Kilgannon (43 page)

"Is this truly what you want?" I asked her. "You do know that you can stay here with us?"

She nodded with a slight smile and a shrug. "I love him, Mary," she said. Defeated, I released her and watched them ride away. Later I discovered that Malcolm had spent the week with a woman he'd often kept company with in Glengannon. Gilbey and Thomas would have found him that morning.

Alex came home the next day. They had been gone a month. I stood on the dock waiting for the Mary Rose to come around the last bend of the loch and watched as she sailed home with more than Alex: she was followed by the Diana. Alex, Angus, and the crews were triumphant, and the clan clamored for the story before they left the dock. I kissed my husband fervently and then settled in the hall to hear the tale with the others. The audience paid rapt attention as the travelers told the story in turn, each taking a piece and then watching as the other continued. When they were in France they learned that the Diana was due any day, so they waited for her, as well as the claret for the Mary Rose. She arrived a few days later, called the Goddess now, and Alex and Angus approached the captain at an inn onshore. They had argued before witnesses and had parted in anger, but the next morning when the captain awoke on the Goddess his crew had evaporated and Kilgannon men were in possession of her. Asked how that had happened, Alex shrugged and said the crew had been amenable to persuasion. We all laughed. The captain was another matter and he left the ship vowing violence, saying the ship was his. He had, he declared, paid good money for her. Alex and Angus waited another day for Mary Rose's cargo to arrive, and the captain arrived with the authorities in tow. It took some time to sort it all out, but the shipping agent and their cousin Ewan had smoothed things over. Alex left France in possession of their lives and the Diana. I did not for a moment believe that it had all been smoothed over so easily, but I was in no mood to quibble and rejoiced at their return.

And then Gilbey and Thomas and I took Alex and Angus to the library and told them what had happened in their absence. Alex and Angus listened with growing anger to the end. When Gilbey added the scene in the library with Malcolm, the change in Alex's mood was immediate.

"Lass, ye should have told me this at once," he said, rising. "Get me a horse, Thomas," he roared. I jumped up and followed him to the hall, but he did not slow his stride.

"Alex, what are you going to do?"

"Bring him back."

"And then what?" I blocked his way and he looked down at me, his rage visible.

"Mary, I have had enough. Malcolm has turned my life upside down for the last time. No man touches my wife. I'm going to bring him back."

"He's been gone since yesterday."

Alex nodded curtly. "Aye,-but he has Sibeal with him. They canna travel quickly. We'll find them. And we'll bring him back."

"How?"

"With ease," he said. "Cowards dinna fight armed men." "And then what?"

"I will tell the clan," Alex said, waving a hand in the air. "I will make his lying schemes public, Mary. No MacGannon has done such things. I willna take his life, but I will shame him."

"If you do that, you will make him an enemy."

His eyes, a frosty blue, met mine. "And what do ye suppose he is the now? No, I have been patient long enough, more than long enough. It's time to tell the truth. I willna shield him again. And I willna discuss it further, lass."

He stepped around me. I watched them leave.

They returned two days later, Alex in the lead, then Gilbey and Angus flanking Malcolm, their expressions grim. Sibeal rode behind them with the others, weeping. At the rear were the assorted clansmen and their families who had been summoned from their homes along the way. When they reached the meadow where the Games were held, Alex called for Thomas to gather the rest of the clan. He stayed on his horse, waiting, as the people collected. The other men dismounted, forming an ever-increasing circle as the clan arrived. Malcolm stood alone and defiant in the center, meeting no one's eyes, his outrage evident in his stance. At the side of the ring Sibeal sobbed, but no one comforted her. I stood in the crowd, watching Alex and his brother, my heart pounding. Alex had not come to me nor had he acknowledged I was there. His color was high, his fury obvious, and he made no attempt to hide it. When the crowd had grown enough to please him, Alex dismounted and circled his brother, pointing at him.

"Behold my brother, Malcolm," Alex shouted, "and ye see the man who poisoned me in France and almost killed me, the man who conspired to steal the Diana." He told in full detail the story as the crowd listened with growing dismay, shifting position and meeting one another's eyes in discomfort. "And so we searched," Alex said, his voice hoarse now with emotion, "for a week on the coast of Cornwall for the crew of the Diana or for any piece of her. And Malcolm was with us, pretending to search as well, when all the while he knew that she had not gone down, while the money from his sale of her lay in his purse. And Malcolm knew it. He lived among us and kept his silence. And his money." Alex faced the circle again and spread his arms. "I am not asking ye to try him nor to punish him. I ask only that ye see what he is and to acknowledge with me what he has done, so that the entire clan knows Malcolm MacGannon for what he is: a man who betrays his brother, who steals from his family, who canna keep his wedding vows, and who beats his wife when she protests, a man who tries to place the blame for his infidelity on his brother, a man who threatens my wife in her own home in my absence. See him for what he is. And never welcome him here again." He took a deep breath and looked at Malcolm with contempt. "I have no brother." Alex broke through the circle and strode toward the castle, looking at no one. The clan faded away, avoiding one another's eyes, and few spoke at all.

Malcolm stood alone in the meadow until Sibeal ran to him.

Alex did not come to bed that night. I found him in the chapel just before dawn, sitting in a pew, his head bent over his hands. I sat next to him and stroked his back and he turned a ravaged face to me. "
Mary
," he said, tears on his cheeks. "What have I done?" He looked into the distance. "What have I done?"

I kissed his cheek. "I'd say you lost your temper."

"Lost my temper." He shook his head. "Lost my mind, I fear. What was I thinking?"

"You were angry."

"Aye. I was that." He sat back against the pew with a sigh. "What have I done?"

"You told them what happened."

His eyes met mine, his voice ragged. "I have lost my brother, lass. I have shamed him before the whole clan."

I considered before answering. "All you did was tell the truth, Alex," I said at last.

"Aye, but
Mary
, ye don't shame yer own family by telling its secrets to the world."

"The clan is your family, Alex. You did not tell the world." He sighed. "I shouldna have done it." "Probably. But, my love, remember what he did. He almost killed you, and he feels no remorse for it. He almost killed you so that you wouldn't discover that he was plotting to steal from you. More than once, Alex. More than once. He lied for years. He looked into your eyes and he lied. And then he tried to kill you and he looked into your eyes and denied it." I took a deep breath. "If only for what he did to Sibeal he deserved it. If you had seen her, Alex, you would not be so distraught now."

"I shouldna have done it."

I nodded. "Probably not. But you did. And your sin in shaming him doesn't even begin to compare with his." I looked at my bruised arm, tender still.

"I lost my temper, lass. I was out of control."

"Yes."

He looked at his hands. "As he was when he attacked Sibeal."

I shook my head. "That's not the same. Even when you were in the midst of your rage you still had some control. You did not touch him, nor did you let anyone else."

"I was afraid I'd kill him," he whispered.

"Alex, my love, he has no such reservations about you." We sat in silence, and I took his hand in mine and looked at the two of them against my skirt. "Alex," I said slowly, "Malcolm feels no remorse. He can justify any deed, no matter what it is. Who knows what was next? Even if you will not protect yourself, you have others to think about. Your sons and the clan, Alex, they need your protection. And me." He did not answer and I looked at him, seeing the dark circles under his eyes and the golden stubble on his cheeks gleaming in the dim light. He looked depleted. Damn Malcolm, I thought viciously. Damn him. My voice held none of my anger as I continued. "My love, you cannot allow him to seduce the girls of Kilgannon and go unpunished. Even if you choose to forget that he almost killed you and that he stole from you—from all of us—you cannot let him prey on innocent girls under your care."

After a very long moment he nodded and stole a quick glance at me. "Aye, I ken yer right on some of it, lass, but I canna forgive myself. I lost control. Since I was ten years old I've been training myself to think, always to think, before acting. It does no' come natural to me, Mary, but I learned it, and I've rarely broken my own rule." He took a ragged breath. "In all those years I've broken it twice. Once at the
croft house
, remember, when ye'd left. And now I act like an idiot and go roaring about the meadow, pointing a finger at my brother." He shook his head. "I dinna just shame Malcolm. I shamed myself." When I took my hand from his he did not move, just stared into the air, as though expecting my rejection. I smoothed his hair back and kissed his cheek.

"I love you, Alex," I said, and took his hand again.

He turned to me slowly. "How? How can ye love such a man.?" "I love the most wonderful man in the world," I said with a soft laugh. "But he is human. And he should hold himself up to the same mirror that he uses for everyone else."

"I canna," he said.

"You mean you will not, Alex."

"As ye will, Mary. I behaved very badly."

"No," I said fiercely, tired of his self-blame. "You told the truth. That's all you did, Alex. You did not lie; you did not embroider the truth. You didn't even tell them all of it. You did not beat him. You didn't punish him. You told the truth and then you let him go. And it was time, my love. You've protected Malcolm long enough. Let him live with the consequences of his actions." We sat in silence for a
long time
.

At last Alex sighed and turned to me. "Did they go?"

"Yes." I nodded. "Very quickly too." He nodded but did not speak. "And I, for one," I said, "am glad of it." I watched the dim light cast shadows across his face, throwing the lines of his cheeks into relief. "Do you know what Ian said?"

"What?" His voice was very low.

"He said it sounded like a monster was in their room." Alex's eyes met mine, unreadable now. "Your sons heard Malcolm hitting Sibeal and her screaming for him to stop. Alex, if you had heard your
sons’ stories
and done nothing, what would they think of you? What would the clan think of you? They would think that everyone else had to act in a reasonable fashion, but that the rules were different for Malcolm. Just for Malcolm. What kind of message would that be? Is that what you wish your sons to see? Better that they see you angry as you defend Sibeal and yourself— and me, my love—than that you let Malcolm hurt people while you look the other way. It would be a betrayal of all you've taught them." I paused and continued in a calmer tone. "You should not be ashamed, my love. You should be proud. You told the truth and damned the consequences. I'm not glad it happened, but I'm not sorry either."

He was silent for so long that I wondered what he was thinking, but at last he nodded and squeezed my hand. He held it to his lips and kissed my fingers. And then he met my eyes again, his tranquil now. "I love ye, Mary Rose," he said softly.

"I know you do, Alex," I said, looking into his eyes. "And I encourage it," He smiled at me.

STRETCHED OUT ON THE PLAID WE HAD BROUGHT, PULLING my skirts to my knees and settling down on my back with a sigh of pure pleasure, then closed my eyes and soaked in the warmth, listening to the roar of the surf breaking on the other side of the headland.

"When was the last time we spent a day like this?" I asked.

"When was the last time the sun was here for more than an hour?" Alex answered, flinging himself down next to me.

We had stolen away and climbed up to the top of the hill behind Kilgannon, admiring the view but most of all enjoying the sun. The mountains were grand every day, but the sun was heavenly this late-summer afternoon. The summer of 1715 had been wet and cold, and today was the first perfect day in over a month. Even the Kilgannon games had been rained out. We had held them despite the weather, but few attended and it was a soggy and less-than-successful gathering. I felt Alex's shadow over me but did not open my eyes as I lifted my arms to him.

"Mary," he said. "Mary Rose, I love ye, lass." His lips were soft on mine and I felt his hair fall onto my cheek.

"And I you, my
darlin' man
." "Thank ye for marrying me." He kissed my forehead.

"Thank you for asking."

He played with my hair where it spilled onto the plaid next to him. "Do ye ever think on Robert and what yer life would have been like had ye married him?" I opened my eyes and looked at him, his eyes the same blue as the loch below us and as unfathomable.