Left Together (4 page)

Jake
comes out from behind the bar, twisting the stool to make me face him. “Why
would you think that? You don’t deserve that shit from anyone!” he yells and
slams his fist on the top of the bar. “Especially not from the motherfucker who
was warned…repeatedly.” He gets himself under control. “I’m sorry for raising
my voice, but I’m fucking pissed. Stay here. I’ll be back. I need to go find
him.”

“No,”
I say in the low, monotone voice I’ve been speaking in since walking in the
door. He’s not used to me being emotionless, so it stops him.

“I’m
going to make him pay for what he did. I told him what would happen if he hurt
you. I’m sure he knows it’s coming.”

“You
aren’t going anywhere, Jake.”

“Kacie…”

“No.
Not only are you
not
going to find him, you will
never
bring this
up to him or anyone else.”

“What
makes you think that?”

“Because
I don’t want him to know,” I whisper even softer.

“Know
what?”

“That
he broke me,” I confess. Jake knows how important this is to me. He’s seen my
parents do it entirely too many times to count, and he’s also watched as I kept
people far enough away so they’d never be able to get to me like this. “If you
care about me the way you say you do, you’ll do this for me. You won’t let him
know I followed him to the boat. You won’t let him know he broke me so badly,
I’m unable to feel anything. I don’t ever want him to know he had the power to
do this.”

“Kacie…”
Jake runs his hands in his hair and starts to pace. “Do you really expect me to
do
nothing
about this?”

I lean
over the bar, grab the bottle, and hold it out to him. He takes it, but still doesn’t
drink any. “I don’t expect you to do anything. I’m
asking
you not to. I’m
asking you to be my friend and keep me company on a night I really don’t want
to be alone.”

“I’m
so angry I could kill him,” he says in a much calmer voice.

“You’d
go to jail. It wouldn’t do me any good if you were in jail. Then Jade and Kyle
would be having sex all over this house,” I say. “That would be gross.”

“True,”
he admits, coming around the other side of me and sitting on the stool. I spin
around, attempting to take the bottle from his hand. “Maybe you should drink
some water.”

“I
asked you to be my friend, not my dad,” I grumble.

“I’m
so sorry.” His face falls as the words come out. “I feel responsible somehow.”

“You
are because you’re not letting me get drunk enough to forget my own name. Now
give me the damn bottle.”

He
tilts the bottle to pour some into the glass. “Here. There’s no way in hell
you’re getting the whole thing.”

“You
suck, Jake Quinn.”

***

I gradually
get plastered enough to almost forget what transpired over the few hours
leading up to me showing up at my neighbor’s front door. Although it’s probably
more that Jake hasn’t given me time to dwell on it. When we start reminiscing
about growing up and all the stupid things we’ve done over the years, he gets
me to chuckle a few times. Since she’s not here to defend herself, we even
include Jade’s slip-ups. She’d be fuming if she heard the shit we’re saying.
All too soon, the laughter and kidding around dies down, leaving an awkward
silence.

My
elbows lean on the bar in front of me, which makes the perfect rest for my
head. When my eyes close, the damn room starts spinning. “Jake?” I ask.

“Hmm?”
he responds, playing with the same bottle of beer he’s had for about an hour
now.

“Why
can’t I love you?”

“Uh…I
don’t know. How about I get you to bed?” I don’t lift my head for fear of what
will happen with my stomach, but I know he’s getting up.

“I’m
being serious. If I could love you, you’d never hurt me. I’d be happy for the
rest of my life and never have to worry about this fucking shit. What the hell
is wrong with me?”

“I’ll
never hurt you, regardless of how you feel, Kacie,” he whispers. “And there’s
nothing wrong with you, except you’re drunk and you have to sleep this off.
Come on.” I feel his hand run down my back. It’s not totally unpleasant.

“I
can’t stay here. If Jade comes home and finds me, she’ll know. I don’t want to
ruin her night.”

“Yeah,
you’ve said something like that already.” The same hand that was on my back is
now rubbing my bare arm. At some point, I got too hot and took off his
sweatshirt. “She won’t know you’re here. You’re sleeping in my room tonight so
I can keep an eye on your pathetic ass.”

“I am
pretty pathetic, aren’t I?”

“I
didn’t mean it like that.”

“I
know, but you’re right.”

“Kacie,
there’s nothing wrong with being upset because someone you love betrayed you.”

“
Loved
,”
I correct him.

“You
can tell yourself that now, but it’s not that easy. You can’t just turn it off.
Trust me. Do you want me to carry you upstairs, or can you walk?”

“I’ll
walk,” I say, carefully lifting my head and swinging my legs to the side. I
feel better than I thought I would. My feet hit the ground, but it’s hard to
stand up straight. There’s a very good possibility I drank too much. Again.

As if
he was ready for it, Jake catches my arm before I fall. “You always were a
sloppy drunk.” When he helps me up, he uses his free hand to run his thumb
along my cheek, but doesn’t let go of my face. The small gesture makes my heart
stutter, which is weird. He lowers his lips to meet mine. At first, I kiss him
back. Then, Evan quickly flashes in and out of my head. It’s enough of a
distraction to make me pull away. My fingers cover my mouth.

“Jake,
what the hell? Did you forget how recently I had my heart torn out of my
chest?” I’m having trouble breathing for some reason.

“No.
How could I?” His eyes don’t budge from mine. He’s a little too confident or
cocky. It’s hard to tell which. “It’s my job to make sure it gets put back
where it belongs.”

Sadness
begins to creep in. “I’m sorry you feel obligated to do that.” I turn away from
him and stagger toward the kitchen. What the fuck is going on right now? I’m
just confused because of the alcohol. That’s all. Once I sleep it off, I’ll get
back to dealing with the main problem.

“It’s
not an obligation,” he calls out. “It’s what I want to do. Nothing hurts me
more than seeing you upset.” I keep walking, hoping Jake doesn’t follow. “I’ll
spend every second of my life waiting for when you need me, and I’ll never
regret it.”

“You
can’t do that, Jake. If I haven’t changed my mind about the two of us by now, I
never will. I told you, I wish I could,” I call over my shoulder, then race up
the stairs. At the top, I let out a sigh of relief, thinking it’s over, but the
pounding of his feet coming up the stairs startles me. I freeze when he catches
up.

“Don’t
tell me what to do.” His mouth is at the side my face, so the smell of beer on
his breath reaches my nose. He definitely had more to drink than I thought. His
one hand slides around my waist, while the other one is playing with the bottom
of my shorts. He pushes the tips of his fingers underneath the material, making
my eyes close and my head rest on his shoulder. Jake isn’t some random stranger.
Rebound sex is completely wrong, for so many reasons. I should stop him, but
something won’t let me. He whispers, “Tell me my fingers won’t be saturated
with you if they go any higher.”

I whip
around and pretend to be mad, but spill the truth in a ridiculous rant, “What
the fuck do you want from me, Jake? You want to hear that you turned me on just
now? Is that what you want? Well, the answer is yes. Yes, you did. And if you
need to know, it’s not the first time. The problem is still the same, though.
It doesn’t change my feelings for you.”

He pulls
me up against his rock hard chest. “I’m not asking you to change shit,” he
replies in a deep, sexy voice. “I’m asking you to spend the night in my bed and
for permission to treat you like the amazing woman you are.”

Tell
him no, tell him no
, I chant in my head. “Having sex with you
isn’t going to change how I feel.” Why the hell didn’t that sound like a no?

“Understood,”
he confirms, nodding. “When we wake up tomorrow, things go back to the way they
were. No one ever needs to know what happened. We don’t even have to
acknowledge it.” His eyes are begging me to let his happen.

“I
can’t lose my best friend.” I’m caving in, watching his lips come closer to
mine.

“You’ll
never lose me, Kacie.” His hands find their way under both of my tank tops. “I
wouldn’t be able to survive without having you in my life.”

His
assurance is what convinces me this isn’t such a bad thing. Two friends who
agree to have sex once with no strings attached is no big deal. What harm can
come of trying to delay the onset of horrific pain just for a little while
longer? For now, I’m going to do this and pretend someone still thinks I’m
worthy enough to care for. Overthinking has always been one of my downfalls
anyway.

The
slightest movement toward Jake is all the permission he needs. He closes what
space was left between us and kisses me as if he was waiting all twenty-four
years of his life to do it. The softness of his lips fogs my head further,
pushing away all coherent thought. Without letting go, he directs us down the
hallway and into his room. The light is on and he leaves it that way. He closes
the door, shutting out the rest of the world, and the sound of the lock
clicking in place guarantees to keep it that way. My fingers easily undo the
button of his jeans and slide them, along with his boxers, down. He steps out
of his clothes, his hands going right for my shirts. I hear him gasp at the
sight of my chest as if it’s the best thing he’s ever seen. That alone squashes
the little voice that’s screaming for me to stop. Thank goodness because that
bitch was getting on my nerves.

Jake starts
to push my shorts down, but because they’re tight and don’t slip down on their
own, he drops to one knee and slowly guides them all the way to the floor. It’s
almost like he is savoring every moment. Like time is standing still and we’re
the only two people not affected. His hands start at my ankles and gradually
make their way up the backs of my legs until they are caressing my ass.

“Per-fucking-fection,”
his husky voice growls as he brings his tongue to me.

The
mixture of all of the alcohol in my system, the fact that my lungs aren’t
getting enough air, and the desire spreading through me causes my knees to
buckle. The grip Jake already has on the top of my thighs stops me from hitting
the floor. He lifts me up and carries me to his bed. Somehow, he’s able to pull
back the blankets before lying me down.

“If
you want me to stop…,” he whispers, hovering above me.

He’s
giving me an out I don’t want or need. “Jake, if you stop, I will never forgive
you.”

Without
another word, his hands and mouth go back to their task with more determination
than they started with. They don’t let up, not even when my back arches off of
the bed. His sheets are clutched in my fists, as my body calls out to him. He
crawls up onto me, not letting me catch my breath. I feel him slide inside of
me right before he begins to prove that what he just did wasn’t even close to
his best work.

And
that was just the beginning of our one and only night together.

***

From
the moment I heard the sound of a girl on the boat, I knew the pain would eventually
come. My eyes open, bringing back all of the memories from the previous night,
except the comfort provided by shock and Bourbon is now gone. The jagged,
rusted knife must have started slicing through my chest while I slept. As if
remembering the first guy I ever loved left me for someone else wasn’t bad
enough, feeling the fingers of the first guy to ever love me trailing along my
bare arm makes me wish I could push the knife in deeper.

“Please
don’t freak out.” I hear misery in Jake’s voice. How does he know I’m awake?
I’m thankful my back is to him. “I’m so, so sorry, Kacie.”

A
different kind of pain shoots through me. I turn to face him. A tear leaks onto
my cheek when I see the sorrow in his eyes. “You regret sleeping with me?” Why
does my mouth do this shit? Why can’t it just say what I want it to say? What the
hell
do
I want it to say?

“No,”
he says, drawing his eyebrows in. “Why the fuck would you think that?” His hand
is on my face, rubbing softly.

“You’re
apologizing.”

He
tucks me against his chest and wraps his arms around me. I don’t move away.
“I’m apologizing because I was drunk enough to believe you weren’t going to
hate me. Now that I’ve sobered up, I know better.”

“I
don’t hate you.”

“You
don’t?”

“Not
at all,” I say. It’s more myself I’m not happy with.

A
pounding on the door interrupts our conversation. “Jake Quinn! Open this
fucking door right now!” Jade screams.