Legacy of Secrets 01-Cursed Secrets (24 page)

Instead of talking, I resigned to settling in next to her. I pulled her into me and hummed lullabies my mother sang when I was a child. She was very still and refused to look at me. I tried a different approach.

“You don’t have to hold back what you’re feeling right now. I can tell you’re struggling to block it out. I’m already here, Lia. Let me be your friend if that’s what you need.”

“But you’ll leave,” she squeaked.

“Not this time. I’ve neglected to think of what you’ve been through recently and I’m sorry for that. Can you let me be here for you?” I nuzzled her hair again.

“I want to, but I’m not thinking of what has happened the last few days. If I let it all out, you’ll get mad and leave. I’m trying to savor the time you’re here.”

“What are you thinking about?” I played with her hair absently.

“What do you think I’m thinking about?” she said sarcastically and I chuckled.

“Would it help if I told you I’ve been thinking about the same thing?” I took her silence as a good thing and resumed twirling her hair around my finger.

“It’s very hard to concentrate with you doing that,” she remarked, turning on her side to face me. I let her wrap her arm around my waist and I traced small circles on her back, remembering how soft her skin was.

“Is it worse when I do this?”

“Yes,” she answered breathlessly. I felt my stomach tense at her response. Her hand clenched the back of my shirt desperately, adding to my excitement.

“I’ll stop if this is too much. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“It feels nice. A little too nice,” her breath was hot against my chest and I shuddered.

“I’m not helping anything am I?”

“I don’t care right now. I can deal with it later. Since all this started, all I’ve wanted was some form of comfort that never came. It hurt,” she looked at me again and I saw it in her eyes.

“I’m so sorry. I know I’ve said that a lot lately, but I haven’t meant it more than I do right now. I should have explained things better from the beginning,” she put her finger to my lips.

Our eyes locked, holding the moment captive. Her finger traced my bottom lip, down my chin and around the back of my neck. She leaned into me, gently pressing her lips to mine. All the pressure and emotions that were built up inside me exploded and I returned her kiss with fervor.

My hand wound in her hair again and she moaned as I tugged lightly. I groaned when I felt her hot skin beneath my lips while I traveled her neck and shoulders. So much of her was exposed I had to control the impulse to claim her as my own. I couldn’t risk it. Even indulging in her kisses was too much.

She grabbed my face and crashed her lips to mine with such a need it overwhelmed me. She rolled on top and kissed my chest trailing the current with her fingernails. My body was screaming and I wasn’t sure how much more I could take before giving in. I knew she could feel my excitement as she worked her way down my stomach, stopping before crossing the line.

I sat up, forcing her to meet my lips again, and positioned her underneath me. I stared at her for a moment, appreciating her curvy features and especially the rise and fall of her breasts as she struggled to catch a breath. There was so much I could do to pleasure her, but I had to remember where the line was drawn. She looked at me, confused at first, and then understanding flashed in her eyes. I felt her rejection, but I didn’t know how to prove that I wanted her without showing it. She rolled over and I moved beside her. I tried to speak, but she just grabbed my arm and draped it around her waist.

I listened to her sobs for a while, feeling my heart break more with every sniffle. She eventually drifted off to sleep, never letting go of my hand. I couldn’t understand how I could hurt her so much, but I was still who she wanted for comfort. She comforted me more than I did her. Holding her let me hold onto the part of myself that was good and rational. When I wasn’t near her, I was hateful and scatterbrained.

I slipped from her room before the sun came up, spending as much time with her as I could allow. I was more lost than ever before. Nothing was as it should have been. Stealing her away from the madness was enticing, but impossible. Throwing caution to the wind and being with her was desirable, but also impossible. The first mention of us together would be her death or at the least imprisonment. I wouldn’t condemn her to that. No. I would have to try and be a friend crossing the line. Her death would be on my hands otherwise and I couldn’t let that happen.

Lia

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was Christian’s absence. I wasn’t surprised. Sulking to the bathroom I did my best to prepare for another undoubtedly crazy day. I didn’t know what to expect of the training, but something told me it wouldn’t be pleasant. As I emerged from the foggy bathroom, I noticed a strange outfit with a note beside it lying on the bed.

Good morning , Lia

             
I hope you slept well. Today marks the first day of training. Please bring the journal, along with any other questions you have. We will start each session with some Q & A before beginning the lesson. Also, I’ve provided a training outfit for you. We will look at this training in phases.

             
Phase 1: mental preparation; Phase
             
2: protections; Phase 3: basic self-defense; and Phase 4: to be determined.

             
Once we figure out more of your powers, we’ll be able to pinpoint what the last phase will consist of. I’m hoping to cover a phase per week, if possible, which should conclude the training within a month. Some breakfast will be waiting for you downstairs. When you are ready, I’ll be near the dock to begin. See you there.
             
-Austin

I read it several times. A month? I couldn’t believe the training would be so short. Either he had immense faith in me or wanted to push me that much harder. Fantastic.

The clothes resembled a riding outfit. The breeches were a sandy color in very soft cotton. They sat low on my hips and to my surprise fit perfectly. The shirt was black, short sleeved and felt like nylon. I tucked it into the pants and moved onto the fuzzy looking black boots. The lining was insulated with some type of fur, lacing up the front almost to my knees. I had to admit I liked the look.

Tackling my curly hair was another monster entirely, so instead I resigned to a messy ponytail and used clips to pin up the strays. All in all, it took about twenty minutes to get dressed and another ten trying to calm myself down.

I sped into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water and some toast, and headed to the dock as quickly as I could. I was sure that Austin would yell at me for keeping him so long, but he just sat perched on a boulder with his eyes closed. I watched him, not really sure if I was supposed to say anything or wait until he snapped out of the trance.

“I’ll forgive tardiness today because this is new to you. From here on out I will expect you to be here at dawn. No later. The only exception is sickness, in which case we can arrange different exercises. Are we understood?” he had such a stern expression I wouldn’t have recognized him.

“Yes, I understand,” he nodded and pushed off from the rock toward the shallow bank. I followed as calmly as I could, reminding myself to breathe.

“Alright, do you have any questions before we begin?” we stopped near a large tree. There were mats I assumed we were going to be sitting on, but since he made no move to sit, I didn’t either.

“A few, if you don’t mind?”

“I will answer to the best of my ability. Sit down and we’ll begin.”

I sat as he did, legs crossed, back straight, facing him. It was uncomfortable at first, at least until my legs fell asleep. He placed several items in front of us and waved me to begin.

“You stated in the note that this all should be completed in four weeks. Isn’t that a little fast considering what I have to learn?”

“It all depends on how willing you are to grasp the lessons. I have a feeling this will be easier than you think.”

“But what if it isn’t? What if I can’t do anything you want me to?” I was starting to panic but the outdoors kept the energy low. I could still feel it sizzling over my skin, but it didn’t overtake me.

“If we find something is particularly difficult for you, we’ll move on to something else. Don’t sell yourself short before we even begin, Lia. Is there anything else you want to know?”

“Have you found out whether I’m supposed to be a healer? I think it would be a good thing for me to show The Council, seeing as how I’m harboring an evil side now.”

“We’re still not sure,” he answered curtly. It wasn’t like him not to provide some type of encouragement. Weird.

“Okay…” I waited to see if he would elaborate, he didn’t. I just sighed and fell silent.

“Are you ready to begin?” I nodded.

“Today, we’re going to start with the mental preparations. The best place to start is meditation. It allows you to calm your mind as well as heighten your senses. The items I’ve placed before me are all things that help for beginners,” he pointed as he spoke, “incense, Mala beads, and we have a small radio to play soothing music. I will start with music and lighting the incense and then hand you the beads you’ll need.”

“How am I supposed to use the beads?” I asked quietly.

“I will get to that in a moment. First, take off your shoes and find a comfortable position to sit with your back straight. Keep your chin parallel to the ground and try breathing in through your nose and exhaling from your mouth. Now, we’re going to start with the purple amethyst beads. You want to rest the beads in your right hand, using your thumb to rotate. Don’t touch the larger stone with your index finger. Basically, we’re using the beads to maintain focus. Before we begin, I want you to think of two words for something you would like better clarity on. For example, since the purple amethyst is used for balancing your mind with your emotions, you might say you want clarity in spirit and life. You will inhale and say the first word in your mind then exhale and say the second. After each exhale you rotate the beads until you reach the end. Then you sit for a short reflection period before we open our eyes. Does this make sense?” he placed the Mala beads in my shaking hand and I nodded.

“Do I have to tell you the words?”

“No, you can keep that yourself. It’s for your clarity, not mine,” he smiled and pressed a button on the small MP3 player.

I raced through my thoughts, trying to figure out what I wanted more than anything to accomplish. For selfish reasons I thought of Christian, but pushed that out of my mind. Ultimately the only things I really wanted were happiness and discipline. I needed self control more than I needed air, but I couldn’t ignore the sadness. It weighed heavily on me.

“You can begin whenever you’d like. Use the beads as a guide,” he spoke softly.

I breathed in and out, repeating the mantra. The beads slid smoothly in my hand and I stopped shaking. With each breath I felt lighter. My jumbled thoughts becoming clearer and the vice on my heart loosened slightly. Images of the ones I loved floated through my mind and instead of the despair I normally felt, I was glad to remember their smiling faces. I might have smiled as well, but I was completely submerged in the hypnotism of the mantra.

About halfway through the cycle I felt a tug inside my core. The rubber band stretched to its limit and I saw myself as I did that night with Christian. It truly was amazing. I was able to move about freely, not attached in any physical way to my body. My spirit self soared above trees and through streams and I giggled as the water tickled my translucent skin.

As I approached my body, I noticed a sparkling figure floating nearby. It was a woman, nearly my age, swaying closely. She shifted toward me, the spirit me, and I gasped. I almost cried out, but she placed a finger to h
er lips and beckoned me closer.

“Mom?”

“Lia, you are doing very well. I’m so proud of you.”

“How…how is this possible? Are you really here?” I cried.

“It is possible because you have passage here. I’m as real as you want me to be, sweetie,”
her eyes sparkled.

“Have you always been here? I mean, been with me?”

“Of course, I have never left.”

“Are you a ghost?”
I stammered wiping the tears from my cheeks.

“No, I’ve chosen to watch over you. If I could have stopped all of the horrible things from happening I would have. My interference is limited.”

“Why did he kill you Mama?”
I sputtered and threw myself into her arms.

“I don’t know, Lia. You must not worry about that now. You need to prepare yourself. It’s important you let go of that pain,”
she smiled again.

“I don’t know how. I don’t want to be sad forever, but I miss you so much,”
my voice cracked.

“I miss you too, Adalia. I’m always with you, sweetie, no matter how difficult it seems. But you have to realize that things happen for a reason. You are like the Phoenix, Lia. You must rise from the ashes,”
she combed her fingers through my hair.

“Will you help me?”
I felt my mind being tugged as the end of the meditation neared.