Keep Calm and Carry a Big Drink (17 page)

“Because it’s not that big of a deal,” Scott insists. “It’s three minutes out of your life. We’ll get through it.”

“We’ll get
through
it?! When did it get to the point where we had to get through this wedding?”

“Um … the minute we told our parents?” Scott responds as though the answer were brutally obvious.

I stop kissing Jay and whisper, “Should we go do something?”

“Nah, this is normal,” he whispers back. “I went through this the night before I was supposed to get married.”

He leans in to kiss me again, but I jut my head back away from him. “I’m sorry. Say what, now?”

Scott opens my door without knocking, causing both of us to cover ourselves up. “Guys, don’t get too comfortable. We’re going to Vegas.”

“The wedding’s tomorrow. We can’t go to Vegas,” Seema tells him, also appearing uninvited in our doorway.

“Why not?” Scott asks her.

“Why not?” Seema repeats as if it were the stupidest question she’s ever heard. “How about because hundreds of people have already driven in, flown in, booked hotel rooms, and bought presents. We have a responsibility to them.”

I turn to Jay and whisper, “Now when exactly did you get married?”

“Oh, I didn’t,” he whispers back.

“So we have to go through an entire day of wedding craziness just for our guests?” Scott asks Seema.

“Yes.”

“But we can’t go through three extra minutes for my aging aunt?”

Seema is about to respond, but she realizes she’s been outdebated. She sighs, then apologetically says, “You’re right. You’re absolutely right.”

Scott smiles and opens his arms. She walks into his hug, then asks, “When is this not going to seem so awful anymore?”

“Sunday, after brunch, when we stop being Seema and Scott and start being the Jameses.”

Seema smiles. “Mrs. Seema James. I do like the sound of that.”

Scott smiles back, takes her hand, and gently kisses it. “Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”

She’s almost blushing as she grins wider and nods her head. Scott turns to us. “Sorry for the intrusion. As you were.” Then he silently pulls my door shut.

“No problem,” I yell through the door.

A few seconds later, once we know the coast is clear, Jay and I begin kissing again.

Okay, as hot as he is, there’s no way I can let this go for more than thirty seconds. I pull away from him abruptly to ask, “When did you not get married?”

“Oh, Seema never told you about that?”

I shake my head.

“Huh. I swore her to secrecy, but mostly I meant don’t tell Mom and Dad. Remember when Seema came out to Paris to see me two falls ago? I was eloping. She was going to be my best woman.”

I’m stunned. Seema traveled halfway around the world to secretly support her brother, and she never even told her best friends? I mean, wow—that’s loyalty. But I’m a little hurt that even when I started dating her brother, she didn’t give me a heads-up.

“So what happened?”

“She left me at the altar,” Jay says a little uncomfortably.

I wonder if, in the dark, he can see my eyes bug out and my jaw drop. I quickly sit up. “What idiot would leave you at the altar?”

Jay seems uncharacteristically ruffled. “Um … well, her name was Tatiana, she was Italian … she realized she loved another guy, and that was it.”

“How long were you dating?”

“Not long. Almost six months. When he found out she was engaged, that motivated him to declare his undying love, blah, blah, blah…” Jay’s voice just got a little shaky there.

I shake my head in disbelief. “What an idiot!”

He seems surprised by my outburst. “I know. We got engaged pretty early on. But I really wanted to get married and become a dad and—”

“Not you! Her! Who leaves the best-looking man on the planet? The best kisser on the planet! Jeez, the rest of us are fighting over hamburger, and she’s throwing away filet mignon. It’s appalling!”

That was probably a stupid way to say it. But Jay just looks at me with amusement and smiles.

“What?” I ask insecurely.

“Nothing. You’re just very sweet.” He takes my chin in his hand and kisses me lightly on the lips. “Where did you come from?”

“Um, Arizona?”

We kiss for a bit before I ask my next question. “So, has what she’s done totally soured you to marriage, or do you still think about it?”

“Not at all. I’m dying to get married. I mean, I’m not getting any younger. And I want kids, so…” He shrugs. “I don’t know.” He puts his hand on my bra. “Do we have to talk about this now?”

I look down at his hand over my lingerie. “Well, when you put it that way…”

Once again, everything is amazing. A girl could get used to this.

But the best part is afterward, after he falls asleep, as I lay in his arms and listen to his gentle breathing. For the first time in a long time, I’m not in clingy phase. Or desperately-looking phase. Or wondering-if-I’ll-ever-get-married phase, or wondering-where-this-is-leading phase.

Nope. For the first time in years, I am at peace and not worried about what is next.

What a wedding gift.

T
WENTY
-
FIVE

The following morning is not so peaceful. First, Jay and I are awakened rather brutally as Seema bursts into my room at six to gleefully scream, “Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! I’m getting married today!”

The next few hours are a blur. The four of us pack up our various wedding attires for the day and take a limousine to downtown, where Seema and I are dropped off at one five-star hotel, then Jay goes with Scott to the five-star hotel down the street. Nic meets up with us, sending Jason to Scott, and the three of us spend the next few hours getting ready in the sumptuous honeymoon suite. Seema’s mother and aunts take at least an hour to help Seema into her sari, a sumptuous red silk dress dripping in sparkling beads, lush gold embroidery, and Swarovski crystals, while Nic and I easily change into our lehengas and cholis (gold silk with gold embroidery for her, royal-blue silk with silver embroidery for me) and nosh on room-service pastries. Then hair and makeup people come to work on all of us until they make us glow.

About five minutes before the baraat is set to begin, Seema asks her mom and her family to go down to the lobby and tell everyone that we will meet them down there in a few minutes.

The moment Seema shuts the door behind them, she slouches over, instantly changing from a statuesque model into a camel with five too many straws on her back. “God, this dress weighs a ton. I need to lay down for a second,” Seema says as she nearly falls into the plush white sofa next to her.

“Are you all right?” I ask, a little alarmed.

“I’m fine, just physically worn-out already. Seriously, with all of the crystals and beads on this thing, you might as well spend your day sporting a suit of armor. Why has no bride ever mentioned that?”

“It’s probably like telling pregnant women what’s really going to happen,” Nic guesses. “Why ruin the dream?”

Seema doesn’t move from the couch. “I have something for you guys. Mel, can you go to my suitcase and check the left front pocket? There should be two black velvet boxes in there.”

I walk over to the suitcase and unzip the pouch. Inside are two black velvet, rectangular boxes. I pull them out and hold them up. “These?”

“Yup,” Seema says as she struggles to sit up.

Nic grimaces a little. “Is the dress really that heavy?”

“Honestly, I don’t know how Miss America contestants wear stuff like this.” Seema’s face lights up as I hand her the boxes. “Thank you.” She flips each one open, confirms what’s inside, then shuts them, handing each of us a specific box. “You’re either going to think this is really cool, or really stupid. Okay, so last year, when Nic was getting married, we did that cake pull. And I got the shovel, which I thought meant a lifetime of hard work. But it actually meant nurturing and caring. And then Scott got the heart charm accidentally, and the rest, as they say, is magic.”

“I think it’s ‘the rest is history,’” Nic corrects.

“You know, I’m trying to have a
moment
here…”

“Sorry,” Nic says quickly.

“Anyhoo … open your boxes.”

I open my box to see a silver bracelet tucked into black velvet. As I pull the bracelet out, Seema explains, “I made a charm bracelet for each of you. Nic, yours has a baby charm, like the one you pulled at your wedding shower, and your moon charm from my shower. Mel, yours has a chili pepper, and a money tree. And I also included a shovel on both of yours, to remind you of how much I care about you both.

“Here’s to many more celebrations with many more charms.”

Nic and I gush thank-you’s and admire our new jewelry. As Seema helps Nic put on her bracelet, I look at my charms and smile. There’s a chili pepper, a money tree, a shovel, and … wait … “There’s an extra charm on mine.” I look at a gleaming-silver Eiffel Tower.

“Oh, I loved that one,” Seema says, finishing Nic’s bracelet, then turning to me to help me with mine. “According to the chart, that’s supposed to symbolize a honeymoon is in your future. But I figure in your case, this is not the universe talking. It’s just your nosy roommate telling you to go to Paris and see what happens.”

I smile blushingly, touched by Seema’s approval. I nod slowly. “You know, I just might do that.”

Seema clicks the clasp of my bracelet shut, and we both hear Nic start crying.

We turn to see her waving her hands over her face. “I’m sorry. It’s pregnancy tears. Even the lame stuff is so sweet.”

As Seema gives Nic a hug, my phone rings. I look at the screen to see it is Jay, who should now be in the baraat, dancing toward us. I pick up immediately. “Sorry. We were just having a girl moment.”

“Scott may be making a run for it,” Jay says to me under his breath.

“Shit!” I overhear a surprised Nic say.

Her damn hearing. I turn to her and glare.

I don’t take my eyes off her and Seema as I say into the phone, “You know what? She looks stunning.”

Without missing a beat, Nic turns to Seema and says, “I just realized your mother’s probably waiting right outside your door, and she should be downstairs with the rest of your family so we can get that milni started! Mel and I are going to get her out of here.”

“That’s not necessary,” Seema says calmly, unaware of the tornado about to hit. “We’ll all go.”

“No, no,
you
”—Nic points at Seema—“need to make an entrance. And we are going to make that happen.” Nic grabs her phone from her purse, takes my hand, and drags me out of Seema’s suite.

I continue talking to Jay very quietly. “Does your mom know yet?”

“No. The wedding planner called the bride’s side to say we had a glitch, and we’re coming soon. I’m going to get into a cab and track him down. Just don’t let Seema know what’s going on.”

“Okay. Keep me posted.” I hit end-call on my phone.

Nic is texting something on her phone and says, “He’s not answering his cell.”

“Of course he’s not answering,” I say a little too harshly to Nic. “Grooms don’t carry cell phones!”

“They do if they’re running,” Nic argues.

I shake my head, as I turn to walk back into Seema’s suite. “I cannot believe this is the second time in a year I am dealing with a wedding runaway.”

“Excuse me,” huffs Nic, offended, “I was
not
a runaway bride.”

I try to give her my best sarcastic look. “How do you figure?”

“I locked myself in the bathroom. You knew where I was the whole time,” she tells me self-righteously.

Yeah … that’s much better,
I think to myself. I wonder, what would it be like to be in a normal wedding? Seriously, I have to think about finding some new friends.

As I reach for the doorknob to the honeymoon suite, Nic grabs my wrist. “Don’t tell her anything yet. Just stall.”

I nod, unsure of the best course of action.

Nic and I walk back into the bridal suite, where Seema takes one look at us and says, “Shit. What’s wrong?”

Nic and I exchange a look. Nic shakes her head no at me.

I force a smile. “Nothing.”

Seema has the same look on her face that my mother used to get when she knew I was lying.

“Okay,” I begin, “I need to tell you something. But you have to promise me you won’t freak out.”

“Has there ever been a good conversation that started with that statement?” Seema asks.

“Um, well…” I begin, looking up at the ceiling. “There have been some productive ones.”

Nic elbows me hard in the ribs, then bulges her eyes out at me.

“Ow!” I yell, doubling over. “How is that helping?”

Nic chastises me. “Mel, I told you not to say anything yet.”

I rub my belly and struggle to breathe. “Uh-huh. So we’re going with the ‘utter denial’ card? You think that’s going to work better?”

“We played that card all the time when Seema was dating,” Nic reminds me. “What’s it going to hurt for a few more minutes?”

Seema juts out her lip at us, but stays calm. “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that,” she tells Nic. Then she turns to me. “What’s going on?”

I look down, trying to find a way to let Seema down easy. “There is the remotest possibility that your groom is MIA.”

Nic shoots up her arm to elbow me again, but I instinctively jump back and point my finger at her. “You are eight months pregnant. I could totally take you.”

Nic narrows her eyes and cocks her head at me ever so slightly to indicate,
Oh, you think so?

I step another foot back. No, actually I do not think so.

Seema snaps her fingers in front of me. “Mel, eyes on me. What do you mean MIA?”

“Missing in action.”

Seema raises her eyes to the ceiling. “I know what
MIA
means,” she tells me with excruciating patience. “What happened?”

Nic’s cell phone beeps a text. She quickly starts reading and typing back as I tell Seema, “Apparently, everyone on Scott’s side gathered to start the baraat. Then Scott walked out of the lobby, got on his horse, and promptly galloped away.”

Seema’s eyes widen. “I have a runaway groom?”