Knight of Ocean Avenue (2 page)

Billy drained his latte. “So, you want to take it with you? Mom will have dinner ready to go, you know her.”

She sighed, and his blood cooled a few degrees. “I’m not coming to dinner.”

“No?”
Shit, shit, shit
.

“No, Billy.” She looked up and her big brown eyes glistened.
Such a bad sign
. “You know I’m going to say that it’s not working, right?”

He stared at his empty cup. Empty made sense. “I didn’t know it until you said you wanted to talk.” He forced a grin. “Talking is always bad news for guys.”

“I’ve been thinking about it for a bunch of days. Maybe weeks, if I’m honest. I need to move on, Billy. Please apologize to your family for me.”

Not again.
“Can I ask why it’s not working for you?”

Annie shrugged and rotated her cup on the low table. “You don’t want to know that.”

He could let it go like he always did. But hell, how would he ever learn? He shrugged.
Into the valley of death
. “Actually, I do. Would you tell me?” He held up a hand. “You don’t have to rip my skin off or anything.”

She smiled and shook her head. “You look like this big alpha male, but you’re a sweetie.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?” He tried to smile.

“Of course, but my dog’s a sweetie and I don’t have sex with him.”

Ouch.

She was warming to her subject. “God knows, you’re gorgeous. I’m going to miss showing up places and watching women drool over my boyfriend—and him not even giving them a glance. Which is flattering, but also a little weird, you know? Most guys would be enjoying beating them off with a stick.”

He frowned. “You’re mad because I’m faithful?”

“No.” She puffed out a breath. It sounded like half sigh and half exasperation. “Tell me, honestly, where did you see us going together?”

“Hawaii?” He cocked his smile that always charmed the ladies.

“Seriously.”

He wiped a hand over his face. “I thought we could date some more and maybe get serious and, I don’t know, maybe end up married.”

Her eyes widened. “Really? You see us married?”

Did he? “Why not? You’re great. Smart and pretty. My family loves you.”

She grabbed his arm. “Yes, your family loves me and I love them. But do you love me, Billy?”

“Sure. I know I don’t say it a lot, but guys like me aren’t all that emotional, you know?”

“What do you mean, ‘guys like you’?”

He shrugged. “Blue-collar dudes. You know?”

“Billy, you’re not like any blue-collar dude I’ve ever met. That’s why I liked you and picked you out in the bar that night, remember?”

He nodded. It had been one of the few times he’d gone out with his crew. Mostly he felt a little weird with the guys, but that night Annie had been the prettiest girl in the bar, and she’d picked him out of the pack. Asked him to dance. “Yeah, you made my reputation.”

She half smiled. “I picked you because you weren’t one of ‘those guys.’ You were different from the guys I know, but—maybe you’re too different or something. We just don’t really click. We go out and talk, but I never feel like you’d die if you don’t see me. We have sex and it’s fine, but I don’t want
fine
. I want some firecrackers and shooting stars. At least a little.”

Hell, how was he too different? “Come on, this is real life.”

“Damn it, Billy, I’m twenty-four. I’m too young for real life.”

Maybe asking was a bad idea. It sure hurt, knowing
.

She sighed. “I don’t think I’m your type.”

“Then who is?” It sounded like a wail.

Annie gazed at Billy. “I don’t know. I wish I did.”

“So it’s mostly the—” He swallowed and lowered his voice. “—the sex?” Shit, it took all his nerve to ask that.

“No, it’s the everything. Like the contractor thing. I know you can take that test and pass it with flying colors if you just set your mind to it. But you don’t. I know you don’t think you’re smart enough, but damn it, Billy—” She sat back and crossed her arms. “I think there’s a dynamo under there somewhere. A tiger waiting to escape. But I never see him. You don’t really want me. I’m just convenient. And honestly, I deserve better than that. So do you.” She stood up from the easy chair and looked out the window. “I’ll miss you, Billy. But I don’t want to look up two years from now and be in the same position, or, worse, have gotten married because—” She made quotes with her fingers. “—everyone likes me, and find myself with a kid and a husband who’s just meeting everyone’s expectations but isn’t really happy.”

“Wow. You should have written
The Hunger Games
.”

“I don’t care. You asked and that’s the way I see it. Tell your family I’m truly sorry not to be there for Rhonda’s wedding.”

“You can still come.” He swallowed hard. “Rhonda will be so disappointed.”

She shook her head, and her eyes were shiny. “It would hurt too much. I really do care for you, Billy, and it was hard not getting my hopes up.” She took a step toward the door. “See ya.”

Holy shit
. He couldn’t breathe. Just like that, she was gone. He didn’t want to say
like the others
. Annie wasn’t just one of a group.

He sat back and then looked up. The redheaded, beautiful guy was talking to one of the baristas. Laughing. Billy did not feel like laughing.

That morning he thought he’d seen the whole picture of his life. Pleasant dinners with family. Dancing a little at the wedding. But had he been kidding himself?

What if I’m always kidding myself?

How do you feel?
He closed his eyes like he was taking a short nap. Butterflies in his stomach warred with the steel spike in his chest. Hurt. He felt hurt. And confused. And—relief. He felt relieved.

That couldn’t be right? Sure, he’d felt relieved when he broke up with Nancy, but she was a bitch, and Trisha wasn’t really serious. But Annie. He loved her. Didn’t he?

His eyes flew open and he looked at his watch—5:30 p.m. Oh crap, he had to go to his folks’ house. He had to face the family with no Annie, and then go through the whole damned wedding with no woman on his arm. His mother would freak. He dropped his head in his hand and ran his fingers through the waves. Even his hair would get him in trouble. Too long. His mother liked him neat. But she’d forgive him anything if she thought he was on his way to the frigging altar. Now she’d bitch about his clothes and everything. No more Mrs. Nice Guy. He’d be a three-time loser in her eyes. A man who couldn’t hold a woman. A man who couldn’t give her grandchildren.

He stood up and headed toward the door. Toward the firing squad.

He paused, and his head seemed to turn on its own. Across the shop, the beautiful man stared directly at him. His lips curved up and he flashed some teeth.

Billy glanced beside him.
Who
? He looked back. The guy was looking at him. The shiver started at his tailbone and worked its way into a field of goose bumps.
Weird. Just weird
. He shoved against the door and forced his feet to move out of the shop. Why did he feel like the guy was laughing at him?

Because you deserve it, loser.

Hell, like Scarlett O’Hara said, he’d think about that tomorrow. He ran flat-out to his truck.

Twenty minutes later he pulled into a spot five doors down from his parents’ house in Santa Ana. Cars lined the street, and he knew the owner of every one of them. The clan was gathered for Rhonda. She’d roped them all in. After tonight’s family gathering, Billy had to go to the bachelor party, the rehearsal dinner, the wedding, the reception, and the wedding breakfast. Alone.
Jesus!
He might stand six five and weigh in at two twenty-five, but his mother could still take him out.

Get it over with.

He walked down the sidewalk and up the long driveway to his parents’ 1950s ranch house. He’d always liked the old place, and he worked hard to keep it looking nice for them. All the maintenance and repairs, he did. Even most of the gardening so they didn’t have to pay for anything but mow and blow occasionally. His dad couldn’t do the heavy lifting since his heart attack. Funny. People always said
his
heart attack, like he owned the damned thing.

No knocking required, he just turned the knob and walked into the small entry. His dad and brother-in-law, Austin, were holding up the walls on both sides of the space, his dad leaning on his cane. Billy stepped between them. Laughter and voices floated in from the kitchen and dining room. As usual, hardly anybody hung out in the living room.

Austin stuck out his hand. “Hey, man, good to see you.”

“Sorry I’m late.”

His dad patted his shoulder. Man of few words. “Where’s Annie?” Why did he have to choose those frigging words?
Shit.
His dad loved Annie.
The fun begins
.

“We broke up. That’s why I’m late.” Billy glanced at his old holey sneakers.

Silence.

He looked up at his father. The man stared at him like he’d just announced he’d taken up serial killing as a hobby. “What? It wasn’t my idea. She broke up with me.”

His father glowered. His six-foot frame didn’t measure up to Billy’s six five, but he still looked damned formidable. “What did you do to piss her off?”

“Nothing!” He sighed. “Everything, I guess. She said she didn’t think I loved her.”

“Were you cheating?”

“Hell, no. She thought I should look at other girls more.”

His dad stared at him weirdly.

Austin punched his arm. “Hey, man, I’m sorry. She’s a nice girl.”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

His dad shook his head. “She’ll get over it. Women get these romantic ideas in their minds. Send her some flowers and write her a poem or some shit like that.”

Billy’s stomach clenched. “I don’t think so. She sounded pretty convincing.”

“Damn. Well, I guess you’ll have to tell your mother.”

He wrinkled his nose. “I know. Telling you was practice.”

Austin laughed.

His father nodded. “Good luck.”

Billy dropped his windbreaker on the pile of purses and sweaters on the chair in the hall.
Take a deep breath, man
. He walked into the dining room. Rhonda and her fiancé, Mitch, stood on the other side of the extended dining table talking to his Uncle Fred and some knockout girl Billy’d never seen before. Blonde, slender, with a rack the size of Utah. Really nice clothes, it looked like.

Great smells poured out of the kitchen. Yeah, that’s where he’d find his sister Teresa, his aunt, and, God help him, his mother. He should stay here. He walked around the table to Rhonda. “Hey, lovebirds. How’s it going?”

She looked up and smiled. The strange girl in the dining room was lovely but didn’t outshine his youngest sister. Rhonda was a beauty with brains. Tall, dark-haired like Billy, with a body that knocked men on their asses, she’d finished her master’s at UCI on scholarships and a lot of financial help from Billy, and now taught history for a private college. “Hi, baby brother.”

Fred gave him a pat on the back, and Mitch stuck out his perfectly manicured hand. “How are you?” Mitch was pretty. Almost as pretty as the guy in the coffee shop.

Billy shook his hand. “Okay.”

Rhonda frowned. “What’s wrong?”

Damn
. Could he avoid this whole thing if he just ran out the door? Billy looked away from Rhonda to the blonde girl. “Hi, I’m Billy Ballew, Rhonda’s brother.”

“Yeah, hi. She’s told me lots about you. You sure are tall.” She giggled. “And cute.”

What did you say to that? “Thanks. I didn’t catch your name.”

“Oh, sorry. I’m Sissy. Sissy Auchincloss.”

Mitch nodded. “My cousin.”

Which explained the expensive-looking clothes. She probably had as much money as Mitch. “Nice to meet you.”

His sister was staring at him. “Where’s Annie?”

He shook his head.

“What happened?”

“We broke up.”

Fred made an “oooh” sound.

Rhonda’s eyebrows met over her slim nose. “When?”

“A little while ago.”

“Oh damn, don’t tell Mom.”

Mitch laughed. “Yeah, I think she wanted a double wedding.” Rhonda glowered at him, and he wiped the smile from his face. “Sorry. She’s a nice girl.”

Sissy put a warm hand on Billy’s arm. “I’m so sorry. Breakups are awful. Just awful.”

A little shudder rippled through his skin, and he nodded and pulled his arm away.

“Billy Ballew.”
The call of doom
. His mom’s voice rang out from the kitchen.

He flinched, and Mitch laughed. Billy called back, “Hi, Mom.”

Her graying head popped out of the kitchen. “Aren’t you going to come kiss your mother?”

“On my way.”

Fred whispered, “Good luck.”

H
IS
MOM
had vanished back into the kitchen. No “open concept” for her. The kitchen was a room where women worked. Marie Ballew had her ideas and was happy to share them. Devoutly religious, devoted wife, and fierce protector of her children, she thought of herself as a “traditional woman.” Yeah, a traditional woman set on world domination. Billy loved her, and she scared the shit out of him.

He pushed open the swinging door.
Whoa
. The smell of ham, chicken, potatoes, and who knew what else assailed him. His stomach growled. “Hey, ladies.” Sure enough, Teresa and Aunt Clarice bustled around his mom, who was dumping asparagus into a serving dish. He tried to smile. “Can I help?”

His mother wiped her forehead on her shoulder as the steam rose. Very tall and almost sixty, she’d been a raving beauty in her youth, with black hair that now grayed at the temples and expressive blue eyes. “No, dear. You can help clean up later.” She looked him up and down. “Billy, it’s your sister’s event. Couldn’t you have made a little effort?”

He shrugged. “I’ll dress up for the wedding.”

“You certainly will. I’ll not have you embarrassing this family in front of Rhonda’s new in-laws. I should think that Annie would be training you better.”