Leon's Way (26 page)

“No, you’re nothing like Dad. God, Shishi, I have no idea how he grew up, what or who made him who he is, and frankly I don’t give a damn. But we’ve both had Mom in our lives. She’s caring, loving, beautiful inside and out, and there’s no freaking way that hasn’t rubbed off on us. You had her for seven years, Shishi, before she left! Then, you had your karate. You couldn’t possibly become Dad.”

I shake my head at her, my little sister. She doesn’t see my ugly heart. “You have no idea, Kat.” I smile ruefully. “I regret taking my chances with Arria in the first place. I shouldn’t have insisted. I should have treated the pregnancy as a business deal, choked my attraction to her. Called my lawyer and drawn up the papers for her and the baby to have what they needed from hereon and into eternity. I’ve made up my mind. This is what I’m doing.”

Katsu is getting frustrated. “That, Shishi—as cold as you try to appear right now—shows the person you are. Sure, the sperm donor claims he wanted to protect Mom, but guess what? He didn’t. After he lost his job, he didn’t even try anymore, and you’re not him! You’re generous, fighting for those you love. She’s lucky, you know that? Arria might not be aware exactly how lucky she is, but very few people have someone like you, and I hope to God I find a boyfriend who can be what you are to her.”

She’s breathing hard, staring me down. My itty-bitty princess. Look how she turned out. So righteous, willful, and… dear. I’m grinning. I stroke her hair against her wrath with me.

“Why do I even need to tell you this? You’re a chicken shit, Shishi. Running away from your future is what you’re doing, right when things are getting better.”

She’s wrong. Nothing is getting better. “Kat. Tell me I can count on you. Will you live with Arriane while I am gone?”

She growls, hiding her face in cupped hands. Finally, she looks up, past me, and in between the oak trees.

“Always.”

I’m here to pick up the pieces after he left. To not scare Arriane, I only bring two suitcases with me. Leon gave me the spare key back, so she doesn’t have to get up when I enter. She’s at the dinner table, knees tucked together, heels jutting outside the chair legs.

“Hey…” I breathe out, taking in her shattered form.

“He left,” she says against trembling fingertips.

“He had to, honey,” I lie. “Choice really needed him.”

“So why didn’t he ask me to come along?” Her eyes sparkle with tears over short, natural nails. “It’s my hometown, Kat. My mom lives there.”

Thanks, brother, for making it easy for me.

“What did he say?” I ask, buying time. Leon bared his soul to me this morning, but how much did he hold back from her?

Her lip quivers between her fingers. “That Choice isn’t running well. I told him I’d accompany him, help him straighten things out. He just insisted I’m safer here in my state.”

“Because he worries about you and the baby,” I say, buying time again.

Arria drags in a long sniff and glances out from beneath her hair. “Katsu, this is more than Choice needing help. It must be about your dad. Leon didn’t tell me what happened last night when you visited, but he went crazy after he came home. This morning, he got up early and disappeared without waking me up. Next thing, he’s back and packing for the trip to Choice.”

I bite my lip, considering as I offer her the rest of the coffee in the carafe. She shakes her head no, and I pour it for myself, adding sweet cream. I take a sip, grimacing. Decaf. It’s what Leon wants her to drink now, with the baby.

Again, I think of how similar Shishi and his girlfriend are deep down. Strong and independent, they’re both scared to death of giving up their independence and being vulnerable to the one person they love most. Now, Leon has fled at a moment when she’s ready to struggle for their relationship.

Damn, it’s hard to keep them together.

Over the last months, Arriane and I have talked. In this she differs from my brother. She doesn’t brush me off, calling it “head-trip mumbo jumbo.” Arriane comprehends on an instinctive level that a person’s past influences their actions.

“Okay, Arria. This is between you and me since he hasn’t openly told you. He thinks he’s no better than our father. Leon is afraid he’ll end up hurting the two of you.”

“I figured,” she mumbles. “Once you know what to look for, Leon isn’t so unreadable. Why did he tip over yesterday, though? I haven’t seen him that bad before, not even last New Year’s Eve.”

I swallow. I can explain without crying. Hell, I don’t even remember my infant days. “Dad told us why he kidnapped me from our mother when I was so little I was still on breast milk. It was his punishment for Mom not letting him control her.”

Arria is quiet for an instant. Then, she says, “Leon would never be that cruel.”

“He’s sure that he’s Dad. No matter what I say, he’s scared of what the future will turn him into.”

Arriane laughs quietly. The creamer has cooled the coffee, so I suck in another weak mouthful.

“It’s exactly what I said to him before. Because of the baby, I didn’t want to take any chances on who he could become around us.”

“Right. Sometimes, you are too alike.”

“Can I meet him?” Arriane asks suddenly.

“Who, the sperm donor?”

“Yeah. I’ve got this picture in my head, and I’m not sure it’s who he is. Maybe it’s easier to help Leon if…” She trails off, unsure.

“I’d take you to the freaking moon if it helped my brother.”

Who is this man who destroys my always-love? Katsu and I are on our way to the hospital. I hope this can keep me from grieving Leon as if he were dead.

It’s strange how far we’ve come over the last months. For years, I was desperately lost in love with my boss, but I was no nearer, no further away from him on my weekend stays at my mother’s in Talco than I was at the club on work days. Before the New Year’s incident, Leon never had as much as a glint of interest in his eyes. When he spoke to me, it was with personable yet professional concern for a cherished employee. I was no different from the other staff.

Now, I have so much more to miss. My intense, all-encompassing lover. Leon is so very gone from my life in Deepsilver, the faint scent of woodsy cologne and wrongness is all that lingers of him at the apartment. Yes, my brain still knows he’s wrong, but my heart doesn’t give a damn. Because it intuits irreparable heartbreak, and it’s ready to do whatever it takes to keep it from invading me.

My mother. She’s been so outspoken about me running this show without him. Be a single mom with great support from my family. She reminds me of the last years with our own father in the house, of how sad we were when he finally moved back to India. And suddenly, it hits me how Leon and I make this all about our parents’ issues.

Oh, the sins of the forefathers. The puff I let out sounds like a snicker.

“You’re laughing?” Kat asks.

I lean my head against the backrest in her car. Leon would be upset. He forgot to take the pregnancy attachment out of his truck before he left. I’m fine, though. All I do is scoot the upper belt above my belly and the lower one down to my thighs.

“Yeah. I’m realizing that Leon is allowing his father to influence our relationship while my mother has affected
my
decisions.”

“Makes sense.” She shrugs, not as entertained as me. “Although the goal would be to break the cycle. Right?” Kat sends me a quick glance.

My heart nods, and I speak on its behalf. “Right.”

A small man lies in the bed. The sheets are white, but the man… he’s yellow. Katsu reads the question in my eyes and mouths “Cirrhosis.”

I lift my shoulders, unsure of what Cirrhosis is.

“End stage liver disease. People turn yellow,” she whispers as we enter the room.

“Father, hey. How are you doing?” Katsu begins conversationally. The words are polite, yet void of her signature compassion.

Butter-colored lids lift, and I’m amazed to find Leon’s eyes staring back at me. There’s a film coating the blue, though, a dullness hinting at impending death. Beige and wispy, it stretches over white that should accentuate stunning irises.

“I’m all right.” He smiles weakly. It’s hard to imagine this shriveled human terrorizing his family. The man’s attention flows to my face, then over my stomach. His eyes fill with liquid, and he tries to blink it away. “Is this…?”

“Yes, Dad. This is Arriane Sarin, Leon’s girlfriend and your grandbaby in there,” Katsu says, her voice softer than before. I walk over and take his hand. It’s dry, the surface leathery. His grip is nothing but a light shiver of muscles against my palm.

“Thank you for coming, Arriane…” He breathes through the words, summoning strength to keep going. “I am so happy to meet you and… the baby.”

“She’s here for a reason, Father.” Katsu cuts off the niceties I have on my tongue. I wonder how she can do this with someone who’s dying. I study him; this person can’t possibly be evil. And even if he once was, doesn’t he deserve to die in peace?

I don’t speak up. New to their relationship, the only history I know are the snippets they’ve told me, and who am I to judge the way they handle this? I go with Katsu’s flow.

“Of course.” The old man lifts a hand from the covers to dry the water pooling at the corner of an eye. I keep his other hand between mine in an effort to comfort him. “Anything I can do...”

“Leon is disappearing from us,” Katsu says. It’s brutal and true.

“Where’s he going?”

“No, Father. He thinks he won’t pull off having a family because he grew up with a monster.”

Wow.

Katsu’s features are set as she studies him. He’s sad, unsurprised by her words. First, he opens his mouth to reply, but then he changes his mind.

“Mr. Stonewell, I’m not here to disturb you. I simply wanted to meet you since you are Leon’s father,” I say.

“And you’ve heard so much about me?” His question is a statement.

I look down. There is no lying. “I guess I’m just… trying to understand.”

I’m on a weekly motel rent plan in Talco. I work nonstop anyway, and all I need is a place to crash. The first morning, I get to Choice before my manager. Bad sign. I unlock and instantly call a staff meeting. By the time Ralph appears, I’m deep in the accounting, eliminating expensive suppliers and adding more efficient options to my list.

There’s a fucking hole in my stomach, and breakfast doesn’t fill it. Being far from Deepsilver is a relief, but being away from Arriane is not. I call her at ten—when she usually gets up.

“Hi,” she breathes into the phone. It’s intimate, full of—

What I feel.

“Baby. I…” Want to tell her I miss her. “How are you? Did you sleep?”

“No.” She chuckles to herself, but she’s blue.

“Why don’t you sleep, baby? You need to rest,” I murmur.

I’m doing this for her. Sure, it’s uncomfortable to blow up on a daily basis, but on my own, I can tackle the rage back home in my Bag Room.

Fuck it.

“I miss you too, baby. Your sweet, round body. Your boobs.”

“You miss my boobs?” Her giggle is less sad now. I smile.

“Yep, you’ve got a stellar rack, and I’d—”

“Sshhh,” she laughs, lowering into a hum. “Your sister’s up. She’s making coffee right next to me. Decaf,” she adds reassuringly. Then, she shuts us in between her cupped palm and the receiver, causing a hollow sound to the rest of what she’s telling me. “Don’t make me
bothered
while I’m trying to get ready.”

“So you don’t want to hear how I’d squeeze and suck on your big, tasty, puffy nipples?” I tease.

“Leon!”

“What’s he saying?” Kat asks behind her. I roll my eyes. My nosy sister is two shades from becoming Ingela.

“Oh, he’s at, um, at Choice working,” Arria guesses.

“Making up stories?” I say, and she shushes me again. I full-on grin now. “I could be at a gentleman’s club for all you know.”

“What? Cheaters?” she sputters, suddenly forgetting how close Kat is. The response from behind her is immediate.

“He’s cheating?” My sister has skills; she can become outraged insanely fast.

“No, nothing like that, Kat.” My girl pulls away from the phone enough to explain that I’m riling her up about a strip joint.

“He’s an ass,” is Katsu’s comment. “Don’t listen to him.”

“Hey, I’m hangin’, learning how to be a gentleman. They teach us how to balance a teacup with our pinkies straight to the side. We’re practicing the wiener waltz, and next up is—how to properly hold doors for the ladies while bowing our heads in an elegant way.”

Arriane is laughing out loud. Ah. I fucking love that sound. I made her forget all her crap. I wish I could always make her this happy.

The days pass quickly. I’ve never worked harder, not even when I started Smother six years ago on money borrowed from Hank. I’m up at five, running for a full hour, before I head to Choice and continue the process of getting the club on its feet.

I stay until they close. Ralph shadows my moves, studying the Smother way of doing things like he should have done when we opened. Choice is a year old, and it’s got to prove itself in Talco. The only real competitor is better at marketing, so one of my big pushes this week is to negotiate deals with student organizations and the local newspaper.

Every morning, I call Arriane. On the second day, I accidentally called her before she got up, which will be my new rule. Fuck, it’s delicious to hear her sleep-coated voice moan from within the covers. She tries to sound like she’s annoyed by me waking her up, but really, she loves it.

On the fourth morning, I’m dying for her. It’s not difficult during the day while all I concentrate on is work. It’s when I wake up in a sterile motel bed, hard as rock and needing her sweet warmth, that I’m hollow inside. She picks up, drowsy with dreams.

“Baby?” I say.

“Leon…”

“I miss you with me, love. Miss you.”

I’m calling too early. The nighttime dark isn’t even blue outside yet. My girl sighs, pushing a long, happy exhale out between her lips. “I miss you too.”

“Fuck, Arria.” I grab my dick, stroking it, and there’s a smile in her voice as she stretches on the other end, groaning.

“I need you,” I say, stupid with want.

“You want me to come back?” she asks, messing with me, because
she
didn’t leave. I did. “Isn’t this a tad early to be awake, sweetie?”

“Mm-hmm. How’s the baby?”

“Kicking me. You made me laugh, so now he thinks it’s time for us to get up.”

I imagine her taut around me. Remember exactly how she feels. “He’ll be such a terror.”

“Like his father,” she whispers, and it’s all I can take.