Kissing Maggie Silver (16 page)

“You’ve been talking to Jo,” he gave a wry smile as their eyes met over the top of the children’s heads.

She nodded, determined to seem enthusiastic. After all the interest he’d shown in her own half-formed travel plans, and the time he had devoted to her and the children even though it had probably bored him half to death, the least she could do was convince him she was really pleased about his news.

“It’s not a foregone conclusion yet whatever Jo told you.
I’ve a meeting with someone at the production company on Tuesday. Until then I can’t be sure of anything.”

“But assuming the company does give you the go ahead, what happens next?” Maggie’s voice was cheerful and her expression full of interest as she pursued the details of what she knew would only be bad news as far as she was concerned.

“I’m not sure but it will almost certainly mean I have to go back to New Zealand for a while before I start my next job…” Ruairi’s voice tailed off as the lights in the auditorium faded and Sophie silenced him with a fierce whisper.

“Sorry!” he whispered back.
Then he settled into his seat, ready to watch the film.

* * *

Maggie looked up at the huge screen without seeing anything at all. All she could focus on were Ruairi’s last words. Tuesday and then New Zealand! If all went as he hoped it would, then in two days time he would be gone from her life and she would have to find a way to fill the blank days and weeks he would leave behind. She clenched her hands so tightly her nails dug into her palms. It stopped the tears though. She wished she could find something as simple to stop the ache in her heart.

Ruairi, after the first five minutes, gave up looking at the screen at all. Instead he watched Maggie and saw how the light and color flickering from the screen shadowed her high cheekbones and made her eyes glitter and her hair spark with red fire. Then, as the scenes on the screen in front of them changed, she would be briefly plunged into darkness. Barely able to see the outline of the soft curve of her mouth and her small straight nose, he would wait for it to start all over again, and with every new illumination his heart twisted and turned like a mad thing.
How could he bear to say goodbye? How could he just walk away when he wanted her so much?

For long moments, as the animated characters on the screen laughed and sang, and as they completed impossible tasks and won impossible races, he tussled with his dilemma.
What if he told Maggie how he felt about her and then spelt out exactly what a life with him would entail, would that solve everything? If he explained about the long absences and how he often had to live for weeks on end in isolated places, and she decided that, despite everything, she wanted him, then his problem was solved.

Then he thought about what his life was really like; the months away from home, the long, long weeks out in the field, the hours spent editing film, the extra work his own documentary would entail, and he knew he couldn’t do it to her. She needed more than that.
She needed to live her own life, not spend her time waiting for him. He was just going to have to be tough for both of them because however much she might think she wanted him right now, it wouldn’t last. He had seen how the long weeks apart had caused too many of his colleagues’ marriages to fail to feel confident enough to take the plunge. He did owe her an explanation though after what he’d said to her the day they went to the park.

* * *

The journey home was full of noise and laughter as Sophie and Amy, with Maggie’s help, sang some of the songs from the film, and then pretended to be the main characters, speaking to one another in squeaky voices and then dissolving into fits of laughter until they became thoroughly over-excited. In the end Maggie calmed them down by telling them a story. Listening to the soft cadences of her voice Ruairi felt curiously soothed and relaxed by the time he pulled into the curb outside Mark’s house.

“I enjoyed that,” he told her as the girls leapt from the car and rushed up the path to find their father
so they could tell him about the film.

She smiled at him as she shook her head.
“Fairy stories Mr. O’Connor! I’m sure you should have progressed further than that by now!”

He chuckled.
“Maybe I prefer to stay in first grade because of the teacher.”

Their eyes met as he spoke and although she smile
d at his teasing, Maggie’s face reflected the hurt of so many unanswered questions that he suddenly found it hard to draw breath into his lungs. Had he done that to her? If he had then he needed to put it right. Before he had a chance to utter a word, however, Mark called to them both from the front door.

“
Come on you two. I’ve put some beers in the fridge and a bottle of wine too.”

Without a word they both turned towards the house, Ruairi flicking the automatic car lock with his finger as he followed Maggie.
Seeing the proud tilt of her head and the straight lines of her slim back he knew she would be devastated to know that he had seen right through her, had seen in her eyes the exact same expression she had worn when he’d first left to start his travels all those years ago, and, just like then, he didn’t know what to do about it.

* * *

“Here, catch!” Mark tossed a can of beer at him as he walked into the kitchen. “How about we sit in the garden while Maggie feeds the kids and gets them ready for bed? Then I’ll get a take-away meal for the three of us.”

When Ruairi didn’t immediately answer, he added, “I’m sorry about the other night.
I just had too much to do, but I’ve caught up now. I’m not going to the hospital this evening either as so many other people are visiting. Besides, the doc has said June and the baby can come home tomorrow, so this will probably be our last chance to have a drink together for quite a while.”

When she heard his news Maggie stopped smarting over being relegated to the kitchen to give the girls their tea while Mark and Ruairi drank beer, and gave her brother a hug.

“That’s marvelous news. Did you hear what Daddy said girls? Mummy will be bringing your new brother home very soon.”

Immediately both children were full of plans and they ate everything she put before them, too busy discussing the special cake they were going to make for their brother, and what colour balloons they were going to put up to welcome him home, to remember to be picky about their tea.

Pleased for June, who she knew was anxious to come home, Maggie joined in enthusiastically, and by the time they were ready for bed a full campaign had been launched. It included baking, going shopping to buy presents, and making sure that the house was tidy. With pink faces and damp hair the children rushed downstairs in their pajamas to relay their plans to Mark. As soon as she had emptied the bath, hung up the wet towels and tossed the children’s dirty clothes into the laundry basket, Maggie followed.

She found them sitting on Mark’s lap while he listened and nodded and tried to look suitably impressed in all the right places.
Ruairi, sprawled in a chair opposite, was smiling, and it was a smile that widened when he saw Maggie.

“Come and sit down.
I’ll open the wine unless you’d prefer beer.”

“No…a glass of wine would be lovely…but I’ll have it later, once I’ve put the girls to bed.”

“I’m sure Mark can do that,” Ruairi’s voice was unexpectedly firm. “You’ve been looking after them all day so it’s time you had a break.”

His remark took Mark by surprise and for just a moment he looked irritated but then, astonishingly, he gave Maggie an apologetic smile.
“Sorry sis. I should have thought. Of course I’ll put them to bed. Come on you two. Kiss Auntie Maggie and Ruairi goodnight and then you can finish telling me what’s going to happen tomorrow while you get into bed.”

Still excited, the children’s kisses were perfunctory as they rushed from the room
, but as they climbed the stairs, Maggie and Ruairi could still hear them. “And we’re going to ask Ruairi to help us blow up the balloons ‘cos he’s got the biggest puff,” Sophie told her father, while Amy explained that Granny ‘Connor was going to help bake the cake.

“Cos she like
s making cakes,” she explained. “’Cept she doesn’t have any little girls and boys to make them for now, not since Auntie Maggie and Ruairi got all growed up.”

Maggie and Ruairi looked at one another. Then Ruairi laughed.

“I guess Mum and I are back here again tomorrow then, if you’ll have us. And the two of them are spot on about me… having the biggest puff I mean.”

“And about your Mum having nobody to bake cakes for, too,” Maggie added quietly.

The laughter faded from his face, leaving him looking sad as well as much older than he had a moment before because her words had reminded him of the other dilemma in his life. “That too!”

“It must be very difficult for you now she’s alone,” she said, her own woes temporarily forgotten as her warm heart remembered
that Mrs. O’Connor would soon be on her own again, in Ireland, far away from her old friends and far away from Ruairi as well.

He nodded. “I haven’t done a very good job of looking after her so far either.
I thought regular phone calls were enough until I arrived back in Ireland and saw how much she had aged since Dad died. She never complains you see. She always says everything is fine when I call, and until I saw her, I believed her.”

“But as soon as you realized, you arranged this holiday
for her and she’s loving every minute of it,” Maggie reminded him. Although her own heart was breaking at the thought that he’d soon be gone from her own life, she still wanted to wipe away the bleak expression on his face and the furrow that had appeared between his eyes.

He shook his head.
“A holiday is easy Maggie. It’s the rest of the year that’s the problem. She really needs to move back here, to where all her old friends are. It’s what she wants to do too, but I’m not sure how she’ll manage it on her own. I won’t be able to help her either. Not for a while anyway, and probably not for months if the production company takes out an option on my documentary.”

He sighed.
“I feel so guilty. She was always a fantastic Mum. You know that. And yet here I am planning to leave her yet again, and for a long time too, when what she really wants is family around her, and grandchildren. Not that she has ever said a word about the life I lead, or even hinted that she thinks I should settle down.”

“That’s because she’s so proud of you,” Maggie told him, remembering how Mrs
. O’Connor had waxed lyrical about all of Ruairi’s many achievements when they’d had lunch together.

It had also been the day
when she had put Maggie on high alert to find out what was worrying him as well. Well now she knew exactly what it was. It was Mrs. O’Connor herself. Not Jo, as she had at first so stupidly believed. No! He was worried about how he was going to be able to look after his mother from the other side of the world because he knew there was nobody else to do it.

“Why don’t I help her,” she blurted out before she could stop herself.
“I could go and stay with her during a school vacation and help her to organize everything. Then I could go and fetch her whenever she was ready to move.”

Already half out of the armchair, preparing to go into the kitchen to pour her some wine, Ruairi sank back into
his seat and stared at her. “Why would you do that?”

“Because we get on really well
, and because she was always so good to me when I was small. Helping her to move would be a way to repay her for all her kindness.”

“And what about your own travel plans?”

“Oh those! I’ve sort of put those on hold recently, what with the problems with June and the baby. Besides, even if I do get a teaching contract in another country, I’ll still have to give a half term’s notice to my school before I can leave, so it will be ages before I can go anywhere.”

Maggie had to grace to blush as she stretched the truth.
She didn’t want him to know that despite her apparent display of enthusiasm when they’d had lunch together, she had not only shelved her travel plans but had actually stacked them in the most inaccessible and dusty compartment of her mind ever since he had come back into her life.

He shook his head and left the room without another word, leaving Maggie to stare out of the window and wonder whether she was
simply being altruistic or whether offering to help Mrs. O’Connor was actually her way of making sure she stayed in touch with Ruairi.

When he reappeared with a full glass of wine and she saw him standing in the doorway, the evening sun burnishing his hair, his clear hazel eyes half-closed against the glare, her heart felt as if it was going to thump right through her ribcage
. With a feeling of shame she acknowledged the truth. Much as she liked and admired Mrs. O’Connor, and would happily do anything to help her, the real reason for her offer was because it was a way of keeping a part of Ruairi in her life. She took the wine from him with what she hoped was an enthusiastic smile.

“I meant what I said.”