[Lanen Kaelar 03] - Redeeming the Lost (54 page)

I saw but little of Akor in that time. He
spent his days among the three Houses of the Kantri, teaching, learning,
listening, and avoiding me as surely as I was avoiding him. We were coming to
terms with our new life, but it was hard, Goddess it was hard, and there was so
much else to do. We found a compromise, finally. Akor had taken to lighting a
fire on Shikrar’s hill in the evenings, and I joined him there, to talk a
little, to consider what had happened to us both, to speak a little of our
future, but for the most part simply to be in each other’s company. It grew
easier, over even those few nights. He could still make me laugh.

A full seven days after the battle, when even
Vilkas and Aral had recovered much of their strength, we held a last council in
the Great Hall at noon. Its generous windows were flung open, and the light and
air that flowed into the room were extraordinary. Spring came late to the
mountains, but it seemed to be trying to make up for lost time. The orchards
were heavy with delicate apple blossom, and there was some plant that grows in
those hills that had the most wonderful scent I have ever known. If the High
Fields of the Lady are worth achieving, they must smell like that.

We were graced with Salera’s presence as well,
thanks in large part to those windows. Akor, too, could come near enough to see
and hear. We had put it off for a time, while wounds were healed and tales told
all round, but we all knew that the time had come to go our own ways.

Jamie and Rella announced that they were
leaving on the morrow. “Where are you going?” I asked. This last week had been
a blessing, having the pleasure of their company without a single deadly threat
in sight. I knew fine that Jamie would not stay in the House of Gundar even if
I did.

“Somewhere warm and green and quiet,” said
Rella. “Where they have real beds with feather pillows. You have spoiled me,
girl,” she said, grinning at me. “This week of living at ease has got into my
bones. I could bear to live like this.”

“We’re going back to Hadronsstead first
though, Lanen,” said Jamie, smiling. “I shudder to think what that idiot
Walther may have been doing to the farm. He’s a born horse-breeder, but I
wouldn’t let him within smelling distance of the Great Fair at II-lara.” He put
his arm around Rella. “Ilsa is green and quiet, and I daresay we will manage to
make enough warmth between us to be getting on with.”

Maran smiled, and only the slightest shadow
darkened her eyes.

As to that,” put in Akor from the window, “I
am to tell you that Kedra offers to fly you as far as Elimar. He returns to his
family tomorrow. He has asked me to say that he would be honoured to bear with
him any who wish to journey so far.”

“Oh, excellent Kedra!” cried Rella, and Jamie
went so far as to stand and bow to Akor. “We accept with deep and abiding
gratitude, Lord Akor. Kedra is very kind.”

I turned to the Healers. “And what of you, O
Dragon Mages?” I asked, teasing. Vilkas winced and Aral laughed. “I don’t think
our services will be needed here for a time,” said Aral. “I was going to go
home for a bit. Benin’s a fair step, but I haven’t seen my family for nearly
three years.”

“Mistress Aral, might I have a word with you?’
said Salera. Aral, taken by surprise, rose and joined her in a quiet corner of
the room. They appeared to be discussing something quite solemn that was
obviously important to Salera.

Vilkas returned my gaze evenly. “I think that
where I go will depend greatly on where you go, Lanen Kaelar.” He nodded at my
belly; I was now growing more obviously pregnant, practically by the day. “I
suspect that all will be well for some time yet, but if you can bear my company
I would rather be nearby. Especially in the last two months,” he added wryly, “lest
I outstay my welcome before.” He pinned me with that brilliant blue gaze,
smiling for a change, and for the first time I had a glimpse of what Aral saw
in him. I suppose he was rather good-looking, at that.

“I think Aral’s idea is the best, for me,” I
said, turning to Maran. “Time to go home.”

She nodded, resigned. “I suppose you’ll want
to be in Hadronsstead, somewhere familiar, now that—”

“No, no, I didn’t mean that,” I said
hurriedly. “Not at all.” I barked a short laugh. “Jamie, you know I love you
like a father, but I cannot bear the walls of Hadronsstead. Maran, I know I
haven’t asked, and Goddess knows there will be quite some train of us if you’ll
have us, but—Mother, I would very much like to go back with you to Beskin.” I
grinned. “I expect I’ll be tied down for some time over the next few years, and
I’ve never seen the Trollingwood. Jamie tells me it’s quite something.”

Why it should have given me so much pleasure
to see joy in Maran’s face, I don’t know. We still hardly knew each other,
though surviving the death of the Demonlord had brought us sharply together.
Perhaps now we would have the chance to put right what had gone wrong. Given
enough time.

“What say you, Maran?” asked Akor gently. “Is
there room in Beskin for a dragon? Can you take us both, and Mage Vilkas, and
put up with two squaUing babes when the time comes?” He hissed a little. ‘Though
perhaps your home is too small for two babes and Lanen … ?”

Maran laughed. “It held me and all my brothers
and sisters, it can surely hold my daughter and her family. Oh, come and welcome!”
she said, taking me in her arms briefly. “Though you, dragon, are almost
certainly going to be a problem.”

“Hmmm,” said Vilkas calmly. “I appear to be
going to Beskin, near the Trollingwood.” He grinned. “I always wanted to
travel.”

The moment I was near enough to hear her quiet
voice, Salera spoke.

“Mistress Aral, I have said no word, but the
time is come. What is in your heart for my father Will?”

“I beg your pardon?” I asked, taken aback.

She gazed at me. “My speech is much better
than it was, I am certain that you can understand me.”

I was going to feign surprise, but I could
not, not in the face of that open soul. “I don’t know, Salera,” I replied
honestly. “I can only guess at what he feels, and I don’t like guessing. He has
never said a single word to me about his own heart.”

“Father,” said Salera. Her voice was not loud,
but he heard and wandered over. I tried to read him as he approached, but he
was just Will, just there, big and calm and golden-haired, a good friend.

Goddess save us all, Salera really didn’t know
about human delicacy, for she greeted him with, “My father, why have you not
spoken to Mistress Aral of what is in your heart?” Will spluttered. She ignored
him and went on, “I know the depth of your feelings for her, but how can you
expect to win her if you say nothing?” She turned back to me, leaving Will
blushing furiously, and said in a conspiratorial tone, “It appears to be a male
trait. My own suitor has waited a full year before speaking.”

“A suitor?” said Will, amazed. “But—you’ve
only been awake such a short time.. “ His voice faded as he realised the
obvious.

“I was awake before, my father, and I remember
Tchaeros well. Now that we have speech, he is more courtly”—and she hissed a
little with amusement—“but it has taken him a very long time to ask me to join
with him.”

“Do you love him?” asked Will, frowning like
any father at being informed so of a daughter’s lover.

“I do, my father,” said Salera, her wings
fluttering. I could only guess that it was with pleasure. “I agreed to join
with him this morning as the sun brightened. We will celebrate our—betrothal,
is it called?—this very night, and I would that you might be there.” She turned
back to me. “I would see you there as well, Mistress Aral, if your heart
allows.”

She brushed past Will as she left, and I heard
her whisper, “Speak your heart, Father. She is wise. She will hear.”

“Aral, I—drat that child, she doesn’t
understand—”

I put my hand on his arm. He froze.

“I think she understands rather better than
you or I,” I said quietly. I was suddenly shy, but I managed to mutter, “Will,
please—I—please, just speak truth to me. Is Salera right?”

He took my hand from his arm. “Aral, I’m a
good few years older than you,” he began.

“Not that much,” I said, smiling. “Look at Varien
and Lanen!”

He grinned back. “Right enough, I suppose. I—I’ve
never said word these last two years, Aral, because I know fine how you feel
about Vilkas.”

I nodded. “I know how I feel about him too. Go
on.” I felt one corner of my mouth go up. “You haven’t actually said anything
yet.”

I practically felt him crack. He stepped
closer to me as if he would have swept me into his arms that very moment; I
could see him tremble with the effort of not doing so, and I was suddenly very
aware of him as a man rather than as a friend.

And there he stood, this tall, handsome man,
not daring to touch me, but telling me all his heart, speaking such words of
love to me as I had only ever dreamed of.

I had dreamed of hearing them from Vilkas, of
course, though my rational mind had realised that would never happen. No, he
was not Vilkas, tormented, wildly powerful, terrified of life and of love. He
was Will. Strong, calm, reliable, capable Will, who had loved me for two solid
years now and said nothing until this moment because he knew I cared for
another.

I never meant to do it, but in moments of high
emotion I seem to call my corona to me without thinking. I swear, I could see
his love, flowing between us strong as a river from a high mountain, and still
he did not touch me.

“I knew the time would come when you’d bring
Vilkas to the point,” he said, finally, when all else was said. “I feared it
might happen when you were far from me, and I couldn’t bear that. I let myself
be carried by those great beasts because I would not abandon you when you
needed me.” He stopped and let himself smile. “Though I won’t pretend it was
for your sake alone. I damn well intended to be there to catch you.”

“And so you did,” I replied. I would never
forget his arms holding me up when Vilkas cast me from him. Vil and I had come
to a working truce, but in that awful moment it was Will who had held me close
and supported me until I could stand again.

He finally let himself go so far as to take my
right hand in both of his. “By my word, Aral, I will not die if you do not, or
if you cannot love me.” His eyes were alight, he seemed more alive than I had
ever seen him. “But I tell you true, I would far rather live my days with you
than without you.”

No matter what sentiment might say, I owed him
the truth. I spoke quietly, for the others were not speaking much just at that
moment and I did not wish to be overheard.

“Will, I won’t pretend I feel more than I do,”
I said. “You know I care for you, you’ve been a wonderful friend to me ever
since I met you. But—” I glanced at Vilkas, smiling now and chatting with the
others. His hold on my heart was less than it had been, but not by much. “You
know also that my heart has long been his. I found out for certain that he
doesn’t want it, but—it will all take time.”

I paused. I had been going to tell him that he
should not hope, but as I was about to form the words, I found to my surprise
that there might indeed be room in my heart for another. He stood, strong and
true, his heart open and undefended, for me to wound or to heal. A curious
thought occurred to me.

“Come with me out into the corridor, Will, I
have something particular to tell you,” I said, and went before him out of the
range of other eyes.

The corridor was deserted. He closed the door
behind us.

“Kiss me,” I said.

For all his ardour, he was taken aback. “What?”

“Kiss me like you mean it,” I said,
challenging him.

Gracious Lady. I got more than I had bargained
for.

When we came up for air, he reeled as one
drunk. I suspect I did too.

“Come with me, Will,” I said quietly. “Come
with me to Berlin and meet my family. I do not promise anything, and I do not
yet have a whole heart to offer you. I would not offer you less.”

“I have waited two years, Aral,” he said, his
voice lovely and deep. “I can wait a little longer.” He grinned wildly. “I’ve
always thought I should see the rest of the South Kingdom,” he said, smiling
and drawing me out into the broad spring day. “Tell me about Benin.”

If that’s how you always kiss, my lad, you may
not have all that long to wait, I thought, and casually took his hand as we
walked out into the sunlight.

The next morning, all farewells said, the
company of friends scattered to the Winds for that time.

I was not yet accustomed to my new strength
and had some concerns about carrying Lanen, Maran, and Mage Vilkas all the way
to Beskin, but I barely noticed them once I was airborne. I remember thinking
that I had had no idea that Shikrar was so as-toundingly powerful. I flew high,
smiling as I heard his voice in my memory. High air is the best—least work,
longest flight. His words were a part of me, they had been for many a hundred
winter and would stay with me as long as I drew breath. The thought gave me
comfort. Sleep easy on the Winds, my soulfriend Shikrar. Your words yet ring in
my heart.