Landslide (62 page)

Before Cole can say anything though, his dad raises his hand in a pacifying manner, drops his voice to a whisper, and quite seriously says, “I know. Nothing over four or under two, no scales, and avoid feathers if possible. Got it.”

Cole nods again and taps Lola on the shoulder; it’s her cue to stop being a perfectly behaved little girl. “I like your purse,” she says to me out of the blue, “Are you rich?”

“Lola! What is wrong with you today? We don’t ask people things like that.”

“I was just asking! Her purse costed lots so she has to be.”

Cole and I both look at my purse. I instantly get it and Cole is lost. “Why? Why does her purse mean she’s rich? And how do you know how much it cost?”

“I saw one just like it at a
really
fancy store in Florida. The one Grampa bought Miss Amelia for Christmas is smaller and it costed one thousand, two
hundred
dollars, Daddy. Grampa says he paid for the name. Its name is Louis though and I don’t think that sounds like it should cost so much money. Is your purse named something?”

Cole’s eyes are bulging out of their sockets and then he scowls at my purse before inspecting my face. “You did not spend over a grand on that, right? Tell me she’s full—Lola, self-censor,” he waits until Lola rolls her eyes before closing them and covering her ears again, “She’s full of shit, right? My dad wouldn’t spend that much money on a freaking purse. Right?”

I raise both my eyebrows and chew my lip, not knowing how to break it to him. “If he bought her a real one, then yes. He totally did.”

“Is yours real? Have you been walking around with a thousand fucking dollars slung over your shoulder?!”
 

“Oh, God, no. I got roped into going to a knock-off purse party a couple years ago. Eighty bucks was pushing it for me. Although…gotta admit, I’d take a real one in a heartbeat if I actually had the money.”

He taps Lola’s shoulder while shaking his head and looking at me in a wholly unbelievable,
you-are-completely-out-of-your-damned-mind, I-don’t-think-I-even-know-who-you-are-anymore
kind of way. And this coming from the man who probably spent close to a hundred bucks on Doc Martens for someone who will no doubt grow out of them in under six months. That is, unless Cole’s dad bought them.

“Who bought Lola’s boots?”

He frowns. “I did.” When I arch an eyebrow at him and he gets my meaning, he starts protesting… “Now, wait a minute. That’s
totally
different. They’re good, quality boots. She’ll be out of them before next season, true, but they’re useful and serve an everyday purpose.”

“As does a well-made purse crafted with quality material. That no one can
ever
grow out of.”

“It’s not the same. It’s not.”

“Yes, it
really
is.”

“It’s okay, Daddy, it’s a girl thing,” Lola tells him seriously and with a sympathetic nod.

“Wait a—Did that just happen? Did I just get ganged up on? That’s not cool.”

I chuckle at him.

“Do you like cats? I have a cat.”

“Mmhm, I do, most of the time. And I know you have one, I’ve met him,” I reply, thinking of Prince Sparkle Bottom and his inclination to scare the bejeezus out of people sitting by that chair next to the loft. In thinking about him though, it occurs to me why his name is so ridiculous. “I bet you’re the one who named him, huh?”

She grins and nods. “I got him on Christmas three years ago. There was
all
this glitter in the box he was in so his behind was
super
sparkly. My daddy said it was magic dust from Santa’s workshop. I have a dog too. I got her for Christmas the Christmas after I got my cat. Her name is Skull Eater, ‘cause Prince Sparkle Bottom gave me and my daddy and my grampa a dead bird for Christmas and Skull Eater got it and ate the bird’s skull. We heard the crunching and everything!” My aghast eyes fly to Cole. Sarcastically impassive, he just nods, like, yep. Welcome to my life. “I got a fish for Christmas last year. It disappeared though.”

Disappeared as in became a light snack for the cat, I’m guessing. “What was your fish’s name?”

“Kevin.”

I blink. “Uh, why Kevin?”

She shrugs. “I dunno. He needed a name. Kevin is a name.”

I nod in acceptance while Cole stifles his amused laughter at me. “True. Kevin
is
a name.”

“Daddy, I have to go potty.”

“Okay, pumpkin, let’s go.” Automatically, Cole reaches for Lola’s hand but, she shies away—towards me…

“Can Miss Erica take me? Please?” she asks
so
sweetly, looking up at me with the most hopeful and angelic of faces.

My heart stops. And judging from his expression, so does Cole’s. With more than slight reluctance pervading every one of his features and the whole of his body language, his eyes flash to mine before he reaches for her hand again and opens his mouth to tell her no. I suck in a breath and get my words out faster.

“I can do it.” His eyes bore into mine and my heart feels like it’s scaled the slippery surface of my throat and is stuck there now, but I nod my head anyway and reaffirm my position. “I’m okay. I can take her.”

Clearly nervous, he mutters his stubborn disinclination, “I—I don’t know if it’s a good ide—”

“Cole. It’s a trip to the bathroom,” I rationalize and cross my arms over my chest, becoming a smidge defensive and upset with him for being so averse to me being alone with Lola for less than ten minutes, as if he doesn’t trust me. And I’m sorry; I get how protective of her he is and all the reasons why he has the right to be, but it’s
me
. How does he expect me to come to terms with her or even
begin
to consider integrating myself into their lives like he’d so passionately begged me to do if he won’t give Lola and me time to get to know each other without him standing guard? “Do you want me to get to know her or not?”

 
He blinks, his nervousness still very much in evidence as his gaze passes back and forth between Lola’s face and mine. However, he nods his consent, takes Lola’s candy cane that she hands him, and then he takes a hesitant step back from her. “I—I’ll, just…wait—uh, here,” he stumbles through his words, looking around and pointing in several directions at once, exhibiting that he really has no idea what to do with himself now, “I guess. Um, or…over there…by that tree.”
 

I’m shaking my head at him, knowing he’s most likely going to try sucking down as many cigarettes as humanly possible while we’re gone, when without warning, Lola slips her hand into mine. I feel my eyes widen in surprise and I have to tell myself to breathe. Cole notices.

“Yeah, that tree looks good.”
 

I forcibly keep myself from openly agreeing with him…

“Come on, Miss Erica…bathroom is this way, and I gotta go,” Lola tells me and begins towing me by the hand, “I’m not supposed to hold it ‘cause of my tummy, even though I got my tummy fixed. My doctor says holding it is bad for you even if you don’t have tummy problems like I did.”

“Your doctor is right. Holding it too long can cause urinary tract infections…you know what those are?”

She nods, a little too vigorously and out comes the bow altogether. I stoop to grab it. “Mmhm. I had to take yucky medicine every day to stop them but I still got sick with them all the time on account of having a secret other tube
no one
knew I had going from my right kidney to my bladder,” she stops and giggles, and when I look at her in question, she explains, “Bladder is a funny word.”

Just to hear myself say it, I say bladder aloud a few times and in as many different ways, putting emphasis on as many alternate parts of the word as I can think of, making Lola giggle even more and me come to the conclusion that she’s right; bladder is kind of a funny word.

“So, when did you get your tummy fixed?”

“In October,
right
before Halloween. I got to go trick-or-treating in the hospital. It was
so
much fun!” she squeals and lets go of my hand for a quick second to twirl in a circle with her arms spread wide. “I had tubes coming out of my tummy and one in my arm, and that one was attached to a bag of medicine on a pole, so my grampa pulled me in a wagon! And I got lots of candy! No candy with nuts though. Some kids have allergies and the hospital had a no nut rule.”

We get to the bathroom and without even thinking about it, I help Lola take her gloves off and work the button on her pants; she does the rest on her own but not without pointing out her scar first. It’s very similar to what a C-section scar looks like; horizontal and about three inches long, and it sits right below her bikini line, except hers will shrink as she grows up and will most likely hardly be noticeable once she hits puberty, and she has an additional smaller slit-type scar above the big one from where a drainage tube was placed.

“That’s pretty impressive, Lola. I bet it didn’t hurt though, did it?”

“Mm-mm.” She shakes her head and hops up on the toilet; the one bow left in her hair slips a bit. I pull it out as well as both rubber-bands and get to work redoing her hair so that the bows won’t come out again until they’re taken out.

“Here, I’m gonna fix these for you while you go potty, okay?”

“Okey dokey.”

First feeding one of the ribbons through a rubber-band and then tying it around the band before gathering a few ringlets with my fingers, I ask her, “Were you scared to have surgery?”

She shakes her head again. “No. My daddy and my grampa were though. They said they weren’t, but my Uncle Payton told on them.”

“Uncle Payton told you they were scared?”

“Mmhm. My Uncle Payton quitted the Air Force just in time to sit with them in the waiting room and he was teasing them for it afterwards. Then my daddy told on my Uncle Payton on account that he was the one who cried first when the doctors were done and they all got to see me. But I was still sleeping so I didn’t see anyone crying. Do you know my Uncle Payton?”

I nod and tightening up the first bow, I move on to the second, marveling over the fact that this little girl has those three grown men utterly wrapped around her little finger and she doesn’t even have to try. In fact, I’d be willing to bet she doesn’t even know it. “I do. Only a little bit though.”

“I love my Uncle Payton. I can’t wait for him to live here. He’s
so
big and cuddly. He makes my daddy laugh and we’ll get to read together
all
the time in real life. I used to get to practice reading with him on FaceTime when he was living in other countries and when he was deployed. Do you know what deployed is?”

“Mmhm.”

“Do you like to read?”

“I
love
to read.”

“Me too. So does my daddy and my Uncle Payton. We like reading all kinds of stories together, but especially happily ever after stories. My Uncle Payton even painted my new room for me with all
kinds
of pictures and parts of stories all over the walls!”

“I know. I saw what he did…he must love you a lot.”

She nods and reaches for the toilet paper. “Time to do the paperwork!”

The paperwork… That still makes me giggle. I take a step back though and let her do her thing while I hold onto a chunk of un-banded hair in one hand. She finishes and goes to slide off the toilet. “Oh, hold still for another second, okay, sweetheart, lemme get this side done really quick.”

Swinging her feet in what I’m guessing is a sign of boredom, she heaves a breath and then asks, “How do you know my daddy?”

“Oh, well…I grew up with him. I met him when I was even younger than you are now.”

“You
did
?”

“Yep. He was my best friend. Still is too.”

“Then do you know my other daddy too?”

I pull up short, not knowing if I should be talking about Holden with her without Cole around to run interference. Then it occurs to me that if Cole has told her all about Holden, he might not object. And besides, it’s one simple question and I can’t
not
answer her.

“Mmhm…I did,” I mumble and finish with her hair, “All done!”

She hops off the toilet, flushes and starts doing up her pants again. I help her wash her hands, and when I’m helping her get her gloves back on I notice her delicate pink fingernail polish with a clear layer of glitter over it.

“I like your nail polish, Lola. It matches your jacket very nicely.”

“Thank you. Miss Amelia and my grampa took me to get my fingers
and
toes painted at this place in Florida where they serve this drink called champagne. Except I didn’t get to have any like Miss Amelia and my grampa. The nail people gave me orange juice instead, but there was no pulp…I like pulp. And I wanted red fingernail polish but my grampa said no. He said I’m too young. I told him I’m not so he called my daddy. Then
he
said I have to wait until I’m at least ten.”

“
I
wasn’t allowed to wear red polish or even red lip gloss until I was
eighteen
.”

“
Really
?”

“Mmhm. I was okay with it though because there’s all sorts of pretty colors I
was
allowed to wear.”

“Your mommy sounds way stricter than my daddy is.”

“Oh, well…it wasn’t my mommy. It was my grandma…she and my grandpa raised me.”

“How come?”

“Because my parents and my brother died when I was a baby.”

Her eyes grow huge, and I suddenly realize Lola and I share something. “Mine too. Except I never had a brother and my daddy died before I was ever even born. His heart stopped working.”

I nod and try to not let myself get weepy remembering the moment I heard. “I know.”

 
“And my mommy was just sad. She didn’t get a happily ever after like my daddy did.”

My forehead wrinkles. “Um, Lola, what do you mean that your daddy got a happily ever after?”

“My daddy told me my other daddy had a
beautiful
girlfriend who was like a fairy princess and she loved him lots and lots and
lots
so he got to die happy. ‘Cause of her love,” she says, solemnly nodding and with the utmost seriousness.

 
I have to start blinking and fake a sneeze to wipe at the tears building in my eyes before Lola notices how shaken I am—how moved. In a way, Cole told her about me. He used
me
to comfort her; to give her peace of mind about her father’s death. The selflessness that must’ve taken him to do…the unbridled love…knowing what Holden did and how, at the time, Holden was the reason Cole wouldn’t have his own fairytale ending. Cole freely gave it to the two of them…to Holden and his daughter.