Ladd Haven (17 page)

Living a common nightmare, she felt
allied with Casey. “So that’s why you’re okay with not telling Troy
about the baby.”

The comment caught Casey on the chin.
“What do you mean?’

“
He’s a sperm donor. He’s
not going to be in her life, so why tell her about him?”

“
Well, not exactly. I don’t
want him to stay
because
of the baby.” Her face changed. The grim lines
slipped away, exposing the vulnerability of her true motivation. “I
want him to stay because of me.”

“
Ah... And you don’t think
he would?”

Casey averted her direct gaze. “I don’t
know.”

“
You have to tell him,”
Felicity said, on-the-spot adamant it was the right thing to do.
“He’s a good guy. I’ve known him my whole life, and no matter how
misguided he can be at times, he’s a good person.” When Casey
didn’t argue the point, Felicity wasn’t sure if she was agreeing or
resisting. “You have to give him the chance to make that decision.
It’s his right to know. Just because our dads aren’t good fathers
doesn’t mean Troy won’t be.” Tears filled Casey’s eyes but she
remained mute. Fueled by outrage over her own loss of choice, a
decision made for her and not with her, Felicity urged Casey not to
do the same to Troy. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right. “It’s his
baby too, Casey. Let him decide what he wants to do about
it.”

Chapter Thirteen

Stowed away in the privacy of her
bedroom, dressed comfortably in T-shirt and baggy shorts, Casey
mulled over the conversation with Felicity. Alone in the apartment,
the one she now shared with both her mother and Cal until their
house was built, Casey sat on her bed, surrounded by frilly
girl-aged pillows, a collection she’d built over the years. Her
ivory-painted furniture was the same set she’d had since middle
school, the culmination of months of saving and pleading with her
mother that if she bought this set Casey would never ask for
another thing again. Photos of her and her mom on her dresser
instilled a sense of warmth, comfort. This was her home. No longer
a place she loathed to be, but a place of love, connection.
Family.

She wanted to tell Troy about the baby.
She wanted him to know, to be excited, to care enough to want to
become a family. It would be a dream come true. They’d talked about
a future together. The night before he left, they talked about him
working his way to owning a ranch one day while she continued
classes at the local college. Casey told him she wanted to study
stars. When he didn’t laugh, she confessed it was her passion.
There were so many intricacies in the sky, hundreds of thousands of
constellations. Millions, really. The sky was unlimited, a concept
that appealed to her. When he asked what she’d do with a degree in
star-gazing, she couldn’t say. She wasn’t quite sure herself but
she’d do something with it. Kids entered the conversation but they
were a distant desire. Some day. One day. Neither expected that day
to be today.

Casey thought back to that night and
what Troy said about “forever.” He claimed she was his best friend
and he couldn’t live a life without her. If that was true, how
could he have walked away from her? He didn’t tell her where he was
going—he told Travis. She had to hear about it from a third party.
When he finally called a week later, she’d told him where to go. He
couldn’t walk out on her without a word and expect her to be okay
with it. She had her pride, didn’t she? He didn’t get to make the
call on how things went, what she was supposed to be happy
about.

Pulling a pillow onto her lap, she
settled her chin on top of it and gazed at her outstretched legs.
Her red toe polish was chipped, a sign of her neglect of her
appearance. But looks weren’t a priority, especially when she wore
boots everywhere. Not like there was anyone around to see it, she
bemoaned. Images of Troy and other women coursed through her. After
what he did with that Loretta woman and the Devane woman, he should
have considered himself lucky she was even speaking to him. He’d
said as much that night, hadn’t he? He had begged her
forgiveness—something she nearly didn’t give him—sworn he was going
to change his ways. Then he turned around and deserted her? Casey
clutched a pillow tightly to her chest, heartache gushing anew. He
should have been on his knees pleading for her approval for his
decision to move. He should have been afraid she might not want to
go with him. But he wasn’t. Troy didn’t even ask her to go with
him. There was no “pack your bag, we’re going to Kentucky.” No
“what do you think about living in Kentucky?” Nothing. Troy had up
and left without a kiss goodbye.

I’m back. For
good
.

A spasm squirmed high in her belly.
Casey slid a hand beneath her T-shirt and cupped her stomach
holding it close. Her bare skin was warm, taut. A long spasm
writhed beneath her fingertips. Casey smiled. “Are you trying to
tell me something, baby girl?” The rolling sensation continued,
clear down to her hip bone. “You’re getting big. You’re running out
of room in there, you know.”

In another two months, she’d be out,
with all the room she needed. A flutter of nerves erupted at her
breast. Childbirth scared Casey. She’d read books, watched reality
television. The women screamed in agony the likes of which she’d
never heard. Casey liked being pregnant. She liked feeling her baby
close, liked thinking about their future together. She was sure
she’d like it once she could hold her in her arms. Casey swallowed.
It was the getting her out part that scared her.

Would she go through it alone? Would it
be her mom who held her hand, whispered soothing words as her
patient gown filled with sweat. Casey shuddered. Women on
television looked as if they’d run a marathon by the time they were
finished. Sweaty, exhausted, they looked relived when it was all
over. And happy. When they held their baby in their arms their
faces were awash in joy.

Maybe Felicity was right.
Maybe she should give Troy the opportunity to be with his baby, the
mother of his child. A niggle of doubt scraped at her. He’d come
back for her, didn’t he? Isn’t that what he said at the
diner?
I came by to tell you I’m back. For
good
.

Maybe he meant it. Maybe he realized
his mistake of leaving and meant what he said.

I made you a promise when I
left here and I aim to keep it.

Was it possible he spoke the truth?
After all, she and Jimmy never gave him a chance to explain. Jimmy
blurted out the lie about her being his girlfriend and Troy left.
Then at the picnic, she told him the baby was Jimmy’s. Casey closed
her eyes and pressed her face into her pillow. She never gave him
the chance to do anything but be mad! How could she know what he
was really thinking? How could she know anything—the two hadn’t
spoken the first word about it!

A torrent of misgiving
flooded her. She knew lying about the baby was the wrong thing to
do, but leaving her without a word or a plan had been wrong too. If
Troy really loved her, he should have called her before he left. He
should have called and said “I’m going to Kentucky.
Come with me
.”

He was the guilty party
here, not her. Recalling the pain in Troy’s eyes at Ashley’s
picnic, she struggled with the assignment of blame. He’d been
devastated to hear the baby belonged to Jimmy. Shattered to learn
she’d slept with Jimmy after being with him. Shame wound through
her. Pulling the pillow from her face, Casey glanced around her
bedroom. Cluttered with clothes and books, a few stuffed animals
leftover from her younger days, her room was that of a girl’s.
Walls were painted yellow, the furniture adorned with flowers. A
poster of a movie star heartthrob hung above her bed. She couldn’t
remember his name, only that she’d been gaga over him in seventh
grade. She turned away. Silliness. Youthful silliness. She was a
woman now. A woman with a child growing inside her. Closing her
eyes, Casey knew what she had to do. Troy should know the truth.
Whether it would make a difference for the two of them didn’t
matter. He should know that the baby belonged to him. From the
crevices of her soul came the echo,
her
heart belonged to him as well
.

Scooting from her bed, Casey pulled the
shirt from her body and tossed it to the bed. Removing the stretch
shorts she wore around the house, she chucked them next to her
shirt and walked over to her closet ignoring her egg-shaped
reflection in the mirror. She pulled a dress from a hangar and
slipped it on over her head. She was going to the stables and tell
him the truth. Whether he liked it or not, Troy was going to know
exactly what he left behind when he moved to Kentucky. Let him
decide what to do from there.

Walking the long trail up to the
stables, Casey dammed a tide of nerves. She didn’t tell anyone that
she was making this trip. She didn’t ask for a ride or assistance.
She was perfectly capable of walking the hill and delivering the
news in person. Up close and personal. This way she’d know in an
instant what he thought. She’d be able to see it in his eyes. If he
wasn’t happy, she’d know it.

And, she’d decided, so be it. If Troy
didn’t want this baby, she’d raise it on her own. Her mother and
Cal had offered her a place to live, offered to help her with the
baby while she earned her degree. They offered to do everything
within their power to make her road as smooth and easy as possible.
It was more than she could have hoped for, more than she would have
asked for, but then again her mother was proving to be so much more
than she ever gave her credit for.

Nearing the stables, she spotted a
black-headed cowboy walking from the stables to the paddocks. Her
heart skipped. It wasn’t Troy. She could tell by his movements.
From a mile away she could spot his swagger, his angular, muscular
build. Thoughts of their night together drifted through her mind
like a movie reel. She had memorized his every curve, his every
muscle. No freckles, no markings, other than the nick of a scar on
his cheek, Troy’s body was incredible. Strong. He was
perfect.

Tamping down the spurt of thrill, Casey
wanted to jog the rest of the way but, fearing it would jostle her
baby, instead held her stomach firmly and kicked up her pace. It
was an easy hike, especially now the land had been grazed by
bulldozers, rocks and dirt leveled for a smooth carriage ride.
That’s how some of the hotel guests made it to the stables. Not
her. She was walking with her own two feet.

Nodding to a passing couple, she smiled
politely. Cal said guests roamed the property on and off marked
trails, a practice he and Malcolm encouraged. Folks were supposed
to feel like they were in the wilderness, like they were explorers
or something. Casey didn’t care. So long as they didn’t trespass
around their home once it was built. The last thing she needed was
to be worried about people peeking in through her windows. Shaking
the disturbing image, she entered the stables, the shade a welcome
relief. Perspiration coated her neck, breasts and back. Her
forehead and cheeks felt flushed, but that was to be expected after
the uphill hike in the heat. There were clouds out there but it was
hot. Too hot. Fanning herself, she strolled through wide corridors
where the air was cool and drenched with the smell of hay and
horses. She could see several animals through metal bars that lined
their stalls. Why weren’t they in use?

Several stable boys walked by, one
carrying a bucket, another toting a bale of straw. Across the way
was the Delaney’s office. Her pulse accelerated. Would she be upset
to see her? Would she be mad Casey was interfering with an employee
while on the job? As if on cue, the blonde-headed stable owner
strode out of the office and stopped short at sight of her. Casey
gulped. Guess she’d find out soon enough.

“
Casey!” Sporting her usual
ripped up jeans and tank top, Delaney hastened over. Casey wondered
why she didn’t buy better clothes. She was the owner now. Didn’t
she care what guests would think when they saw her?

Coming to stop within feet of her,
Delaney asked, “What brings you around?” She looked from side to
side, as though searching for someone. “No one told me you were
coming.”

“
They didn’t know. I just
decided to visit.”

“
Visit?” Sharp brown eyes
turned appraising. “Who exactly are we visiting?”

Casey’s voice evaporated as she
croaked, “Troy.”

Delaney smiled, wide and full. Setting
hands to her hips, she asked, “Have you decided to tell him,
then?”

Casey nodded, rendered mute. She stole
a quick glance around the vicinity. Was he here?

Delaney hitched a thumb over her
shoulder. “He’s out in the barn working a horse for me. Should I
get him for you?”

She shook her head. “No. I’ll go find
him.”

Approval glinted in dark brown eyes,
the eyes of a woman Casey had come to lean on for solid advice and
support. Delaney had counseled her early on to give Troy a chance,
to let him find his way. But after he left town without her, it was
the last thing she wanted. Her mom said enough was enough. It was
time Casey built her own life without grazing about waiting on Troy
to figure out what he wanted from his. At the time Casey believed
her mother was right. At the moment, she realized it might have
been Delaney’s word she should have heeded.