Kitchen Affairs (11 page)

“So… what exactly do you do?” I smiled.
Besides being obviously charming…

“I do everything!” he teased. “I do most of the finances. That’s what I have my degree in
, but I also do a lot for the restaurant in finding new menu options, structuring the internships, hiring/firing, finding new ways to make more money and various other things,” he grinned. He definitely had many responsibilities, which was somewhat intimidating.
But oh so intoxicating.

“So have you ever thought about the whole marriage and baby thing?” I said playfully wondering how he’d take it.

“Actually, I do hope to get married and have children some day. But… so far, that hasn’t been in my cards. Most women want the publicity to advance their own careers or to only be involved sexually.” I could see his genuine eyes as he spoke about his future. It was heartwarming and reassuring.

I stood
there staring at a beautiful man that I could potentially settle down with. It was surreal. He was surreal. I had let a man into my life in such a short amount of time, and I didn’t want anything, or
anyone
getting in the way of that.

“So I need to know,” Drake
started. “How is it that a young, beautiful woman like yourself has stayed single for four years?”

“I wasn’t ready to date, I guess. I mean, guys tried, and they wanted to, but I always found a reason to let them down,” I answered honestly thinking back to all the times I rejected a man for no good reason.

“So why are you here with me now?” he asked smiling as he had been wanting to know.

“I guess you’re the exception.” I smiled back at him knowing he would like hearing that. “And let’s be honest, you didn’t really give me much choice,” I teased, knowing damn well he’s pursued me harder than any other man ever has.

“You know you wanted me. I just had to convince you I was good enough for you.” He leaned in for a kiss, but I pushed his face away just before he reached my lips.

“Okay… enough chit chat. Sit,” I demanded as I nodded to the white day sofa. He looked at me with a curious look and obliged.

I took the scarf off that I was wearing and blindfolded him. He chuckled and asked what I was doing. “Just do what I say,” I bantered back. I tied it around his eyes and made sure he couldn’t see. I smiled as I could only imagine the things going on in his mind at that moment.
Fuck he’s so damn sexy. I can’t believe I’m here with this man.

I slowly moved down
him, unbuttoned his pants, and slid them down his legs. I straddled him and playfully unbuttoned his shirt and let it hang open against his shoulders.

“Now, no touching… or looking.” I stripped my clothes and straddled him again. He smiled as he could feel we were skin to skin. I lightly kissed his lips and then moved down his neck and up to his ear. I explored his body with my hands, touching his torso, and his arms. He was rock solid
, and it felt amazing to touch him.

After a moment of teasing him and watching him squirm, I placed myself on top of him, letting him in. He moaned and tilted his head back. His hands went up to grab my breasts, but I teased him and grabbed them before he could cop a feel.

“No, no baby. No touching.”

“Oh come on, that’s torture! I need to feel you, baby,” he whined.

“I know, but not yet.” I kissed his lips as I let him enter me again. I continued straddling him, making love to him until I practically fell apart. He tried so hard not to touch me, but eventually I gave in and let him.

“You feel so good, baby, I need to see you,” he begged.

“Not yet… I want you to feel me without looking.”

We continued making love in a room filled with pictures of us making love. It was surreal. This man was unlike any man I had ever met before. I was falling for him… hard. He was the whole package… the perfect match for me. I started to realize how much of a hold this man had on me in such a short
period. I started to panic as the realization of our relationship had blossomed so suddenly. One minute I’m at my internship career-focused and the next I’m sleeping with the manager falling head over heels in love with him. It was too much to take in.
Holy shit… I need to get out of here. Breathe, Molly breathe.

I let him finish and faked a smile that I had finished too. I had too much on my mind to worry about finishing at that moment. I felt a panic attack coming on.

“That was so hot babe. Next time you get blindfolded,” he teased while we put our clothes back on. I felt the sudden urge to leave. I had to get out of there.

“I think I need to get back home, Drake. This was so lovely
, and I love the pictures, but I have a busy day tomorrow and I want to spend some time with Stella before school tomorrow,” I lied.

“Sure baby, no problem. I can take you home,” he smiled and grabbed my hand to lead me down the stairs.

I kissed Drake goodbye and walked into my apartment. My breathing had quickened, and I felt the sudden urge to throw up. I walked into a quiet apartment and as soon as I saw the loveseat, I collapsed.

“Molly? Mols, can you hear me?” Michael panicked. He kneeled beside me trying to see what was wrong.
Go away…

“I’m fine Michael,” I lied trying to reassure him.

“Molly, what’s wrong?” he pleaded. He could see that I was not myself.

“I love him Michael. I love him
, and I panicked,” I mumbled. “I had a panic attack.”

“Oh girl… you
have
fallen for him. You haven’t had a panic attack in years.”

“I know, Michael, but you’re not getting it. I have never loved anyone else besides Liam. I have let another man into my heart
, and it scares the hell out of me.” Tears started to swell, into my eyes. “The memory of Liam still lives inside my heart, and it terrifies me to move on. I feel like I’m going to forget him if I replace him.”

“Oh honey, he will never be replaced. He was your first love
, and he’s Stella’s father. It’s okay for you to move forward. I know it feels scary, but I also know Liam would want you to be happy,” he said in a soothing voice. He was always good at making me feel better. Now I was sobbing uncontrollably.

“You’re right.” I smiled as tears were still falling down my cheeks. “I just miss Liam so much, I don’t ever want to forget him.”
Liam… I miss you.

“You will never forget him darling. He was a part of your life
, and he will always be Stella’s father. You need to let Drake in honey because he cares about you and you care about him.” Michael knew just what to say, especially during my panic attacks.

I never had panic attacks until after Liam’s accident
, and after a year or so, they stopped. I haven’t had one since and this was clear to me that falling in love with Drake was my body’s way of needing to think this through. Everything Michael said was true, yet I still felt like I needed to breathe.

That morning I played hooky from class and packed bags for Stella and me. I decided to drive to Iowa for the weekend to see my family, but most importantly, I wanted to take Stella to Liam’s gravesite. I felt like I needed to say goodbye so that I could feel that it was all right to move on.

“Stella baby, we gotta go!” I called as I was grabbing the last of our luggage. We were only going to be gone through the weekend, but I knew she was going to need many things to keep her entertained on the long ride. Michael decided to tag along with us as well. It was going to be a fun road trip, but I was ready to get it over with.

“Coming mommy!” Stella yelled as she rushed to the door. “I couldn’t find my Elmo, but here he is!” She held up her stuffed Elmo in pride.

“Great, now let’s go!” Michael followed us to the elevator and down the lobby where our cab was waiting. He grabbed our bags and threw them in the trunk for us. Stella was so excited for her first road trip. We rented a Tahoe, so Stella had room to sleep and watch movies in the back.

“Hello?” I answered my phone without looking. I hadn’t told Drake about our last-minute plans
, so I’m sure he was wondering where I had gone.

“Hey baby, where are you?” Drake asked concerned.

“Actually, Michael and I decided to take Stella on a road trip to Iowa.” I didn’t want to explain the whole panic attack and Liam situation. I wanted to tell him that in person so he understood where I was coming from. I was nervous how he would take the news.
Hopefully he wouldn’t bail.

“Iowa? By your parents?” he asked confused.

“Yeah, I haven’t seen them in over two years, and I wanted to get away for a couple days. Sorry I didn’t get a chance to tell you. We just planned it and had to start packing and rent a car and all.”

“Oh,
well, I hope you guys drive safe and have fun. Call me when you get there.”

“Will do honey. Call you later.” We hung up and for the next four and a half
hours, we drove through boring Iowa, stopped twice, and finally made it by one in the afternoon. I haven’t been home in so long but it felt right. It was comfortable. It was home.

I knew my mom and dad would both be at work, but I knew where my mom’s hidden key was. Both of my parents had re-married after their divorce but I was still the only child. None of them had more children or even stepchildren. Stella was their only grandchild, and they loved spoiling her any chance they could. They sent ravish birthday and Christmas gifts, so I knew they’d be exceptionally blown away seeing her in person for the first time in two years.

“Mommy, where are we?” Stella asked as she walked through the door.

“This is Grandma’s house baby. We’re going to stay here for the weekend,” I smiled, hoping to get a good response out of her. My mom had two spare rooms, which is the main reason why I chose to come here although I planned on stopping by my dad’s house as
well. He only had a one-bedroom condo with his wife and dogs.

“W
e better call Grandma so she doesn’t have a heart attack when she gets home,” I teased gesturing for Stella to come by me.

“Hello?” My mother answered worried. I never called in the afternoon especially on a Friday considering I was usually in class.

“Hi Grandma!” Stella squealed. “I like your house!”

“Hi mom!” I chimed in.

“Hi mom!” Michael yelled from the hallway.

“
Well, hello dear. Where are you?” she asked confused.

“We decided to take a last minute road trip. We are at your house. Hope you don’t mind.”

“Oh my goodness! You are? Really?” She sounded like she almost didn’t believe it.

“Yes, we wanted to come see you and Dad. We used your secret key. Hope that’s okay.”

“Oh honey, it’s more than okay. I can’t believe you’re here! I’m going to leave the office early. I can’t wait to see my little Stella-bug. I’ll be there in a half hour!” she said eagerly and hung up. I couldn’t be happier to be home right now. This was a time in a girl’s life where I just needed my mom.

My mom arrived home a half hour later and squeezed us tight for ten minutes. She was crying and soon enough so was I. I hadn’t realized how much I missed her after all this time. In fact, I hadn’t realized how much I missed where I grew up.
Home Sweet Home.

“I just can’t believe you guys are really here!” my mom gushed wiping away her tears of joy.

“Well, it’s been long enough. We missed you. And… I need to see Liam’s gravesite.”

“Liam’s gravesite?” she asked confused.

“Yeah… I think its time I tell Stella about her father and show her where he is. And I need to say goodbye. It’s time.”

“Oh honey.” She brushed her fingers on my wet cheeks. “You know he is always with you and Stella no matter what. But you deserve to be happy. You both do,” she said reassuringly. She hadn’t been there for me when he passed away, but she was doing her best to make up for it now.

“I know mom. But it’s been difficult moving on, even after all these years. I want to be happy, but I need to do this. Liam was my first love and in order for me to fully love anyone else, I need to tell him that I will always love him no matter what. I need the reassurance that it’s okay to move on,” I paused waiting for her to react. “I met someone mom. And he’s wonderful. I’m falling for him and it makes me feel conflicted – for loving someone else and for moving on. I need to do this.”

She grabbed me in for a hug and held me tight. I hadn’t told her how much I was suffering on the inside still. She never brought up Liam’s name when we talked on the phone, but I’m sure she did that to avoid any sad feelings for me.

“Sweetheart, you are an amazing person and mother. Liam would be so proud of you and your accomplishments. He’d be so proud how you are raising his daughter and he’d be proud that you are moving on. I understand you need to do this. You deserve to be happy and feel loved again.” She kissed my forehead and continued hugging me. There was no feeling like this. My mom and I hadn’t talked and hugged like this in years. I missed her so much.