Last Kiss in Tiananmen Square (33 page)

“Hey, it’s your last chance to have your picture taken.” Li Yan came over with a camera in her hands. She seemed to never run out of energy.

“I’m here.” Yumei stood next to Baiyun and crossed her arms in front of her chest as though she was a warrior. Baiyun tried her best to follow her.

“Hey, you guys have to pay beforehand,” said Li Yan like a businesswoman.

“What? I can’t believe you! Is money more important than your life?” argued Yumei.

“Well, not necessarily. But if I survive this week, maybe I will become a famous photographer by selling all the valuable photos I took here.” Li Yan shook her big head and smiled.

“There is still one optimist here,” said Dagong, “why not?” He gave her a 5-yen bill. Then he grabbed Yumei and Baiyun, one on each side of him. He wrapped his arms around the girls tightly with his head slightly tilted toward Baiyun.

“Ready and smile.” Li Yan raised the camera.

“Why do we have to smile today? Why do we have to pretend to smile?” said Yumei.

“Ok,” Li Yan gave in, “Do whatever you want. But you’d better think it over. These could be historical events. Think about the influence your pictures might have.”

“I’m happy. I will smile,” said Baiyun.

“I know you will. You have turned into a teenager since the movement started.” Yumei stared at Baiyun in disbelief. Then she turned to Dagong. “Dagong, how about you? I knew you would go home soon and chicken out. I know your generation, experienced but cowardly.”

“Hey, I’m a six-foot tall man. I can stay calm under any circumstances.”

As they were arguing, Li Yan clicked the camera.

“Do it again. I wasn’t ready yet,” shouted Yumei.

“I assure you that you will look good in my pictures. You are very photogenic,” said Li Yan.

“How about a photo of just Baiyun and me?” said Dagong. While he and Baiyun snuggled together, Li Yan clicked the shutter.

“How about a kissing one?” Li Yan asked. Dagong turn his head and first kissed Baiyun on her cheek and then on her lips.

“Wow. If you go any further, I will have to close my eyes. Stop it there.” The shutter clicked, and Li Yan took this intimate picture.

It even surprised Baiyun that she had gotten used to display intimacy in public. She thought that she would be more embarrassed but she wasn’t somehow. At this moment of life and death, she had bigger issues to worry about or she just simply didn’t care anymore.

Yumei fell back down onto the blankets on the ground, crawled over to turn on the tape player. Baiyun and Dagong sat next to her, started singing along to the tape.

There is a river in the Far East.

It is called the Yangtze River.

There is a river in the Far East.

It is called the yellow river.

Although I haven’t seen the beauty of Yangtze,

I often explore the river in my dreams.

Although I have not heard the roar of the Yellow River,

I hear it in my dreams.

“You guys are competing with Hou Degang!” Wenjing strolled over and she was limping. She hunched her shoulders over with her hands in her pockets, even in this warm weather. She still wore a pair of glasses. Her round face narrowed a little after several days of the hunger strike.

“Hey, professor, you are still here?” asked Yumei.

“I’m leaving. I’m not crazy like you guys, staying here forever,” said Wenjing.

“Yes. You should be at the American embassy now,” said Yumei, teasing her little, “you should go there and kiss their feet to let you out of country.”

“I’m not going to join the crowd now. I’m going in the next few days when it is not so crowded.”

“You go! You go! I’m ready to die.” Yumei rolled over and buried her face in the blanket, weeping. “I wish my mother knew I was here and died as a hero.”

“Yumei, think of it this way. You are a top student in a top university. If you survive, you would be able to contribute to your country more greatly than by being dead.”

“No. I feel I belong to here. I can’t leave because I have already planted my roots here in the last few weeks,” said Yumei and calmed down a little.

“I’m not sure I agree with Wenjing.” Dagong joined in and still was as calm as a stone. “I used to think that way. I used to value myself more than our country. But if everyone were like me, we wouldn’t have a movement like this. Now we are on the verge of victory, so why not stay until the end?”

“Victory? The government has weapons. They’re coming to wipe us out like ants. I don’t think it’s very wise to sacrifice so many brilliant students,” yelled Wenjing as though nobody would listen to her if she didn’t. Her usual pale face was as red as an apple.

“Really, they’re coming to kill us?” Baiyun finally said something. Her mind was in a state of confusion. On one hand, she wished this demonstration would go on forever so she did have to go back to school, back to studying, or to go back home and face Lao Zheng who seemed always desire her, or to see her father who was turning more into an animal each day. That world seemed so cold and far and far away. She had started to consider the vast Tiananmen Square as her home, the best home she ever had. On the other hand, if staying meant death, she thought she was ready. She wanted to be with her friends, especially Dagong, even though it meant getting run over by tanks.

“Don’t listen to me. I’m always the pessimist. Death has never frightened me. I’m always ready for it. But the issue is whether it is worthwhile to die,” said Wenjing seriously.

“I think there are two possibilities.” Another student joined in. “One is that the citizens will prevent the troops from coming in. And secondly, if troops do come into the Square, they would simply send us back to our schools. Maybe they will just push us and shoot us with some rubber bullets to scare us away.”

“What do you think, Dagong?” asked Yumei.

Dagong stared at the distance and did not answer. Baiyun nudged him. “What happened to you?” He buried his head between his knees, and still did not say anything. Then he raised his head and said, “I don’t know. Anything could happen.”

“Let’s not worry about it. It is useless to be worried now.” Everyone became silent. Then someone started humming the “International” along with the loud speaker in the distance. Others joined in. After so many days of malnutrition they lost some of their youthful enthusiasm and sense of invincibility; their voices sounded somber, almost suicidal, especially Yumei’s voice.

The square was very noisy. Besides the many student-controlled PA systems, which were broadcasting the “International” or Rock & Roll music constantly, there were government-controlled loudspeakers, which were repeatedly broadcasting the same warning message.

“Now the situation is getting fairly grave. A small number of thugs spread rumors…”

“The government is farting again,” said Yumei.

“I hope that it wouldn’t blow everything away with its smell.”

But something opposite had happened. The half emptied Changan Street was full of people again. Some people, mostly Beijing citizens, had left home and streamed into the street with bicycles to help protect the students.

“What do you want to do?” Dagong looked into Baiyun’s eyes.

“Stay here. Right, Yumei?” She pushed Yumei, who fell back under the blanket again.

“I don’t know.” Yumei murmured.

“Baiyun, your mother is here!” Li Yan came over, who was still very energetic and was followed to the tents by the loud sound of motorcycles.

“Baiyun.” Baiyun’s mother jumped off her motorcycle.

“Mom.” Baiyun ran toward her and held her pair of hands in leather gloves.

Now wearing a hat on her permed black hair, her mother seemed to have lost some weight. Her freckled face was thin; and her belly had disappeared. Although there were some wrinkles on her face, her trimmed body made her look younger.

“Hi, Baiyun, brave girl, still holding on to the square.” Lao Zheng came over and gave Baiyun a handshake that almost made Baiyun cry.

“Yes. It seemed safe. No one believes the Government’s warning. People are getting out again.” Baiyun said, looking straight at Lao Zheng whom she no longer felt shy in front of.

“That’s why we are here.” Lao Zheng said seriously. “Why don’t you tell her?” He nudged Meiling.

“The shooting has already started!”

Baiyun startled. She looked at Meiling first, and then turned to Dagong and Yumei, and back to Meiling again.

“You can tell the students later about this news,” said Meiling as though she had read her daughter’s mind.

Baiyun signaled Dagong to come over. “Mom, this is my….” She looked at Dagong who was approaching them, for an answer. But Dagong was silent while staring at Meiling as though to retrieve a memory from long ago. Meiling looked startled too.

After shaking hands, they suddenly backed away from each other.

“Meiling, you still look the same,” said Dagong.

“You, Dagong. Is that you?” Meiling edged toward him slowly. “Ha, ha. You rascal!” She jumped at him and gave him a hug.

“What? You know each other?” Baiyun’s eyelids were wide open.

“How have you been?” Without listening to her daughter, Meiling said to Dagong. “I hardly can tell it’s you. Maybe it’s just your beard.” She touched his brushy beard. “But it looks good on you. You used to have mustache, correct? But this looks better.”

“Oh, thank you. You know that I can’t go back to you after I have gotten out of the Zoo. So…”

“But at least you should write to me.”

“Then I got married and had a son. You know, it’s a long story.” He sighed.

“I see.” Then she looked at Baiyun, turned back to Dagong and gave him a questioning look.

“Don’t worry. I will take care of Baiyun.”

“Ok. I will have to go. Nice to see you all.” Then she turned to Baiyun, “Baiyun.”

“Mom.”

“I have to go to some other places to spread the news. You can decide whether to stay or go now. Just be careful.”

“How about you?” Baiyun looked at her mother, eyes full of tears.

“Aren’t you having fun yet? Let’s rock & roll!” Meiling waved her arms and went away on her loud thumping motorcycle.

Looking in the direction where Meiling had disappeared, Baiyun’s heart sunk. She felt like she had lost something. Dagong came over and put his hand on her shoulder. Baiyun gazed at him, and he in turn stared at her. There was suddenly a wall between them. But it seemed not a good time to talk about it.

“The shooting has started at Mushidi!” yelled Baiyun.

“Oh, really? God dammed. Those bastards.” Then he suddenly jumped up, “Ok, Baiyun. Tell me what do you want to do? If you want to stay here, let’s stay here and fight to the end!”

Baiyun smiled. She was happy to see Dagong had gone back to his old toughness. She liked it.

“Ok. Let’s stay,” said Baiyun firmly. As possible death approaching, she felt fearless. She was so startled to feel like this. It must be the camaraderie that made her tough-minded.

“Let’s go to the headquarters to see what is going on,” said Dagong.

As they passed by the tent, they saw Yumei was still lying there, looking depressed.

“Yumei, we are going to see what is going on at the headquarters. Do you want to come along?

“That’s fine. You two can go. I will just stay here and die alone. ”

“Come on. We are going to have some fun.” Baiyun couldn’t believe that she said that.

“Fun? You must be crazy like your mom,” then she sat up. “I’m waiting for Longfe. Where is he?” She opened her arms to the sky.

“I don’t know. Maybe he is busy organizing,” said Baiyun.

The headquarters near the monument was very noisy. The student broadcast was blaring, telling the story of brave Beijing citizens blocking the troops from coming to the square all over the city, building barricades, exhorting the troops, and some dying under the gun fire. People were jammed in a circle. Dagong went on to find out what was going on.

“Fighting has already started at Mushidi. They are going there to help,” said a middle-aged lady.

The crowd gradually opened a passageway. A row of hefty students, all wearing white headbands, marched out. They were armed with iron bars, wrenches and wooden clubs. Some of them carried sharpened wooden sticks. They were joined by hundreds of bicyclers, shouting “Down with Li Peng!” “Long Live the People!” An open truck, packed with young men and women, also wheeled past. “One, two, three, stop the army!” They chanted.

“It looks like everything is still alive,” said Dagong, sounding energetic and excited. He felt relieved that Baiyun finally knew about his association with Meiling.

Baiyun, on the other hand, felt uneasy. Knowing Dagong’s past relationship with Meiling had added an additional complication to their relationship. Dagong suddenly became much older in her eyes. And the feeling of possibly suddenly becoming her mother’s rival made her a little nervous.

“Let’s go. Let’s see what’s going on!”