Kiss of Noir (28 page)

“How about a game?” Ellis fetched the ball and dribbled it.

“Haven’t you had enough, Junior?”

“Nope, c’mon, T, c’mon.”

“I’m done. Let’s you and me go in back and talk.” I led and Ellis followed, whispering a litany of color commentary about the phantom game he played, jumping and feinting.

We sat in deck chairs, the only light coming from the kitchen where we could see grizzled old Drew still washing and rinsing pots and pans that wouldn’t fit into the dishwasher. We could see Sayan, alternately helping, bossing, and resting.

“What is it, Nora?” Ellis leaned forward, his hands dangling between his knees itching to pick up the ball at his feet. I enjoyed sitting in the deep blackness, feeling hidden and only visible by the red coal of my cigarette glowing.

“You know I’m grateful for your hand up all this time, right, Ellis?”

Ellis waved me away. “It ain’t nothin’. Is that what this is?” He started to stand.

“Wait.” My voice was a quiet command. Ellis sat. “This isn’t my home. I know everybody thinks I’m gonna stay here, but I’m not, and I want you to know that for sure.”

“Why don’t you stay? What you need that you ain’t got here?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know where my home is. Maybe I don’t have one and never will. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with me. But I’m leaving. I owe you big for—”

Ellis shook his head. “You know that ain’t so,” he interjected. We watched Drew and Sayan wipe their hands and share the last piece of coconut cream pie right out of the plate.

“Okay,” I continued, “I’m mighty grateful. You saved me in so many ways. I love you. I love Sayan. I love Drew. I loved…” I paused. “I’ve loved everything here. And I know I don’t belong. But I’ll visit.”

“Sure you will,” Ellis said sourly. “Just do me one favor.”

“Anything.”

“Tell Sayan.” Ellis turned and walked to the house.

“The hell I will!” I yelled after him, but he was inside, urging Sayan to come out and speak to me.

I puffed hard on my cigarette, inhaling it to ash by the time Sayan sat down, holding her belly. There was a lone bird chirping in the dark. The air was damp and smelled of magnolias.

“What is it, Nora?” Sayan’s voice was serious as if she already knew.

I swallowed, attributing my shaking hands to fatigue. “It’s time for me to move on.” Silence. I busied myself rolling a new cigarette I didn’t want. I willed myself to wait for Sayan.

The bird continued to sing, its solo voice underscoring my loneliness. Finally, Sayan sighed and said, “I know.”

I relaxed.

“I’ve seen it on you. Your skin is itchy; your feet are hot. You need to go.”

“I’m sorry,” I said for lack of any other ideas.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I’ve enjoyed having you here and—” Sayan’s voice broke off.

I paused for a while and asked at last, “Are you all right?”

“Shut up,” Sayan snapped, sounding nasal.

We sat quiet until Sayan continued, “You need to find a place that fits. This town doesn’t fit you. It is perfect for me, but you’re not Bayou La Belle D’eau. You go out there and find a place if you can.”

My throat tightened. I played with my unlit cigarette. “I’ll visit.”

Sayan struggled and stood. “If you want to, that’s fine. You’re always welcome.” Her response was nonchalant because we both recognized my lame lie. “Come here, you nasty freak.” Sayan embraced me and we held each other. Sayan let me go just before I started to cry, so I was relieved.

Drew came outside. “What the hell’s going on? Ellis is mad and stomping around the house, and, Sayan, you’re crying and you two are out here talking secrets like thieves. Tell me!” For the first time, I noticed that Drew looked old and small. His mouth was wrinkled and sunken with worry; his back was bowed and his legs were spindly. I wanted to cradle him and give him vigor and strength.

“Nora’s moving on, Papa,” Sayan said tenderly, using the endearment to soften the news.

“The hell you say,” Drew sputtered. Sayan squared her shoulders and returned to the house.

Drew stared at me, his eyes like black fire. He spat on the ground. “Fool!” he yelled, then stomped back inside.

I collapsed into the chair again. “That went well,” I said, wishing I had just sneaked out of town. I sat there, watching the stars, listening to that lonesome bird, until sunrise.

I left that day, in the late afternoon. I packed my trusty Wagoneer and got a thermos of strong chicory coffee and a huge shrimp po’ boy from Sayan.

“If it’s a girl, I’ll name her Nora,” Sayan said, smoothing her shirt over her stomach.

“Stop it, Sayan; you’re killing me. Whatever you do, don’t name her Nora.” I bent and put my cheek against Sayan’s belly.

I wrung Drew in a hard hug. He only glared at me. Ellis walked me to my car. “Take care,” he said, shrugging.

“You too.” I smiled. My throat hurt. I was saying good-bye to the sweetest time I had ever known. And I could yet have it. I could still change my mind and stay. I could keep everything and just settle into this happy place. I was leaving a ready-made life with a built-in family and loving community. Why? I didn’t know and knew it didn’t matter why. I just understood and accepted that I had to do this.

“Don’t be a stranger.”

“I won’t.”

“I’ll be practicing my game. I’ll kick your ass yet, nigga.” Ellis smiled, his eyes shining.

“Then you better quit your job and practice.”

We hugged. When it was over, Ellis gripped my shoulder. “Don’t do anything foolish,” he said, willing me to comprehend.

“Not me,” I answered, both of us knowing I was on my way to New Orleans to find Julia.

“Need this?” Ellis presented a .38 from his pocket.

“Yeah, maybe.” I slipped it into my back pack. “The mosquitoes down here are fierce.”

“Well, I’ll see ya.” Ellis slowly walked back to his home.

“See ya, Hambone,” I said. I drove away, willing myself not to look back. I drove to the cemetery where Cleo was laid out in his aboveground tomb. The stone was obscene with new shine. I got out and stared at the stone until my eyes watered. I sat on the ground and stayed there until sunset. I got in my car, put it in gear, and as I saw Bayou La Belle D’eau receding in my rearview mirror, I was in shock and heartsick at making this move, scared about what lay ahead, and clueless about where to go after New Orleans, but I had to move on. All the emotions were only that. The truth of my needing to leave was incontrovertible. I breathed deeply as I drove, forgetting to smoke or drink.

Once in New Orleans, I didn’t bother with a hotel, but I drove straight to the cemetery where I had fucked Julia, and parked on the street. I locked my vehicle and took off toward the Quarter on foot, following my instincts about where to find what I was looking for. Finally, a chord struck my memory and I slowed to a walk, discovering, at last, the bar where I had met Julia before our last date.

Dumbfounded, I stared in, seeing Julia perched on that same stool, drinking and chatting up some poor stupid bastard next to her.

I entered, walked up to her, and wedged in between Julia and the slob. “’Scuse me, dog,” I said to him, then to Julia, “Where have you been, baby? I’ve been at the boneyard with my knife all night. Don’t do me this way.”

“Say, the lady and I were talking,” the man started.

“Pipe down. She’s a friend of mine and we need to talk,” Julia snapped.

“She?” The man looked me up and down. His lip curled with distaste. “Oh.”

“Shove off, man. She needs me,” I said as I took the man’s bar stool.

“Well, well, well, little Nora, come to call. What brings you here?” Julia was cool and flirtatious.

“I hear you’re long gone.”

“Nobody but you looks for me here. Ever think of becoming an investigator?” Julia winked.

I signaled the bartender and ordered a Guinness. “Just missed you, darlin’,” I replied after taking a big swig and grimacing.

Julia grinned. “Of that, I have no doubt. I am frankly surprised I haven’t seen you sooner.”

“Well, you know.” I licked my lips. “Been busy.”

“Mmm-hmm.” Julia batted her crossed eyes. “Me too.”

Rage sent a thin tendril of red vapor up my throat. I touched Ellis’s gun, warmed by my body and feeling good and solid. “Nice jewelry.”

“Ha, ha, these old things?”

“What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?”

Julia held up her glass to signal for a refill. “Let’s get to the point, shall we?”

“Why don’t you tell me what that is?”

“Payne did it. She did it because I told her to.”

“She shot him?” I thought of Payne’s swivelly hips, her loopy grin, and the gun in her glove box. “Payne did not do it. You think I’m a moron?”

“Shot? Are you mad? I thought you were talking about the jewel switch.”

“Why would she do anything at all for you?”

“Oh, she owes me.”

“Why?”

“I can’t imagine why you’re interested in all this. What a bore.” Julia tapped my tobacco pouch, indicating she wanted me to roll her one. I rolled two. I reflected on the version Payne had given me when she visited me at the New Orleans Hotel Royale.

Payne sat, straddling a chair, while I spread out like an X on the hotel’s dingy, broken-down bed.

Before Payne arrived, I had been lying down, studying Julia’s business card, thinking of revenge, and Payne’s unexpected visit did not surprise me as I was persistently drunk. When Payne appeared in the open doorway, I dropped the card to the floor, sat up, and invited Payne to sit. I took a huge gulp of gin straight from my bottle and didn’t offer Payne any until she wrested it from my grip and tipped the bottom to the ceiling.

She wiped her mouth with her arm, handed back the bottle, and sighed. “What are you doing holed up in this dump, you loser?”

“You want to lecture me? Get in line.” I gestured to the hallway.

“Why? Who else?”

“Nobody, just get in line and outta here.”

“Funny. Listen, Nora…”

“Quit with that mess. You can stay and drink, but nothing else.”

Payne held up her hands. “Fine. You are grown. Hey, what’s this?” She picked up the card.

The sounds of an argument on the street drifted up through the windows. Boat-tailed grackles mocked and laughed from the trees.

I stared at my fingers that were moving lazily like seaweed underwater. “Just some strange I met one night.”

“You mean you had sex?” Payne grinned, handing the card back to me.

“Sho ’nuff. Or should I say, sho muff?”

Payne laughed. “Oh, man, oh, man.”

I rolled to my side, facing Payne. “What?”

“That woman’s like a randy poodle looking for a table leg.”

“You know her too?”

“Know her? She brought me out.”

I laughed. I cocked a bleary eye on Payne. “How many days ago?”

“Four thousand four hundred fifty-five,” Payne replied. “I met her when I was working my way through college. She came in, everyone knew who she was. She was rich and bitchy. She was garish, like a Las Vegas showgirl gone crazy with Home Shopping Network jewelry that she put on every available surface.”

“She hasn’t changed.”

“But we struck up a friendship and she seduced me. Kissing her is like kissing the devil. But I love it.”

“You still date?”

“Sure. When I’m between engagements.”

“Scuzz.”

“Julia is what you call rapacious. So I stepped up and took care of it. Or tried. Damn, she was a sexual bottomless pit.”

“So to speak.”

“Ha ha. She was dependent on me. She was like a clinging vine, strangling me every minute my mouth wasn’t actually between her legs.”

“You treated her badly?” I knew the answer.

“Of course. What else could I do? She was needy and she took it and begged for more. I treated her as well as she deserved.”

“You’re a prince.”

“You would’ve done the same.” Payne punched my leg. “You probably have.”

I grimaced and drank.

Payne stood. “Well, I came to get you outta your little rat hole. What say we go out and get our tongues pierced?” She stuck out her tongue and laughed.

I ran my tongue around the inside of my mouth, imagining a heavy silver stud there. “Shit, that would slow me down.”

“How about a tattoo, then?”

“Not drunk enough,” I replied, tipping the bottle to my lips again.

“We’ll take care of that. Come on, brown sugar.”

That’s when I pierced my ears and got my tattoos. Payne had been so drunk she had her clit pierced and then passed out on my floor, snoring ripely.

My memory receded and I was back in the fern bar with Julia. “Tell me why she owes you,” I said, holding the cigarette like a reward a few inches from Julia’s lips. Julia shrugged, closing her juicy, lacquered mouth around the cigarette.