Katie Opens Her Heart (35 page)

“But you haven’t lost me!” Katie leaped to her feet. “I’m still here!”

“You’ve traveled far, Katie.”
Mamm
tried to smile. “But
Da Hah
will bring
gut
out of this situation. He has so far. I will trust Him. And in my heart I believe you’ll always be one of us. But it’s best that you come home when your heart draws you, not because of some promise you would have to struggle to keep.”

“Then you too have made peace with what I’m doing?” Katie stepped closer to
Mamm
.

Mamm
met Katie’s gaze with a soft smile. “I’m trying. But I also make no promises. You can see how quickly I get blown around like a leaf in the wind. I listen to Jesse, and I stand strong for awhile. Then Mabel shows up and away I go.”

“That’s understandable.” Katie gave
Mamm
a tight hug. “You’ll have to live in the same house all day with Mabel. I can get out to Byler’s and to visit Margaret and…” Katie let the sentence hang.

Mamm
’s face had already fallen even as she tried to smile.

“Sorry,
Mamm
, I shouldn’t have reminded you…”

“It’s okay, Katie,”
Mamm
cut in. Her smile was back now. “How are we little people who run around on this earth ever going to understand
Da Hah
’s ways? I’m content with how you are, Katie. And Jesse seems to have no problem with you either. We love you, Katie. Just keep on following
Da Hah
even if we don’t understand exactly what’s happening.”

“
Mamm!
” Katie squeezed back the tears. “You say such
wunderbah
things.”

“It’s high time I said them,”
Mamm
told her. “Tomorrow I might be back to complaining again, and you’ll have to forgive me all over again.”

“Just don’t say
gut
things about me and the Mennonites in public,” Katie cautioned. “You’ll have Ruth’s tongue wagging even more for sure.”

Mamm
’s face fell again. “Let’s not talk about that woman.”

“You shouldn’t be afraid of her either,” Katie said. “She’s not the one Jesse asked to wed.”

Mamm
sighed. “
Yah
, Katie. You’re right. I should count my blessings instead of worrying about dark things. So, shall we plan the wedding? Jesse hasn’t set a final date yet, but it will be soon.”

A vision of
Mamm
with her head buried in Jesse’s beard flashed through Katie’s mind, and she turned red again.

Mamm
was looking at her. She smiled, seeming to understand. “I know, Katie. Jesse is a man and I am a woman—deep down. And that’s another place I’ve failed you. There are things that happen between the hearts of a man and a woman that are so
wunderbah
. I shouldn’t have let my pain allow me to say some of the things I did. I do hope you find someone special someday. I don’t think it will be Ben Stoll.
Yah
, I’ve noticed you watching him. I hope it will be an Amish boy. I’ll pray for you, Katie, that
Da Hah
leads and you follow Him with joy.”

“Thanks,” Katie whispered. “I’m not in love with a Mennonite boy,
Mamm
.”

Mamm
looked hopeful. “Perhaps this marriage between Jesse and me can be the healing of your heart too. That would be a small payment for all the
wunderbah
things you’ve done for me.”

Katie smiled. “I love you,
Mamm
. And thank you for always loving me. Even when I…”

“Oh, you’re such a darling!”
Mamm
wrapped Katie in another hug. “Let’s not speak of this anymore. You’ll get your problems worked out someday. And we have more than enough work ahead of us getting ready for the wedding. Now, don’t you think it’s time we both went to bed?”

Katie nodded, glancing toward
Mamm
’s bedroom. “Will you be okay? I can sleep on the couch to be nearer if that will help.”

“Oh, Katie!”
Mamm
beamed. “That’s so
wunderbah
for you to offer. I can see now that nothing has really changed between us—even with all these changes happening so fast. I’ll comfort myself with that thought tonight. You go on upstairs to your own bed. I’ll fall asleep before I know it, especially after this talk with you.”

Katie slipped into the stairwell, pausing to listen until
Mamm
’s footsteps had faded toward her bedroom. Not that long ago
Mamm
would have been listening to her as she went up upstairs. Now
Da Hah
was ministering grace and healing between them, and
Mamm
was moving into a brave new world filled with new love.

All of their problems weren’t solved. For one, Mabel hadn’t changed her mind. And Katie was still Emma Raber’s daughter to the community.
Mamm
still had to face Ruth Troyer’s wagging tongue. But love was growing in the hearts of those who allowed it. Jesse and
Mamm
; Margaret, Sharon, and herself; and maybe it could even happen between all of Jesse’s children and
Mamm
…if enough time passed.
Mamm
would try hard on her part, that much was certain. And maybe Mabel would one day even open her heart to Katie. Such a thing would be a great miracle, but was
Da Hah
not able to perform miracles, even in this day and age?

Mamm
’s bedroom door clicked shut, and Katie went up the stairs to her room. Getting ready for bed in the darkness, she slipped under the covers. She lay there with her eyes open.
Mamm
might be downstairs fast asleep by now, but sleep eluded Katie. Too many things were whirling through her mind. The bishop would soon be announcing the news of
Mamm
’s wedding to Jesse, and there would be astonished looks on many faces. “Jesse Mast picked Emma Raber as his new
frau
?” they would whisper to each other—all spoken well out of earshot of Jesse and
Mamm
and the church leaders, of course.

Ruth probably had let enough slip by now that everyone would know she’d set her
kapp
for Jesse, and that Emma had won out. That would remain the mystery of this year’s wedding season, Katie was sure. The controversy would blow over eventually, especially after
Mamm
and Jesse said the vows. That was the way of the Amish. Promises made and kept changed everything. The people would look differently at
Mamm
after that. The women would gather for the monthly sewings knowing she was now Jesse’s
frau
and one of them again. And
Mamm
would begin to see herself in the same way. This didn’t answer the question of what would happen with their vision of Katie though. That part of the future remained uncertain. But wasn’t that the way things often went when people opened their hearts? You never knew how the world would turn out or where the road would lead.

Ben Stoll’s face floated in front of Katie’s mind, and the accompanying thought made her face burn in the darkness. Would she one day bury her face in Ben’s beard? After they’d said wedding vows, of course, she mentally added. What a shameful and yet
wunderbah
thought to have. To have two conflicting thoughts was hard to understand, but so it was in her life right now. Who would have thought so much
gut
could come out of her attending Mennonite youth gatherings? Who’d have thought that
Mamm
would ever admit it? How amazing was that?

For now it was enough that
Da Hah
was with them. And that He was still blessing and giving His aid. And Ben Stoll was a little scary underneath all of his charm. She hadn’t forgotten
Mamm
’s warnings and stories about how she’d fallen for Daniel Kauffman. But whatever happened, Katie wasn’t going to follow in
Mamm
’s footsteps and spend her time mooning over a boy who wasn’t interested in her. She wasn’t going to waste time waiting for someone to open his eyes and see the longing in hers. She wasn’t going to watch him take another girl home and keep on hoping he’d love her someday.
Nee. Mamm
’s warnings hadn’t been in vain, just as hers hadn’t been to
Mamm
, even when she didn’t know they were having an effect. The two of them were closer now than they had ever been. In sharing their hearts with others, more room had been formed for the love they had between them. It was
wunderbah
indeed, and
Da Hah
’s way of doing things. You gave and then you received more back. That was the way of the Amish, and she’d now experienced it firsthand.

There would be plenty of work ahead even with the small wedding
Mamm
would plan. Their family would be coming in from Lancaster to visit. Some of them were people Katie hadn’t seen in years. Katie would let Margaret, Sharon, and Esther know soon what was going on. Surely they would understand if she didn’t show up as often for the youth gatherings since she would be helping
Mamm
with the wedding preparations. Their hearts would still be bound together in love as the hearts of true friends are, no matter what road they chose to travel in the years ahead.

Yes,
Da Hah
would always be with her. Katie stared out of the bedroom window at the dark sky lit by stars until sleep crept over her body.

Chapter Forty-Two

Ruth closed the schoolhouse early on Friday night. The day of her visit to Emma Raber had arrived. Ruth harnessed her horse and drove quickly toward the Raber farm. She needed to arrive before Katie arrived home from work. There was no sense involving the innocent daughter, Ruth had decided. Katie couldn’t help it that her mother was who she was. And what Ruth had to say wasn’t for young ears. But still it must be said. Ruth slapped the reins, urging her horse on. Ten minutes later she pulled into the Raber lane just as lather began gathering under her horse’s harness.

Ruth pulled up to the hitching post, got out, tied her horse up, and went up the porch steps at a fast clip. She was ready to knock when the door opened.

“Ruth! Is something wrong?” Emma said quickly.

“You ought to know the answer to that!” Ruth snapped.

“I suppose you mean Jesse and me.” Emma’s voice revealed a tremor of hesitation.

“Of course I do.” Ruth took a step forward, and Emma stood aside, allowing her to enter.

Ruth marched right into the living room and plopped on the couch. “I should have come sooner, Emma. I admit it, but there’s still time to remedy this horrible situation since the wedding hasn’t been formally announced. I want you to call this nonsense with Jesse off right away.”

“Nonsense?” Emma said. “I suppose you think yourself a better
frau
for Jesse?” Emma remained standing near the front door.

“Sit down!” Ruth commanded and motioned with her hand. She waited until Emma had seated herself on a rocker. “We’re past that point now, Emma. I don’t even know if I’d take the man as my husband, as stubborn as he’s being. Right now I’m thinking only of Jesse’s children. They’re the most important issue.”

“Not Jesse’s feelings on the matter?” Emma interrupted.

“Jesse doesn’t know his own feelings.” Ruth dismissed the thought with a quick wave of her hand.

“Jesse thinks he knows them well enough,” Emma ventured.

Ruth eyed Emma for a long moment. “You’ve always thought highly of yourself, Emma, pursuing Daniel Kauffman right up to his wedding day. Well, you’re doing the same thing now—running after a man. Throwing yourself at him when you have no business doing so. Of course he looks your way, but do you think that’s going to last?” Ruth gave a loud laugh. “You’re pretty enough, but how long will that last. And why should Jesse’s children have their future destroyed because of you, Emma? Look what your own daughter already deals with. What chance does Katie have in the community with a mother like you? No boy’s going to ask her home from the hymn singing. You know that. You’ve made yourself and your daughter outcasts of a sort in the community. You surely don’t want that for Jesse and his children, do you? No, I’m sure even you wouldn’t want that. So I want you to tell Jesse you won’t see him anymore because his children’s welfare must be considered first.”

Ruth stopped for a long moment as she glared at Emma. The woman appeared appropriately chastened, so her words must be taking effect. Ruth charged ahead. “Sure, Emma, I admit that you’re a little better looking than I am. And you’ve taken better care of yourself over the years. But you’ve had the time, what with your solitary ways and all. But beauty only on the outside is a dangerous thing. You know that. You’ve lived a life of seclusion away from the eyes of the community. How dare you act as if you are…well, worthy of someone like Jesse.”

Emma seemed to take Ruth’s words in. Then she said, “Perhaps it’s because of Katie—why I even dare believe things can be different, why I even want them to change.” Emma stared out the window. “Katie has always brought love into my life, and why should I deny her the privilege to do so again?”

“Have you lost your mind, Emma?” Ruth sat straighter on the couch.

“I suppose you might think so.” A slight smile played on Emma’s face. “I haven’t done anything to attract Jesse’s attention, Ruth. There are reasons for all this that, in your small mind, you probably can’t begin to comprehend. You thought pecan pies, of all things, would result in a new husband. Any woman can bake pies.”