Killing Me Softly (22 page)

She had to understand.

He loved her.

The fact astonished him. Darla had accused him of being incapable of loving a woman, citing it as the reason for her cheating. And he’d thought she’d been right – not about the cheating, but about him being incapable of the emotion. He’d never once told her he loved her, even though he’d believed he had.

It had come as a complete surprise when he realised he loved Alexia.

Really, truly, with his whole heart and body and soul, loved her.

But he couldn’t tell her that. It was too new. Too raw. He had to be more certain. Had to come clean first.

However, now wasn’t the right time. They had to help Cat. One crisis at a time. And then, hopefully, he and Alexia would have time to get to know each other better; to build on the tenuous trust they’d begun to develop. He hoped . . . 

Hell. He wasn’t sure what he hoped. He just wanted more time with her. More time to figure out what it was that had begun.

He’d be a happy man if what they’d shared could happen again, and again, and again. He’d never felt so happy. He was goddamned punch-drunk. Blissful.

He laughed. Fuck! He sounded like a lovesick teenager.

Finished cleaning his teeth, he raced back up to the manor house, his joy bursting out of him in laughter. He was still chuckling when he opened the kitchen door and found Alexia waiting for him there.

Her eyes were dark with worry.

The laughter died on his lips and he captured her hands in his. ‘Are you okay? What happened?’

She shook her head. ‘It’s nothing. I’m just feeling a little dazed. What were you laughing at when you came in?’

‘I was thinking “What a night!”’

She stiffened as she looked up at him. ‘You’re not regretting it are you?’

He took her in his arms, lowering his head to give her a hot and heady kiss. ‘What do you think?’

She swallowed hard, a smile whispering on her lips. ‘I’m so relieved. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to be a part of my terribly complicated life. Sometimes I wish
I
could escape.’

‘You don’t feel like that any more, do you?’

She met his concerned gaze, a sexy, knowing little smile spreading on her lips. ‘No.’ She ran her fingers up his chest, playful, but the clouded look in her eyes didn’t disappear.

‘But you have felt like that?’

Alexia swallowed and dropped her chin so he could no longer see her eyes. He hooked his finger under her chin, tipping her face up until her gaze met his. Shrugging, she squared her jaw. ‘Sure, I’ve had some dark times, but doesn’t everybody?’

‘Some more than others. Don’t be flippant about what you’ve been through. Not with me. Not after what we shared.’

Alexia’s gaze searched his for a long moment before a smile twisted on her lips. ‘I didn’t mean to be flippant. It’s just that . . . my life has been terrible but I have tried not to dwell on that. Which has been easier and easier in the past few years, because in among those terrible bits, there’s also been a lot of wonderful stuff. I’ve been able to do what I love, worked with some amazing people. I’ve fulfilled my wish of making a home for Cat. I’ve made some amazing music. I met you.’

She looked down and swallowed. ‘I’ve made love with you. I didn’t know if I was capable of ever allowing myself to be that intimate with a man. But with you . . . The way you make me feel, it’s a gift. Precious. Something I couldn’t imagine.’

Her words filled his heart with something that made him tremble and want to fall to his knees. She humbled him.

‘The next few weeks are going to be hard. Cat will need to be told what happened. She’ll grieve for our parents. She could have a relapse. She’ll definitely need therapy. It’ll be difficult and stressful but I don’t care. You chose to stay tonight and help. You don’t know how much that means.’

‘What did you expect? That I’d walk away when the going got tough?’

She didn’t answer, looked away.

‘You did.’ He sighed. ‘I understand why you thought I might, but I’m not going anywhere. I’m not like all those people who let you down. I’m not like all those people who said they were your friends and then bailed at the first sign of trouble. I’m here for you.’

‘I know you are.’ She didn’t sound as if she believed it, though.

He searched her eyes as she looked up at him once more. ‘I only wish there was some way I could make you truly believe me.’

She looked up at him, a frown on her brow.

‘What is it?’

She shook her head. ‘Can you kiss me? Just kiss me so I know this is real and not some dream.’

Daemon took her gently in his arms and pressed his mouth to hers in a kiss full of tenderness and passion.

Lexi felt the kiss touch her soul, began to lose herself to him again.

An embarrassed cough brought her back.

Lifting her head, dazed, she turned and saw Billy and Cat as they entered the kitchen. Billy had pulled on a T-shirt and Cat had her fluffy cat slippers on her feet and a jumper over her pyjamas.

Cat raised her brows at her sister, as if completely surprised to see her plastered all over the front of a man. Billy looked away, but Lexi caught his expression.

Looking at Billy shrewdly, she moved out of Daemon’s warm embrace. ‘Billy Morse, you can just wipe that look from your face.’ He looked at her in innocent surprise. She wasn’t fooled. ‘Stop it!’

‘I didn’t say a thing,’ he protested, his lips twisted in a grin.

‘You didn’t have to.’

‘I’m just being happy for you, like you asked.’ Cat looked between them, obviously confused. Billy slung his arm around her shoulders. ‘I’ll explain later.’

Lexi shook her head. ‘Oh no you won’t. If anyone will explain it’ll be me.’

Cat’s expression became pained, her eyes suddenly filling with tears. ‘I wish someone would explain, because I just don’t understand what’s going on any more. When did the world change? This feels like some kind of dream I can’t wake from.’

Guilty for feeling so happy when her sister was struggling to remember anything, let alone happy times, Lexi stepped forward and took Cat in her arms. ‘I’m sorry Cat. I’m being selfish and insensitive.’

‘That hasn’t changed.’

A choked laugh escaped Lexi as she stepped away. ‘Come and sit down. I’ll put on the kettle and get some biscuits and we can talk.’

‘I’m not hungry.’

‘Some tea or coffee then. We’ll talk; try to figure out what happened to you.’

‘You don’t know?’

Lexi glanced at Billy. He frowned and shook his head. ‘We don’t know why you can’t remember.’ She could see Cat wasn’t convinced. ‘Come on. Sit down. I’ll tell you as much as I can.’ Cat resisted for a moment but then gave in.

As Cat took a seat, Billy sitting next to her, not letting go of her hand, Lexi asked, ‘Would you like tea or coffee?’ Cat didn’t answer.

Lexi turned to see her sister staring around the kitchen. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘I’ve eaten scones in here.’

Lexi went still, bit her lip. ‘You remember?’ The words came out on a shudder.

‘No. Just a flash.’ Cat frowned. ‘Was there a robin? I remember seeing a robin.’

Lexi nodded, a lump in her throat. ‘Watching that robin was one of the first times we saw you engage in something outside yourself.’

Cat’s lip trembled. ‘I remember a kind older woman helping around this house, looking after me. I remember being in the pool with Billy. I remember music and dancing and feeding a horse an apple, and sitting on its back. I remember a lovely place, sun dappling through the trees, a stream bubbling nearby.’ She looked at Billy. ‘I think I was there with you.’

He smiled. ‘I took you to Lexi’s favourite spot on the estate.’

She nodded, closed her eyes, frowning. ‘There’s other things . . . flashes that don’t make sense . . . faces there are no names to. It’s all so . . . fragile. Why do I feel so fragile?’

Lexi couldn’t answer past the lump of tears in her throat. She couldn’t cry in front of Cat. Not now when her sister needed her to be strong. She shrugged and turned to the tap to fill the kettle.

‘What’s wrong with me?’ Cat asked.

A hot burn began in Lexi’s chest as she struggled with how to answer that question. But Cat didn’t give her a chance to come up with anything placating.

Cat slammed her fist on the table and demanded, ‘When is someone going to fucking well answer my questions?’

Lexi flinched.

Billy touched her arm but Cat shrugged him off.

Lexi stepped toward her, her hand stretched out, pleading. ‘Please. Calm down. We’ll try and tell you as much as we can.’ The kettle began to whistle but she ignored it as her sister stood, her chair knocked back with a clatter.

‘I don’t want to calm down. I want to know why you and Billy look as if you’ve aged ten years.’ She paused, looking at Billy then back at her sister. ‘Have I?’ Tentatively she lifted her hands to touch her face.

Lexi watched, agonised, as Cat registered the change in the bone structure of her cheeks, her nose, her chin. Her fingers touched the scar running down the side of her face near her hairline and trembled. ‘A mirror. Where’s a mirror?’

Lexi closed her eyes, unable to stand the look of terror in her sister’s eyes. ‘There’s one in the foyer.’

Cat pushed past Billy and Daemon. Billy turned to follow but Lexi stopped him. ‘No, don’t. She needs to see herself without your pity.’

‘I don’t pity her,’ Billy said.

‘I know, but Cat won’t see it that way.’

He stood where he was, looking anxiously up the hall.

Turning back to the kettle, Lexi prepared the coffee and then sat down heavily. Daemon sat next to her, taking her hand in his. She was grateful for the gesture. After a few minutes, Billy walked over to the table, pulled out a chair and sat. She passed him a mug and he lifted it to his lips, sipping automatically, his eyes flicking back to the hallway.

Tension spanned the room. Lexi felt it tightening, squeezing her chest until she wondered how she could still be breathing. She pulled her hand from Daemon’s, rubbed her eyes, sipped at her coffee. ‘What am I going to say to her now? Doctor Carlton warned me when I brought her home; he told me this was going to be difficult. But I didn’t listen. I couldn’t listen.’ At her words, the tension snapped.

Freed, she stood, began to pace, gesturing toward the hallway. ‘I can’t help but feel this is my fault. If only I’d listened, prepared properly, not just walked around with my head in a bloody cloud.’ She kicked a chair that was in her way. ‘Stupid! I was bloody stupid!’

‘If that’s true then I’m equally stupid,’ Billy argued. ‘Equally to blame. I’m a trained professional. But at the moment, I just feel . . . ’

‘Lost?’

Billy nodded.

Lexi looked at him. A tear spilled from the corner of her eye. She swiped the weakness away with a trembling hand. ‘I made myself believe if she woke up that I’d get my “happy ever after”. But that’s just bullshit. We won’t ever have Mum and Dad back, and Cat will never be the same.’ She laughed bitterly. ‘God knows, I’m not! It was pretty stupid of me to think otherwise.’

Daemon turned, caught her gaze. ‘I don’t think so. Things have changed for everyone. Life is full of change, you just have to accept it and move on.’

They heard shuffling footsteps in the hall and turned. Cat entered the kitchen, her face pale and drawn. Moving stiffly, her eyes red, she sat carefully in a chair and reached for a mug.

‘Is this for me?’

Lexi nodded and Cat took a large gulp, then another, holding on to the cup as if it were a life preserver. Time slowed as they waited for her to speak.

Finally Lexi could stand the silence no more. ‘Cat? I —’

Cat shook her head and held up her hand to silence her sister. ‘Don’t.’ She closed her eyes, her lips tightening. Her fingers trembled across the scar again.

Billy reached out to take her hand but she snatched it away. ‘You’re still beautiful, sweetheart. Nothing can change that.’

Cat turned bitter eyes on him. ‘I don’t need your sympathy,’ she snapped. ‘I saw how I look. I barely recognise myself. I want to know why.’ Her eyes filled, but she swiped at them angrily before the tears could fall. ‘I want to know how long I’ve been “gone” for. I want to know who . . . did . . . this . . . to . . . me. I want . . . I want . . . ’ Her voice broke, but when Billy moved to take her in his arms, she shrugged away from him again and turned pained eyes on her sister. ‘Tell me . . . Please. Tell me.’

Lexi could see Billy’s hurt and ached for him, but her concern was for her sister. She nodded and then began to speak in a very low, very calm voice. She spoke, with little detail, about the kidnapping, how Cat had been beaten. She told her the man had been caught and sent to jail and had died there; that she had been in a coma for months and when she had awoken had retreated into a catatonic state.

‘The doctors said you were blocking out the trauma of what happened to you by going into a kind of mental exile; only you could end your time there.’

Cat stared, eyes blind, then focusing slowly. ‘Mum and Dad. They’re dead, aren’t they? I remember you coming and telling me. You were crying and I wanted to help you, but I couldn’t.’ Her voice came as if from far away. ‘Not real. I told myself you weren’t real. Your words weren’t real. But they were. Mum and Dad died in a car accident.’

‘I . . . ’ Lexi’s voice broke, her throat too full for words, so she just nodded.

Cat stared past her, nodding slowly. After a moment, ‘Go on.’

‘Are you sure?’

Her eyes blazed with pain and loss but she nodded. ‘I’m sure. I need to hear. Tell me the rest.’

Lexi swallowed hard, pulling on her inner well of strength. Her sister didn’t need her tears. ‘I couldn’t look after you when Mum and Dad died. I had to put you into an institution.’ She hid the slash of guilt and pain she felt when Cat’s gaze snapped to hers, shocked, accusing. ‘I promised you and myself I’d get you out of there, but I needed money. I managed to make a name for myself in the music industry and earn enough so I could build this place. A home. A home to share with you. I hired Billy to be your physical therapist – that’s what he does now.’

Cat’s gaze flicked to him then back.