Keeping Her Love (19 page)

“Like you?”

“Like someone he could feel himself around. I was simultaneously easy to relate to while also being very close to him. If he were with me, he wouldn’t have to go out into the real world and get his heart broken by someone. I thought he had chosen me because he loved me. I mean, he did love me and he does now, but… I think the root cause of our relationship was that. Maybe a girl rejected him and he needed a rebound of sorts in me. I’m not sure exactly what spurred it, but it just happened one day.”

“How did it happen, exactly? He just put his hands on your or something?”

She took a deep breath, as if gathering all the words in her chest so that they could come tumbling out again. “We were on a camping trip with my parents. We were having a good time while we were out there, especially Max and I as a group. Our parents wanted to do their own thing hanging out at the campsite while Max and I were more interested in exploring the area. Apparently it was this hidden gem that people around the world knew about, but I’d never heard of it before.
 

“Anyway, we ventured towards this lake towards the end of the day. Max wanted to go swimming, but I told him that it was getting too late, and that our parents were waiting for us. Somehow he talked me into it, and just as we both entered the water, the sun was setting. We were both in only our underwear. I don’t think Max had ever seen me in that way before, because the way he looked at me…”

She blushed and brushed a piece of hair back.
 

“Um, anyway, I’ll spare you too many details. We swam together and had fun, until it gradually developed into something less innocent. We were still having fun touching each other and being naughty, but I looked at my brother in a new way that night. We would have stayed there the whole evening through if we didn’t have to worry about our parents. I felt… excited, but I also wondered a lot about what had happened. I wouldn’t say that I was confused, merely that I knew what we had done would have gained disapproval from most anyone that would find out about it.

“I thought that that would be the end of it. At first, anyway. We ate dinner with my parents, had some s’mores, sang songs, and then went to our respective tents. Max and I shared our own, and so that night…”

“… You guys made love again?”

“Yes.” Tula looked up at Rhett like she were a student in trouble with the principal. “Does this all disturb you?”

“I think it would bother me whether it was Max or some guy you were dating in the past that had no relation to you.”

They approached the river bed. There was a large swath of large pebbles near the shore, so they chose to spread their blanket in a grassy plane just about there. As they set everything up and then began to eat, Rhett couldn’t help but think over and over about what she had said. He wondered in particular if, despite the bad ways that Max acted, if he was really second best or some kind of rebound. Despite all of the romantic things he had tried to do for Tula, she seemed to possess a special relish when she recalled what had happened between herself and her brother at the lake.
 

Has she ever felt that way about a time that we had spent together?
He wondered.
I know that I remember with happiness the times I would be able to go in the bakery in the morning and see her smiling face. But what about me? I know we haven’t been together too long, and that Max probably ruined whatever nice memories I tried to create while we were living together, but do I come close at least? She tells me she loves me all the time, but what are the emotions she feels when she says it?

As she was sitting across from him, making small bites into her ham sandwich, Rhett had to ask: “If Max were normal, like not possessive and strange, would you have stayed with him?”

She didn’t look to him as she thought about it.
 

He knew it was unfair. Rhett didn’t have a past for Tula to pick apart like she did. The longest relationship that Rhett had had in the last decade was around six months, and that was only so that his ‘girlfriend’ could have a prom date for her last year of high school. He’d had around five flings in total, and while they weren’t always bad experiences, they were nothing like what he would call ‘true love.’ Tula had given her heart to someone else before him, and he couldn’t help but think he was bringing heartache on himself by being curious.

Tula responded, “I can’t really say. I knew that what we did was wrong. But what does ‘wrong’ really mean? We never hurt anyone and it was completely consensual. Our parents would disapprove of what we did, but they disapprove of a lot of things that I would like to do that’s essentially harmless. We could have broken up for other reasons besides the fact that we’re siblings. I guess in the back of my mind I knew that it could never last. I was always just waiting for the day that a catalyst would come causing me to break it off for good. That day came when you walked into Karma’s Bakery and asked to see me.”

“Did you fall for me when you saw me for the first time?”

“Oh, yes,” she responded with a smile.

They couldn’t help but share a glow when she said it. Rhett felt more assured about his status with her, and the way she felt about him. “I fell for you too, when I saw you. I never really believed in love at first sight before then, and I didn’t know if it was really happening when I spoke to you for the first time, but the feeling was so strong.”

“I kept wondering if I was getting carried away for no reason when we first met. I thought that I might never see you again, or that I’d later find out that you were some kind of stalker. Or, you know, something else would break the bubble of attraction. But no… I started to really fall for you. I’d stare at the clock in the morning, waiting for the time that I knew you would show up. I’d peek out from behind the barrier, seeing if I could spot that red Camaro.”

“How long after you had been with me did you break it off with Max?”

She sipped some iced tea. “After our first date. I couldn’t believe that I’d done it when I did. In the back of my mind, I figured that I’d chicken out and keep you both in the dark about each other. In a way, I guess I did. I told Max that I was done with being with him in that way, and threatened to tell our parents about what we had done if he tried to cajole me into staying together. To say that he was upset about the news would be putting it lightly. I weathered through all of it, though, standing resolute in my decision. I think that the immature way he had handled it really cemented the idea in my mind that he wasn’t the one for me.”

“What did he do?”

“Oh, he basically threw a giant tantrum. Threatening me, telling me I was a horrible person, yelling, saying he was going to kill himself… He basically spewed anything out of his mouth he could if he thought he could convince me to take it all back. I never mentioned anything about you at the time, and I’m glad that I didn’t. He would have likely tried to sabotage the relationship at the early point we were going out. I don’t know what possessed me to think that it would be all right to have you living with the family. I guess Max was on better behavior than usual, though he was acting rather aloof around everyone. I guess I just wanted to have the happy family I’d envisioned by keeping you around. It definitely backfired.”

Rhett nodded. “Do you think that your brother is a little messed up in the head?”

“I definitely think there’s something a bit wrong with him. Some kind of sociopathic streak? We’re twins, and there are some things that are similar about us, particularly our looks, but our personalities are rather different. Maybe he just needs therapy, I don’t know. I think leaving him to his own devices isn’t going to do anyone any good. He needs a therapist or something to help him talk out his issues. Because my parents never knew anything about our relationship or what he did to you, they don’t know he needs help, so he never got it. I mean, I might need someone else to talk to after all of this.”

Rhett nodded solemnly. “How is it, at home?”

“He never told our parents what happened with you, though I’m not sure why. He just cleaned himself up in the bathroom and went to his room for the rest of the night. He told my mother that he was sick, and then when she came in, hid under the covers to disguise his face. I’m sure he tried to sneak out today when he went to school. His face did not look pleasant by the time you were done with him.”

“I hope you don’t think that I’m a violent person. I don’t usually do that kind of thing.”

She shrugged. “It’s understandable, after all he did. You can’t poke and prod a person and not expect something to come of it. He’s a little spoiled, you know? My parents always tried to give him everything he ever needed, and I’m a rather patient person, so he’s not used to getting anything besides his own way. I really don’t think he expected you to lash out like that. He probably thought the news would disgust you and drive you away. Honestly, when it happened, I thought that you would react the same way. But you stayed. Why you did, I don’t know. I don’t deserve the kind way you’ve been treating me. I’ve kept this secret from you when I should have been forthright.”

 
He touched her arm. “Tula, it would take a lot more than that to drive me away. I love you. You’re kind, generous, and loving. Your brother obviously took advantage of that and eventually also took it for granted. Even after all of this, I still want you to be my wife. I just wish you would get away from these people. Obviously, I don’t want you anywhere near Max, but I don’t know that being around the rest of your family is great right now, either. I wish that you’d reconsider the idea of moving in with me and my mother. Just for a little while, to clear your head. At least give me that.”

“Actually, I had been giving the idea a thought. I think that you’re right, and saying it out loud, it’s become really apparent to me that I’ve been living in a dysfunctional situation. Max will use our family against me in any way he sees fit, and I have no doubt that he will try to get me back. I need to start living for myself and doing what I think is right.”

“Yes, I agree!”

She had an eager look in her eye when she shared eye contact with him. “It’s all right then, with your mother if I stay? It’s still on the table?”

“Yes, of course. I want you to come live with me.”

“You’re not angry at me, even after all I explained to you? You must be upset about some of what I said.”

Rhett swallowed. “Well, I’m not crazy about your history. But I mean, nobody’s perfect. There’s probably stuff about me that you wouldn’t like. But c’mon—I think your heart is in the right place. The person I really have a beef with is your brother. By telling me that you want to get away from him, it’s really confirming that it’s your desire to end all this bullshit. I forgive you for not letting me in on what happened with him. Just let me know that you’re in it with me, that you’re ready to move on. It’s a clean slate to me, as far as I’m concerned, if you can tell me that.”

“Rhett, I love you. I want to make it work with you.”

They finished their meal next to the river, and Rhett felt better about the whole situation with Tula than he had in weeks. They plotted out what they would do on the drive home, ultimately deciding that telling Tula’s parents what they were up to would be a worse idea than the alternative. It wasn’t a great plan—or even a good plan to dodge the parents—but to tell Mr. and Mrs. Florian what they were going to do would create a bomb of conflict. Better that the bomb went off outside the vicinity of where they were standing.

What would they do about moving out, though? Tula’s parents were certainly home at that hour, and Max was soon to follow from the university.

“We’ll come back tomorrow when they’re gone,” said Tula. “For now, let’s just go to your mom’s.”

They did just that, and as they pulled up to the old Victorian house, Tula sent a mass text message to her family explaining what she was up to.
 

“What exactly did you tell them?” Rhett asked as he pulled the key out of the ignition.

“Just that I’m staying with your mom for a little while.”

“‘A little while?’”

“I wanted to soften the blow a bit. You know, ease them in to the idea. No matter how I worded it, I’m sure I’d get a very long phone call from my mother. I’m gonna put my phone on silent until I’m settled.”

“Sounds like a good idea.”

They walked up to the house, and not surprising Rhett, his mother wasn’t home. Tula and he lounged on the couch, watching daytime talk shows until she turned up. She was excited to see that Tula was there, sending a wink to Rhett as she gave the young woman a hug. They had only been acquainted once before, though in that brief span of time, they had both decided that they liked each other.

“It’s so nice to see you again, Mrs. Williams,” Tula said sweetly after breaking the embrace.

“It’s Ms. Espenata, dear. And call me Violet.”

“Oh!” Tula blushed.

They shared a dinner of steak and salad to celebrate the joining of Tula to the house, Rhett’s mother sprinkling some tips as she cooked on how to avoid any more conflict than was necessary. Rhett felt a certain measure of happiness as he sat on the stool with Tula, watching his mother cook. He felt that
this
was what a happy family was supposed to feel like. Not having to tip-toe around pleasing Tula’s parents, not having to avoid obnoxious relatives like Layla and Max… Here, with the two women who meant the most to him in life. They could talk candidly to one another, laugh together, and generally just feel at ease. He didn’t want this world to be pulled away from him, and internally decided that he would do whatever he could to keep this reality a stable part of his life.

When they finished dinner, following it up with a dessert of chocolate mousse, Tula and Rhett headed upstairs to their little abode. The bed was a double instead of the twin that Rhett had grown up on, thank goodness, and Rhett firmly closed the door behind them as they launched themselves on the comforter. They held and groped one another, giggling to each other with a lust-born abandonment.