King of New York (29 page)

“If you can
manage to somehow erase this from your mind, you can go on to find the strength
and courage to face today’s challenges much more confidently and dynamically. I
mean, in the real world, don’t you see people cleaning their glasses when they
notice it is stained, filthy and dusty?”

“You want to say
we can all do that with our lives when we face problems?”

“Exactly so, but
you have to be willing to do so. When you feel light like a feather with no
emotional baggage attached to your mind or conscience, that’s when you know
you’ve successfully jettisoned your past.”

“Give me a clue
how to go about this in my present hopeless mental state …”

“There is, I
must be honest, no prescribed psychological route to a cure, but I guess
shedding the unwanted memories of the past is very important as a way forward.”

Dr Ninn’s last
statement to Chad was a hint that the session was an end. As he walked Chad
towards the door, Chad said: “ One last thing Doc …”

“Please, fire
away.”

“What is the
most important thing in life?”

Dr Ninn
contemplated for a while before giving an answer. “I will give you a quote from
Fyodor Dostoyevsky.” He reiterated a quote about what it meant to live.

“That applies to
me in a very significant way,” Chad said of the quote.

“To add to that,
I’ll give you another relevant quote from Soren Kierkegaard. He recited a quote
about self-understanding and again his quote related to Chad.

“One more thing,
Doc. Do you think it was my fault that my parents never loved me and that my father
left?”

“You were only a
child, Mr Perry. Never blame yourself for the inadequacies of your parents.
Nothing was your fault.” Chad looked at the doctor and for the first time he
felt that a load had been lifted off his chest.

“Thank you, Doc.”

That was a long
time ago, upon their first ever meeting.

But Dr Ninn would have
never guessed that that shy young man is now one of the most prominent people
in the country. Though the insecurity of his childhood with his parents still
remains, Chad had long rid himself of his insecurities and fear of others; now
they fear him. Now he is indeed a king. He takes a seat and they start their
session, which is mainly about Sierra.

“You had a nasty scene Mr
Perry?”

“Several … each hotter
and more temperamental than the previous. I abused her. I told her all kinds of
things in my anger. I regret that now. I do.”

“All along you were not
rational enough to try a different approach to the impasse?”

“No. I guess that must
have been stupid on my part …”

“That’s the problem. So
who’s hurting now?”

“Doc, why do you want to
keep driving a needle into my wounded heart?”

Dr Ninn looks Chad in the
eyes and says: “You see, what I want to say to you by way of remedy is that in
our lives we all make mistakes. Mistakes are opportunities for us to learn away
from what we already know. They should not only be accepted when they occur in
our lives, but one must expect them as a normal part of growing up, if we are realistic.”

“I wish I knew back then
all what you’re saying to me now.”

Dr Ninn goes to his
cabinet and pours himself a glass of water.

“While one is in the
middle of experiencing disappointment for one reason or the other,” he says as
he goes to his office fridge to get some cold water for Chad, “remember times
when you or others failed at first but persevered, only to eventually get
better and stronger. So! Instead of continuing to whip yourself mercilessly for
whatever might have gone wrong, learn that in human relationships, to turn the
other cheek is sometimes the only way forward when quarrels and
misunderstandings occur.”

“What are you suggesting,
Doc?”

“If Sierra won’t bow down
to you and apologise, if you want her, you will have
to succumb to the latter. If the mountain can’t come to you, you have to go to
it.”

“Never! Sierra insulted
my manhood and you’re saying I should go to her for her to add insult to
injury? Never!”

“You can start by trying
to open channels of communication to her.”

“I’ve tried. She rebuffed
me all the times I tried on that day.”

“Time is a healer, try
again. Persistence pays when it comes to matters of love.”

“My ego won’t let me.”

“Chad, when you want
something bad, what do you do?”

Chad thinks of the
difficulties he’s had to face and the challenges he had to overcome in order to
become rich. He also remembers how he had to fight to prove himself. He
understands what Dr Ninn means.

The old doctor wishes the
young billionaire good luck and they bid farewell.

CHAPTER 20

A couple of days have gone by and
Sierra is still not talking to Chad. She has not heard from him either, and she
makes up her mind to forget him and try to move on.

Even though Chad
had bought her a ten million dollar penthouse and she still has the keys to it,
she still kept the humble apartment she rented when she first arrived in New
York. And since the break-up with Chad she has not been to the home he bought
her. She decides to stay in her own place and it bores the life out of her,
since she’d become accustomed to the opulence of the home Chad had purchased.

As she lies on
the sofa feeling uninterested with the television, Sebastian calls her and tells
her he wants to take her out. She accepts and meets with him.

He takes Sierra to a room
on the top floor of a beautiful building. It is a magnificent piece of
architecture and the room is decorated in the brightest white one could
imagine.

 Deep down
inside Sierra is torn as she wants to run into Chad’s arms. Her heart aches as
she thinks about him and how he must be feeling without her, because she knows
she feels empty without him. She follows Sebastian into the room hesitantly,
not knowing what to think or feel about the whole state of affairs, nor does
she know what to expect.

There’s a
beautifully made-up bed in the middle of the room: a king-size bed draped with
luxurious silk, the colour of red. The bed itself is made of red leather.
Everything relating to the bed, including the mattress, is all red. It’s the
only touch of colour that the room has to it including the curtain on the other
side of the room, which is also red and slightly opened to allow in a subtle
summer breeze.

As the breeze blows
in, it sashays the curtain away from the window revealing a tiny glimpse of the
outside world. All it reveals of the world outside is beautiful heavenly blue
skies and the sound of birds chirping away and singing sweet songs of melody
that make her feel happy inside. However, Sierra is still sceptical of
Sebastian’s motives.

After looking
away from the window, she sits on the bed with a million thoughts going through
her head. What’s she doing here in a secluded room with Sebastian? If she tries
to escape, will she be able to and how will she go about it? Does she want to
escape in the first place or does she want to stay and find out more? She can’t
stop her mind from going into overdrive with thoughts flooding her head. That
day at the restaurant she saw a darkness in Sebastian’s eyes that was unlike
the soft look she’d remembered back in London. Somehow it excited her because
she likes what intrigues her; one of the reasons that she loved Chad Perry.

She doesn’t know
what to say or do as she sits on the bed, staring at the handsome man before
her. Not knowing how to read his mind drives her crazy. He looks back at her
with intensity in his eyes, filled with lust, but again she can’t clearly read
him so she may have misread the lust in his eyes. However she’s certain that it
is lust that’s in his eyes because she clearly remembers the same look from the
first time she was with him in his Canary Wharf apartment.

She can see in
his eyes that he wants her the same way he had wanted her in London. He looks
like a man that’s been deprived of his lover a minute too long and he needs to
make amends for all the time spent apart. She feels weak; her knees feel weak, as
does her heart; her mind feels weak and so does everything else about her. She
feels weak from the look in his eyes and it haunts her.

She tries to
look away from him but she can’t resist staring back at his hypnotic green eyes.
They look inviting and dangerous at the same time, causing her to want to enter
them and read him. He doesn’t move his gaze from her. He stares into her eyes
as she stares into his. It’s as if they’re both trying to read the look in each
other’s eyes, and he seems to have the upper hand as he doesn’t blink, but stays
constantly focused on her. However, her gaze wavers as she feels he’s reading
too much into her and his gaze makes her heart skip beats. The moment feels
long as they stare at each other. This new Sebastian Benoit excites but scares
her.

She looks at him
wondering what he’s thinking, as he closes his eyes and seems to be deep in
thought. The breeze, for some reason, gains momentum and blows Sebastian’s
hair, and he looks like one of the most beautiful creatures she’s ever laid
eyes on, with, of course, the exception of Chad. His slightly opened lips are
quivering from the breeze. He reminds her slightly of Chad.

He opens his eyes
and they have a look of need and want in them. Although she can’t show it in
her exterior persona, her interior being feels turned on by him. He’s longed
and needed her for so long that he can’t hide how he feels. She can sense it
and she can feel it. He’s sweating as if he’s scared of her. She feels
delirious. Not too long ago she seemed to have been scared of him and what his
intentions were and now here he is almost scared of her as if she’s a strange
creature, an alien.

She looks at him.
Does she need him? No, but it seems she wants him in a way that’s unknown to
her. There’s something about the danger in his eyes that’s drawing her to him.
Something that gives her the sudden urge to be closer to him, or rather to make
him come closer to her. Even though he’s standing close to her she wants him closer.

The power shift
seems to have changed from their time together in London. Back in London she
had had all the power and she held the major cards in her hand. She knows that
he must have been a broken man when she left, but now in New York he hovers
over her with a sense of power and authority. She feels weak and small in his
presence as he stands looking down at her. She feels like she’s tiny to him.

He tells her: “Don’t be
scared of me, beautiful, I’m not going to hurt you and never will.” Then he leaves
the room and her heart drops.

 She doesn’t
know what to do or say. Sierra feels as if she’s going crazy and on the verge
of insanity. Why and how does he make her feel this way when she had long
forgotten about him and started something with Chad? She can’t answer her own
question as the door sways back and forth softly from the breeze.

She walks a
couple of steps towards the door, about to leave, but she can’t as something
within her, something within her mind, won’t allow her to move any further. She
wants to know what he has hidden from her, what he wants her to experience with
him in the white room with a hint of red. She needs to know what he wants her
to feel. If she leaves she will never know and she can’t leave with that notion
lingering in her mind. She feels stuck in one position and it feels as if the
only direction she can go is backwards, back to the sexy beautiful red bed that
happily awaits her.

She’s not noticed,
but on the leather side table next to the bed Sebastian has left a note. He’s
left his number on a piece of paper with the words:

IF YOU NEED ME,
CALL ME … I AM HERE TO ATTEND TO YOUR NEEDS.

The words are written in bold for
her to see. All the objects in the room are still apart from the curtain when
the breeze moves it. She’s the only one with blood flowing through her veins
and she feels alone at the thought. Sierra needs another to accompany her in
the room. She doesn’t want to be alone. For the first time she feels like she
needs Sebastian. She needs him to hold her. She needs him to help her forget
the one she loves – Chad.

She sits back
down, feeling the early stages of delirium kicking in. She starts to bite her
nails, pull her own hair and scratch the silk sheets with her nails.

“No he won’t
drive me crazy,” she says out loud. It was always Chad that was at the
forefront of her affection, but now, all because of an encounter with Sebastian,
the dynamics of her feelings are changing.

 “Fuck,” she says
out loud. “Fuck, fuck, what the heck is all this about? All of a sudden
Sebastian wants to make me go mad?”

It’s as if the
room has a hold on her and doesn’t want her to know too much. The white paint is
distracting as she tries to conjure up an answer every time she questions
herself. She looks at the piece of paper with his number and summons up the courage
to press the numbers on the phone he had left her.

He picks up
swiftly. Softly and calmly he answers her in the sexiest British accent that
she knows.

“Miss Malcolm,
I’m ever so grateful that you called. I shall make my way back to you, my
love.”