Kickass Anthology (30 page)

“Jay, come home with me.”

“No. No, I couldn’t.”

“You wouldn’t be imposing, if that’s what you’re worried about.  I wasn’t looking forward to spending Christmas alone. You’d be doing me a favor.”

Sheldon stood and left some bills on the table.  Jay seemed to make a decision. He shrugged into  his still-wet coat, picked up his pack, leaned over and blew on the pile of paper scraps, sending them skittering like snowflakes across the table top. Sheldon threw down another bill for the waitress who would have to clean up the mess. Like always.

Sheldon’s place was a walk-up in an old tenement that had been renovated as part of a neighborhood gentrification project. There were two railroad flats to a floor with a chimney and fireplace on the wall shared with the building next door. Chips of mortar had fallen out in places, so when tenants on one side didn’t have a fire going, they could see through and know if their neighbors did.

Sheldon led the way to the third floor, unlocked the door, flicked on the light and stepped back to let Jay enter. The place was smallish and homey. A comfortable looking “flop couch” sat adjacent to the fireplace, facing windows that overlooked the street. A mismatched pair of upholstered chairs sat opposite the couch. These and the rest of the furniture had a thrift shop look, but Sheldon had thoughtfully kept to a blue and brown color scheme, which somehow made it all look as if it belonged together.

“Drop your pack here by the door. Let me take your coat.  Can I get you anything? Coffee? Or maybe not, if it’ll keep you awake.”

“I can’t imagine I’ll sleep,” Jay said, shaking out his hair and combing through it with his fingers. Sheldon took a few steps down the hall and opened a closet. He returned with a towel and handed it to Jay to dry his hair.

“Thanks.”

“How about another hot cocoa? Sound good?” Sheldon  disappeared in the direction of the kitchen.  “Make yourself at home.”

Jay stood in the dim living room holding the wet towel and looked around. Shelly had put a small Christmas tree by the windows and  the room smelled of evergreen and sandalwood. He tried to picture the Sheldon who had been his nanny, his idol, his tutor, his confidant, his one constant friend from the time he was ten until everything went to shit.  The guy who always let him have those extra treats,  let him play in the office, and delighted in showing him the world.

When Jay had developed an interest in aviation, Shel took him to watch the planes at the airport. He showed Jay around inside the company’s Gulfstream. They spent hours making paper airplanes, trying different folds and configurations,  before flying them in the halls to see whose plane would fly the farthest.

When the weather was nice, they would go to the park where there was a zoo. Even when he was 15 or 16, well past the age of needing a babysitter, Jay loved that Shel took off from work and spent his days with him. And the nights, too, if only in Jay’s imagination. Of course, by then it was for reasons other than sightseeing. 

Jay’s jeans felt snug as they dried on his body. Just in case anything showed, he pulled his shirt out of his pants so it hung loose below his hips.

Sheldon returned with two steaming mugs that sent out a heavenly chocolaty aroma.

Jay looked into his and exclaimed “Marshmallows!” He lifted it to his lips and blew over the steaming surface.

“Let it cool, Tiger. You’ll burn your mouth.” 

Jay set his mug on the coffee table. “God, nobody’s called me Tiger in forever.”

“I always called you Tiger, Jay. Remember how that started?”

“Kind of.” He cocked his head to the side, searching his memory.

“When you were a kid and we went to the zoo, you had to see the tiger every time. You would’ve watched that cat all day if you could. And then you’d tell me all about how strong and graceful and brave he was. So, whenever you were afraid or lonely, we’d pretend you were a tiger to frighten the scary stuff away.”

"Yeah. Now I remember.” Jay nodded.

“Want a fire?” Shel took a long fireplace match from a jar on the mantle, lit the fire, and then settled on the couch.

Jay sat in one of the chairs. He turned and touched a branch of the tree, making the ornaments bob and the tinsel flutter. “I didn’t know Jewish people had Christmas trees, Shel.”

Sheldon laughed. “I call it a Hanukah bush. I have a menorah, too.” He pointed to a polished brass candelabrum on the mantle next to the matches. 

“Jay, can I ask what really brought you back now?”

Jay asked himself / wondered how much of the truth he could tell the man. How much of the truth did he even know himself?

“It’s a long story. Five years long. Seven hundred twenty four pages, to be exact.”  He made a sound somewhere between a laugh and clearing his throat.

“When the Old Man kicked me out, I left with the clothes on my back and my laptop. I bummed around the country, working odd jobs, sleeping rough.  Looking for I don’t know what, and writing at night. In the last year or so, I was doing the writing thing pretty much all the time. Then I sold my first novel and I don’t know, fuck, I thought maybe it would explain things. Make a difference. You know, prodigal son makes good, returns, gets welcomed home. I think all that time I was out there wandering around I was really trying to find my way home, if that makes any sense.” The sadness in his eyes was painful to see.

“Did you find what you were looking for?”

“No, I didn’t. That’s why I came back. But this isn’t home, either. I think I always knew that.”

They watched the fire, each thinking his own thoughts.  Shel picked up a poker and rearranged the logs, sending swirls of little sparks up the chimney. 

 “Jay, there is something more you should know. About your father.  About Abel Enterprises. If you’re going to hang around for any time at all, you’ll find out anyway.” Now for the hard part. “Mr.  Abel – your father’s death -- it complicates everything. His personal life insurance, for which you are the beneficiary, by the way, won’t pay out because of the suicide ruling. But the business had a billion dollar key man policy on him and it looks like that one will come through.”

“A billion!” he blurted.  “I had no idea anyone could be worth that much. I can’t even imagine how much it is.”

“The company held the policy. I handled paying the premiums. It is uncommon for a company as large as Abel Enterprises to have key man insurance. And I think the billion dollar figure is extremely unusual. I wasn’t involved in the purchase, so I don’t know any details, but I think it’s a fairly recent policy,  since Mr. Abel had a heart attack scare a year ago.” He paused, waiting for a question. Jay remained silent.

“What I do know is, the business is in trouble. Megaro says he’s doing us all a favor by taking over the company to save your father’s reputation. Personally, I’m not so sure. It’s all nice and legal. And mighty darned fast, if you ask me. Like he had a plan in place, all ready to go in case something happened. Look, in less than a week he’s let the entire senior staff go and sealed the place until after the holidays, except for my office. I have until New Year’s Eve to pack up and get out.”

“He fired everyone?”

“The general employees will stay for now.”

“But you don’t? Just like that? Where are you supposed to go? You’ve always been here, worked for the old man. Able Enterprises is your home. Where the hell will you go?”

Sheldon stared into the flames and shook his head.  “I have no idea.”

The company had been Sheldon's place / home? since he was a teenage summer intern in the mail room. The Old Man was impressed and helped him through college. When he graduated, the company took him on full time, and a few months later he started law school. For over half his life, he had been part of Able Enterprises.  The Old Man had been the closest thing to a father Shel had ever known.  He sighed and put his face in his hands.

Jay leaned forward. “Listen, whatever my father was or wasn’t, he would never bail out on you. In many ways, you were more of a son to him than I ever was. And for sure he would never abandon his business. He may not have been much of a parent, but he loved Abel Enterprises. It was his real baby. Like you said, he was the key person.  He would not just leave.”

Jay tried clearing his throat again, and took a deep breath.  Tears started rolling down his face.

“He left me a long time ago, didn’t he?” It wasn’t a question.

“Your father was a complicated man, Tiger.”

The pressure that had been building in his chest and behind his eyes all evening proved too strong. Jay’s tears flowed down his cheeks. He gasped for air. His whole body shook. Sheldon knelt next to the chair and wrapped his arms around Jay. Jay’s body was rigid as he leaned stiffly into the embrace, shaking and sobbing.

When the worst was over, Sheldon pulled Jay to his feet and led him to the couch where they could sit together. “C’mere, Tiger.” Shel sat in the corner of the couch and pulled Jay close so his head rested on Shel’s chest. He stroked Jay’s hair, smoothing it over the grieving man’s shoulders and back. There was nothing sensuous about the action. Of course not, he assured himself. It was about comfort, about connection and comfort. 

They sat that way, Sheldon cradling Jay’s body, now all relaxed and pliant, finger combing and playing with his hair. Jay sniffled softly. The fire burned down and the cocoa cooled. At last, Jay quieted. His breathing became slow and even. He might even have fallen asleep for a few minutes. He drifted, escaping into an old sandalwood- scented dream where Sheldon was his lover. He hadn’t been with anyone for weeks. His cock hardened as he began to build the scene.

Stiff from sitting in the now cold room, Sheldon tried to pull his arm out from under Jay. ”Gotta let me up, Tiger. Time for bed.”

Jay half woke with a start and sat up. His eyes were wild, disoriented, but his body registered pain where his cock pressed against his zipper. Shel’s face filled his vision. Without thinking, maybe even still dreaming, Jay leaned in and brushed Shel’s lips with his own. The contact was feather light, barely a touch, and over just that fast. He pulled away and a startled Shel leaned with him, trying to hold onto the unexpected contact. A second kiss followed, more forceful, with tongues slipping past lips then moving, pushing, thrusting.  It was impossible to say which one of them initiated it. Jay’s tongue played over the little gap between Shel’s teeth.

Some part of Sheldon’s brain remembered reading that people under real stress, like in wartime, sometimes turned to sex to hold the horror at bay. Was that what was happening here in his living room? Panic sex? And if it was, was it Jay who needed this, or himself?

A distant carillon began to play
O Holy Night
and the spell, whatever it was, was shattered.

“Come on; let’s get you set up.” Shel stood and practically fled down the hall, returning with sheets and a blanket.

“Bathroom’s at the end on the right. There are clean towels and a toothbrush. If you need anything else, just holler.” He kept the couch between himself and Jay. His voice sounded strained.

As Shel turned to go, Jay stepped around the end of the couch, caught his arm and pulled him back. The pull was gentle and very deliberate. Jay rubbed his hand up and down Sheldon’s bicep. If there had been any doubt about intention, Jay brushed it away.  Shel smelled of cocoa and sandalwood and sweat. Powerful emotions worked themselves into a frenzied blizzard of feeling around them. Then Sheldon was returning the embrace. Oh god, he was kissing Jay. The passion of a thousand lonely nights flared brighter than a Christmas star.

Until that moment, Jay hadn’t known for sure if Sheldon was gay.. In the beginning, when he was still a kid discovering his own desires, Jay had been kept so isolated, without friends his own age, he had been a prisoner of wealth and neglect.  Young, handsome, twenty-something Sheldon had taken an interest in Jay and ignited a flame of desire that apparently still smoldered. Shel never talked about sex or women. Nothing like that. Maybe he was just being careful about not appearing too friendly with the boss’s son. Or maybe, Jay thought, he just wasn’t interested.