Keep it Secret (19 page)

“Damn it! Ava, I’m sorry. I’m
so sorry, you're obviously going through something and you asked me
to be your friend and I go and kiss you. I’m sorry! It’s just
having you here in my room—and you’re in my shirt—I’ve never seen
anything sexier in my life. I’m an idiot. I’m sorry.” He was
rambling and I couldn’t help but be turned on even more by
him.
I needed him
. Stomping towards him I grabbed the collar of his shirt and
yanked him down, kissing his plump lips painfully hard. Gabriel
returned the kiss sliding his tongue in my mouth once again our
kisses became savage filled with desire. The sensation to feel more
of him overwhelmed me I bite his bottom lip a little hard, Gabriel
groaned as he grabbed my ass lifting me up I wrapped my legs around
his waist while he walked to the bed. He came to a stop I slid my
legs off of him our mouths parting just for a moment as he reached
for the hem of the shirt lifting it off my naked body.

“Jesus Christ.” He sucked in a
breath stepping back to admire my entire body. His stare fueled the
fire burning inside. This was all taking too long I was on the
verge of dripping that’s how wet I was. But Gabriel wanted to take
his time, gently he kissed my forehead, then my nose, again on both
my cheeks, chin. His sweet kisses made me feel loved and cherished,
something I had never felt from a guy I was about to have sex with.
Next was my neck, gently he pushed me to the edge of the bed laying
me down he hovered over my naked body as he continued his path of
kisses. This time he started on my chest moving slowly down the
valley in between my breast, then over to my right side where my
tattoo was next he moved down my stomach. His face was so close to
my warmth. Excitement filled me. I stiffened as he moved past
it.
Tease.
His
kisses trail down my thigh to my toes. I giggled…well I Ava giggled
as he reached the arch of my foot. I felt his smile on my skin,
reaching down I grabbed his face bringing him back to my lips I
opened my legs positioning him where I wanted him to be his
erection pressed against my V making me needier. Enough of this
mushy shit I needed him inside of me now! Frantically, I pulled his
shirt off admiring his perfect torso making my mouth
water.

“Ava, I really, really want
to do this…but I don’t have any protection and I know you don't
either.” He said his voice shaky looking down in disappointment. I
was on birth control. Depo-Provera to be exact and I was clean,
regularly getting checked but I didn’t know what other sexual
partners he’s had and people…lie. I wasn’t going to risk catching
something regardless of how much I wanted him. Like I said I might
be a slut but I’m not stupid.

“It’s…it’s all right, Blue…I
just need to feel you next to me, is that okay?” I responded
breathing heavy with disappointment. I tried, but I knew I failed
in trying to hide the letdown in my voice. He reluctantly nodded
slipping off his pants and shoes he laid next to me in his boxers.
He laid flat on his back pulling me close to him along with the bed
sheet.

“Can I ask you something?”
He spoke after several minutes of silence.

“Of course.”

“The tattoo on your ribs,
did that hurt?” He asked as his fingertips lightly trail the ink on
my side.

“It was one of the most
painful things I’ve ever had to endure.” I looked up to meet his
reaction.

“I think it’s a pretty
awesome work of art.” He replied lifting my chin and kissing me
softly. I smiled at his sweet gesture.

“So…tell me more about your
parents.” I asked abruptly. His body stiffened against mine clearly
he was uncomfortable with my question. Still, he cleared his throat
to speak.

“Well…you’ve met my mom
and…uh…my dad…my dad he’s somewhere with his wife and kids.” His
answer caught me off guard, that’s not what I expected to hear it
was obviously a touchy subject and I wasn’t one to pry. This all
getting to know you stuff was all new to me. I guess there wasn’t
much I knew about Gabriel.

“I see.” I
replied.

“The last time I saw him I
was ten, but like the ‘responsible’ man that he is, he always sends
me a check every month. That’s why it’s so important for me to do
well in school and in sports. I need a full ride scholarship to
attend college. I don't want his money. I want to make something of
myself without him… you know?” Instantly, my chest contracted in
regret, I was a bitch to him that night on the track field. I
thought he was an average rich kid, with average rich kid problems.
But he was so far from it he wasn't expecting success to be handed
to him on a silver platter he was doing all the work by himself for
himself.

“Yeah, I understand. Listen,
Blue, I’m sorry for what I said that night in the track field.” I
looked up at him, hoping my regret was clear in my eyes.

“Don’t worry about it.” He
whispered shifting so I was no longer cuddled up on his side, now
he faced me propping himself up on his elbow he softly grazed his
thumb along my bottom lip. I closed my eyes counting backwards from
one hundred in my head. It was taking all of me not to jump him,
and his sweet simple gestures were making it extremely hard. Just
the fact that Gabriel was laying next to me only with the thin
cloth from his boxers between us was torture. His warm lips
feathered against mine our breaths in sync as they became jagged
possibly because we were both fighting the insane need growing
between us. My eyes flutter open to him licking his lips his
delicious breath was warm against my mouth as he spoke in a low
husky whisper.

“I was a virgin.” He mashed
his lips against mine, desperately I opened my mouth welcoming his
tongue—wait what? I pushed him back and sat up letting the sheet
that was covering my goodies pool around my waist.

“You were—what the fuck did
you just say, Gabriel?” I was speechless for once in my freaking
unholy life I was speechless.

Gabriel looked down but not
in embarrassment. He looked down to my exposed chest. Licking his
lips as his eyes hooded. I caught his hand as it reached to cup one
of my breasts smacking it away I gripped the sheet to cover
myself.

“Gabriel!” I
shrieked.

“Ouch!” He shook his hand
like it hurt and laughed. I’m glad he found this amusing because I
couldn’t see the fucking humor in it. I glared at him he instantly
shut up.

“Okay, okay I’m sorry. I was
a virgin, you took my virginity the night of Danny’s party.” He
said it like it was nothing, I mean before meeting Gabriel sex was
a cold and emotionless way for me to cope with losing control of my
life. But now I see it as something completely different, thanks to
him.

“How the hell do you go on
for seventeen years looking the way you do and not have chicks
constantly throwing themselves at you? I know you're a good guy,
Blue, but seriously you're still a dude.” I’m dumbfounded by his
confession I just couldn't wrap my brain around the situation but
then I started to place the pieces together, no wonder he wasn’t
aggressive that night in the bathroom. I thought it was cute the
way he hesitated, but in reality he just didn't know what he was
doing. And then it hit me. I raped him. I gasped snapping my hand
to my mouth, tears flooding my eyes.

“I raped you!” I croaked
burying my face in my hands.

“What! No, you didn't rape
me! Did I ever say no? I had the opportunity to leave the bathroom,
Ava, but I didn’t. You can’t rape the willing.” Gabriel said with
lightness in his voice as he lay back down on his back bringing me
with him. I felt incredibly stupid but also ashamed of myself. I
deflowered this beautiful boy, he said it was what he wanted but
the feeling that I had robbed him of something was heavy on my
heart.

“It was something I will
never forget not only was it amazing but because you opened me up,
Ava. You exposed a part of me I didn't know existed. I see life so
much differently because of you. That’s cheesy right?” He asked,
tenderly circling his fingertips against my bare
shoulder.

“No, not at all, honestly, I
feel the same way, Blue. You can’t begin to understand what you’ve
done for me.” His hold tightened around me making me forget all
about my shitty life. I closed my eyes as I felt his breathing
become steady against my cheek we fell asleep in each other’s
arms.

By the time, we woke up it
was dark outside. Gabriel, drove me home and once again dropped me
off a block away from the main gate at my request. I hated coming
back, but I had nowhere else to go I contemplated calling Declan.
Maybe I could stay with him a couple of days in Denver until
everything settled but the thought of dealing with Eric and Jordan
instantly evaporated that idea. The house was dark from the outside
I hoped everyone had gone to sleep by now. Stepping into the foyer,
I locked the front door behind me. Before I could run upstairs Rose
called my name.

“Shit! You startled me,
Rose! What are you doing lurking around in the shadows?” I said out
of breath feeling my heart thumping against my chest.

“I was waiting for you.” She
said softly. This was so unlike her, after a fight she wouldn't try
to talk to me she would just let it go.

“Come here. I want to show
you something.” She called, beckoning me with her hand as she
walked into the den.

“Rose, I’m not in the mood I
have to go—” before I could finish she interrupted me.

“I have pictures of
Babbo
I want you to
see.” She said over her shoulder, as if placed on a spell I stopped
dead in my tracks following her into the room. On the floor was a
picturesque disarray of pictures a collage of my father’s life
scattered before me. I dropped to my knees my hands rattled not
knowing which one to pick up first. My eyes snapped back and forth
with all the memories it felt like I had won the memory jackpot. I
picked up a white and black photo of a couple I had never seen
before the women in the photo was beautiful, her wedding dress was
something out of a fairy tale. It was a princess gown the lace
covered her arms and wrapped around her neck, a veil topped her
head that ran down past her gown trailing along the floor. The man
looked identical to my father. He was handsome chiseled strong jaw
with jet-black hair and matching eyes.

“That’s your grandfather,
Lorenzo and grandmother Teresa on their wedding day.” I nodded
still mesmerized by the pictures; carefully I placed it back in its
spot. A photo of me as a baby asleep on my dad’s chest lay in front
of me. Another of him and I covered in mud after I had tackled him
into a mud puddle. Picking it up I brushed my fingertip along my
dads face. He was striking, midnight hair, just like mine, his eyes
were a dark brown almost black. I remembered being out in public
with him and women stopping mid walk just to stare at him, not to
mention he had an Italian accent when he spoke and he was charming
to boot. He loved my mother with a passion they acted like
high-schooler’s every time they were together. Stealing kisses from
each other every chance they got they could never keep their hands
off each other. I loved seeing them so in love.

When I was younger I wanted
to fall in love with someone that way. And like an atomic bomb it
hit me, she lost the love of her life; her soul mate. The man that
after I left home, would be there to grow old with was no longer
alive. They shared so many memories together, shared hopes and
dreams and all that was taken from her. I’m not condoning what she
did, she royally fucked me up, but after five years I felt some
sort of compassion for her. The feelings I had for Gabriel don’t
compare one iota to what my parents shared, but because of Gabriel
I was able to understand why my mother was so devastated. The
sudden wave of emotion came crashing into my chest and all I wanted
was to be held by my mommy. That feeling you get when you’re sick
and all you need is a hug from your mom to make you feel
better.

“Mamma
?” I cried softly. Looking up at her, her eyes were pouring
tears arms open inviting me in for a hug. I leaped forward into her
arms and for the first time in five years she catches
me.

“Oh, Ava! Oh baby, I’m so
sorry, I’m so, so sorry,
bebè
.” She cradled my head rocking
back and forth raining tiny kisses all over my face. Her salty
tears dripped on my face but I didn’t care, all I wanted do was
bury my head in her arms and feel her love and warmth wrapped
around me, making me feel protected for once in a very long
time.

That night, we cried, yelled,
talked, cried and yelled some more until the sun rose. We discussed
everything and this time I didn’t hold back. We both agree to see a
therapist together, well I agreed. She manipulated me into it,
pulling the ‘
Babbo
would have wanted this’ card. Gawking at the giant clock that
hung in the den it read 9:30 in the morning. Shit, I guess no
school for me today.

“Where’s everyone, its
9:30?” I asked standing to stretch my legs.

“They left yesterday
afternoon, they’re staying in a hotel so we could have some
privacy. We should probably get some sleep and stop while we’re
ahead.”

I nodded trying to hold back a
massive yawn, sluggishly; we walked back to our rooms. I hit the
mattress diving right into oblivion. After what felt like five
minutes, Rose called my name shaking me awake.
Are you kidding me?
I thought about
ignoring her but remembered the last time she had woken me up. My
left eye snapped open. Rose was leaning over me with her hand on my
shoulder.