Kimber (11 page)

I
take it all in. I think of how far I’ve come. How fast I’ve been forced to grow
in such a short time. I know I’m not the old Kimber. I’m no longer fragile,
naïve or feel obligated to adhere to other people’s feelings or expectations. I
can think outside the box, see the world for as dark as it really is and I’m
brave enough to walk through it.

The drive seems to take forever until we come across
a small sign. The leaves of large trees cover it almost completely.
GREEN
POINT VILLLAGE WELCOMES YOU
, it reads.

 Luke
decides to stop and get a better idea of where we are going. We find the
village a few miles from the first sign. It sits along a small road, Main
Street.

We
pull up to a small hardware store. Since it’s around lunch time, I had imagined
such a small town would be buzzing with people but instead this store seems to
be the only thing open.

“Damn,
is this village smack dab in the middle of nowhere or what?” Luke says noticing
that Main Street is no bigger than the length of a football field. “It’s the
perfect place for one of those horror films. The nearest city is hundreds of
miles away. One poor cop to look after the whole mountain. Nowhere to go but
down.” Luke speaks in an eerie tone, wiggling his fingers in front of me.

“It’s
definitely a born here die here town.” I say entering the store.

We
walk to the counter and ring a bell to announce our arrival. The storeowner
greets us. If the looks of this old man, in a flannel shirt and paint
splattered overalls, is any indication of what awaits us in this town, we are
really going to stick out.

“Sir,
would you know if there is a mental institution in this area?” I keep my voice
to an almost whisper even though it is just the three of us in the store.

“As
it just so happens I do, pretty lady. You’re not that far from it. I’d say it’s
about three miles up the road.”

“Thank
you so much.” I say heading out of the store. Around the corner Luke and I spot
a small two story hotel squeezed between a diner and a laundry mat.

“It’s
not the Ritz but I’m sure it’s the best they have.” Luke shrugs his shoulders.

We
look at each other and sadly realize it’s probably true. We can’t help but break
out laughing. Here we are on this majestic mountain and this rinky-dink town is
where we get stuck?

 At
the Mountain Tree Hotel, we take a room that is poorly decorated in a horrible
recreation of the sixties or actually not so much a recreation as it hasn’t
been decorated since the sixties. Even with jetlag and after driving for a few
hours, we don’t take time to rest. We grab brochures off the nightstand and
head out to the diner next door.

“The
old man was right.” Luke says lifting his head from a map. I take another bite
of my turkey sandwich. “Adirondacks Mental Facility. It’s closer than three
miles. We can try walkin’ there if you want.”

“Yeah,
ok.” I say as unenthusiastic as I feel about wondering around an enormous
mountain, a wilderness that eats up tourists like me.

“What?
What’s that face for?”

“Maybe
this wasn’t such a good idea? I mean, she could’ve been released. There’s no
guarantee we’ll find her. Maybe we should just leave this hick town, go to the
city.”

“Don’t
psych yourself out over this. You’re gettin’ cold feet.”

“So?”

 “Alright,
but what do ya say we check this place out first, so we can say we tried.”

I
swallow my disappointment. I know he’s right and I’m just being a brat. I flag
the server over for our check.

“Look,
I know this must be nerve racking, meetin’ your aunt for the first time, but
don’t you kind of owe it to her. I mean, she doesn’t even know that her sister’s
gone, does she?”

I
freeze up momentarily having completely forgotten that being so far away and
trapped in a psyche ward, Lena most likely does not know about her sister, my
mother. With no other living relatives, it naturally would become my
responsibility to inform her. I do not know if I can relive all the details. I
do not know if I can walk Lena through every agonizing week, months in fact,
that my mother was missing before any trace of her was found.

I
can’t help but wonder how Lena will take the horrible news that her big sister,
who she possibly looked up to and was so close to, is no longer here. Perhaps
this will bring us closer. Bond us in a way only losing a loved one can do. Now
much like detective Muller, I must take my turn at being the bearer of bad
news. The poison on cupid’s arrow.

 BEING
SURROUNED BY nature makes our long walk seem short. We come to a sign that
reads, ADIRONDACK MENTAL FACILITY
.
CHANGING LIFE ONE MIND AT A TIME. 

We
walk up a small hill and find no large metal gate surrounding the grounds. No
guard station to check visitors in. I can find no signs warning or telling of
what lies ahead. Instead, I find myself amazed to see the mental facility
looking more like a spring getaway for someone with a massive bank account and
an eye for luxury. It looks like a small mansion painted in a soft peach color
with white trim. Large square windows line the entire front of this immaculate
building and the tall wooden doors that signify the entrance look as if they’re
built to keep people out rather than in.

If
the building isn’t an indication that I’m
clearly
at the wrong place,
the vast land surrounding it confirms my suspicion. The grass is the purest
color green I have ever seen and frosted with snow. It puts my elderly
neighbor, Mr. Johnson’s lawn to shame. White stones outline a large garden of
flowers around the front entrance. Trees of all sizes and flowers of all colors
are arranged in a definite Feng Shui type of style. Some trees even support
swings from their branches. Others have benches under their shade.

As
I try to focus my eyes on the surroundings, I walk up the red stoned pathway
towards the large doors. I can only hope the inside will have the same peaceful
feeling the outside has. Not the sadness I’d expect a mental facility would
have.

“If
I ever go crazy make sure you stick me here.” Luke jokes making light of the
moment.            

The
large wooden doors open effortlessly as we enter. The first thing I notice is
how peaceful and quiet it is inside. My attention is drawn to white marble tile
below my feet. All but one wall is painted a soft cheerful baby blue. The wall
to my right displays a mural extending half way down the open hallway. Various
amounts of colors all come together to form a collage of paintings. It’s no
Picasso but the sheer beauty of every resident here taking their turn to add a
piece of themselves or something meaningful to the wall, makes it that much
more beautiful. A Picasso in its own right. 

            When I feel
Luke’s hand on the small of my back and the sound of a woman clearing her
voice, I’m reminded again of where I am.

“Folks,
can I help you?” An older African American woman behind the lobby counter asks.
She wears plain white scrubs and her dark hair is pulled tightly against her
scalp into a ponytail. She stands with one eyebrow raised while watching us
approach.

“Um,
yes Yolanda.” I say peeking at her nametag. “We’re here to see Lena Middleton.”

She
has a slight reaction of shock and then quickly wrinkles her forehead in
confusion. I start to think I must have the wrong place. Yolanda gathers her
thoughts before she speaks. “Are you family?”

“Yes,
her niece.”

“And
you?” She directs her gaze upon Luke.

“No.
I’m here for support.” He smiles at me.

I
wait eagerly for a confirmation of whether my aunt is here or not. My patience
walks a thin line as Yolanda starts ruffling through papers behind the counter.

 “Do
you know that in the eight years I’ve run this lobby, Lena has never had a
single visitor?”

“Is
that so?” I don’t like her tone or the evident judgment across her face. I
won’t feel guilty for her. Nothing but the smothering feeling of what I’ve come
to do can trump the fact that I have found Lena.

I
start to think of the vast possibilities pertaining to Lena’s condition. I’m
not sure what it really was that put her in this place to begin with. Will she
be in a straight jacket? Drooling from the mouth? Incapable of speech or worse?
Oh God
! I do not think I could handle anything worse.

“Sign
this.” Yolanda says passing me a clipboard. “Only family allowed past the lobby.
You can take a seat.”

 The
knot in my stomach becomes tighter knowing Luke will not be by my side. I turn
to him, searching his eyes for support.

“I’ll
be right here. You’ll be fine.” Luke wraps his arms around me, pulling me in
for a hug. “Just say what you need to. Then we’ll get the hell outta here.” I
smile at him. He knows as well as I do that this will be no easy task.

“What
if she’s incapable of contact?” I ask against his chest.

Luke
laughs under his breath before saying, “If that were the case you wouldn’t be
allowed back.”

“I
don’t know if I can do this?”

“Of
course you can. You already survived the worst. This should be cake.” As he
kisses my head, I loosen my grip and take the visitors pass Yolanda holds out
for me.

“Head
down this hallway to your right then take your first left and you’ll see the
door to the art room. That’s where your aunt should be ‘bout this time.”
Yolanda directs me. 

             I feel hot
and flushed as I begin to knock lightly on the door marked, Art Room. My
entrance goes unnoticed by everyone except the large Indian looking man sitting
in a chair directly by the door. A forced nervous smile forms on my face. The
man squints his eyes, scrutinizing my visitors pass, like it could be a fake.

 “Who
you looking for, Sugar?”

I
breathe in to answer his question but before I can speak a woman from somewhere
in the room speaks for me. Her response steals my breath.

 “She’s
here for me, Bernie.”

I
glance around the room looking for the woman. In the front left corner of the
room I see a woman hovering over someone. I watch as she straightens her poster
and slowly turns to the back of the room where I stand.

“Everyone
continue. Bernie, can you take over the class from here?”

The
Indian man stands blocking my view of the mysterious speaking woman. Frozen, my
eyes finally come to see Lena for the first time. I know it’s her because she’s
as beautiful as my mother. I have to look twice to make sure she isn’t her.
It’s just like looking at my mother three years ago. They share the same dark
wavy brown hair, high cheekbones, soft almond eyes, and full pink lips. The
similarity is more than I expected. I knew she would resemble my mother. They
are sisters, but this. This is virtually too much to take.

 I’m
relieved Lena appears to be nothing like the horrible things I had imagined her
to be. Tears puddle in my eyes then roll down my cheeks. I’m stuck with the
weight of it all. I stand before a duplicate copy of my mother. Alive!
Breathing! I close my eyes and forcefully pull the forming fantasy from my
head. I must deliver the news of my mother’s death.

“Kimber!”
Lena exclaims. Her voice is high with happiness. I on the other hand can find
no words. “Look at you! Just as beautiful as I knew you would be.” She places
her hands softly around my elbows. I’m stunned by her appearance and unable to
absorb what she said.

Lena
grabs her coat before leading me out the door, down the rest of the hallway and
out into an open garden. It’s just as breathtaking as the front entrance. We
sit on a small wooden bench inside a lavender gazebo.

I
turn my face from her as I try to wipe the remaining tears from my eyes. While
I do so, Lena ever so gently touches her hand to mine. I face her and remind
myself who she is and what I’ve come here to do. I feel uncomfortable when I
see her looking as if she’s literally checked out of her body. Her body is
relaxed. Eyes glazed over. Face empty of expression. Is she sleeping? I lean in
towards her and flinch as she suddenly snaps out of it. Sadness seeps over her
pale face. Her brows crease in a painful expression. 

 “Such
pain and darkness. You’re so strong to have survived so much.”

I
smile somberly, take a deep breath and I say what I’ve come to say. “I’m so
sorry I didn’t contact you sooner. There is something I need to tell you. It’s
about my mother. She’s… gone.” I choke on my words. My throat clenches with a
prickly pain.

“It’s
ok Kimber. I know about Marie.”

I
don’t know if she’s just incapable of understanding or refuses to hear me. I
take a deep breath and force myself say it again. “No Lena. I mean she passed
away. She was murdered several months ago.”

“I
understand Kimber.” She responds seeming to take what I’m saying a whole lot
better than expected.

 “Did
you see it on the news? Hear about it?” I ask unsure if she is able to
comprehend what I am saying. Perhaps she is just unreachable. Emotionally dead
like I was for the first couple of weeks.