Keyshia and Clyde (18 page)

“I ain't gonna be having these motherfuckas touching me and telling me what to do, 'cause I'm gonna wind up killing one of these punk-ass cops or they gonna kill me. I refuse to live on my knees. I'll die before I do that!”

Keyshia searched his face and knew that he meant it. She pulled herself together and took a deep breath and shook her head. “I'm with you, Clyde. I'm with you and ready to die with you!” she vowed.

Clyde nodded and sat back with a smile. A smile came over her face as well, and they just stared at each other, relieved of all the pressure they'd felt earlier.

Chapter 32
_______________

Keyshia went to see Clyde nearly every visiting day in the two months that he was incarcerated. During most of their visits, they planned and strategized everything for the coming trial. Clyde decided to fight it out in court, and hopefully the truth would come out. But if not, they were willing to let the chips fall where they may and go out in a blaze. Even though Keyshia saw him three times a week on visits, that didn't stop her from writing every day. Clyde warned her not to write anything incriminating in the letters because his mail appeared to have been tampered with and read, so he taught her how to write in a code that only they would understand. This wound up being more effective than they could have ever imagined later on. Clyde began to grow suspicious of the relationship between her and Ceasar because neither spoke to the other, nor would either tell Clyde why. He decided to let his questions go because he had too much on his plate as it was.

Keyshia was running low on funds, and her biggest expenses were transportation to see Clyde and rent. Everything else she could manage, such as food, because she ate little. She didn't want to tell Clyde, but she had no choice; she was going broke. When she finally told him, she was surprised how quickly he solved the problem. He told Sonny, and the next thing she knew, his girlfriend, Cheryl, was at her door with groceries and enough money to pay the rent for six months and then some. Keyshia thanked her, and Cheryl assured her that it was Sonny's money and to call her when her money got low.

One morning Keyshia woke up sick and nauseated and ran to the bathroom to throw up. She paid no mind to it initially, but the symptoms became more consistent and problematic. She recalled having the same feeling at one point in her life, but she didn't want to believe it was possible. She bought one of those home pregnancy tests, and to her horror and surprise—it came back positive. She was dazed. She didn't know what to do and had to be sure, so she went to the health station, and sure enough, she was three months pregnant.

Keyshia was now torn by the news and couldn't believe her growing misfortune. She was alone and cried till she had nothing left. She didn't know how she was going to break the news to Clyde and came to the decision that she would keep everything to herself and let nothing come between her and her man's fate.

•                  •                  •

Keyshia arrived on Rikers Island to visit Clyde but was informed by one of the administrating officers that he was no longer allowed visits. The news caught her off guard, and she asked to see the person in charge. After waiting nearly an hour, a captain came out and spoke to her.

“Ms. Simmons?” the captain asked.

Keyshia nodded and said, “Yes, I'm Ms. Simmons, and I'm here for Clyde Barker.” He put on his glasses and checked his chart, mumbling to himself as he searched for his name, “Barker, Clyde, Barker, Clyde . . . okay, Clyde Barker, yes, ma'am.” He took off his glasses and said, “Yes, Ms. Simmons, Mr. Barker had to be placed in segregation. It appears that Mr. Barker attacked an officer, and when an inmate exhibits violent behavior, he is placed in segregation and all privileges such as visitation are taken away.”

Keyshia was heartbroken. “When will his visitation privileges be restored?”

“Well, to be quite honest with you, this has been Mr. Barker's second infraction of committing a violent act on an officer. His privileges are removed indefinitely.” The officer seemed sympathetic. Keyshia was numb as she stared at the floor, not knowing what to do next. The officer asked, “Ms. Simmons, are you okay?”

Keyshia snapped out of her momentary shock and said, “Yes, but do you think I can visit his brother Sonny Barker? He's in the same house.”

The officer nodded. “Yes, come with me.” The captain escorted Keyshia to the visiting room and even went into Sonny's wing and escorted him back.

When Sonny entered the room and saw Keyshia, he put his head down and walked over to her slowly. Keyshia stood and looked him in the eyes without saying a word. Sonny said, “Hey, sis.”

A tear fell from Keyshia's eyes, and he quickly embraced her. They sat down, and Sonny explained everything that had gone down with his brother inside the walls.

“Clyde just ain't built for this shit. I mean, me and my man Wolf been doing li'l skid bids all our life, we could eat them ten years, but Clyde, he seems like he can't do none. I mean, he ain't a punk or nothing, he just, I don't know what it is.” Sonny kept shaking his head. “It's like he just changing, like he's losing his mind,” Sonny tried to explain. “It's like, it's like he just turned cold, like he lost the will to live or something. First he wouldn't talk to the police, then he just stopped talking to everybody—including me.” Sonny gazed at the walls as he continued, “Then he really started bugging, and that's why they put him in deep seg. He started refusing to do anything the police said, then out of the blue, he beat this officer down just because he asked to see his ID card, yo.” Sonny shook his head. “Clyde just attacked him like he was crazy, and when the other duty officer came to help him . . .” He looked at Keyshia before he said, “He bit a piece of his fucking ear off, yo!” Keyshia put her head down.

He shook his head and tears began to fall from his eyes. He looked at Keyshia and said, “I never wanted to get Clyde stuck like this. It's all my fault, 'cause I was fucking greedy.” His eyes pleaded with Keyshia. “I would gladly take his years for him, Keyshia, you got to believe me. I would never want to see my baby brother like this. I'm dying inside because of it, you hear me, dying! I never should have tried to rob that bank, that ain't my fucking style, I don't know what I was thinking.” Sonny clenched his jaw. “I should have never listened to her fucking greedy ass in the first place!”

Keyshia frowned and thought back to what Clyde had said about Martha right before they got to the bank that morning when he called her greedy. “Who are you talking about, Sonny?”

Sonny shook his head and waved off his comment. “Nothing, it's not important.”

They made small talk, and Keyshia told him about the trip they took upstate to see his father.

“Y'all did what?” Sonny said with surprise and anger.

Keyshia explained to him about why Clyde wanted to confront his father. “He actually went there to confront him and make him answer for your mother. Clyde was gonna give him an option of killing himself or waiting till he got out and then he was gonna kill him.” Sonny's eyes burned with intensity as he listened. “Clyde even smuggled in some pills that was laced with poison to give him.”

“So what happened?” Sonny asked quickly.

“He didn't give them to him.”

Sonny was livid. “Why not?”

“ 'Cause he changed his mind. He didn't think that he shot your mother.”

Sonny rolled his eyes and gripped his seat tightly to prevent himself from standing up and throwing the chair. “And he believed that lying bastard?”

Keyshia shook her head. “Sonny, one thing I learned about Clyde is that he's a good judge of character. He knows how to read people, read people's minds. He could tell if they were a friend or enemy, lying or telling the truth, reliable or untrustworthy, just by watching their body language.”

Sonny nodded. “Yeah, he always been like that.” He chuckled. “That li'l nigga wouldn't say a word, just watch you. And when you think he wasn't looking, he would tell you about yourself if you tried to put one over on him.”

Keyshia said, “That's why he forgave your father, Sonny, because he knew he loved your mother too much to ever hurt her.”

Sonny folded his arms and thought about everything she said. “Well, somebody did. That bullet ain't get in her face by itself.”

After their visit was over, they hugged and said their good byes. “You make sure you take care of yourself out there and don't worry yourself to death, awright?” Sonny said like a big brother. Keyshia smiled and said that she wouldn't. She turned and was walking away when Sonny yelled out, “Yo, Keysh!”

Keyshia turned and watched him eye the floor like a child. “Yeah, Sonny?”

He looked up and said, “I'm glad to have you in the family.”

Keyshia smiled and said, “Thank you, Sonny.”

They walked away, and again Sonny called out to her: “Oh, yeah, happy birthday!”

Keyshia frowned for a moment and suddenly realized that it was in fact her eighteenth birthday and she hadn't even remembered it because of everything that was going on.

Sonny smiled and said, “Clyde was mentioning your birthday so much, the date never left my head.”

It had been more than six months since Clyde was put into deep segregation, since Keyshia had heard or spoken to him. Unable to see him, she turned miserable and reclusive. She no longer came outside other than to drop letters to Clyde into the corner mailbox. Her world consisted of their one-bedroom basement apartment. The outside world no longer mattered to her as resentment and anger festered within her. The pregnancy was hard on her as she endured both physical and psychological pain throughout the day, and it was even harder at night. Many days she just wanted to end it right there, but she knew she had a mission to do before dying. But each time she felt her growing stomach, she couldn't help but wonder—what if she could turn back the hands of time? What if Clyde were there with her and she were in his arms as he caressed her stomach? What if they were having a boy? What if this were just a demented nightmare?

Even though Keyshia wrote Clyde faithfully every day, he no longer wrote back. She stayed in contact with his public defender to try to get an update on his case and court dates. He seemed to be overworked and too busy to speak to her in depth, which always pissed Keyshia off, but she tolerated it just to get even a bit of information. After their indictments were handed down and Clyde pleaded not guilty, all Keyshia could do was wait till his trial date, which he said would be anywhere from six months up to a year.

It was February 14, Valentine's Day, when the letter arrived, eight months from the day he was arrested—it was from Clyde. She read the letter over and over again:

Keyshia knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was now the beginning of the end for them, and she was relieved. The mental duress of being away from Clyde was just too much for her to take any longer.

On Clyde's first day in court, on Wednesday, Keyshia was already seated in the front when they brought him into the courtroom. He wore an off-color brown suit that looked two sizes too small for him. He also had on a funky old-fashioned brown tie that looked as though someone had attempted to fix around his collar but had given up. His normally well-groomed hair was now a short, matted Afro with ragged sideburns that made him look like he was reliving the sixties. He looked so innocent and helpless as he sat in the defendant's chair, turning around periodically to get a glimpse of her. She wanted to cry! Keyshia wanted to hug him, to kiss him, or even touch him, but she knew it would be impossible. She turned suddenly and spotted Ceasar, whom she hadn't spoken to since the day she'd accused him of wrongdoing. She knew by his expression that he was equally appalled at his brother's appearance. Ceasar nodded, and she nodded in return and turned around.

When the judge entered everyone was told to rise. Keyshia vowed that she would do everything in her power to prevent Clyde from seeing her condition. She didn't want that issue to enter his mind and cause him unnecessary worry and pain. She hid her body from him by ensuring that she would always be in the courtroom before he entered and exit only after he was gone.

Pretrial jury selection had already taken place, and this was the first day the DA would present evidence to the jury. Keyshia hadn't heard a word of what was said by either attorney. The only thing that mattered was seeing her man Clyde, who was a mere ten feet in front of her.

The prosecutor vowed to the jurors that this was an open-and-shut case and that they had videos, they had fingerprints, and they had eyewitnesses. By the time he finished his opening argument, you would have thought Clyde was the Antichrist.

After two days of presenting evidence, hearing from witnesses, and watching the incriminating videos, the prosecution and defense gave their closing arguments and rested. Clyde never took the stand.

The jury was adjourned until Monday morning, when a verdict would be rendered. Keyshia was sure that it would be a long weekend.