, too.

When we finally land, my entire body is buzzing with energy. I’m not sure whether it’s nerves or excitement, but either way, I’m up out of my seat before the plane even comes to a complete stop. It feels like an eternity before we’re finally able to disembark.

“Welcome to Montovia,” I tell Elle with a grin as I swing the door open.

We couldn’t have picked a more beautiful day to arrive. The sky is bright blue—there isn’t a cloud in sight—and a light breeze swirls around us as we descend the steps onto the private runway behind the palace. The air smells deeply of summer, and the scents of my family’s extensive gardens surround us on every side.

I glance back at Elle. She’s looking around, taking everything in with that wide-eyed, inquisitive gaze of hers. And she hasn’t even begun to see what Montovia has to offer.

“This way,” I say. In my excitement, I nearly forget myself and press a hand to the small of her back, but at the last second, I stop myself, gesturing instead. “Come around to the other side of the plane.”

I lead her around the side of the jet, and I know the moment she sees the view on the other side because I hear her give a quiet gasp.

It is truly a spectacular view. My family’s runway lies toward the back of our extensive property, but from here you can see the entire palace and much of the valley beyond. Montovia might be small, but its beauty is beyond compare. We’re surrounded on all sides by snow-capped mountains—which stand stark against the sky on a clear day like today—and the valley is as lush and green as any in all of Europe. Our capital city spreads out across the landscape below us, its brightly colored roofs gleaming in the sun. You can even see some of its gardens and parks from here.

But all of that only serves as a backdrop to the palace, which rises in glory and beauty on the hill below us.

The palace has long been a source of my family’s pride. Made of pale, sand-colored stone, the walls are nearly blinding in the high, bright sun. Stained glass windows look over the surrounding gardens and the city below. A dozen towers jut against the blue sky, each topped with colorful, fluttering pennants. The tallest tower bears a single flag with our royal arms—a golden shield and our royal scepter upon a field of purple— flying proudly above the entire country. I feel a small twinge of guilt as I look at that beloved royal symbol, but I push the feeling aside and turn back to Elle.

“What do you think?” I ask her. She’s been silent for far too long.

“I…” She looks up at me, then back across the valley. “The photos I’ve seen don’t really do it justice.”

I laugh. “That’s certainly true.” And we haven’t even begun to explore yet. There’s a light in Elle’s eyes now, a wonder that makes hope swell in my chest again.

I was right to bring her here.
We’ll make everything right again. And I’ll make her understand what she truly means to me.

While we’ve stood here admiring the view, Matthias has brought one of the solar-powered carts around. My family and our staff use the small carts for easy transportation to and from the more remote areas of our property. They’re far smaller and quieter than cars—though there are a couple of dozen luxury vehicles in the palace’s garage—and much cleaner than horses—though we continue to keep a full stable, at my mother’s insistence. The carts are also perfect for transporting luggage to and from the airstrip.

After our luggage has been loaded, Matthias turns to us. “Are you ready to go to the palace, Your Highness? Doctor Parker?”

“Yes, please,” I say, walking with Elle over to the cart. There’s so much I want to show her.

This time, I remember not to touch her. I let Matthias help her into the cart as I take my place on the other side. Still, my heart aches a little as I fold my hands in my lap. I want to slide my arm around her and pull her against my side. Or at least lace my fingers through hers, connect with her on some physical level as she experiences Montovia for the first time. I bite down on the inside of my cheek as the cart starts moving, determined to show restraint.

As Matthias drives toward the palace, I point out things to Elle—the squash courts, the riding green, the Zen garden inspired by my mother’s visit to Japan many years ago. We pass along the eastern edge of the water gardens on our way around the gymnasium, and we skirt the border of the orchards after passing the greenhouses. Elle seems to be listening intently as I describe everything to her, and I am certain the gleam in her eyes is caused by more than the brightness of the sun. She needs more happiness in her life—more pure, simple pleasure. I might not have been able to protect her against the things that were done to her in her past, but I’m determined to do everything I can for her now.

Even if it is killing me not to touch her.

Her hair looks so beautiful in the sun—this light brings out hints of gold and copper among the darker strands. And her whole face seems to glow. I want to pull her into my arms, kiss her sweet mouth, and run my fingers across her glowing cheeks.

Can’t you see, Elle? Can’t you tell this isn’t normal lust?
It’s not her body I want so badly—though I have no complaints about those exquisite curves—it’s
her.
The pure essence of her that shines through her every movement. Having her here in Montovia with me, sharing all of this, only strengthens the ache in my chest.

By the time we reach the palace, I’m nearly dizzy with self-restraint. Once again, I let Matthias help her out of the cart as I curl and uncurl my fingers, trying to release some of the tension in my body.

Once we get her settled, I think a cold shower will do.
I need my mind to be clear when I greet my parents and tell them about Elle. My parents are used to my comings and goings from the palace, but I’ve never brought a guest home before. I hope that if I explain everything to them first,
before
they hear about it from a member of the staff, we can settle everything diplomatically. I’ll wait to introduce them to Elle until I’m sure they—or, more specifically, my father—will show her the proper respect.

Yes, I think that plan will do nicely.

But the stewards have hardly carried our things through the palace doors when a man comes hurrying down the corridor toward us. My stomach clenches when I recognize him—Stephan, my father’s valet.

“Your Highness,” he says with a bow. “Welcome home. I hope your journey was safe and uneventful.”

I don’t have time for Stephan, not now. I want to get him out of here before he notices Elle.

“Yes, well, I’m very tired,” I say. “Kindly tell my father that I’d be happy to join him and my mother for supper tonight, once I’ve bathed and settled in.”

Stephan straightens out of his bow. “Your Highness, your father wishes to see you now.”

“Then send my apologies. I’m really quite exhausted. I’m sure he’ll understand.”

“Forgive me, Your Highness,” Stephan says, bowing again, “but I’m under strict orders to escort you to him immediately. Your companion, too.” His eyes slide to Elle.