Legacy of the Defender (The Defender Series Book 1) (27 page)

XIX

Patience

My Legacy

(Written in the wilds of Heaven)

The growing pain I feel inside

Is tearing me up, I’ve no place to hide

Each day I rise the stronger it gets

Consuming my soul until the sun sets

I wish I could say at dusk that it ends

But that is where it truly descends

I have no real peace not even in my sleep

My soul goes to wander in darkness so deep

The demons they haunt me and torment me so

I get no reprise as I travel below

I cry, I scream for a moment of rest

But it continues all night, a never-ending test

I struggle; I fight to conquer the fears

Sweating my blood and crying my tears

But my demons they feed on my will and feed well

It’s as though I am falling straight into Hell

The irony is that I battle the night

Sacrifice my all and fight the good fight

I guess you could say I stand against the tide

As I gaze at the maw, those jaws open wide

You can try to destroy me, but I will not compromise

I will not go quietly now that I realize

I will always fight you, to win back my inside

I’m human, I’m stubborn, and I’ll swallow my pride

I know now the answer comes not from within

But asking for wisdom is where to begin

This I have done and the price is now paid

So I will go on fighting for promises made.

I wish I could say that the tides have now turned

But each day the fires consume what I learn

Anew I have started each day when I rise

I tear back my soul to my solace and shed my disguise

People say that rest is where we regain

The strength that we lose when we each face our bane

Since I get no release when I sleep day or night

I get all my strength from walking in the light

Under these eyes are the signs of my test

Bearing the mark of a soul laid to rest

When my life is over my sacrifice will show

I’m a soldier who fights what is hidden below

The light crept across the floor.  Mostly hidden by the blinds, the sun peaked into the room.  Its yellow hue showed softly as it set, concluding its business with my part of the world.  What is it about light that makes it more intense as you cut it down?  It is not like the beam is a laser.  The light waves and particles do not combine forces.
 
The blinds stopped most of the sun’s energy, yet the beams in the room were blinding.  Like a sword, the sun’s light pierced the increasing dark room in a final assault before succumbing the oncoming night. 
It is never good to hinder the sun.  It always finds a way. 
I pondered the thought for a moment longer.  I never did like the daytime.

It was the evening of the first day after returning from my immobile prison of my comatose body.  I awakened again after falling asleep twice in the day.  Each one of my attempts, dreams of monsters or imaginary daemons appeared randomly during my lucid periods.  I could not yet tell the difference between my dream state and my awakened state.  All I knew was that the Sasquatch had been real.  The Sasquatch had happened.  Everything else remained cloudy.  I have ever seen a real monster
.
  Tall and furry while still man-like...the image was ever present in my mind.  I did not feel fear when examining the memory of the creature.  Childhood mythos of the beast did not help the instant fear one would think they would feel; however, the feeling of sanity is still part of this reality.  Curiosity reigned supreme, though.  Not knowing how or why, only that I would see it again someday, was the conclusion every time

As I lay in my bed and watched the light continue its journey up the wall, thoughts of the creatures in my dreams continued to perplex me.  It did not make much sense to me to have the same dream twice, but so far it had been the same thing each time.  In the dreams, I fought and killed daemons.  Nothing more.  I used incredible swords to do so.  It was my singular task.
 
Both of my hands flexed at the remembrance. 
Yes, it was definitely two blades
.  The invisible items in my hands seemed so real, even when I held them aloft in front of my face.  Something felt to be still in my grip, a phantom feeling, in which something tangible lingered.  So unique was the experience that my hands still felt energized and strong.  Placing them on the metal tubing the hospital bed had on the side of it to keep me from rolling off did not even equal this present sensation.  The cold stainless steel mimicked the feeling like the hilt of a sword and was the right size for a giant man, but did not fit right as I was.  So strange this experience was.  It made me feel strong; only to be denied. Yet the ease of holding myself up, my arms were just too weak for continued attempts.

Patience, Dietz.  You just woke up from a long nap laced with reoccurring dreams
.  I found myself saying the first part of this out loud repeatedly, like a mantra or a chant.  The sound of my own voice began to drone a bit and I found my eyelids heavy for a moment.  I shook my head as the feeling came over me not wanting to waste more of my life.  I personally had a lot of questions and a few new goals to achieve.  One of which was to get over my hatred of the revealing light.

No, you have slept long enough, snap out of it
. 

I slapped my face a few times even though there was not very much behind it; in fact I barely felt a sting.  The sound slightly echoed in the room but reverberated in my ears like the beating of wings.  Strangely enough, images of those creatures appeared again and started coming at me almost like they were dive-bombing me in a clearing.  In they came over and over and the flutter sound grew in intensity.  Not being able to fend them off any more, smaller ones began swarming near my face making me start flailing my arms instinctively.  I heard the heart monitor increase its beeping sound, keeping pace with my heart beat.

Beep…Beep…Beep…

Faster and faster it went.  Pressure in my head began building like it was in a vice grip.  My eyes were having an issue focusing around the room.  Closing them did not help, and my breathing began to race.  Wanting to run and hide evolved into wanting to challenge and destroy everything and stand victorious over my foes, only to have it swing back to fear and running.  Both emotions slammed me hard until one of them emerged the victor.  I wanted to fight and watch the blood of my foes spray all over the battlefield.  Just as I became comfortable with this idea, suffocation and pressure began crushing me.  My condition monitor was going crazy as my heart felt like it was going to explode.

Just breathe! 

My eyes shot open.  I had been asleep again.

The lights in the room were on a minimal setting to prepare for evening, although dipping, the sun was still bright.  Wait, it was in the same place… it had not moved or seemed to reset.  All I could think about was patience.  The answers would come soon enough. 

What was happening to me?
  The same moment repeated.  The light moving, the hospital sounds…all of it seemed to be familiar in a way that made no sense to me...yet I had never been in the hospital before, at least never for a stay.  Only visits to loved ones or friends growing up.  This chaos swirled around me causing confusion, and made cognitive thinking difficult.  My breathing became my focus for hours in an attempt to clear my head.

I do not know how much time passed as I lay there experiencing a sort of dementia or delusion.  My sanity felt like it was being over written and caused doubts as to what was reality for a moment, when I heard a voice from the corner of the room.  I blinked my eyes.  I could see a man sitting there in black clothing.

“Dieter.” 

I lay there shaking my head as if it were a phantom coming to claim my soul.

“
Dieter.”

I tried telling myself he was a hallucination.  The dreams seemed so real and I was starting to think they were a figment of my mind as well, so there was no reason that what I was hearing had to be real.  Again the voice came.

“
DIETER
!”

I had enough.  “What do you want?  Stop bothering me!”  I felt hands on my shoulders start to shake me.

“Wake up, you’re dreaming.”

More shaking…. followed by a feeling of dread.  My eyes shot open.  Wait?  My eyes had been open.  A glance around the room revealed a man sitting in the corner.  Wait, Déjà vu?  Was it that same priest?

“Dieter,” he said.  This time I saw his lips move.  I finally felt like I was awake and the feeling of metal in my hands was there again.  I wanted to swing my arms, but they felt so heavy.  I just wanted to sleep.

“Dieter, I know you can see me.  I assure you I am really here,” he said.

I lay there staring at him for several minutes before concluding that he was here and that my mind was not playing tricks on me.  The light on the floor caught my eye, for it had not moved much still and was nowhere near getting close to setting yet.  I had imagined it repeatedly or it was a dream.  My courage finally mustered enough to speak.

“Yes priest, I am here and I see you,” I said.

“Did you doubt it?  Truly?” he asked.

“You have no idea,” I said.

“Well can you give me an idea?” he asked.

“Not really,” I said.

“I think you can,” he replied with firmness in his voice.  “Tell me what you have been seeing.”

“I’d rather not.”

“Why?” he asked.

“Because you do not want to know what I have been seeing or hearing or dreaming or feeling!”  I snapped. 

“Yes, I do.  Tell me.”

“I can’t,” I said.

“Yes, you can.  Tell me.  I know you want to,” he urged.

I was getting angry.  It felt like the pressure in my temples was going off the charts.  I wanted him to go away, anywhere.

“Tell me Dieter.  I want you to say it.”

“Why?”  I demanded.

“Because you need to tell me, and I want you to say it.  You need to hear yourself say it.”

“Fine!”  I shouted.  “Daemons!  Daemons!  There, I said it.  Happy?”

“They are called demons…Continue,” he said.

“What?  You want more.  Okay, I smell their filth!  I feel their presence!  I hear their awful screams.  And yes, I
kill
them.  I fight them, and I kill them.  Is that what you want to hear?  It makes sense to call them daemons, I do not know why.”  I was nearly in tears from rage.

“Is it the truth?” he asked.

I sat motionless.  Our eyes remained locked.  I wanted desperately to say it was a lie, to deny any such truth could possibly be real about my life. 
My life?  Why? 
I wanted it to be false.  When the moisture made my eyes blink, I turned my face away. 

“You can tell me, Dieter.”

“Yes,” I answered quietly.  “It is really true.”

Oh man,
I suddenly thought
.  That sounds bad. 
I cringed inside.

The pressure seemed to release and I swore I saw him put something away.  I looked over and he was just sitting there.

“There now, was that so bad?” he asked.

“Yes, it was.  I did not wish to discuss it.”

“Well, perhaps you should tell me when you first started seeing demons?” he said, looking concerned and trusting.

“I have never seen a daemon.”

“You just said you had, Dieter.  Why are you changing your story?”

“I am
NOT
changing my story.”  I raised my voice because he was starting to anger me.  I felt as though he was trying to convince me of something and I swear the pressure in my head came back and felt as if something invasive was attempting to dig inside.  An image of pages turning in a book came to mind.  Hitting my palm against my temple repeatedly did not make it go away.  He sat there staring at me shaking his head.  His gaze, penetrating, crawled all over and inside me and something about it seemed off as if he was looking into me.  Extreme discomfort ensued.  He was making me mad now, and I decided since my voice still worked to let him have it.

“How dare you priest.  I
just
woke up from a coma, as you are very aware and it is literally the first day.  You are accusing me of seeing daemons just because I have had a few dreams about them and
said
they were real to such an extent that it felt like I
had
seen them.”  I paused to cough because even though my voice worked, it was still difficult to talk.  “I have not even been awake from my coma for a day, and you are here accusing me of something that’s insane.  If you had some…” he cut me off mid-sentence.