Last Rite (27 page)

We step into the cool night and make our way out onto the damp grass.

“Am I crazy?”

That wasn’t the question I was expecting and I pull up short, turning back to face her.

“About?”

“Lucifer.”

I breathe a sigh. “You’re trying to find your way—your purpose. I don’t think you’re crazy. A little misguided, maybe…” She looks up at me, her eyes pleading, and I feel that cotton candy brain again. “I can tell how badly you want this, but what I can’t tell you is if this is the right thing. It’s hard for me to accept that Lucifer is willing to change after all these millennia.” I grasp her hand and gaze down into her astonishingly blue eyes. “But I’ve seen you do some pretty unbelievable things with that Sway of yours.”

A smile touches her lips, and I smile back. But then her smile is gone. She lifts a hand and runs a finger over my bandaged shoulder. “Like this?”

Finally, the question I was expecting. “You haven’t left me totally unchanged, Frannie.”

She tentatively leans in, laying her ear against my chest. Her breathing is shaky as she listens to my pounding heart. Finally, she peels herself back and looks up at me with glistening eyes. “I didn’t mean … did I…?” she stumbles.

“Did you give me a gift?” I finish for her, gazing down into her eyes. “Yes,” I whisper.

Her stunned expression hasn’t cleared. “When did you know? That I was changing you, I mean?” she says.

“That night.” I can tell by the sudden flush of her cheeks that she knows exactly which night I’m talking about. The night in her bed after Taylor’s funeral. The first time I felt desire so intense and all-consuming that I would have traded my wings for one night with her. I smile down at her. “And I didn’t hate it.”

She looks as though she doesn’t know what to say. “Sorry?”

“I wasn’t lying, Frannie. You’ve given me a gift. Beings of the upper spheres—the Seraphim—can’t feel. Not really. Not the same as humans and the lower angels. We were never from the Earth—never part of humanity, and real emotion is uniquely human.” I step closer and grasp her hand. “You’ve given me something unbelievable. Even if I lose it … if you stop…” I trail off.

“Loving you,” she finishes for me. “I won’t,” she says as my eyes lift back to hers.

I smile again, but feel the stab of pain behind it. “You should,” I breathe. “Even if I can’t stay like this, I’ve tasted it … what it’s like to feel something so … profound. I could have existed forever and never known what I was missing. You did that for me. But now I need to do my job.” I feel my gut tighten and I can’t look her in the eye. “I was trying to think of what I could say to make you hate me.”

“I could never hate you.” I hear the alarm in her voice and it confirms what I already know. There’s no way out of this that isn’t going to hurt both of us.

Instead of following my instinct—and my heart—and comforting her, I finally do what I should have been strong enough to do from the beginning. I step back. “It’s gone on too long.” I shake my head and look to the Heavens. “Heaven help me,
I’ve
let it go on too long.”

She steps toward me, but I take another step back. Her lips press into a line as she looks up into my eyes. Finally, she swallows hard and nods. “I’m so sorry, Gabe. I never meant for this to happen.”

I feel a lump rise in my throat watching her struggle against her tears. After several beats of my pounding heart, she steps forward and wraps her arms around me and, this time, I don’t back away, because I know what this is.

She rests her forehead on my chest. “You mean so much to me, and I’ve been so unfair to you.” She lifts her head off my chest and glances at the house. I can’t help slipping into her mind, and in it I find what I know I should. Luc. She loves him completely. She has all along.

I give her hand a squeeze and her forehead a kiss, then she turns back to the house and disappears through the door.

“Good-bye, Frannie,” I whisper after her.

FRANNIE

I watch the shadow of a moving figure pass outside the window. Gabe is keeping vigil outside tonight, and it’s reassuring to see him pass by every few minutes.

I rub my pounding temples. I’ve been so selfish. After all my promises that I wouldn’t want him, I changed him too. All I can think about is if I’ve put him in danger. Does he still have his powers?

I lay back and stare at the ceiling, worrying about Gabe, Luc, Matt, my family. I need to get home. I need to see for myself that everyone is okay. Gabe said Maggie and Grace can protect themselves, and part of me is totally relieved that I’m not the only freak in my family. But a bigger part of me is scared for them. I don’t know what it is Maggie and Grace can do, but I’m scared that Heaven, Hell, or worse,
both
, will decide they want it. I shudder thinking about how my whole life changed when Luc showed up to tag my soul.

The momentary flash of anger gives way to other feelings. Deeper feelings. It wasn’t his fault. He was just doing his job—the only job he’d ever known.

And he was doing it for Lucifer.

I’m having a lot of trouble reconciling the contradiction.

Lucifer started out as an angel. He couldn’t have always been bad. He might even have been good once. And now He wants to go back, and maybe I can help Him.

As I think about Him, the pendant starts to throb hot against my skin. I pull it up by the strap and look at the pulsing red glow.

I made this for you.

I lift the strap over my neck, rubbing the pendant between my fingers like a lucky penny, and watch the red glow fade. I curl it into my palm and feel it pulse.

Luc said Lucifer wouldn’t give up His power, but Gabe doesn’t seem as sure. Am I being foolish to think this is my purpose? Is He trying to manipulate me? This stupid power I have is the most frustrating thing in the universe. It only works one way. If I can manipulate the thoughts of mortals and others, wouldn’t it have been wise to make it so I could read those thoughts first? There are a few minds I’d love to read right about now.

Like Luc’s.

I can picture him out on the couch. I’m sure he’s not sleeping, even though I’m also sure he needs it after the ride I took them on over the last thirty hours.

And so do I. I focus on my breathing, making it slow and deep, and try to turn off my whirring mind. Sequentially, I concentrate on releasing the tension in my body. I make my feet relax, then my calves, my thighs, my hips. Little by little, my body becomes heavy and sinks into the bed. My torso, my shoulders, my arms. Finally, I soften my neck and my face. Sleep is coming, slowly taking me under.

Until the bolt of lightning short-circuits my brain.

21

Original Sin

FRANNIE

I spring to a sit with a gasp, hold my searing head in my hands, and pay attention as the image forms. My heart contracts when I see Luc, lying pale and lifeless in a hospital bed, tubes poking out of every orifice in his body. An echo of a woman’s voice bounces through my head. “Time of death, six-thirteen.”

When the searing pain subsides enough that I can move without screaming, I slip out of the bed. I pull on my jeans, stuffing the pendant that’s still clutched in my hand into my pocket, and tiptoe to the door, sure the pounding of my heart alone is enough to wake everyone.

The instant I crack the door open and look out into the hall, I realize I was wrong. Luc’s not on the couch. He’s sitting on the floor with his back against my door. He tumbles backward as the door disappears out from behind him and catches himself with an arm before he lands on my legs.

My relief at seeing him alive is indescribable.

He’s on his feet like a shot, peering past me with keen eyes. There’s not a hint of sleep in them. When I glance down and notice the coffee mug on the floor next to where he was sitting, I know why.

“Is everything okay?” he asks.

Yes. You’re alive
.

“I couldn’t sleep,” I say to my feet. “I…”

His fingers are on my cheek, tucking my hair behind my ear. “What, Frannie?”

I look up into his eyes and I can hardly breathe. “I saw you dead.”

His eyes widen for an instant, then he nods, as if he already knew that’s where all this was heading.

“You can’t die. I won’t let you.”

The smallest of lopsided smiles pulls at his lips. “It’s not my first choice either.”

“Am I crazy for thinking I can do this?”

His eyebrows arch and he heaves a weary sigh. “Pretty much.”

I stoop to pick up his coffee mug and take a long swallow then wince. “That’s got a punch to it.”

A smile tugs at his lips and suddenly I can’t look anywhere else. “Ed brewed me something resembling jet fuel.”

I turn and pad back into my room where I sit on the bed. “What am I doing?”

I feel Luc’s weight sink into the bed next to me. “Well, at the moment, drinking my coffee.”

“I’m gonna get everyone killed,” I say, staring into the depths of the mug.

“Let’s hope not.”

I hear the tease in his voice and turn on him. “This is
so
not funny! I saw you dead!”

Despite the hint of a smile on his lips, his eyes are dead serious, and I get it. He knows that better than any of us.

I set the mug on the nightstand and lean my shoulder into his. I feel him stiffen slightly, but he doesn’t pull away. “Sorry about biting your head off. And running away. And … everything else.”

“The biting my head off is understandable. The running away thing, not so much. What were you thinking?” With his breath in my hair, goose bumps work their way up my neck into my scalp and I shiver.

“Matt lied to me,” I say, and the pang in my heart makes me physically wince.

He looks at me for a long moment, considering. “He’s chosen, Frannie. And I can tell you from experience that the team he’s playing for now shows no deference for the mortal realm’s quaint notions of right and wrong. They’ll say anything.
Do
anything.”

I’ve never asked Luc about the things he did as a demon. I guess I was afraid to know. I don’t want to think of him like that—have that image in my head. But suddenly I need to know how Matt’s head works now. “Like what?”

He surprises me by taking my hand. He stares at it soberly, and his voice is laced with something dark as he says, “Think Andrus and Chax.”

“And Marc?” I add, squeezing his hand.

His eyes lift to mine. “No,” he snaps, his face twisted in disgust. “I was never like Marchosias.”

I take his hand in both of mine and turn it over, tracing the lines of his palm. “Sorry.”

He watches my finger intently but doesn’t reply.

“Lucifer came to me today and I…”

He tenses, his fingers curling into mine, and I can tell he’s holding his breath, waiting for the rest.

“I’m not stupid. I know He wants my power, but I can’t help thinking that I’m supposed to make a difference … change how Heaven and Hell work.”

“That could be true,” he answers cautiously. “Probably is, as a matter of fact. But I can guarantee you it’s not by convincing the Almighty to take Him back.”

“You said He wouldn’t give up His power. How do you know that for sure?”

“I’ve had seven thousand years to watch Him operate. He’s a coward, sending His minions to do His dirty work on the coil. And He’s power hungry, using every ploy to gain control of humanity and tempt mortals down the fiery path. The more death, destruction, and depravity it entails, the better. He’s created an army … including me…” at this his voice hardens as his self-loathing emerges out from under the thin emotional blanket he keeps it hidden under, “… to do His bidding. And remember, that bidding includes wreaking all that death, destruction, and depravity.” He pulls back and looks in my eyes. “You’ve seen firsthand what He demands of His legions.”

Luc doesn’t have to say Taylor’s name. I know that’s what he means.

A scowl twists his face. “But He doesn’t have any trouble inflicting unspeakable atrocities on His obedient minions, who are hardwired not to be able to fight back—with no free will of their own.” He shifts away from me and hangs his head, weaving his fingers into his black mop of hair.

I move closer and lean into his shoulder, not sure what to say, but then he jerks his head out of his hands. “That’s it!”

“What’s what?” I ask.

“Free will. God’s gift to humanity.” He taps his thumb on his knee, thinking. “Rhen…” he says, shaking his head. “They don’t need to be human. They just need free will. When I turned human…” He looks at me then, reaching out for my hand and threading his fingers into mine again. “When
you
turned me human … I had free will that I didn’t lose when I turned demon again.”

He catches my wince.

“Which I never blamed you for, by the way,” he adds.

I lower my gaze.

Luc cups my face in his hand and lifts my chin so I’m looking at him. “Frannie, please. You need to believe me.”

It’s only now, as my eyes search his face, devouring every bit of it, that I realize how much I’ve missed him. His gaze is deep, as if he’s looking for my soul, and I can swear I see his in those deep obsidian pools. My eyes fall to the lines of his mouth and I feel myself leaning in, closing the distance between us.

I taste the coffee on his lips, which are slightly parted, but don’t move. None of him moves. He sits very still and closes his eyes. But when he starts breathing again, it’s shaky.

I pull back and look up at him as he opens his eyes. They burn with an intensity I haven’t seen there since before we left Haden. I reach for his face, stroking my fingers over his cheek and tracing his lower lip with my thumb. “What’s going to happen?” My voice is no more than a whisper.

His mouth pulls into a hard line and worry wrinkles the corners of his eyes as he shakes his head.

This time, when I lean in to kiss him, he cautiously slides his hands around my waist. His lips move ever so slightly on mine, as if he’s afraid of making any sudden moves and scaring me away. I tilt my head, deepening our kiss, and I feel him respond, pulling me closer.