Kindled (Book 3 The Kindred Series) (10 page)

 
H
e didn
’
t know what to say
, so he remained silent, frightened that she would turn him away again if he did speak
. She turned toward him, her violet blue eyes bright with unshed tears, her skin pale. Her
full
lower lip trembled slightly, making her appear far younger and achingly vulnerable. His hands twitched to hold her, to comfort her. It had been so long and he needed her so badly, but she had to come to him
.
S
he had to want him
again
.

   “It’s my fault,” she whispered. “It’s
my
fault that she’s dead.”

    A shattering radiated from her. A soul renderin
g devastation
that ripped through her, pulsing out in waves that pierced deep into his soul. Her
anguish was consuming, heart wrenching,
overwhelming
in its force. It staggered him. She bent her head, and for the first time since her grandmother had been killed, she began to cry.

   Heavy, fierce sobs shook through her. Her arms crossed over her chest as she rock
ed
back and forth, seeking to comfort herself in some way. Devon wanted to stay away, wanted to give her the time she needed to grieve
.
However,
he could not
stand
to see her in so much pain and not do anything about it.

   In two long strides, he was at her side, kneeling in the snow beside her. Though he was frightened that she would turn him away again, he reached out
and
wrapp
ed
his arms
around her
. She came to him, sobbing loudly, hardly able to breathe as her small hands curled into his shirt. Wrapping his hand around her head he held her tight to him
.

   Rocking her slowly, he simply clung to her as she cried, kissing her head gently, burying his nose in the wonderful scent of her hair. Holding her again, he was a
ble to feel the full extent of
he
r
weight los
s
. Her spine was hard beneath his hand, her shoulders sharp against his chest.

   He closed his eyes
against the pain filling him as he
gather
ed
her closer.
He w
ant
ed
to cry from the
intensity
of her grief
, and the force of the relief that filled him at being able to hold her again.
Pulling her into his lap, he bent over her, trying to give her comfort and warmth as she trembled and shook against him. Her tears seeped into his shirt,
soaking
the front of it.
Despite his relief at holding her again
worry for her safety
,
and health
, began to fill him
. She had not been taking care of herself and the force of her sobs w
as
draining
her
already
weakened body.

   “
Shh
love,”
he whispered cradling her tight against him.
“It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have stopped this. It is
not
your fault.”

  
He soothed her hair back, kissing her gently as he held her head to his chest. Shivers began to wrack through her, goose bumps broke out on her flesh. He rubbed her arms and legs, trying to get some heat back into her
frozen flesh
. Her sobs
abated
, but
t
ears still rolled down her face
. He needed to get her out of here and
he needed to get her
somewhere warm.

  
L
ift
ing
her gently,
he
groan
ed
at the feel of her slight weight in his arms. Even if she didn
’
t accept him back into her life, he was going to make damn sure that she started to eat.
Soon.
She curled tighter against his chest, her hand clutch
ed his shirt.
T
he shivers wracking through h
er grew
stronger as the wind began to pick up. The skeleton branches of the trees clicked loud
er
as
the wind howled through them.

  
He moved swiftly through the snow, breaking over the top of the hill as Chris and Melissa rolled to a stop
in Chris’s car
.
Apparently they had decided to come here in search of her
.
H
e was grateful
for that
as
Melissa jumped
swiftly from the passenger side
,
and
grabb
ed
a blanket from
the backseat
. She hurried toward them, her dark eyes questioning and worried. Devon took th
e blanket from Melissa
and
wrapp
ed
it gently around Cassie, pulling it
firmly
against her.

   He followed Melissa back to the car
and
eas
ed
Cassie into the backseat. Sliding in beside her, he gathered her back in
to
his arms, unwilling to part from her
for even a moment
again.

CHAPTER 5

   “You need to eat.”

   Cassie
lifted her head as Devon appeared in the doorway of her room, a tray of food in his hands. She felt hollow, shaken, exhausted. But she did not feel the
fury anymore
. It was as if the tears had burned it all away, washing it clean, purifying
it
. She still felt the
burning
need for justice, for revenge, but the inner
rage
that had fired so brightly
before
did not flare anymore. She tried to find it, for it had been what was keeping her going, but she couldn
’
t summon the strength for it anymore.

  
She watched as he moved slowly into the room
.
His shoulders were set; his body was tensed in preparation,
as if afraid he would scare her away. H
er heart flipp
ed over, t
ears burned her eyes once more
.
T
ears she would have thought had run dry by now, but seemed endless. She had been so cruel to him, so cold and unforgiving
when there had been no real reason to be
. A
nd
yet, despite all her cruelty
he had
been so loving
to her today, taken car
e of her
and now he was standing there with a tray full of food
for her
.

   She did not deserve him. She did not deserve many things, she realized.
He moved slowly toward her,
his eyes weary and watchful.
Placing the tray on top
of her bureau, he turned toward her. “How are you feeling?”

   Cassie shrugged
as she
twist
ed
the towel in her hand. She still felt cold, even though she had spent almost a
half a
n hour in the shower.
Sh
e was fairly certain that the chill was
permanently in her
bone
s,
and
she
was
certain
that
it was
not about to go away anytime soon. She
just
didn’t know how she felt
emotionally though
, not anymore. She had been
enraged
for two weeks, now
she was
just empty
. She didn’t know how to describe that to him.
She didn’t even know how to figure it out for herself.

   “You went home?” she asked quietly
, glancing over his clothes
.

   He
looked
down at his fresh pair of jeans and
deep green sweater. He hadn’t been wearing them before gym. “No, Chris grabbed
some clothes
for me.”

   Cassie’s eyebrows drew sharply together.
Chris had been to his place?
She
had never even been to his place.
A
shudder
wracked through her
,
she
grasp
ed
her elbows in a vain attempt to warm herself
. She had known all along that Chris and Devon
still talked with each other, but it sounded as if they had become far closer than she
’
d realized. She didn’t
know how to feel about that.
Though, s
he
knew
that
they had needed each other when she had so brutally shut them both out
of her life
.

   She rocked slightly forward, waves of self hatred crashing over her, leaving her shaken. “Cassie…”

   She held up a hand, holding him off as he approached. “I’m sorry,” she whimpered. “I’m so sorry.” Tears rolled freely down her face, sobs rocked forcefully through her once more.

   “There’s nothing to be sorry for,” he said gently, the tone of his voice loving and longing. “Cassie
,
listen to me, you did nothing wrong.”

    She shook her head, wiping the tears from her face as she tried to stifle her sobs again. She had been crying
for hours, how could there possibly be any tears left in her? “I treated everyone so badly, especially you. How can you even stand to look at me?”

   He came swiftly toward her, dropping
t
o his knees as he seized hold of her hands. “Look at me,”
he ordered gruffly. “Cassie
look
at me.” She lifted her head slowly, her gaze clashing with his bright emerald one. She swallowed hea
vily, love swamping her. He had been everything to
her
,
and she had turned her back on him
.
She had
turn
ed
him away, cu
t
t
ing
him deeply
, and wounding him greatly
.
She had b
lam
ed
him for something that was not his fault, but was in fact
hers
.
She had hurt him greatly, and there was nothing that she could do about it, there was no way to take away the hurt that she had caused him.

   “What you went through, what you
are
going through is an awful, brutal thing. No one knows how they are going to react when they lose someone they love.”

   “I was cruel though, mean…” her voice trailed off as she turned her attention to the window.

   Her
forehead
furrowed as s
he tried to recall the way she had felt for the past two weeks. It was as if she had been a different person, as if
some
thing had taken her over, filling her with hatred, making her someone alien and cold. Someone she couldn’t
stand to be around, but
had to
live with every moment of the day. She couldn’t say that
to him
though, she couldn’t tell him that it had been someone else in her body, for it was
a
cop out
.
A
nd
of
course
it had been her
, who else could it have possibly been
?

   She turned her attention back to him. “I was someone that I didn’t want to be, that I didn’t recognize. But it was me, and I was disgusting.
I never thought I could be like that.
”

   His hands tightened on hers, his emerald eyes rapidly search
ed
her face.
“Stop Cassie, stop doing this to yourself.
Stop hating yourself.
I love you Cassie.
N
o matter what
,
I love you.” Cassie’s eyes widened, anguish t
o
r
e
through her as more tears spilled forth. She didn’t deserve his love, not at all. He never would have turned against her, never would have hurt her in this way. “No matter what
happens
I will always love you.”
   “No,” she moaned, shaking her head, trying to deny his w
ords. “I don’t deserve it,
don’t
love me.
The people that love me di
e. They die
for
me
,
and they die
because
of me. Do not love me Devon.
”
   His jaw locked, his eyes blazed
fiercely
into hers. “You did
not
cause your grandmother’s death; there was nothing that you could have done to stop it. You are the kindest, most giving and loving person I have ever met. I will love
you for eternity
because you deserve every ounce of that love
, and there is nothing that
you can do to make me stop loving
you
.
Nothing
.
”