Kane, Samantha - Brothers In Arms 4 (22 page)

“I love Derek. He will always be a part of my life and, I hope, a part of yours.”

Sophie looked up at him shrewdly. “But Derek did not desire a wife.”

Ian sat back again. “No, he did not wish for me to marry.”

“I would have done anything to make you marry me,” Sophie said fervently,

“anything.” She looked at Ian in confusion. “But knowing how you feel about Derek, and how he feels about your marrying, I don’t understand why you did. Marry me, I mean.” She looked down again with a self-deprecating smile. “I’m not much of a prize, I fear.”

Ian came out of his seat and went to his knees next to Sophie’s chair. “Sophie, you must not think that. I think you are beautiful.” He reached up and pulled the offending pins from her hair and then gently tucked the warm, thick fall of hair behind her ear.

“You are also sweet, intelligent, kind—need I go on? You are everything that a man could wish in a wife.”

Sophie bit her lip and looked at him with tears in her eyes. “You left out

passionless.”

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At Love’s Command

“Sophie,” Ian said with a shake of his head, and he laid his hand over hers where they were wringing in her lap. “If you don’t wish to make love tonight, I’ll understand.

We can wait—”

“No!” Sophie’s denial was surprisingly adamant and Ian pulled back slightly,

shocked. She clutched his hand with both of hers. “No, please, Ian. I know we won’t really be married if we don’t consummate it tonight. I won’t be able to relax until then, until I know there’s no going back.”

“Sophie, you can’t think that I would send you back? Don’t you know me at all?

Rest assured you will never go back, no matter what. We could never consummate the marriage, you could shriek on the corner of Bond Street that you hate me and I would never send you back. You believe me, don’t you?” It was suddenly vitally important that Sophie believe him, that she trust him.

Sophie closed her eyes in despair. She knew what Ian was asking of her, but she wasn’t capable of trust. Not yet. She chose not to answer. She looked at Ian again.

“Please, Ian, make me your wife in every way. I’ll feel better, safer. Please.”

Ian smiled sadly at her. “You won’t enjoy it, will you?”

Once again Sophie couldn’t lie to him. He had been so nice to her, a champion

actually. He deserved better, but Sophie couldn’t be so unselfish as to set him free, not now, now that
she
had the chance to be free.

“Sophie, I don’t want to make love to you if it will frighten or hurt you.” Ian sounded pained. “I want you to enjoy making love with me, to want it as much as I do.”

Sophie looked at him in genuine surprise. “That’s impossible, Ian. Women just

don’t enjoy sex. I’m sorry, but there’s nothing pleasurable about it for us.”

Ian closed his eyes and raised their joined hands to his forehead for a moment.

When he looked at her, sympathy warred with amusement in his gaze. “You’re wrong, Sophie. With the right man, or men, it can be very pleasurable for a woman. Someday you’ll understand.”

Sophie looked at him skeptically. “Well, I think you must be misinformed, Ian.

Have you ever actually done that to a woman? Certainly it’s different for men, and with Derek—”

Ian cut her off. “I think that’s enough about Derek for tonight. And yes, I have made love to a woman, several in fact. And to anticipate your next comment, no, I don’t believe they were lying to me when they said they enjoyed it.”

Sophie closed her mouth as she had indeed been about to say that.

Ian sighed. “I can see that you are going to make this difficult.”

Sophie cringed inside. It was that very difficulty that had gotten her beaten on a regular basis at her father’s house. “I shall try not to,” she said in a small voice.

Ian cocked his head as he looked at her. “You may be right, Sophie. If we put off making love I’m afraid that your fears will grow completely out of proportion.” He stood decisively and held out his hand to her. “Come on then.”

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Samantha Kane

Sophie gulped and felt her eyes grow wide. “Now?” she squeaked, suddenly

terrified. “Shouldn’t we eat first?” She had no appetite left, but he didn’t need to know that.

“I couldn’t eat a bite,” Ian said as he grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet.

He practically dragged her across the room to the door of the dressing room that separated their suites.

“Where are we going?” Sophie asked, alarmed at the rising panic in her voice.

“We are going to my bedroom,” Ian said, stopping so abruptly that Sophie

slammed into his side. He put his arm around her possessively. “Are you all right? Yes?

Good. I thought my room might be better if you choose not to stay the night with me.

Then you can return here, afterward.”

Sophie could only blink at him in growing terror. Ian placed both hands on her

shoulders and looked her in the eyes. “Breathe deeply, Sophie. One, two, that’s right.”

When she had her breathing back to normal, Ian continued. “I will be gentle, Sophie. It will be nothing like what happened to you before.”

Sophie clutched his upper arm and squeezed it in distress, distantly noting how large and firm his muscles were. “How can it be different? Doesn’t it work the same?

Don’t you put it in the same place?” Ian winced and Sophie had her answer. “You say it won’t be the same, but it’s always the same, Ian, it is.”

“No, it is not.” Ian pulled her into him and hugged her tightly. Her initial reaction was to fight his hold, but his warmth and gentle strength permeated the fog of fear and she collapsed into him.

“Yes, that’s it, Sophie. Trust me,” Ian said softly, kissing her on the top of her head.

She came only to his chest, her cheek resting on the strong, broad plain of it. His arms were loose and she knew she could get away if she really wanted to, but strangely enough she didn’t want to. She couldn’t ever remember being held like this, as if she were precious and wanted. Her arms snaked around Ian’s waist and she clung to him.

She turned her face into his soft linen shirt and breathed the scent of him in, sandalwood and linen water and a soft, elusive musk that she realized was the bare scent of him. It was a heady fragrance and she let herself become drunk on it.

She wanted to trust this man so much. She felt as if she were walking on the edge of a high cliff, one misstep and she would plummet to her death. Was trusting Ian that misstep? If he betrayed her now… She closed her eyes tightly. She couldn’t stand that, she couldn’t. Always before she’d known she had a rock inside her that couldn’t be crushed no matter how hard they tried. Ian could crush her.

“You’re strong, Sophie, I know you are, and brave. If you weren’t you never would have survived all that you have. Surely making love with me is one of the less onerous duties you’ve had to endure?” Ian’s voice was teasing. Sophie wasn’t ready to be teased.

“It could destroy me, Ian,” she whispered.

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At Love’s Command

His arms tightened. “I don’t understand, Sophie. I swear I won’t hurt you. I won’t do anything that you don’t wish me to.”

Sophie rubbed her cheek against his chest, surprised at his indrawn breath and the way his heart raced in response. Did he want her then, desire her as he claimed? She experimentally ran her hand down his back, lightly. She had no wish to be aggressive, to spark that animalistic rutting response that would make him throw her down and hurt her. Maybe Ian could control that. She’d seen women who weren’t afraid of their men, particularly in the last two weeks. There must be men who wouldn’t hurt you.

There had to be, or Sophie’s survival was for naught.

“Do you promise, Ian? Do you promise you won’t hurt me? I think if you of all

people hurt me, then that will be the end of me. I don’t think I can take any more.”

“Oh Sophie,” Ian said softly, rubbing his hands up and down her back, “I promise. I swear no one will ever hurt you again.”

He sounded so sincere, and Sophie wanted, no, needed to believe. She desperately wanted to trust. “Then make love to me, Ian. Show me how different it is.”

Ian led Sophie into his room. He hoped she’d want to stay here, to be with him all the time. He hadn’t figured out how that would work with Derek, whom he also

wanted with him, but time would settle that, he was sure. He wouldn’t worry about that now. Tonight was for Sophie.

It took a bit of work to get her dressing gown off. In her nervousness she’d knotted the ties so tightly Ian thought for a moment he’d have to cut her out. Sophie wasn’t much help, her hands were shaking so badly. Once she was standing before him in nothing but her short chemise, it was Ian’s turn to shake.

She was gorgeous, every luscious, creamy inch of her. Her coppery hair was dark against skin the color of buttermilk. Her shoulders were heavily covered by freckles and Ian loved them. He’s seen some on her arms, which she tried to hide, so he’d suspected she had them all over. He wondered if she had them on her breasts. He hoped so. He wanted to kiss each and every freckle. Her breasts were not large, but they weren’t small either. Just right, so perfectly proportioned they looked like peaches with hard, dusky nipples at their peaks. His mouth watered at the shadow of them under their thin covering. Her waist was curved deliciously and flowed into full, soft, womanly hips and thighs, the kind every man dreamed of wrapped around him. Her feet were

beautifully arched and capped with the sweetest toes he’d ever seen curl into a carpet.

That thought made him smile.

“Are you smiling because I please you or because something about me is funny?”

Sophie asked in a little, unsure voice.

Ian’s eyes slammed back up to her face. “You please me very much,” he rushed to reassure her. “You’re beautiful, absolutely beautiful.” He reached to lift her chemise over her head, but Sophie balked.

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Samantha Kane

“No! I…I’m not ready for…for that.” Her arms crossed in front of her defensively and her toes curled harder. Ian dropped his hands.

“All right.” He wasn’t sure how to proceed. God! Last night when he’d talked with Derek about this he’d never imagined it would be this hard. Last night he’d feared normal maidenly jitters. Now it seemed as if his entire future hinged on his ability to make proper love to his bride tonight. No pressure, surely, Ian grimaced to himself. The daunting ramifications shouldn’t affect his performance, of course not. He grimly tamped down those thoughts. “Would you like me to undress?”

“No!” Sophie practically jumped out of her skin. “I mean, can’t we proceed without either of us being…” she vaguely ran a hand up and down between them, “unclothed?”

Ian sighed inwardly. “For now,” he agreed softly, “but eventually some nudity will be required.” He smiled gently to soften his words.

Sophie nodded jerkily. “All right. Eventually.” She looked around. “Should we get on the bed? I think I would prefer it on the bed. I’ve never done that.”

Ian’s hands fisted at his sides but he managed to keep his face pleasantly arranged.

Someday he would have the story out of her and someone would pay. Again he

reminded himself tonight was for Sophie, and gentleness. “If you want. That sounds like a splendid idea to me. I’d rather hoped for the bed myself.”

Sophie climbed awkwardly onto the bed, trying to keep as much of her covered as possible. The chemise was short, however, and Ian got glimpses of her full, round ass and dark pubic hair, glimpses that had him hard and aching in seconds. He took several deep breaths, telling himself it would be a while before he could see to his own needs.

He climbed up after her. She’d lain down and was stiff as a board, her hands resting on her chest so she looked disturbingly like a corpse. Ian immediately lay down beside her, leaning on one elbow, and propped his head on his hand. He reached for one of her hands and she jerked slightly. He ignored it and clasped her hand in his.

“Now what?” Ian asked with a grin.

“W-what do you mean?” Sophie looked back at him, all big, wide amber eyes and

lips pale with fright.

“Wellll,” Ian drawled, “I promised I wouldn’t do anything you didn’t want me to, but that means I’ve got to know what you want me to do. So, direct me. Order me around. I think I might like that.” He said the last with a little suggestive waggle of his eyebrows and Sophie’s eyes got bigger.

“Order you around?” She sounded so incredulous that Ian laughed.

“Yes, order me around. Haven’t you ever wanted to order anyone around? I

personally love it. It’s one of my favorite things to do.” Ian was very pleased with the way things were going. Sophie looked intrigued. He flopped down onto his back and crossed his ankles negligently, spreading his arms in an expansive gesture. “Here I am.

Use me.”

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At Love’s Command

Sophie literally looked speechless. She stared at him, opening and closing her

mouth. She licked her lips nervously and Ian felt his gut clench. He tried to control his breathing so Sophie wouldn’t be alarmed. Finally she spoke.

“I…I would like to be kissed. I’ve never been kissed.” She couldn’t look directly in his eyes when she spoke; instead she stared at a spot somewhere past his head.

“Well, I can do that,” Ian said cheerfully. He rolled over onto his elbow again and leaned over her with a smile. “Kissing is an excellent place to start. But be warned, this will be nothing like your mother’s kisses.”

Sophie blinked at him. “I don’t remember my mother.”

Christ
, Ian thought,
how am I to do this without crying over her
?
She
’
s like a motherless
orphan from a maudlin
novel
. “Has anyone ever kissed you, Sophie, anyone at all?”

“The stablemaster tried once, but he was drunk and just slobbered on me. That

doesn’t count, does it?” She wrinkled her nose in disgust. “I did not like it, not at all.”

Then she looked at him hopefully. “I’m rather hoping you’re better at it. You seem like the type who would be good at that sort of thing.” She put a hand on his chest and looked at him warily. “However, if it will turn you into a rutting beast, then we can forego the kiss.”