King of Campus (39 page)

If I leave Barnett now, I’m not sure how we’ll make a long distance relationship work.  This whole thing between us is still relatively new.  Finn and I were together for a lot longer and he certainly wasn’t willing to stick it out.  And then there’s Lexie and the apartment we rented together.  I would feel awful about ditching her halfway through the year.

Although I’m probably getting ahead of myself.  Even if I audition, the chances of me actually getting offered one of the positions is slim.  Inhaling a deep breath, I slowly force it out.  My mind is spinning right now.

“Hey, babe.”

Roan materializes out of nowhere before pulling me into his arms.  Or I’m just really out of it and not paying attention to anything around me.  My heartbeat feels as if it’s thumping so hard I can’t help but squeak out a response. “Hi.”

A big smile moves over his handsome face.  “Did I startle you?”

The look has my lips turning up at the corners.  Even though I feel conflicted about what I should do regarding the audition, I’m always happy to see Roan.  Always happy to be nestled in his big strong embrace.

“I guess you did.  I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

He squeezes my body to his before planting a soft kiss on the crown of my head.  He winces as my arm slides around his ribs.  The smile falls from my lips as I glance up at him in concern.

“Are you hurt?”

He gives a little jerk of his shoulders.  “Not really.  I took a few hits today in practice.  Nothing to be concerned about.”

Pulling away, my fingers immediately skim under his sweatshirt finding the warm flesh beneath before I slide it up.  I can’t help the surprised gasp that leaves my lips as I stare at the ugly bruise already starting to form on the right side of his ribcage.

My eyes flick to his again.  He gives another little shrug.  “Big game this Saturday.  Bowling Green.  Everyone wants to knock us from our number one seed.”

The Barnett Bulldogs haven’t lost a single game this season.  Bulldog fever has officially reached epic proportions around here.  And Roan has been working out more than ever trying to get ready for each and every game.

I never realized that playing football, or any sport at the college level, is more like a job.  Especially when you’re attending a division I school.  It’s not just showing up for the games.  There are practices, sometimes two of them, every single day.  Film to watch, plays to go over, and strength training.  Between football and classes, Roan has very little in the way of free time.

Every once in a while I catch a fleeting glimpse of the stress he’s under and the toll it’s taking on him.  In those moments I just want to make everything better for him.  I want to be the safe place where big strong Roan King can let down his protective armor.

Slanting my eyes up at him, I whisper, “How about I kiss and make it all better when we get home?”

A wolfish grin tilts his lips upward before he gives me a little wink.  “Only if I can do the same.”

I can’t help but smile.  “Deal.”

Soothing my fingers gently over the fresh bruises blooming their way across his flesh, I gently tug his shirt down before we start walking towards the parking lot where his truck is parked.  It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him about the audition.  I really need his advice on this.  But I also know he has a lot on his mind right now with the big Bowling Green game coming up this weekend.

The last thing he needs to worry about is me.

Glancing over at him, I notice the faint smudges under his eyes.  He’s working so hard.  Up and out the door before I even wake in the morning to work out in the gym before practice.  Then its classes, studying, watching game film, and yet another practice before falling exhaustedly into bed only to do the same thing all over again the next day.

But I also know saying something about it won’t do any good.  He isn’t going to stop pushing himself until he achieves what he’s set out to.  It’s part of what I admire about him.  He’s so dedicated and focused.

So it’s lightly that I comment, “You look tired.”

Again he smiles.  Then he’s pulling me in close right before his lips sweep across mine.  “I am.”  Something sparks to life in his gorgeous turquoise eyes as they crinkle at the corners.  “But not
too
tired, if you know what I mean.”

I can’t help but laugh as I roll my eyes.  Yeah… Roan is never too tired for
that
.

The only time we don’t have sex is the night before a game.

He’s superstitious.  Some ridiculous bullshit about sex sapping his strength and all that mumbo jumbo.  Whatever…

“Yes,” I reply drily, “I know.”  But he’s more than aware that my tone is just a big act.  I love what we do in bed together.  In fact, I’m pretty damn obsessed with Roan and his big gorgeous body right now.  I could literally spend hours in bed exploring all those hard bulging muscles.  Even the thought of it has my panties dampening with excitement.

He chuckles as we continue walking down the cement pathway.  A few people call out and wave as we pass.  They congratulate him on Barnett’s winning season and ask how he thinks the Bulldogs will fair against Bowling Green.  He’s always courteous, thanking them for their support.

It’s almost hilarious how I thought he was such a conceited jackass.  Because honestly, now that I know him, Roan is the furthest thing from a jerk.  I can’t help but watch him out of the corner of my eye as we reach his truck.  Like always, he opens the door for me.  Then he moves around the hood before sliding in besides me.  Starting up the engine, he pulls out.  Once again I find my eyes settling on him as he focuses on the road.

Somehow Roan has turned out to be one of the best things in my life.  I love being with him.  Just hanging out or talking.  Being held in those huge arms of his.  Just his presence makes everything better.

My breath catches as I’m struck with the realization that I love him.

Truly love him.

Thinking about auditioning in Cincinnati and leaving school in December, maybe even sooner, has only brought these feelings into sharper focus.  Sucking in a surprised breath, I suddenly realize I don’t want to leave him.  I don’t want this to end between us.  I’m not ready for that.  I’m not ready to let him go.

But I don’t want to give up on something I’ve worked my entire life to achieve either.  Just like I wouldn’t expect Roan to give up on his dream of playing professional football for me.  I wouldn’t want him ever making that kind of choice.

Before I even realize it, we’re pulling into our apartment complex.  Roan cuts the engine before turning towards me.  He winces just a bit as he twists his torso.  Dance can be hard on your body, especially your feet, but football seems to be brutal on everything.  Especially when it’s the job of some gigantic dude to tackle you to the ground.  The two games I watched him play, I sat nervously up in the stands, biting my nails the entire time he was out there, praying he wouldn’t get hit.  That he wouldn’t suffer from a concussion or some other type of serious injury.

Because it happens.

All too often.

“You’ve been awfully quiet, Ivy.”  Reaching out, he gently caresses my cheek before cradling it in his big palm. “You gonna tell me what’s on your mind?”

My shoulders sag knowing that if I was going to sit on the news of my audition, it isn’t going to happen any longer.  I don’t want to hold back or lie to him about what’s going on.  When I don’t immediately answer, his thumb strokes just under my chin and I can’t help but close my eyes in pleasure as a sigh falls from my lips.  I love when he runs his fingers over me.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

My insides pinch because honestly, this audition is wonderful news.  A chance to dance professionally.

My eyelashes sweep up again.  “There’s nothing wrong.  Everything is fine.”

Cocking his head, it feels as if his eyes are carefully sifting through mine.  Combing through them for the truth.  Before I can say anything else, his expression hardens. “Someone giving you a hard time?”

“What?”  My brows pinch together before I remember the website and some of the not-so-nice conversations I’ve had with a few of the women on campus.  Although, thankfully, it happens less and less now.  I think people are finally getting used to seeing us together.  Even the photographs on that stupid website haven’t been quite so bad.  Because in the beginning, they were almost always unflattering.  Me without an ounce of makeup on.  Or bending over.  Or in the midst of saying something so I would be making a weird face.  There was even one of me snapped in the studio when I was adjusting my boobs.  So I pretty much look like I was feeling myself up.

Yeah… that one
really
pissed me off.  You can just imagine what kind of comments
that
photo received.

I shake my head.  “No, nothing like that.”  Taking a deep gulp of breath, I force out the words.  “Eric told me about an audition for the Cincinnati Ballet in two weeks.  They’ve lost two dancers.  He thinks it would be an amazing opportunity for me.”

For a long moment, Roan doesn’t say anything.  He doesn’t even blink.  It’s as if he has to give himself a little mental shake before his deep voice booms, “That’s wonderful news, Ivy!”  Then he’s pulling me to his chest, his lips pressing against my forehead.

I can’t help the huge smile that curves the edges of my lips upwards.  It feels like such a relief to tell him and he seems so thrilled for me.  “You really think so?”

He pulls away just a bit so our eyes can lock.  “Of course it is!  It’s absolutely amazing news.  When’s the audition?”

Now that he knows and is clearly happy about it, I feel my own excitement rising at the prospect.  “In two weeks.  That’s all Eric told me.”

He nods.  “That gives you two weeks to prepare something so you can knock them dead.”

I blow out a breath.  “Yeah.”  Which means I need to focus on a solo as well as my classes.  Because I can’t just let them fall to shit.  This audition probably won’t go anywhere.

He says quietly, “You’re going to be awesome, Ivy.  I don’t know much about dance but I know how I feel when I watch you perform.  And not everybody has that kind of gift.”  He pauses, trying to figure out how to put his thoughts into words.  “I can’t take my eyes off you when you’re out there.  It’s like you’re lit up from within.”

His words have my breath catching in my throat.  That’s probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me about my dancing.  Feeling absurdly touched, I whisper huskily, “Thank you.  That really means a lot to me.”

I hate bringing this up, but I have to.  “If, and that’s a huge
if
-”

Cutting me off, he says, “No it’s not.  It’s
when
.”

I can’t help but smile as I swat at his chest, careful not to hit the bruised areas under his shirt.  “You don’t even know what I’m about to say.”

“Yes, I do.  You’re talking about getting the part.  Actually making it.”

The smile falters just a bit from my lips.  “Yeah.  I’m going to be competing against professional dancers who are more talented and way more experienced than I am.”

Looking just a bit frustrated by my lack of confidence, he says almost softly, “Ivy, don’t you get it?”

I can only blink at him.  Because apparently, no… I don’t.  “Get what?”

“Those dancers need to compete against
you
,” he says softly.  “
You’re
the one with all the talent.  They need to watch out for
you
.”

A thick sheen of tears fills my eyes because what he’s saying means so much to me.  It actually means
everything
.  “Roan-”

He shakes his head.  “It’s the truth and obviously Eric knows it as well.  That’s why he told you about the audition.”  Inhaling a deep breath, he pushes it out slowly.  “You’re going to Cincinnati and you’re going to be brilliant.  I don’t have any doubts about it.  If I weren’t in the middle of the season, I would take you there myself, but I can’t.”

Leaning over, I kiss him on the lips.  God, if I hadn’t already realized that I loved him, this conversation would have totally done it for me.

Nipping my lower lip with my teeth, I can’t help but ask, “And what about us?”  Because now, more than ever, I don’t want to leave him.  Or lose him.

Looking unconcerned, he just smiles.  “We’ll be fine.  Just focus on nailing this audition.  There’ll be plenty of time to work out the details after we know what’s going on.”

He’s being so supportive about this.  I feel so lucky right now. “Really?”

He grins.  “Really-really.”

I can’t help but chuckle at that.  “Okay then.”  I feel so much lighter and happier now that I’ve talked this out with Roan.  I feel like I can finally be excited about this audition.  And I realize as those feelings wash through me, that I want it more than anything.

I want to go to Cincinnati and kill this audition.

Chapter Thirty

Who would have ever thought that our very own Roan King would actually settle down with a girl?  And look so damn content doing it??? *Headshake* Mind totally blown…  KingOfCampus.com

Glancing up at the leaden colored clouds, I’m just hoping the weather holds and the sky doesn’t open up and pour down on us.  The day is overcast and there’s a definite chill to the air.  But what else would you expect in Cincinnati at the end of October?

I almost want to pinch myself because it’s hard to believe I’m actually here. Lexie squeezes my hand tightly as we stand outside the Aronoff Center where the Cincinnati Ballet performs.

This isn’t the first time I’ve been here.  My mom and I spent the weekend in Cincinnati and took in a show.  I remember watching the CBC perform the Nutcracker at Christmas time.  It was absolutely magical. My eyes had been glued to the dancers on stage in their gorgeous costumes with their graceful sweeping movements. I had whispered to my mom before the show was even over that someday I would be up there performing the Nutcracker.

And now here I am, getting ready to audition in just about two hours.  I almost shake my head.

Is this really happening?

“Are you nervous?  Because I’m nervous for you.”  Lexie sucks in a deep breath before pushing it out in a rush.  “There’s a slight possibility I might throw up.  That’s how sick I feel right now.”  She squeezes my hand as she utters the words.

I shoot her a quick glance before my eyes arrow back to the massive building in front of us.  “Don’t you dare puke.  But, yeah,” I whisper, “I am.”

I have no idea why I feel the need to hush my voice, but I do.  It’s kind of like being in church.  Even though there is a ridiculous amount of noise coming at us from all directions, this moment feels somehow sacred.  Like I’m standing on the cusp of something amazing… something life altering.

So yeah, I’m nervous all right, but I’m also excited as hell.  This moment is the culmination of all the dance classes I’ve been enrolled in since I was three, the long grueling hours spent perfecting choreography, the blisters and bruises on my feet, the muscle aches and strains.  I wouldn’t be standing here right now without going through all that.

And I’m ready.

So ready to do this.

I’ve spent the last week and half learning new chorography with Eric.  Other than going to class and cranking out whatever work needed to be completed, I spent all my free time in the studio.

I wasn’t sure how Lexie was going to react when I told her about the audition, but she’s been so supportive about the whole thing.  When she suggested we road trip here for the day, I wanted to hug and kiss her.

Actually, I did hug and kiss her.  Too many times to count.

After the audition is over, Lex and I are going to walk around the city before driving back to Barnett which is about six hours away.

For just another moment we continue staring up at the Aronoff Center with its gorgeous wall of glass.  It’s such a beautiful piece of architecture.  It’s almost impossible to believe that in precisely one hundred and twenty minutes, I’m going to be performing on stage here.

Again she squeezes my hand.  “You ready to head inside?”

We really should.  I need to check in and stretch before running through my choreography.  I should slip my headphones on and get into a good mental space.

But I can’t help wanting to stand out here for a moment longer and just soak up the freaking awesomeness of this moment.  I did the same thing when I went to Paris.  The first time I entered the Conservatoire.  I just stood there and took a moment to appreciate that I was actually there.  That I’d made it happen.

This experience is another one of those defining moments in my life.

One I’ll look back on in five, ten, or twenty years and still remember exactly what it felt like to stand right here.  In four hours or so, the audition will be over.  Done with.  I won’t be able to change the outcome.

But right now…
right now
, anything can happen.  The moment is full of possibilities and dreams and hopes.

Silently Lexie and I just stand there, admiring the theater, thinking about what will happen inside and on stage.  Pondering how different the next year of my life could be if I impress the panel of judges.

Taking another deep breath, I finally nod my head.  “Yeah, I’m ready.”

I don’t think I’ve ever felt more ready for anything in my entire life.

“You’re going to nail this, Ivy.  I just know it.  You’re such an amazing dancer.”  Her words are soft but full of pride.

My eyes slide to hers.  “Thanks for being so supportive.  No matter what, you’ve always been there for me.  I couldn’t have asked for a better friend than you.”  In the good times and the bad, Lexie has always been by my side.  She was there to wrap her arms around me and hold me tight when my mom was first diagnosed with breast cancer and she was there when we finally buried her on a warm July morning.  I bawled on her shoulder when my dad turned my whole world upside down again by announcing his engagement to Leah, who was three months pregnant.

No matter what, Lexie has been an unshakable fixture in my life.  I don’t think I’ll ever find another friend quite like her.  Everyone should have a Lexie Abbott in their lives. I know exactly how lucky I am to have her in mine.

“Hey,” she says, her voice sounding suspiciously thick, “we’ve been there for
each other
throughout the years.  We’ll always be best friends.  No matter what.”

Pulling Lexie into my arms, I hold her tightly to me.  “No matter what happens today, it means a lot that you’re here to share this moment with me.”

She gives a watery little laugh like she’s trying to rein in her emotions.  “Like I said before- you’re going to nail this.  I have absolutely no doubts about it.”  She pulls her lips down into a pout, but I can tell she doesn’t mean it.  “And then you’ll be living an amazing life here and I’ll be stuck at Barnett for another year and a half.”

As she says the words, it hits me yet again that there’s a very real possibility of that happening.  I mean, how exciting would that be?  To dance professionally on stage for a living?

“I guess you’ll just have to come and visit me every single chance you get!”

Just as we’re walking to the glass doors of the theater, my phone rings.

I know it has to be Roan.

He wanted so badly to be here with me but there’s an away game today.  So he’s sitting on a bus.  There’s so much background noise, I have to press my hand against my other ear so I can hear him clearly.

“Hey, babe, are you there yet?”

Hearing his voice is like being wrapped up in a warm comfy blanket.  Everything within me instantly calms.  “Yeah, we’re just about to head inside the theater and check in.”

His voice deepens as if what he’s about to say is important.  “You’re going to be great, you know that, right?”

I squeeze my eyes tightly shut as his words, and their meaning, pour over me.  “I hope so,” I whisper.  It’s awesome having Lexie with me but I wish he was here, too.  I wish he could wrap me up in those big muscular arms of his and hold me tight.  Give me a kiss for good luck.

Even though he chuckles, it’s low.  Not at all like his normal lighthearted one or the sexy gravelly laugh that sends little shivers scampering down my spine before arrowing straight to my core.  This one seems tinged with sadness.  “I really wish I could be there with you, Ivy.  I’m just glad you didn’t have to make the trip by yourself.”

“Me, too.  Lexie and I are going to walk around the city after this.  Do a little shopping before heading home.”

“Sounds fun.  Are you planning on driving all the way back tonight?”

“Yeah.  The audition is at noon and we’ll leave by six, probably roll in around midnight.”  I’m really hoping it goes well or the rest of the day is going to be a complete bust for me.  I won’t be able to stop myself from mentally critiquing my performance.  Over and over and over again.  And Lexie deserves a little shopping after carting my ass here.  Still tired and groggy, we hit the road this morning around four.  And she did all the driving so I could sleep.  The girl is a total trooper.

“Sounds good, babe.  Can’t wait to see you tonight.”

“Me, too.  Have a great game.”

“I’m planning on it.  I’ll call you after it’s done to see how everything went but I know you’re going to be amazing.  You always are, Ivy.”

I can’t help but smile as I whisper, “Right back at you, King.”

It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him that I love him but I rein it back in at the last minute.  We’re almost to that point but I don’t want to do it over the phone.  Not when he’s so far away from me, sitting on a bus full of rowdy, jacked up teammates.  When I finally tell Roan how much I care about him, it’ll be when we’re together.  Alone.

Again he pitches his voice low.  “I’m really hoping you’ll be slipping into my bed later on tonight.”

Which is exactly what I’d intended.  No matter how late it is.  “Sounds like a date.”

“Okay, I’m going to let you go so you can get checked in.  And I’m not going to wish you luck because this isn’t about luck, it’s about being prepared and talented and you are, Ivy.  I’m proud of you, baby.”

“Oh, Roan,” I whisper, “I can’t wait to see you tonight.”

“Right back at you, Kaster.”

I can’t help but laugh.  “Okay, I’m hanging up now.”  As I glance at the building and the dancers now filtering past us, obviously here for the same audition, nerves start to once again chew at my insides.

Saying our goodbyes, I hit the end button.

“Ivy?”  Lexie’s wide eyes fasten onto mine as I pocket the phone.  “You ready for this?”

Inhaling a deep breath, I force it out slowly before saying, “I’ve been ready my entire life.”

Together we pull open the doors to the Aronoff Center before walking inside.

Chapter Thirty-One

Another winning game where Roan King was literally on fire.  It’s as if every single pass thrown to him couldn’t have gone anywhere but in those big strong hands of his.  Bulldog fever has never been more out of control.  If you’re not a Bulldog fan, you might as well pack up your bags and get the hell out of town.  Once again, Roan King proves that he’s NFL ready.  And he’s never looked so good doing it either…  KingOfCampus.com 

“Have you heard anything yet?”

Biting my nails, I shake my head.  It’s been three days since the audition in Cincinnati.  I thought for sure I would have heard something by now.  If not by the company itself, then by Eric who is friends with one of the chorographers.  I’ve been on pins and needles ever since.  Every time my phone buzzes, I find myself pouncing on it.

Even though there were over two hundred dancers at the audition, I don’t feel like I could have performed any better than I did.  At the end of my three minute piece, I left it all out there on the floor.  No regrets.  No second guessing myself.  I was one hundred percent satisfied with my performance.

And really, if I don’t get it, so be it.  I’ll chalk it up to experience, do a few more auditions in the late spring/early summer and keep working towards my degree in finance.  I’ll be here with Roan for second semester.  And I’ll be able to live with Lexie for the duration of our lease.

So really… it’s a win-win situation.