Knock, knock... (6 page)

Until that night when he’d entered her home unannounced and she’d realized it was too late.

After the mess had finally ended, she'd gone into a full-blown crisis over her ability to accurately see the energy of those closest to her. Always looking for what she might have missed. She’d locked down her feelings and that had created huge trust issues for herself and others.

But was that fair to Roman?

No. But trust, once crushed, was hard to offer again.

In Darren's case, she’d tried to read him and had seen only what he wanted her to see. In Roman's case, she'd read him and had seen the damn wall. And had nearly bolted. What was he hiding? And did it matter?

The long hospital hallway finally ended. She turned the corner and entered Bernice's private room.

"Shay, I'm so glad you made it in time." Her grandfather stood at Bernice's bedside, cradling her pale, limp hand in his. Even after all this time, his love, open and hurting, shone from deep inside his puppy-dog eyes. "She's failing, my dear. I fear she won't last long." Pappy's rheumy gaze zeroed in on Shay sorrowfully. "I'd hoped she'd wake up, at least one more time, but it appears she'll go off gently in the night."

"And maybe that's the best way, Pappy." Shay wrapped an arm around her beloved grandfather's frail shoulders and squeezed. "We don't want her to suffer."

He shook his bowed head, the corner of his lips trembling. "No. We don't."

"Well, Charles. Has there been any change?" Gerard Chandler walked into the private hospital room, disrupting their moment. He and her grandfather were old friends, and both were Bernice's lovelorn suitors. Shay smiled at Gerard and saw the same ravaging grief as on Pappy's face.

"No. She hasn't moved a muscle, unfortunately." Pappy patted Bernice's hand. "Shay just arrived in time to say good-bye."

"Good. Now she can tell us herself what happened last night." Gerard took up the matching position to Pappy's on the far side of Bernice's bed, glaring at her as if Bernice's condition was all Shay’s fault. "Roman explained, but we need to hear it from you."

Knowing that both elderly men needed to hear every scrap of information she had, she went over the evening's events. "That's all I know," she lied. "Dr. Fitzpatrick, who was on hand at the gathering, looked after her, and the paramedics arrived very quickly."

She waited a beat, swallowing to moisten her dry throat. "There was nothing I could do to help her," she said, her voice thick with emotion. She said this more for herself than for them. "There was nothing anyone could do."

There was no point telling them what she'd seen in Bernice's eyes at the end. They wouldn't understand. Hell, she didn't understand.

Pappy nodded, reached out one hand and patted her shoulder. "Of course, my dear. I know you did everything you could. It’s just her time. And soon, it will be ours."

"Speak for yourself," Gerard grumped. "I'm not ready to kick off."

"I don't think Bernice was either." Shay smiled at the memory. "Just moments before she collapsed, she urged me to start living again. She looked and acted normal. Was our typical, vibrant, life-loving Bernice."

Both men nodded.

Pappy said, "She was unique. Everyone knew and loved her."

The way he spoke, using the past tense, showed an acceptance of what was coming. She opened her psychic vision to see how Bernice's energy was doing and barely stifled a gasp. There was a skin of energy lying heavy and pale on top of her body…as if Bernice's astral body lay on top of her physical body. Shay tracked the pale energy upward to Bernice's face. It lay in peaceful repose as if asleep. That was all good. The end would be soon.

Also good was that the silver cord that connected her astral body to her physical body was thin and weak. Almost ready to be severed. Except a tiny thread wafted around the room. She tried to trace it and found a mass of light gently shimmering energy by the window ledge.

Bernice.

Or what was left of Bernice – her astral soul might be a better way to put it. It was more ghostlike than an astral projection. More ghostlike than those walking on the ethers. This was Bernice as she was ready to depart. And there was still a sparkle to her. A luminescence she'd appreciate. Shay had to smile. Even in transition, Bernice would shine.

And Shay could just imagine Bernice trying to raise a little hell on the other side.

She let her gaze wander the room, looking for a way to interact with Bernice's energy without being noticed. She couldn't guarantee that Bernice would respond; she might not be cognizant in this state – most weren't.

If only she could get the two men to leave the room.

As if on cue, Gerard's phone rang. Pappy snapped at him for disturbing Bernice's solitude.

"It's Roman," Charles said. "He's just arrived. Come out in the hallway. We need to discuss Bernice's arrangements."

Pappy stiffened. "She's not gone yet!"

But Pappy trundled toward the door. The two men stood in the doorway, their heads bent together.

And the cell phone call gave Shay a wonderful idea. She pulled hers out and held it to her ear. She walked over to the window as if to make a call. Bernice's energy wobbled as Shay approached.

As if speaking into the phone, Shay asked in a quiet voice, "Bernice, are you there?"

The glowing mass smiled as if lit from inside. With more of an impression than actual gestures, Shay heard Bernice's voice.
I wanted to tell you something
. She paused.
But I've forgotten what it was
.

"Is this related to what you were trying to say last night?"

Could an astral person pale any more? Shay watched in fascination as Bernice's form wavered before her.

"Bernice?" she whispered. "What's the matter?"

In a horrible repeat of the night before, Bernice froze. She stared at Shay and her mouth opened as if to speak, only no sounds were heard – physically or psychically.

Shay leaned closer, afraid Bernice would disappear before she could get the information she needed. "Bernice, please. Tell me what's going on."

Bernice seemed to make an effort to pull herself together; her form firmed and then wavered.
I love them both, you know. Don't let them suffer more than necessary when you sort this out, my dear.

"Sort what out? Bernice, I don't understand." Shay tried to keep her voice down but her hushed whisper resounded through the room.

"Shay, are you okay?" Pappy called out behind her.

Shay turned to smile reassuringly at Pappy.

Concerned, he made as if to walk toward her.

She waved him back. "I'm fine, Pappy." She held up her phone as if to say she was still in a conversation. He nodded and turned back to Gerard then stepped out into the hallway to talk to someone else.

Relieved, Shay turned back to Bernice to find her...gone.

She spun around.

Bernice lay still, her skin even more gray and transparent than before. And the pale mist that had hung over her head was no longer there. Blue veins pulsed slowly up her hand and arm. Bernice had gone back into her body, but judging by the sounds of the raspy breathing she didn’t rest easy. Shay doubted Bernice would last the hour.

"Bernice?" she whispered, leaning over the old woman. "Please, can't you tell me anything more?"

There was no answer, only the rasping that sounded overly loud in the silence.

Pappy walked over, his hand gently going to Shay's shoulder. "It's almost over."

Gerard walked to the far side of Bernice's bed. He picked up Bernice's right hand, holding it gently. He whispered lovingly, "Go, my dear. Stay safe. Until we meet again."

Indeed, as if she'd heard him, Bernice's chest rose once more, stretching to the extent her rib cage would allow and then sagged downward for the last time.

Then there was only silence.

Pappy choked, his hand patting the back of Bernice's faster than before. His shoulders hunched. He whispered so softly Shay almost missed his words. "Good-bye, my love. Good-bye."

Shay had to wonder about a woman who kept these two men so in love with her that they'd never resented being alone for all these years.

And they didn't resent it. They'd always felt blessed to spend time with her. Even though they were no longer lovers. Even now as she lay dying.

Poor Bernice… And poor Shay. Tears welled at the corner of her eyes. She'd loved Bernice – a larger-than-life presence that no one could ignore. She'd been a lovely friend, a trusted confidante and an exceptional woman. Her legacy would live on for decades. Bernice had done such good works.

A huge hole was opening in Shay's heart. She'd known this day would come. But she wasn't ready to let her surrogate mother go.

She'd always been there for Shay. And Shay’s life would be so much emptier now.

A commotion at the door had Shay turning around. Roman walked in, and his suit did not hide the beautiful animal beneath. He attracted her like no other, though she knew better than to respond.

She deliberately turned her attention back to Bernice to give herself a few moments to compose herself. The attraction for Roman scared her even as he intrigued her. And Bernice, who’d been trying to set them up, would probably scold her for being afraid. Bernice would tell her wake up and live a life full of joy and experience. And she'd already said Roman was worth the chance.

And if Shay was wrong about his wall, and what could be hidden behind it, he could be the other half of her heart. And she'd have missed her chance.

Stefan had tried to explain energy and love to her. He had a leading theory about energy blends and music with color combinations. Not having been interested at the time, and having sworn off relationships, she hadn't delved any deeper, but damn if Roman didn't have her dredging her brain for little bits and pieces of Stefan's sage advice. And she’d come up empty. She'd have to ask Stefan later. And take his gentle ribbing as payment.

"I'm glad you're here, Roman. Bernice has just passed on." Gerard spoke quietly from the other side of the bed.

Shay stayed at Pappy's side, waiting for him to regain control of himself and finish his good-byes.

"Hard to believe she's gone." Roman's voice was respectful, calm. She studied him under her lashes feeling the same familiar tug. He was awfully collected. As if he had more insight into the daily life and death in a hospital than she'd first suspected. But then he had been a cop.

"She's been such a big part of my life." Gerard's voice trembled ever so slightly.

"Let me know when you're ready to go home." Roman's dark chocolate voice slid down Shay's spine, seeming to linger on every bone before stroking lower.

Christ.
She closed her eyes and mentally zipped up her chakras to keep him from going deeper. He could be lethal.

Thank God he didn't know what he was doing to her libido.
Or did he?
She snuck a glance at him, and found him staring directly at her.

"Shay? How are you doing?" Once again, that smooth, caring voice stroked her blood.

She swallowed hard, gave him a polite smile. "I'm fine. Thanks. It's Pappy who's just lost one of his best friends."

Roman cocked his head, that intense gaze locking hers in place. "Wasn't Bernice a friend of yours too?"

She smiled wryly. "Bernice was a force of her own. She was a very good friend. But she was one of Pappy's best friends." She sniffled. "And she will be dearly missed by all of us."

Roman's deep golden brown eyes warmed, smiled. "Isn't that the truth? There aren't many Bernices left in the world."

"There won't ever be another Bernice." Pappy spoke for the first time. He glanced over at Shay. "Give me a moment, will you?"

Happy to give him the time he needed, Shay nodded and walked to the door, motioning the other two men to leave in front of her. "Let's give him privacy."

Gerard shook his head, saying, "I'll stay with him. We both have things to say to her."

With a last glance at Pappy, who nodded, Shay and Roman turned and walked out.

"Hard to believe those two are good friends," Roman said, glancing back to the two men huddled together at Bernice's side.

"Especially when they’ve loved the same woman for as long as they have."

Roman gaze zipped back to her. "Sounds like you don't approve."

"I'm not sure I do," she answered coolly. "Pappy has been at her side for decades, waiting and hoping for her to change her mind. Almost like a favorite puppy dog, hoping for a pat on his head."

"And, from my understanding, she made it clear she wouldn't change her mind."

"True enough." Shay turned to study the two older men and whispered, "It feels like the passing of an era right now."