Kissing Kendall (17 page)

“All right.” Georgie squared her shoulders and took a deep breath. “Brad is in the hospital.”

“Hospital?”

Georgie nodded calmly. “Apparently, there were some teenagers at the boardwalk tonight. They’d been drinking and when Brad showed up, one of them pulled out a knife.”

“He was stabbed?” Kendall cried. She felt ill. She must have looked it too, because Georgie shot over to her and quickly shoved Kendall’s head between her knees.

“Take deep, slow breaths,” Georgie repeated as if she were instructing a yoga class. “Breathe in. Everything is fine.”

Kendall whipped her head up with a scowl. “Um, excuse me, but everything is
not
fine. Brad—your brother, my boyfriend—has been stabbed.” Icy fear gripped her heart at the thought of him being rushed off in an ambulance.

Oh, my gosh. It’s happening again. Just like Jake.

“Take it easy, Kendall,” Georgie said, grabbing her shoulders and giving her a slight shake. “Brad just had his hand slashed a bit—nothing serious. He’s getting stitches as we speak. Worst-case scenario is he’ll get some ribbing from the guys in the department and his handwriting will be even sloppier than it already is for a few weeks. Other than that he’s fine.”

Thank God
, she thought. She began to shake even as the fearful images of him needing surgery or being in a coma began to recede from her mind. “Are you sure he only needs some stitches?”

“Yeah, but I’m going to head over there now and check him out for myself to be sure. I know how you feel about hospitals. Do you want to go together?”

Kendall froze. The last time she had been to the hospital was when Jake had been rushed there—when she had learned that the doctors had done all they could to save him and that he had passed away.

Even though it seemed as if Brad would be okay, she couldn’t go back there. No way. Not now. She didn’t know how she’d react to seeing Brad lying there wounded, even if his injury was as minor as Georgie had told her. That was too close. What if next time he wasn’t so lucky? Maybe this was exactly the wake-up call she needed.

“You go on without me,” she told Georgie, trying to school her expression. “I, um, have to stop home and let Deuce out first. He’s been by himself too long and I don’t want him to have an accident. I’ll head over afterward and meet you there.”

Georgie opened her mouth as if she were going to question her excuse, but then nodded. “I’ll tell Brad you’re on your way.”

Kendall averted her gaze as she stood. “Sure.”

“Okay, see you there.” Georgie walked away and grabbed her purse.

“See you there,” Kendall murmured, her heart feeling heavy.

She just prayed Georgie and Brad would understand when she didn’t show up.

Chapter Ten

The next morning Kendall barely had the energy to whip eggs in a bowl. On Mondays the bakery was closed, and she had hoped to catch up on some much-needed rest, but sleep had been nearly impossible after learning Brad had been hurt on the job.

She hadn’t heard from him last night. Not that she was surprised; he must have been exhausted after he was discharged. She felt awful for not showing up at the hospital, and now she couldn’t even muster up the courage to call him. Some girlfriend she was. Some
friend
. But she couldn’t face him yet. She was afraid she’d just crack and be of no comfort to him anyway.

Brad had been lucky this time. Who knows what could have happened or what would happen in the future? Being a police officer was a dangerous job. She knew that, which was why it had been a mistake to think she could handle a relationship with him, even if only temporary.

Her head was spinning. She couldn’t bring herself to think about it anymore. So, she put herself to work and decided to try out a new cookie recipe. Baking was good for her; it kept her hands and mind busy. She didn’t want to be tempted to pick up the phone and call Brad—she’d only upset them both more. Now was not the time to say what she needed to say to him, especially when her emotions were so charged, and certainly not over the phone.

Sliding her cookies in the oven, she heard the doorbell ring. Deuce popped his head up but didn’t bark. After a few seconds, he sprang up on all fours and started wagging his tail.

Not a good sign
, she thought wearily. Deuce only reacted like that for one person—Brad.

Her shoulders slumped.

The doorbell rang again and Deuce ran into the living room. Kendall sighed as she ripped off her apron and threw it on the counter. As much as she didn’t want to face Brad right now, she knew it wasn’t fair to string him along.

When she pulled open the door, her heart inadvertently squeezed with joy. Brad was alive and real, standing before her. He was so handsome, even slightly disheveled with his hair uncombed and his face in need of a good shave. She wanted to run into his arms and just feel him, but she was afraid if she did that she’d never be able to let go. And she needed to let go. She had to.

“Hi,” he said with a rueful smile. He lifted up his bandaged hand. “I must have been discharged from the hospital before you showed up. Sorry we missed each other. My partner drove me home and I completely crashed from the pain medicine they gave me. But I’m feeling much better, so I thought I’d come over and try to cash in on some of that girlfriend TLC I missed out on.” He stepped into the house and was about to lean in to kiss her, but she backed away.

“You should be home resting,” she told him, holding her palm up, hoping to keep him where he was.

The corners of his lips quirked in a confused smile. “Wow, don’t sound so happy to see me. A guy could get a big head around here.”

Her cheeks heated. She didn’t want to sound so cold, especially with everything he’d just been through, but she had to keep herself distanced and in control, otherwise she’d never be able to say what needed to be said. He deserved better.

Deuce jumped up on his hind legs and began pawing at Brad’s thighs for attention. “Hey, boy,” he said, scratching her dog’s head. “I’m glad
somebody
here is feeling affectionate.”

When she didn’t offer any comment on that, Brad stopped petting her dog and cocked his head. “Are you feeling all right, Kendall?”

She almost laughed
. He
was the one who had been stabbed.
He
was the one who was rushed to the hospital,
he
was the one with stitches in his hand, and
he
was asking if
she
was all right? Typical Brad, always worrying about her first. It drove her crazy. But it was also one of the things she admired most about him.

“You could have been killed,” she blurted.

“Killed?” He snorted. “Let’s not get melodramatic. With that flimsy excuse for a knife that punk was wielding? Not likely.”

“I’m serious, Brad.”

His grin faded. “So am I,” he answered without guile. He extended his good hand out to her and waved his fingers. “Come here.”

She shook her head, holding her ground. She couldn’t go into his arms. One touch from him and her resolve would crumble more than her blueberry cobbler topping. Brad getting hurt on the job was just the wake-up call she needed.

Brad dropped his arm and sighed. “Okay, I’m not sure what’s wrong, but if you want to know what happened, here it is. I responded to a call on duty, like I’ve been doing for the past eight years. Only this time, one of the perpetrators tried to get cute with a knife and I got a little cut on my hand. I’ve suffered worse doing work for you in the bakery. Now what’s really going on, Kendall?”

She took a deep breath, willing the words to flow from her lips. And then to her surprise, they finally did. “I can’t do this.”

His face went blank. “What do you mean? You mean the bakery business?”

“No, I mean I can’t be with you.” She looked away. “I just can’t.”

There. It was out in the open. Her pulse picked up, and she had a hard time catching her breath. She turned away, rubbing her arms as if the temperature had suddenly dropped fifty degrees. Funny, but she didn’t feel as relieved as she thought she’d be.

Brad took her arm and spun her back around. “What are you talking about? Of course you can be with me. You have been with me. We’re good together.”

“No, us together is
not
good. This was all a mistake, thinking we could date casually.” Brad looked at her as if she were crazy. And maybe she was. She felt it, anyway. But she was feeling a lot of things since they’d been together.

They fell into silence, Brad still seeming to be reeling from her outburst. But once he composed himself, he managed to slowly take a step backward with his hands raised in surrender. She almost smiled because he looked as if he was about to negotiate with a shooter or try to talk someone off a ledge. She felt as if she were standing on a ledge too—and about to jump any second. Little did he know this standoff between them only served to remind her of the fact that he put himself in harm’s way every day and that she couldn’t bear it if anything happened to him. Then, she inadvertently glanced at his bandaged hand and her insides wound even tighter.

“Kendall—”

“Please, Brad. We tried.
I
tried. I really did. But I’m not cut out to be a police officer’s girlfriend or…or….” She couldn’t even say the word
wife
. “I’m—” Her voice cracked. “I’m so sorry. I’m too afraid to go through what I did with Jake…with my parents… I can’t do that all again.”

His expression softened as he stepped closer to her. “Sweetheart, I understand what you’re feeling. But I love you. You’re not going to lose me.”

“Don’t say that,” she snapped. She took a deep breath. “You can’t say that,” she said with more calm.

She wasn’t sure what she didn’t want to hear more: Brad telling her he loved her again or that she wasn’t going to lose him. Both things seem to set her off into panic mode.

“So you’re saying you don’t want to see me anymore?” His frown deepened. “Do you even want to be friends?”

Friends. Her friendship with Brad was always something she relied on, but she couldn’t go to him for help in this situation. What she needed now was a good cry and some breathing room. Some alone time so she could think things through.

“I—I’m not sure what I want,” she told him. “All I know is that I need to think and I can’t do that with you in my life right now.”

Brad stared at her, and in his eyes was a mixture of hurt and frustration. She didn’t blame him; he had a right to be upset with her.
That
she could deal with. But when she caught a glimpse of love and longing in them too, it almost broke her resolve—almost. But she said nothing and made no move toward him.

“Well,” he said, his jaw tight. “I don’t think I can say anything more. You seem to have made up your mind.” When he turned away and started walking toward the door, she closed her eyes and was finally able to take a badly needed breath.

“You know, Kendall, I don’t think this has anything to do with my job.” He paused, his hand resting on the doorknob. “I think you’re afraid of more than that…like how you really feel about me, about
us
. You can try to shut me out of your life, but you’re not going to be able to shut your feelings off as easily. I should know,” he added quietly as he let himself out.

Kendall stared at the closed door until her eyes began to burn. It was over. A fresh attack of pain clawed at her. Brad had been so patient. He’d supported her in her business and was one of the best friends she ever had. Most of all, he’d loved her—probably for longer than he’d even admitted. Longer than she deserved.

The oven timer went off, breaking the chilling silence. Her heart gave a squeeze and she began to cry. She blotted her face with her sleeve even though the tears continued to fall, trying to reassure herself that she did what was best for both of them. A little bit of pain now would be better than a whole bunch of heartache later on.

At least, she hoped so.

Kendall hoped she was hearing things.

But another knock sounded at the bakery door, unsettling her nerves, since it couldn’t be a customer looking for a cream puff at three in the morning. She always got to the bakery at two. Maybe some lunatic knew that too and had followed her work habits.

Should she take a peek and see who was out there, or ignore it?

The knock sounded more frantic and louder this time. She swallowed hard as she wiped her hands on her apron and picked up her rolling pin. She figured she could use it as a makeshift weapon.

“Kendall, I know you’re in there, now open up before I get mugged!” her grandmother called.

“Oh, God,” she murmured and ran to the front of the store. “Grammy!” she exclaimed as she opened the door. “What on earth are you doing here at this hour?”

Maeve frowned as she eyed Kendall’s hand. “First you better explain what you were planning on doing with
that
?”

She looked at the rolling pin and was surprised to see it still clutched in her hand. “Oh, sorry, I thought you might be some robber,” she said lamely, placing it on a nearby table. “Now what are you doing here so early, Grammy? You scared the sugar out of me.”

“I couldn’t sleep, which had me thinking. I became worried about you being here all alone. I thought Brad would have convinced you by now to have a security system installed, since you have to be here by yourself in the wee hours of the morning.”

Kendall’s heart pinched at the mention of Brad’s name. It had been a week since their breakup, yet she still hadn’t mentioned it to anyone, let alone her grandmother. “Yeah, about that… Um, Brad and I haven’t really been talking much lately.”

“Why ever not? That’s no way to carry on a relationship.”

“Well, it is…if there doesn’t happen to
be
a relationship anymore.”

“I see.” Maeve pulled out a chair and wearily sat down. “Why don’t you explain to me what happened, dear?”

“There isn’t anything to explain. I told you before, I’m just…just…” She shook her head, burying her face in her hands.

“You’re just what?” her grandmother asked gently.

“Scared,” she whispered.

“Honey, that’s natural. Loving someone is always scary.”

Her head whipped up. “No,” she said adamantly. “I don’t love Brad. I can’t.”

Maeve’s expression softened further. “You may not want to admit it, but I can see it written as clear as a Betty Crocker cookbook. Does he not feel the same way?”

“No, he does. He admitted he’s in love with me.” She paused, remembering the sweet sincerity of his words that made her heart ache with something she refused to acknowledge. “That’s the problem. I don’t want to go through with Brad what I did with Jake. Did you see Brad’s hand recently?”

“I haven’t. But I did see the article about the accident in the paper. Is that what this is about? You’re afraid Brad is going to die on the job just like Jake?”

Kendall looked away, blinking back a tear. When said outright like that, it did sound a bit foolish. But it didn’t make her fear any less real. “I don’t exactly have a sterling track record with people I love. First Mom and Dad, then Jake.”

“And me,” Maeve murmured.

Kendall startled. “What? No, I didn’t mean you.”

Maeve nodded. “Yes, but I’m afraid you’re not going to have me forever. I may look fifty but my doctor has recently informed me my age is creeping up on me.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Kendall, dear, my heart isn’t what it used to be. My doctor has given me some medication and a diet to follow, and as you can see I’ve cut down on my traveling, but it doesn’t erase the fact that my heart is still failing.”

Panic welled in her throat. “That’s why you canceled your trip? Because of your health?”

“Well, that and the fact that I’ve been taking you for granted. This recent lapse has made me appreciate my granddaughter more.” She smiled, patting Kendall’s hand lovingly. “I’m slowing down, but I feel fine. I just don’t want to waste another minute of time I could be spending with you—even if it’s here at the bakery at three in the take-me-now-God morning.”

Kendall wiped a tear that had escaped her eye. “Oh, Grams. I want to spend as much time with you as I can too.”

“This just goes to show you why you shouldn’t be afraid to do the same with Brad either.”

She shook her head. “No. That’s different.”

Maeve’s eyebrow quirked up. “Is it? If you had known Jake was going to die would you have married him?”

“What kind of question is that? Of course I would have married him.”

“Then don’t miss out on the time you could have with Brad. You see, it doesn’t matter about quantity of happiness you’re dealt. It’s the
quality
that really matters.”

She let out a shaky laugh. “You make it sound so easy, but I don’t know if I’m strong enough to live it.”