Katie's Journey to Love (7 page)

Jesse continued on, giving thanks for many other blessings
Da Hah
had given them all. Katie pressed back the tears. She had much to be thankful for in a
daett
like Jesse, and she would have to try even harder to understand and get along with Mabel. Now if
Da Hah
would only grant her heart's desire and bless her with Ben's affections. But that might never happen, and she had to accept that. How much it would hurt if Ben began seeing another woman! Katie wanted Ben to bring her home from the Sunday night hymn singing someday. She wanted him to ask if he could come back again for another evening after that. And someday she wanted him to ask her if she would be his
frau
. She wanted it very badly. Katie took a deep breath and calmed herself. She had to get control of her emotions. Apparently
Mamm
's warning about Ben being a lot like her Daniel wasn't that far off target. But she wouldn't act like
Mamm
had, Katie declared silently. Even if Ben never paid her any serious attention, somehow
Da Hah
would continue to give her grace. He had so far, hadn't He?

“Amen,” Jesse said, as if answering her silent question. Katie got to her feet along with the rest. She hid her face for a moment to surreptitiously wipe her eyes. Hopefully Mabel wasn't looking. A quick glance toward the girl showed she was already disappearing into the kitchen.

“You can dry the dishes,” Mabel told Katie when she walked into the kitchen. Mabel tossed her a towel. Katie tried to smile, standing off to the side as Mabel took center stage at the sink. Mabel washed with a flourish, the soapsuds soon rising high.
Mamm
came in and scraped the skillets without saying a word. Carolyn soon appeared and helped Katie dry.

“So what did you do today?” Carolyn asked, looking up at Katie.

“She works at Byler's,” Mabel snapped, as if the place were as offensive as a dirty dish.

Katie didn't reply.

“I would love to work at Byler's,” Carolyn said, ignoring her sister's barb. “
Daett
takes us there once in awhile to shop. It's a nice place.”

“Thank you.” Katie smiled. “Maybe I can take you sometime.”

Carolyn shrugged. “I have school. And I'm only twelve, soon to be thirteen, so I couldn't help you work.”

Katie laughed. “You could watch for awhile, though I guess all day would be a bit much.”

“I would say so.” Mabel grimaced. “I think places like Byler's are horrible and worldly and not fit for young people to work at.”

“Mabel.”
Mamm
spoke up for the first time. “You shouldn't speak about where Katie works like that.”

Mabel looked undeterred, sinking the barb in deeper. “Katie's already running around with the Mennonite young people, isn't she?”

Mamm
said nothing but her face paled.

Mabel looked pleased. “It's absolutely awful,” Mabel continued, “when our own young people can't keep their heads on straight. We have been given so much that others don't have, and then some of them go and throw it away as if it didn't amount to anything at all.
As for myself, I'm going to marry an Amish boy and settle down on a farm. We'll raise our children close to the soil, like
Da Hah
meant things to be. We'll grow our own things and stay away from places like Byler's. Well, as much as we can, of course. Everyone has to go out into the world from time to time. But not every day.”

“I saw Mabel speaking with a boy on Sunday out in the barn,” Carolyn said, a big smile spreading across her face.

Katie waited for Mabel to snap at her sister. Mabel didn't and she even continued to look pleased. Obviously Mabel thought her early conquest of a boy was something of a crowning touch.

“Don't you think you're a little young for boys?”
Mamm
asked.

Mabel lifted her head high. “I've been running the household since
Mamm
died. And I'm much older than my sixteen years—soon to be seventeen—as Carolyn says it.
Daett
always thought he was placing too much of a burden on me, but he learned to trust me. And I can make my own clothes already and run the house like a grown woman. Ruth Troyer even taught Carolyn and me how to make pecan pies.”

Mamm
's face grew paler at the mention of Ruth and her pies.

“I think you ought to forget about Ruth,” Katie said, speaking in her
mamm
's defense. “Anyone can make pecan pies.”

“Can you?” Mabel asked, turning with a smirk on her face to look at Katie.

“I never have,” Katie admitted. “Although it can't be that hard.”

“Has your
mamm
ever made them?” Mabel asked, not looking at
Mamm
.

Katie searched her memory for pecan pies. Surely there had been some?
Mamm
knew how to cook great meals. And all the Amish around here were known for their pecan pies. But Mabel was making it sound as if pecan pies were the sum total of success in the kitchen.

“Did you ever make a pecan pie?” Mabel asked, now looking at
Mamm
.

“Years ago,”
Mamm
said. “But I don't think I've made one since Ezra passed. That was back when Katie was small.”

Mabel didn't say anything, but her face said volumes.
There! Didn't I know it. You are both incompetent women who are in way over your heads in this household
.

“Teacher Ruth makes great pecan pies, and
Daett
loves them,” Carolyn said, obviously trying to help but only making matters worse.

What a great ending to the evening, Katie thought.
Mamm
is close to tears, and Mabel is gloating again.

They finished the dishes in silence, and
Mamm
fled back to the living room at the first chance.

“You're a spoiled brat!” Katie said to Mabel, all her
gut
resolutions concerning Mabel flying out the window.

“No one running around with the Mennonites gets any respect from me,” Mabel shot back.

Katie bit her lip. Then she turned and left for her upstairs bedroom before she said anything worse.

Chapter Seven

Katie lay on her bed in the darkness and tried to hold back the tears. The exchange with Mabel had stung more than she expected. How in the world were the two of them supposed to live in the same house? And poor
Mamm
, how did she take it? Katie turned to gaze out the open window. The stars twinkled, shining brightly beyond the dark drapes. A soft knock sounded on the door, and Katie held her breath. Who could be there? Surely not Mabel. Getting up, Katie opened the door and peered out into the dark hallway.

“It's me,”
Mamm
whispered.

Kate jumped. Then she stepped back to open the door wider. “Come in.”

Mamm
stepped inside. “I didn't mean to frighten you. Were you already asleep?”

“
Nee
.” Katie fumbled for a match, found one, and lit the kerosene lamp. She turned the wick low and sat down on the bed.
Mamm
was seated in the room's lone chair.

“I had to come up and talk with you,”
Mamm
said. “I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time with Mabel.”

“Mabel's not giving you an easy time either.”

“But I have Jesse…”
Mamm
's words hung in the air for a moment. “I wanted to let you know you have my full support. You're still my daughter whom I love very much.”

“Shouldn't you be downstairs with Jesse?” Katie asked. She didn't really wish to discuss the evening's
kafuffles
right now. Going through them had been painful enough.

“Jesse suggested I come up and speak with you.”

“Did you tell him what Mabel said in the barn?” Katie turned to face
Mamm
.

Mamm
shook her head. “I wouldn't do that. I don't want to make trouble. Jesse just told me to come up out of the goodness of his heart. He's a kind-hearted man, Katie.”
Mamm
laid her hand on Katie's arm. “You've been crying, haven't you?”

Katie nodded.

“I'm so sorry about Mabel, Katie. But we have to understand where she's coming from. There are a lot of hurts in her life from the loss of her own
mamm
.”

Katie said nothing for moment. This was all true, and she really should have a softer heart for the girl.

“Have you thought more of what I said about Ben Stoll?”
Mamm
now probed in a different area. “I can't get our talk out of my mind, Katie. You're already suffering enough with Mabel without taking on more trouble.”

“You know how I feel about Ben,” Katie said. “And it's in
Da Hah
's hands.”

“But you can close your heart to him, Katie,”
Mamm
pleaded. “Ben isn't the kind of boy you want to be in love with. You should forget him.”

Katie sighed. “I wish it were that easy. But you should know that it's not.”

Mamm
didn't say anything as she stared at the flickering kerosene lamp. Finally she broke the silence. “You don't have to walk the same road I did, Katie. I can say I didn't know better, but you've been warned. Don't do this to yourself. This boy isn't worth wasting time on. Jesse is concerned about you too.”

“You told him about Ben Stoll?”

“
Nee
,”
Mamm
said. “I wouldn't do that, even though Jesse's your
daett
now.”

“Then what did you tell him?”

“I just asked about Ben, about what kind of boy he is.”

“And Jesse made the connection, of course.”

Mamm
nodded, her face weary. “Maybe, but that's not the same as telling him about you.”

Katie sighed. “I still wish you wouldn't have. People already have a low enough opinion about me without them knowing about my crush on Ben.”

“Falling in love is a perfectly normal thing,”
Mamm
said, trying to smile. “I'm just sorry it had to happen with Ben. Do try to forget the young man, Katie.”

Katie took a deep breath. “I don't know about that, but hopefully there won't be another
kafuffle
this week when Esther picks me up for the youth gathering. Mabel could cause quite a racket, you know.”

Mamm
looked away, her gaze mournful. “So you haven't changed your mind after our talk?”

“Please,
Mamm
,” Katie begged. “Don't make this harder than it already is. You know I don't want to quit going. I like my friends so much. I feel accepted there.” Katie felt she had to go. There were her friendships with Margaret and Sharon, plus she needed a place to get away from the stress at home.

“Is dealing with Mabel pushing you away?”
Mamm
asked. “Did she say more after I left the kitchen?”

Katie looked away from
Mamm
's searching gaze. “
Yah
, she did. But it's not just that,
Mamm
. It's a lot of things. Me for one. And the friendships I have with Margaret and Sharon. It's so wonderful having friends. I just can't throw that away. And perhaps this is
Da Hah
's open door to help get me away from my obsession with Ben.”

Mamm
had tears on her cheeks. “Please don't say
Da Hah
's behind this, Katie. It's as much my fault as anyone with the way I brought you up. I'm so sorry about that, but I couldn't help myself. I was wrapped in my sorrow and couldn't find my way out. Don't you see what a great miracle happened with Jesse's pursuit of me? Now that's
Da Hah
's doing. And He can do the same thing for you.”

Katie didn't know what to say. She wished she weren't breaking
Mamm
's heart, but she felt helpless about the matter.

“Don't you think you should go back downstairs?” Katie finally whispered.

Mamm
stood up. “I'm going to keep hoping and believing everything will work out. And remember that Jesse welcomes you into his home regardless of how Mabel acts.”

Katie managed a smile as
Mamm
left and quietly clicked the door shut. After listening to the soft squeaks of
Mamm
's footsteps on the stairs, Katie got up and walked over to the window. The stars were still twinkling, each one looking like it was trying to do its best to send out what light it had.

“Please help me,” Katie breathed a prayer toward the heavens. “I don't want to bring sorrow to
Mamm
's heart, and yet I can't just sit still while these opportunities are in front of me. I know that Margaret and Sharon's friendships are from You.”