Leaving (9 page)

“You look real good, Cody.” Tara was ripping lettuce leaves
on the other side of the counter, making a salad too large for two. “Taking care of yourself, right?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Cody stifled a grin. Everything about being with Tara made him feel like he belonged. The way he had always felt when he was with the Flanigans. Having dinner here took the edge off his loneliness. He glanced over his shoulder at her. “I work out with the team most days. Jog a couple miles, lift some weights.”

“Well, it shows.” She waved her knife in the air. “Art was always lifting weights, and it showed on him too. Good for a young man. Keep you strong.”

“Exactly.” Cody was about to ask why they needed so many potatoes when the doorbell rang. He raised a single eyebrow at Tara. “Thought it was just you and me.”

“Are you kidding?” Tara grabbed a dishtowel and flicked it at him as she walked past. “You don’t have half the sense of a turnip. If I didn’t invite that pretty little Cheyenne over here, you’d never see her.” She stopped and shook her head, a mock look of disapproval on her face. “Wasted youth. I tell you what …” She walked off still muttering about the fact that Cody hadn’t called Cheyenne once all month.

A strange sense of nervousness came over Cody and he doubled his effort on the potato in his hand. The way Tara was trying to set him up with Cheyenne was beginning to feel awkward, as if maybe she would truly be upset with him if he didn’t pursue the girl who was once engaged to Art. Then there was Cheyenne, and however she might feel about all this. She’d already lost so much when Art died. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her.

The two of them returned to the kitchen, and Cody set the peeler down in the bowl and turned. It had been three weeks since he’d seen Cheyenne at Tara’s house, and he was struck again by her eyes. Gorgeous brown eyes with lashes that went on forever. Something about her was alluring, intriguing. It wasn’t her
looks — though she was very pretty. It was more something in her soul, a quiet strength born out of loss and pain, and the ability to survive, ready to live again on the other side.

“Hi.” She smiled and crossed her arms, surveying him. She wore a pale blue turtleneck and jeans, and she was breathless from the cold outside. “I see Tara’s put you to work” She came closer and picked up one of his finished potatoes. The lines were smooth, and none of the brown peeling was left. “Hmmm. I’m impressed.” She was so close he could smell her perfume. Something woodsy or spicy maybe? “Most guys can’t peel a potato.”

Cody thought about all the times he’d made dinner for himself because his mom was passed out on the couch, or because he had to fend for himself when she was in prison. Potatoes were cheap, and his mom always kept them in the house. The first time he peeled a potato he was probably only seven or eight. Plus he’d learned his way around a kitchen watching the Flanigans too. Even the youngest of Bailey’s brothers knew how to cook basic food.

“Well …” He set to work on the next potato and grinned at her. “I’m not most guys.”

She looked at him and held his gaze. Held it for several seconds. “That much I know.”

Suddenly Cody caught Tara’s approving smile from across the room. She was chopping tomatoes, sprinkling them onto the salad. Again a sense of alarm crept in around Cody’s happy mood. What was he doing? And how come he could so easily find chemistry with Cheyenne when his heart still longed for Bailey? He made an effort to be less flirty, and the rest of the evening conversation was easy between the three of them. Tara talked about winning a promotion at work, and how Cheyenne was working hard on her classes this semester. She wanted to be a nurse — something she hadn’t been sure of the first time Cody met her.

“Art would be so proud, baby girl. So proud.” Tara stood and
gave Cheyenne a side hug right in the middle of dinner. “I always knew you had the gift of sweet mercies. You go after those A’s.”

Cheyenne cast a slightly embarrassed look at Cody. She was clearly not comfortable in the spotlight. Her humility was another reason Cody sometimes felt drawn to her. He smiled and gave a light shrug, then he turned his attention back to the pot roast still on his plate. What was this connection between them, and why did he feel it more strongly tonight?

He and Cheyenne both helped with the cleanup, and afterwards Tara talked them into a game of Scrabble — which Cheyenne easily won.

“See there, Cody!” Tara threw her head back and laughed out loud. “Better not let that girl go. Right, Chey?”

“Mama.” Cheyenne hadn’t changed the familiar title. Art was gone, yes, but the love between Cheyenne and Tara would always remain. Cheyenne giggled some, keeping the tone of the conversation playful. She angled her head and shot a warning look at Tara. “Cody’s my friend. Leave him alone.”

“But you don’t have to tell me how smart she is,” Cody raised his brow at his dismal Scrabble score. “Pretty sure her game just told us that much.”

With the game over, they shared dessert and Cody dished the ice cream. As they sat back down, Tara’s easy laughter faded. “So, baby girl, how are you really? You put Art’s things away yet?”

Cheyenne clearly wasn’t expecting the conversation to go in this direction. She looked off toward a framed photo of Art on Tara’s dining room wall. She set her spoon down and shook her head — almost apologetically. “I can’t do it, Mama. I still … I still feel him all around me.” Her voice caught and she struggled for the next words. “If I take everything down, it would be like … like I’ve moved on and then,” she shook her head, “what would that say about me?”

The conversation made Cody feel uncomfortable … like he
shouldn’t be there. But he had no choice, and in this moment more than any other he understood again his connection to Cheyenne. Her loss, her vulnerability. She had paid such a very great cost for letting Art go to war, for standing by while he paid the sacrifice for freedom. For the freedom they all shared. It made Cody want to take her in his arms and hold her until the pain in her heart was finally healed.

Tara covered Cheyenne’s hand with her own. In a voice that was as loving as it was stern, she looked straight at Cheyenne. “It would say you’re a healthy young woman and you still have a life ahead of you.” She gave a firm nod. “You put his things away.”

Her words seemed to touch some part of Cheyenne’s soul. She nodded, and some of the sadness faded from her smile. “We can talk about it later. Okay, Mama?”

“Okay.” Tara leaned closer and kissed Cheyenne’s cheek. “My Art would want you to live, baby girl. You get his things boxed up.”

The conversation grew light again, Tara detailing how she found a frog in her basement and chased it up the stairs and around the house before she shooed him out into the cold. “I mean, I like frogs same as the next country girl, but that’s pushing the limits.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t invite him in for pot roast.” Cody laughed and he and Cheyenne swapped another smile. “You’ll take anyone in.”

Finally, after nine o’clock — with the kitchen clean — Cody and Cheyenne hugged Tara and headed to their cars.

Like always, Tara stood on the top step and folded her arms, her cheeks sucked in. “I’m telling you, Cody Coleman. Don’t make me set you up next time.
Call
the girl.” She let out an exasperated cry. “Heaven have mercy if all young men moved as slow as you.”

“Enough, Mama.” Cheyenne laughed and held up her hand, waving the woman off. “Goodnight.”

“Yes, goodnight.” Cody grinned and waved the same way, making light especially of Tara’s command. “Thanks for dinner.”

They were still laughing, still shaking their heads as Cody walked Cheyenne to her car. Again Cody noticed the easiness between them, and for the first time he considered the possibility. No matter how much he cared for Bailey, they had never found a way to make things work. So maybe he should call Cheyenne, take her out for dinner. Something to break up the monotony of his weekends. Something to encourage her to box up Art’s things.

As Cheyenne slipped into the driver’s seat, he leaned in near her window. “Do you mind?”

“Mind?” She gave him a curious look. “Mind what?”

“If I call you … ask you out for dinner some time.” His stomach dropped to his knees. Was he really doing this? Asking Cheyenne on a date? “I mean, Tara’s going to make me eat in the backyard with the frogs if I don’t, right?”

“Never mind Tara.” Cheyenne’s eyes shone in the light from the street lamp. “She’s harmless.”

Cody let the silence settle in around them. A comfortable silence. “But maybe I want to, Chey. You know, just have dinner with you.”

For a long time she didn’t say anything. Her eyes found a spot on the road straight ahead and she looked like she might drive off without acknowledging his offer. But then she turned to him, her expression shyer than before. “Really?”

“Yeah … really.” He smiled, and for a moment he allowed himself to be lost in her eyes. “Are you that surprised?”

Cheyenne didn’t know about Bailey. He hadn’t allowed himself to get that close to her. But even so she must have gathered that he was closed off to the idea of dating her.

“Yeah.” She nodded, teasing. “Very surprised.”

“Hmmm.” Cody mustered up his best sheepish look. “I haven’t been very social, huh?”

She made a face like she couldn’t exactly argue with the idea. “Not really …”

He braced himself against her open window. A chuckle filled in the empty spaces, and he looked at the ground for a minute before finding her eyes again. “Okay, so, I’ve been busy. But maybe next Saturday?”

“Maybe.” A flirty look came over her and she started her engine. “I’m pretty sure Tara would want you to call and ask me, proper-like.”

Cody looked over his shoulder back at Tara’s house. She was inside, but they could see her peering at them through the living room window. Cheyenne followed his gaze and they both laughed and waved once more in her direction. She shooed her hand at them and closed the curtains. As his laughter died down, Cody nodded. “You’re right about what Tara would want. I want that too.” He stood and took a step back. “Look for that call, okay?”

“Okay.” Her smile lingered. “I’ll do that.” She put her car into gear and drove off.

Cody headed for his car, but he carried with him a handful of deeply conflicting emotions. He wanted to have dinner with Cheyenne — he really did. Especially after watching her talk about Art.

She wasn’t ready for love.

But both of them could use a friend. So why not get together? As the thought became more comfortable, another one barged in. What if Bailey was doing the same thing back in Bloomington? Meeting people … making dinner plans and calling it friendship.

The thought made him glad he was far away from the town where he’d grown up. He’d watched Bailey date Tim Reed and then be the constant companion of Hollywood heartthrob Brandon Paul. Whatever she was doing now, he didn’t want to know. The longer he thought about Bailey, the more sure he was that she couldn’t possibly be dating anyone — not even as friends. She
wouldn’t be ready this soon after what the two of them had found together last summer. By the time he pulled up in front of his apartment, he realized something else. He had spent the entire ride home thinking not of Cheyenne, but of Bailey. Which could only mean one thing.

He wasn’t ready either.

A
SHLEY STARTED HER PAINTING THE MORNING AFTER
C
OLE’S
first Little League practice. She hadn’t been this excited about a piece of art for a long time — and already she could see the finished picture in her heart and mind, the way the colors would blend just so, and how the sunlight would splash against Cole’s blond hair, and Landon’s profile as he hovered over Cole — positioning Cole’s bat, adjusting his swing.

She was set up in the room upstairs, the one she’d painted in for years — even before she and Landon bought the Baxter house. It was Tuesday morning and Cole was at school. Janessa and Devin were downstairs with Landon, who was off today. They had plans to feed the ducks at the pond just off the Indiana University campus. Devin already had the bread ripped into little pieces.

“Mommy!” She heard his little-boy voice and the sound of heavy tennis shoes on the stairs. “You done paintin’?”

She smiled. Devin still thought her paintings took about as long as his. “Not yet, baby.” She set her paintbrush on the table beside her and brushed her hands against her apron just as Devin raced into the room.

“Daddy’s going for a run.” He was breathless, peanut butter smeared on his cheek. “So can this be a break?”

“Of course.” She stooped low and kissed his head. Then she took his sticky hand in hers and they headed downstairs. “Is Nessa having a snack, too?”

“Yeah, but you know.” Devin made a disgusted face and shook his head. He released her hand and spread his arms open wide. “She has a mess all over the place.” His brow raised, his tone more concerned. “Not sure if she got any inside her tummy.”

Ashley laughed quietly. She could picture the scene — both kids covered in peanut butter and cracker crumbs. Perfect time for Landon to take a run. Before they reached the kitchen, Ashley was about to call to her husband, tell him he could get to his run, but she heard him cough. Once … twice … and again.

Alarm filled Devin’s face as he looked straight up at her. “Is Daddy sick?”

“No, honey.” Ashley had to work to keep her tone even. “I don’t think so.”

They rounded the corner into the kitchen and Landon was near the sink, downing a glass of water. He held up his finger in her direction and took another sip. As he swallowed it, he cleared his throat and shook his head. “I’m fine. Just a tickle.”

“Landon …” she didn’t want to overreact. His cough had settled down in the days after the warehouse fire, so maybe it was just a tickle. But still … She went to him and put her hand on his shoulder. “Maybe you shouldn’t run.”

“I’m fine.” He set the glass down, put his hand alongside her face, and kissed her. The way his lips lingered against hers made her almost forget where they were, or that the kids were sitting at the dining room table.

She took a step back and laughed. “If that was proof, I guess I can’t argue.” Her eyes locked on his, and she looked as deeply as she could, searching for a sign that he was hiding something, or that he was more worried about his health than he let on. But his eyes only mirrored the desire his kiss had stirred in her. He shrugged and gave her an innocent grin. “Like I said … I’m great.”

Ashley studied him, not quite ready to give in. He wore navy running shorts and a long-sleeved white Under Armour shirt,
which clung to his torso. He certainly looked healthy. She moved in closer and put her arms around his neck. This time she initiated the kiss, and it lasted longer than before.

“That’s called sharing germs.” Devin had been helping pick up cracker pieces from around Janessa’s highchair. Now he came up and put one hand on Ashley’s leg, the other on Landon’s. “That’s what my Sunday school teacher said.”

Ashley rotated so that she was still in Landon’s arms, but now they were both facing their middle child. She tried not to laugh as she shared a quick look with Landon, and then turned her eyes back to Devin. “Can I ask … why your Sunday school teacher was talking about kissing and germs?”

“Cause …” He grinned, and his resemblance to Landon was uncanny. “I asked Bella if I could kiss her, and she said no. So I said why not, and teacher said kissing shares germs.”

“You asked Bella James if you could kiss her?” Landon’s expression was a mix of shock and humor, like he didn’t know whether to reprimand Devin or laugh out loud. He gave Ashley a look, as if to say this was what they deserved for all the kissing they did in front of the kids.

In her highchair, Janessa was drinking milk from her sippy cup, content to watch.

“Well …” Devin shrugged, his expression more meek than before. “At least I asked first.”

“Oh, boy,” Ashley muttered quietly to herself. She put her hand to her face, trying to imagine the waters they would navigate in the years to come. Cole had always teased the girls, but Devin was the charmer. She lowered her hand and tried to find her kindest — but most stern — tone. “Devin, kissing is for mommies and daddies. Not for children. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Mommy.” Devin hung his head a little, his eyes still on her. He blinked a few times and then looked at Landon. “Even if I’m gonna marry Bella?”

Bella was the daughter of the new associate pastor. She had long curly red hair and bright blue eyes. Devin talked about her every Sunday. This time, Landon let out a slight laugh, but he covered it up with another cough. “I think you have a little time before you have to decide.” Landon tousled Devin’s blond hair. “How ‘bout you finish cleaning up with your sister.”

“Okay.” Devin grinned again, no doubt grateful that the moment of discipline was over. He hesitated. “Just kidding, Mommy.” He threw his arms around her legs and hugged her tight. “I’m gonna marry you, okay?”

“Hey,” Landon put his hands on his hips, pretending to be offended. “She’s my wife.”

“Mine!” Devin held on tighter, giggling out loud. This was a game he loved to play, and usually it ended in a wrestling and tickling session on the living room floor.

But this time Landon kissed Ashley’s cheek. “I might have to give in just this once.” He gave Devin a few playful pokes in the ribs. “But when I get back from running, we’ll wrestle to see who’s the winner. Okay, buddy?”

“Me!” This time Devin included Landon in the hug, and then he ran off to Nessa.

Ashley put her arms around Landon again and whispered against his handsome cheek. “See what we started?”

“Ahh, it’s okay.” He kissed her again, quicker than before. “Germs are good for married people.” He rubbed his nose against hers. “At least our kids will know what love looks like.”

“True.” Ashley didn’t want the moment to end. The kitchen was warm and smelled like cinnamon tea and fresh bread, which Landon was baking in the oven — something he liked to do with the kids once in a while. Outside, the morning was clear but chillier than usual for mid-March. There were still several piles of snow that hadn’t fully melted. She nuzzled against his face. “Mmmm, I like this. Being with you.”

“Me, too.” He drew back enough to make eye contact with her again. “Maybe we take a nap when the kids do.” He smiled, the two of them lost in the nearness of each other. “But first … I have to run.”

She sighed. “I know.” Reluctantly she released her hold on him. “Don’t push yourself, okay?”

Landon only smiled and gave a lighthearted salute as he headed for the front of the house. “Be back in half an hour.” She heard him head outside, heard the door close behind him, and for a few seconds she held her breath.
Father, please … watch over him. His cough makes me
so
worried, Lord.

She didn’t hear a response, but she didn’t really expect one either. Janessa was shaking her highchair, giggling at her brother. “Devins funny, Mommy! Look at Devin!” Her son was crawling around the floor pretending to be a puppy, picking up cracker pieces with his mouth.

Ashley tried to memorize the way they looked, Janessa still small enough for her highchair and Devin sniffing around the floor like a hungry puppy. “Devin, stop.” She couldn’t help but laugh along with Janessa. “You’re the cutest doggie ever, but talk about getting germs!”

Devin lifted his head and wagged his backside, a cracker sticking out between his teeth. He crawled to Ashley and dropped the cracker into the palm of her hand. “Ruff! Ruff, ruff!”

“Yes, well … Just make sure you eat your food at the table.” She patted his head. “Like all good doggies.”

“Doggy cleans the mess, Mommy!” Janessa banged her hands against her tray again.

“Time to get you cleaned up, little girl.” She took Janessa from her chair and they moved to the nearest bathroom. Devin was still on all fours, his tongue hanging out, panting. “No like cleaning,” he said — each syllable more of a barking sound than an actual word. “Ruff, ruff!”

Janessa laughed and leaned down toward her brother, so that finally Ashley had to set her on the floor or risk dropping her. “All right you two. Let’s get you cleaned up.” She patted Devin’s head again. “Even you, Mr. Doggy.”

Ashley found a pair of washcloths from the bathroom cupboard and soaped them up with warm water. The process of cleaning the kids’ hands and faces — all while Devin continued to play out a dog’s life — took longer than she thought. By the time they were ready for story time, Ashley guessed at least fifteen minutes had passed since Landon left.

She led them onto the sofa and found one of Janessa’s favorite books in the oak magazine rack beside it.
The Princess and the Three Knights.
Never mind that her little daughter was only three years old, Janessa definitely believed she was a princess. She sat in Ashley’s lap, mesmerized by the story while Devin sat beside them — holding a running commentary.

“That’s like me, right mommy? The third knight.” He looked at Janessa. “I already know the ending, so I’m the third knight.”

“Right, baby.” Ashley read the next page. But with every sentence, with every passing minute she had the strangest feeling about Landon. Hadn’t it already been half an hour? She picked up her pace, so much that Devin noticed.

“Mommy,” he looked at her, shattered. “You’re racing the book. You can’t race this story.”

“I’m a princess, right Mommy?” Janessa looked up, her wispy pale blond hair falling softly against her smooth cheeks.

“I’m sorry. I’ll read it again later, but Daddy’s going to be home in a minute.” She stole a look at her watch. What time had he left the house? And how come she hadn’t checked when he ran out the door? Knots grew in her stomach. “And yes, baby, you’re a princess. Definitely.”

She didn’t want another interruption, so she kept an even pace as she finished the story. When she read the part where the
third knight refused to take the princess anywhere near the edge of the cliff, Devin threw both hands straight up in touchdown victory fashion. “That’s me! I’m the third knight!” He pumped his fist a few times. “Yes! Nowhere near the cliff!”

Ashley closed the book, set it aside, and led the kids to the coat closet. “Let’s go find Daddy, okay?”

“I’m the third — “ Devin’s celebration stopped mid-sentence. His arms fell to his sides. “Why do we have to find him? Did he get lost?”

“No.” Ashley forced a laugh, but it sounded half desperate, even to her. She led them closer to the closet and opened the door. Devin’s red jacket was on the floor just inside. She picked it up and handed it to him. “Here, sweetie. Put this on. Sometimes it’s nice to meet Daddy outside when he comes home from a run.”

Devin started working his arm into the jacket. No question he had picked up on Ashley’s fears, even if he wasn’t sure what could be wrong. “We never met him outside before.”

“Well, then … this will be the first time!” Ashley searched the length of the closet but Janessa’s pink winter coat was nowhere.
Hurry,
she told herself. Her arms were beginning to tremble, and her hands shook as she thumbed once more through the jackets on the rack. Finally at the end she found it, half falling to the floor and wedged against the wall. She crouched down and slipped the coat on her daughter as quickly as she could. As she finished, Devin was dressed but struggling with his zipper. Ashley helped him and willed herself not to look terrified. It had to have been forty minutes at least, and still no Landon. “Come on, Devin. This’ll be fun.”

He lowered his brow, worried. “What if Daddy’s really lost?”

“He’s not.” She led them both to the door, and then she swept Janessa into her arms. “Let’s hurry, okay, buddy?” She couldn’t carry them both, and she certainly couldn’t leave either of them
home. At the last moment, she grabbed her cell phone from the coffee table and the three of them left through the front door.

The Baxter house sat on ten acres, same as the other houses in the neighborhood. If something had happened to Landon at the far end of the street, she’d be better off getting into her car. But first she had to at least walk to the end of the driveway and call for him — check if maybe he was just cooling down or stretching on the front porch. Either way the kids would need their coats.
Breathe,
she let the warmth from her children’s hands work through her.
Come on, Ashley. Don’t panic. Dear God, please be with him … please help me find him.

They moved quickly down the driveway, but Devin was dragging. “Not so fast, Mommy. Please …”

“Sorry, baby.” She slowed down, shielding her eyes and trying to see beyond the end of the driveway. The air was colder than she thought. Bitter cold. What if his lungs couldn’t take working in this weather? A few more steps and suddenly she saw him, stopped along the side of the road, bent over somewhere between their house and the neighbor’s, on the right. “Landon!” She screamed his name, and he stood a little straighter. He wasn’t coughing, but he wasn’t moving his feet, either. “Devin, stay here with Janessa. Hold her hand and don’t move.”

“Yes, Mommy. Is Daddy hurt?”

“I’m not sure.” She set her daughter down and looked straight at her. “Stay with your brother. Understand?”

Janessa nodded, her eyes wide.

Devin put his arm around his sister as Ashley turned and bolted toward Landon.
Please, God … let him be okay. Please …
At the end of the driveway she was close enough to see that his face was red and …