Katie's Journey to Love (14 page)

Mabel shrugged. “He allows the boys to participate, but I'm his first girl. And
daetts
treat girls different. And now he's married to your weird
mamm
.”

“Mabel,” Katie protested, “
Mamm
wouldn't try to sway your
daett
on how to raise you. She'd do nothing of the sort. She might share her personal feelings on the matter, but she wouldn't push your
daett
.”

“She raised you according to her ‘personal feelings.' And look how you turned out. No one wants to be your friend. No one includes you in things. Of course, maybe those are
gut
points I could make with
Daett
. You are not only weird, but now you're running around with the Mennonites. Maybe I could threaten to do the same if he refused to allow my
rumspringa
time.”

Katie decided to ignore the stinging barbs. “Have you spoken with your
daett
about this?”

Mabel shook her head. “He doesn't even know I want to participate in
rumspringa
. I'm the mature girl who was running his household, remember? Having my own life wasn't an option. I was needed here. If
Daett
had married Ruth, I'm sure everything
would all have worked itself out. Now it won't. And your
mamm
and you are to blame.”

Neither she nor
Mamm
planned anything of the sort, Katie thought, and Mabel knew it. She was making an issue out of nothing to justify her own unjustifiable behavior. But accusing Mabel wouldn't help. “I'll speak to
Mamm
about it,” Katie offered. “But I know she doesn't plan to influence your
daett
.”

“She doesn't have to,” Mabel said. “
Daett
probably already knows how your
mamm
feels about
rumspringa
. Everyone does. He'll assume she's opposed, and he wants to make her happy. But I want to experience
rumspringa
, and I'll make it happen somehow.”

Mabel's self-pity was too much to handle. Katie tried to hold back the angry words, but they burst out anyway. “
Yah
, Mabel, you'll make it happen by sneaking out after dark to meet Mose. Is that what you call ‘making it happen'? I call it stupid. When your
daett
catches you, he's going to keep you at home for sure. Right now, by the look on your face, I'm sure you're wondering if I've told on you.
Nee
, I have not said a word to your
daett
or to
Mamm
. And I'm not planning on it. I'm just going to stand back and let you make a mess out of your life.”

Mabel was staring at Katie, her face a mask. “You know about Mose and me?”

“Yes. And you just confirmed my suspicions. Now, maybe you should adjust some of your opinions about
Mamm
and me or grow up a bit.”

Mabel was still staring.

Perhaps she's in shock, Katie thought. She knew she should feel bad for her outburst, but Mabel had pushed her over the edge. Katie didn't feel like apologizing right now, but she knew she would eventually. Since she'd finished washing the dishes, she
turned to go upstairs to the peace and quiet of her room. But just then Jesse's deep voice boomed from the living room.

“Devotion time, everyone!”

Mamm
's face appeared a few seconds later in the kitchen doorway. “Are you girls done in here?”

“We're coming.” Katie put on her best smile, but she figured
Mamm
wasn't fooled.

“Yes,” Mabel said, her face still pale.

Chapter Fourteen

An hour later, Katie was sitting on the couch listening to Jesse read that evening's scripture. All around the room the other children were listening—Leroy and Willis, Carolyn and Joel. Mabel sat in a corner by herself, her face still looking pale. Katie ignored Mabel, concentrating on the
gut
feeling of having so many people present for evening devotions and prayer. Before the wedding it had been only
Mamm
and her kneeling in silent prayer together. Scripture reading and prayers spoken out loud were done only when a man was present to do it—at least that's what
Mamm
had always claimed. Katie closed her eyes and drank in the moment. After the harsh words Mabel had spoken to her in the kitchen, she welcomed this feeling of peace. She didn't wish to think on or repeat any of the biting conversation Mabel had spewed out, but the thoughts wouldn't stop coming.

How could Mabel believe those horrible imaginings about why
Mamm
had agreed to marry Jesse? And that accusation of
Mamm
wanting to keep Mabel from participating in her
rumspringa
?
Perhaps it was a logical fear to enter a sixteen-year-old's mind.
Yah, Mamm
had kept her from participating, but that was before she'd married Jesse. So much had changed since then.

Katie's words to Mabel hadn't been edifying in the least. And Mabel now knew about her Europe trip, and she might very well turn her
daett
against the idea. If Jesse forbade her the trip, there would be no going. Even if she could, by a miracle from
Da Hah
, get the money.
Mamm
had already told Jesse her side of the story, she was sure, so that might have finished off any chance of her going long before Mabel said anything. But Katie decided to cling to hope anyway. The extent of
Da Hah
's grace was always amazing and sometimes even surprising. And she would certainly need as much of it as possible.

Katie pulled her thoughts back to the present. Jesse's voice rose and fell as he continued to read from the book of Hebrews. “And what shall I more say? for the time would fail me to tell of Gedeon, and of Barak, and of Samson, and of Jephthae; of David also, and Samuel, and of the prophets: Who through faith subdued kingdoms…”

Those were beautiful words, Katie thought. And they seemed to mean so much more when a man read them. That was a silly idea, she was sure, because the Scriptures were the Scriptures, regardless of who read them. Still, she was thankful for the work
Da Hah
had done in bringing
Mamm
and her to this house. If only Mabel felt the same way.

Seated in his rocker, Jesse closed the Bible. He leaned over to lay it on the desk. “Let's come to the Lord in prayer,” he rumbled.

Katie knelt with the rest, sending up her own prayer as Jesse's deep voice filled the room.

Help
Mamm
and me fit in here
, Katie prayed silently, not daring to whisper the words.
Thank You so much, dear Hah, that You had mercy on us so far and brought us here. We don't deserve
everything You've done for us. Help me understand what Mabel is going through and how she's feeling. Her words caused a lot of pain in my heart. But please forgive Mabel in the same way You forgive Mamm and me when we make mistakes. Just help us all, please
.

Katie heard the rustle of feet signifying Jesse had come to the end of his prayer. She jerked herself out of her thoughts and jumped up. Maybe she could help little Joel get ready for bed. Maybe her willingness to help with tasks that weren't assigned to her might help Mabel feel more kindly toward her.

Before Katie could offer, Jesse spoke up. “If you'd stay for a moment, Katie, your
mamm
and I would like to speak with you.”

Katie caught Mabel's look of anger out of the corner of her eye. With her heart pounding, Katie sat down on the couch again. Leroy and Willis gave her brief glances before heading upstairs and taking Joel with them. Carolyn followed closely behind them. Mabel, though, gave Katie another long glare and then disappeared into the kitchen. Apparently she planned to eavesdrop as best she could.

Jesse smiled in Katie's direction once everyone had left. He didn't seem bothered by the knowledge that Mabel was on the other side of the living room wall. But perhaps he didn't care. They were, after all, family now. They shouldn't expect to keep that many secrets from each other.

Katie tried to keep her breathing even as Jesse shifted in his rocker to face her.

Mamm
glanced toward Katie. “I hope this is okay—meeting like this. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable.”

Jesse nodded. “
Yah
, I agree. What I have to say needs saying, but we can do it some other time if you'd feel better.”

“
Nee
,” Katie managed. “I'm okay. I just hope I haven't done anything wrong.”

Mamm
smiled but she looked nervous.

Jesse cleared his throat. “I have been well pleased with you, Katie. I like how you help with the work around the house. You do this even when you have your job at Byler's. And even when Mabel is a little disagreeable.”

Tears stung Katie's eyes. So Jesse had noticed her efforts. How kind of him to go out of his way to mention them. But then, he'd always been tender with her. Gathering herself together, Katie wiped her eyes.

“We just wanted to speak with you about some things,”
Mamm
said, not offering any details and already playing her role well as Jesse's
frau
—allowing her husband to lead out in important matters.

Katie swallowed hard. Somehow
Da Hah
would help her through whatever decision Jesse had arrived at. He was looking at her as he spoke. “You know, of course, that your
mamm
and I disapprove of you attending the Mennonite youth gatherings?”

When Katie nodded, Jesse continued.

“I hope you will soon see the wisdom of our feelings. I try to raise my children in the fear of
Da Hah
, and I know your
mamm
has raised you that way too. I also know that neither of us always do the best job. I hope
Da Hah
has mercy on our shortcomings.”

Mamm
wiped her eyes and Katie whispered, “I'm sorry for what sorrow I may be causing both of you.”

Jesse nodded. “It's your broken attitude about the matter that continues to give me hope, Katie. I know you think you're doing the right thing—for whatever the reason. I disagree, of course, and so does your
mamm
. But sometimes we need to find the end of that road ourselves. That's what our
rumspringa
time is for. So that our youth can find the truth on their own. We help where we can, but they also need to find where their lives fit into
Da Hah
's will.”

Katie didn't look up. At least
Mamm
and Jesse weren't being unreasonable so far.

Jesse cleared his throat and glanced over at
Mamm
before he continued. “This is not intended as a rebuke to your
mamm
, as she was doing the best she could. But I believe it would have been wise if your
mamm
had allowed you a time of
rumspringa
like our youth normally take. Then you might not be wandering around right now trying to find your way through life.”

Mamm
hung her head, and a brief sob escaped her. Jesse leaned over to stroke her arm.

Katie saw
Mamm
look up and smile at her husband. How blessed they were, she thought.
Mamm
had a husband she respects, and she had a
daett
who was trying to guide the family according to
Da Hah
's will.
Da Hah
would work everything out in the end, even if she had to walk a road Jesse and
Mamm
didn't understand right now. She would stay in the faith, Katie told herself. She didn't plan to leave.

Jesse began speaking again. “So I will try to bear with you while you search for the truth, Katie. But let's not talk about the Mennonites and their youth gatherings in front of the other children. They may not understand.”

Katie nodded. That was the least she could do.

Jesse cleared his throat again. “Your
Mamm
told me about the invitation you received the other night—the trip to Europe with your Mennonite girlfriends.”

Jesse paused and Katie held her breath.

“That trip seems a little impossible to me, as well as impractical. Four girls traveling around the world by themselves? Are you sure someone wasn't a little overexcited? Maybe they imagined this trip?”

“Oh no, it's real,” Katie said at once. “Margaret wouldn't be
making up something like this. Besides, Nancy Keim has already been there doing mission work, so she's familiar with the area and the people.”

Jesse shrugged. “It's just seems a little wild to me, that's all I can say.”

“Do you have objections?” Katie asked when silence had settled over the room.

“I do,” Jesse said. “But you will need to make up your own mind. It will be best that way.”

“Wouldn't it be
gut
to learn about the history of our faith?” Katie asked, using the best argument she could think of at the moment. “I really would like to go.”

“That is a
gut
reason,” Jesse agreed. “But have you thought about the money for the trip? Where would that come from?”