Krakens and Lies (19 page)

“Broke itself boom!” said Scratch. “Down and off clank! Curious and delightful the day! Er, for young and foolish the dragon that was Scratch of yore.”

“It's all right,” Zoe said, pulling out her notepad. “Just tell us what you remember. It must have happened after the SNAPA agents first came through for inspection, because I know they both checked your anklet and it was fine then.”

“Indeedness,” said Scratch. “Day the following it was. Awake in the star-time and alert for guarding was Scratch when sound of freedom went CLANK in the night.”

“So who was here in between?” Logan asked. “Anyone unusual?”

Scratch furrowed his brow thoughtfully and started tracing grooves in the dirt with one claw. “Elder female attendant first.”

“My mom,” Zoe filled in. “Maybe don't ever tell her you call her that.”

“Young Tracker student next.”

“Matthew?” Zoe said. “Why was he up here?”

“Wielding same barbaric device came he,” Scratch said, pointing at the toothbrush with a small growl. “Having none of that was I.”

“Oh,” Zoe said, “that's right, that was after the agents gave us their stern instructions about dragon tooth brushing, which must be a crazy new thing SNAPA has come up with. Matthew did tell me he gave it a wildly unsuccessful shot.”

“Anyone else besides Mrs. Kahn and Matthew?” Logan asked.

“Two the creatures of fish smell,” Scratch said, nodding.

“What?” Zoe said, dropping her pen in surprise. “Mermaids? Why would mermaids come all the way up here? Do you mean Blue?”

“Not the boy of half-fish smell,” said Scratch. “Older and more snappish were these. Came only to stomp and complain and scribble notes about grand all-mighty dreadful and dangerous the dragon presence.”

“Did they go anywhere near your chains?” Logan asked.

“Poked them yes,” said Scratch. “Much hullaballooing about insufficiency of security restraints. Tremendous the annoyance. Tempted to eat fish-smellers was Scratch. But NOBLY REFRAINED, did Scratch.”

“Tremendously annoying,” Zoe said. She wrote something down. “That does sound like mermaids. But if this entire thing turns out to be a long mermaid con to get themselves moved to Hawaii, I am going to BOIL THEM IN THEIR OWN FISH OIL.”

“Was that it?” Logan asked.

“Sadly the no,” said Scratch. “Also furball the huge and, later, the human of numbers and frowns.”

“Furball the huge must be Mooncrusher cleaning out the caves. But numbers and frowns?” Zoe rubbed her forehead with the hand holding her pen, accidentally leaving a blue streak over her left eyebrow. “Who the heck?”

“Many the buttons?” Scratch offered. “Stern the face?
Displeased the expression always? Beloved much of long flapping papers?”

Zoe looked at Logan with a mystified expression.

“Well, who else is there?” he asked. “You, your parents, Blue, the mermaids—”

“Melissa!” Zoe said. “Blue's mom! Is that who you mean? Melissa?”

“Asked many the question for paper with small boxes,” said Scratch.

“Yup. Melissa,” Zoe said. “Well, that would have been procedural stuff related to the SNAPA visit. If that's it, then it must have been the mermaids—”

“And finally, furball the small,” Scratch interrupted conclusively. “All visitors all. Surprisingly busy the day. Hardly time for stretching. No wonder it is that boom clank happened not until night.”

“Wait, what?” Zoe asked. “Who's furball the small?”

“A griffin cub?” Logan guessed.

“Amusing the idea,” Scratch said. “No, secret the furball friend of Firebella. Beloved of dragons. Decidedly not causer of trouble for Scratch. No need for furball the small on list the scribbly.”

“But who is it?” Zoe asked. “Firebella has a secret furball friend? What ARE you talking about?”

Scratch clamped his mouth shut and shook his head vigorously.

“Oh dear,” Zoe sighed.

“Put ‘furball the small' for now,” Logan said, “and we'll figure it out later.” He heard scrambling and puffing noises from the cliff path and turned to see Marco hastily scooting past Firebella, who ignored him.

“Hey hey hey,” Marco said with a huge grin as he reached them. “Meet us at the dragons! What is up! How awesome is the world that I am now getting texts like that?”

“I hope you deleted it,” Zoe said, frowning slightly. “In case anyone ever gets ahold of your phone by accident.”

“Oh, we're all doomed if that happens,” Marco said. “Or else whoever finds it is going to look at my photos and be like, ‘Um, is that a moose in his house? Why is that owl yelling at that squirrel? How many pictures of doughnuts can one guy take?' I should have mentioned, by the way, that I will also accept payment in doughnuts, if pancakes are not available.”

“I'm sure we can muster pancakes,” Zoe said, rubbing her temples again.

“We can head over to the Aviary now, right?” Logan said.

“I should at least
try
to brush Scratch's teeth again,” Zoe sighed. “Everyone stand back.”

“What?” Marco declared with glee. “That's a dragon TOOTHBRUSH? That is MAD CRAZY AWESOME.”

“Exceptionally not thrilled is Scratch,” the dragon pointed out. “Gorgeous and lovely the fearsome teeth as is.”

“I know,” Zoe said. “But we do want to keep SNAPA
happy, right? You especially should want to make them happy. Ahem.”

Scratch sighed out a long stream of smoke.

“And that's the dragon toothpaste?” Marco guessed, pointing to the tube Logan had set down on a boulder. “Do dragons have mint-flavored toothpaste? Or is it, like, beef-flavored like Aidan's dog's toothpaste? Don't say chicken-flavored, by the way, let's all be sensitive here.”

“I have no idea,” Zoe said, swinging the toothbrush around and propping it against the rock.

“Let me help.” Marco sprang over to the tube and opened the top. “Hmmm,” he said, sniffing the contents. “Wow. It smells kind of like cheeseburgers. Or bacon. Can I taste it?”

“Why would you want to do that?” Logan asked, amused, but Marco was already squeezing a glob onto the toothbrush and swiping a bit on one of his fingers.

“Marco, you goof, we don't know what's in—” Zoe started to say.

Marco stuck the toothpaste in his mouth.

“Whoa, totally bacon,” he said. “Maybe even ba—”

He stopped. His eyes rolled up in his head.

And he collapsed to the ground.

“M
URDER!” shrieked Scratch. “TOOTHPASTE OF DEATH!”

“He's not dead!” Zoe cried, feeling her heart burst into overdrive. Logan knelt beside Marco, checking his pulse. “Right? Logan? Tell me he's not dead!”

“He's alive,” Logan said, “but what happened? What's wrong with him?”

“I don't know!” Zoe said in a panic.

“MURDEROUS MURDERY TOOTHPASTE! CONSPIRACY OF DOOM!” howled Scratch. He ran in a small circle, flapping his wings frantically. His invisibility glamour was fading parts of his body in and out.

Zoe scrabbled her phone out of her pocket and called her dad.

“Hey, Zoe,” her dad answered. “Just checking out the Reptile House. These repairs are not going to be cheap.”

“Dad,” Zoe cried. “Something's happened to Marco! We're up by Scratch and Marco tasted the dragon toothpaste and now he's collapsed and he's not moving and I don't know what to do!”

“I'll be right there,” her dad said.

“Why so hating of Scratch is the world?” Scratch moaned, throwing himself down on the rocks and covering his head with his talons. “All the tragedies of the universe falling upon head of Scratch. Family exterminated! Accusing-face of honk-bird consumption! And now poison-bedecked toothpaste! Determined on death of Scratch is world!”

“It's not poison,” Zoe said, trying to calm herself down. “It's probably just a sedative. A sedative isn't terrible. Although why would there be a sedative in the toothpaste?”

“Wait,” Logan said. He was trying to roll Marco into a more comfortable position, but he stopped and stared up at the dragon. “Scratch, your family was exterminated?”

“Mother and sister both,” said the dragon with a sigh. “Tragic the life of Scratch.”

“That is really sad,” Logan said, glancing at Zoe. “I didn't know dragons were exterminated that often.”

“They're not!” Zoe said, puzzled. “I had no idea, Scratch. I
thought SNAPA hardly ever exterminates dragons if they can help it. Two in one family has to be stratospherically rare.”

“Nearly three,” Logan pointed out, nodding at Scratch.

Zoe's mouth fell open. “There's no way that's a coincidence!” she said.

“As intoned Scratch long ago,” said the dragon. “CONSPIRACY.”

Could he be right? Zoe didn't know what to think. Why would anyone have it out for Scratch? He was dopey, but not a bad dragon. He'd been shipped here from another menagerie five years ago and he'd never gotten in any trouble until this sheep thing.

“We'll have to look it up. What were their names?” she asked Scratch.

“Sister Scritch, mother Lacewing,” Scratch answered. “Scales now forever resting in the star-time.” He heaved an enormous sigh.

“Here comes help,” Logan said, pointing down the mountain.

Zoe's dad was sprinting up toward them; some distance behind him, Matthew was leading Captain Fuzzbutt along the path. The mammoth kept stopping to eye the drop below him and Matthew had to keep nudging him forward.

“Dad!” Zoe called.

He stopped to give her a quick hug and then hurried to Marco's side. “Tell me what happened.”

Zoe explained again about the dragon toothpaste. “Is there something in it?” she asked her dad.

“DEATH, such as for instance?” Scratch suggested.

Her dad cautiously sniffed the tube. “Maybe SNAPA puts a sedative in to make it easier to brush their teeth without upsetting the dragons. I'm sure it's something innocuous, but let's get Marco back to the house and make sure he's all right.”

“Thanks for your help, Scratch,” Logan said.

“Entirely right about sinister bristle-stick were we,” muttered Scratch, stomping back into his cave. “Never and also never and moresoever NEVER to be brushed shall be teeth of Scratch.”

Logan helped Zoe's dad sling Marco over his back to get him down the twisting path to where Firebella sat, scowling. Captain Fuzzbutt reached the black dragon's level at the same time and stood there with a deeply anxious expression, twisting his trunk into worried loops.

Together, Zoe, Matthew, Logan, and her dad were able to get Marco up on top of the mammoth so that he was flopped out like a sloth on the Captain's shaggy brown back. Zoe took the mammoth's trunk and led the way carefully back down the mountain, while the others stayed close around Marco to make sure he didn't fall off.

At the Reptile House, they bundled Marco off the mammoth and into the golf cart, and Zoe and Logan rode back to
the house with him and her dad. Marco let out a few snores, but didn't wake up at all. Zoe felt her phone buzzing but ignored it.

Logan's dad was standing outside the sliding doors, blinking at the Menagerie and rubbing his arms. He saw Mr. Kahn carrying Marco up to the house and his eyes widened in alarm.

“Don't worry,” Logan said quickly. “He's just drugged. He got knocked out by something in the dragon toothpaste.”

“Oh, right,” said Mr. Wilde, raising his eyebrows. “Doesn't sound worrying at all.”

They tumbled Marco onto one of the couches in the living room and Zoe tucked a blanket over him.

“I'll call SNAPA,” her dad said. “Just to make sure whatever this is won't do anything weird to humans, like give them a tail.” He hurried off into the kitchen.

“I
think
he's kidding,” Zoe said to Logan's startled expression. Her phone vibrated again and she pulled it out. “Oh, it's Jasmin! Hang on a minute.”

She answered the phone as she stepped outside. “Hi!”

“Hey, Zo!” Jasmin sang. “I have been totally snooping, it's excellent. Everyone is at church, so now I'm in Dad's study. And I have shocking news to report. Did you know that grown-up papers are INSANELY BORING?”

“Don't get caught, Jasmin,” Zoe said anxiously.

“Oh, they won't be back for ages,” Jasmin said. “Seriously, Zoe, all I can find from the last six months is campaign stuff
and this one new company he bought. K-N-O-H? Maybe it's Russian. The N looks all squiggly on one end, you know, like that Russian kind of
N
? I'll take a photo and send it to you.”

“Doesn't seem familiar,” Zoe said as her phone buzzed with the incoming photo. “Jasmin—” She hesitated. How could she ask her best friend if her parents might have her other best friend's mom hidden away someplace?
By the way, hypothetically, if your parents were kidnappers, where might they keep a famous Tracker and a small dragon?