Kane, Andrea (30 page)

She met his handshake, her eyes twinkling with amusement.
"Likewise." Her amusement faded as she surveyed the cardiac monitor,
dripping IVs, and other medical apparatus that were helping him fight to
survive. "How are you?"

"Better than I was... Not as good as I will be." He
shifted a bit, wincing at the discomfort. "I'll make it. I've got lots of
incentive… More than I did before, thanks to you..." He pointed to a
chair. "Have a seat." He rested while she complied.

"The doctor said you had a rough morning," Gloria
continued, settling herself in the chair. "Are you up for a talk?"

"I could use one... to divert me." His features
hardened. "The rough morning wasn't about me.... One of my interns at
Ruisseau was killed last night.... Stabbed to death right outside his own front
door... He was just a kid—a great kid. Twenty-one. He never had time to
live."

"How horrifying." Gloria's insides clenched. A boy that
age, dead. It was every mother's nightmare. "That poor child. And his
parents—dear God, what they must be going through. Who did it, and why?"

"Don't know who... As for why, I'd be willing to bet it ties
in to me... and why I was shot.... He was so damned loyal...." Carson
swallowed hard. "He had no parents.... Grew up like me... Was finally on
track... The whole thing sucks."

Sick at heart, Gloria nodded. "Life often does.
Too
often."
She sought the right words to console him. "All I can say is that I'm sure
Detective Whitman and Detective Barton will solve both crimes. They're about as
dedicated and thorough as they come."

"Oh..." A knowing glance. "They got you, too,
huh?"

"They talked to me, yes. Then again, they had every reason
to. I
was
in New York at the time of the shooting. And, to their way of
thinking, I had a plausible motive for wanting to stop you from contacting
Sabrina. The only sticking point in their logic was that I had no idea you were
initiating a search for her. As it turns out, I also have an alibi, which made
their job easier. I spent that entire evening at a dinner party. So I got crossed
off their suspect list."

Carson scowled. "Sorry you had to go through that..."

"Don't be. That's their job. It's also why I know they'll
find your assailant and whoever murdered that poor young man."

"Yeah," Carson replied tersely. "Anyway, that's why
the morning was rough...." He drew a sharp breath, and Gloria could see
that he wanted to change the subject.

"So," she said in a light, airy tone. "I think this
meeting of ours is long overdue, don't you?"

That weak grin returned. "Oh, yeah, I'd say so." He eyed
her intently. "Sabrina has no idea you're here."

He sounded so certain that Gloria started. "You're right. She
doesn't. How did you know?"

"The medical technician was just in here to take blood. That
means it's after nine... and that means Sabrina's in a meeting... which I'm
sure you already knew."

Gloria reminded herself again of what a good choice she'd made.
Even fighting for his life, this man was as sharp as a tack. "Right again.
I didn't want Sabrina here for this talk. I wanted to speak with you alone.
I'll tell her about it later—or you can. It just wasn't necessary for her to
know beforehand. She has enough on her mind. As for the meeting she's in, yes,
I know about it. I also know what it represents—
really
represents.
Sabrina filled me in last night."

Carson absorbed that piece of information without batting a lash.
"And your reaction was...?"

"I surprised myself. I was delighted for her. And not only
about taking on the presidency of Ruisseau. About forming a relationship with
you." Gloria found herself being honest with him. It was odd, really, but
they did share the unique bond of a child, however unconventionally she was
conceived.

"Since Dylan Newport first dropped the bomb on Sabrina, I've
had several days to reflect, to consider circumstances through the eyes of a
more seasoned woman than the one who conceived twenty-eight years ago."
Gloria propped her chin on her hand, a faraway look in her eyes. "I never
thought I'd question my decision to raise Sabrina alone. I had more than enough
love to give her, and more than enough resources to provide her with every
advantage. Funny, how time and age change your perspective."

A short, humorless laugh escaped Carson's lips. "Truer words
were never spoken.... Hey, you're talking to the man who was happy to hand over
a vial and never know if he made a kid.... Then I turned fifty... and suddenly
I started wondering... wishing it could be different.... Hard to believe, isn't
it? An ambitious punk like me... wanting a kid?" Carson paused, regained some
strength. "You did an amazing job, you know.... She's incredible....
Brains, beauty, and balls—figuratively speaking on that last item, of
course..."

Gloria chuckled. "I can only take credit for the
environmental factors and half the biological ones. Some of her brains and
beauty were your genetic contribution. As for the balls, those she has you to
thank for."

He wiggled his hand back and forth in an iffy gesture. "Balls
aren't always an asset. Sometimes subtlety does the job better.... But, hey, it
doesn't matter. Judging from her track record... with some of those
pain-in-the-ass Fortune 500 companies... my guess is she inherited a chunk of
your diplomacy, too. If
I'd
been consulting for them... I'd be kicked
out by the end of the first brown-nosing session."

"You're right. The combination works well. Which is exactly
what I had in mind when I chose you from your profile." Gloria leaned
forward, determined to let Carson know exactly where she stood regarding him,
Sabrina, and the future. "I
am
usually subtle. But not now. Since
I'm short on time and long on words, now I'm going to be direct."

"Go for it."

"My reasons for being here today—they run the gamut. I wanted
to meet you, to close the circle so the reality that you're Sabrina's father
could truly sink in—for you
and
for me. I wanted to order you to get
well, for our daughter's sake, and to give you further incentive to do so by
telling you that I support your building a relationship with Sabrina, and that
I support your plans for her professional future. That having been said,
there's one other reason I'm here. I wanted to give you an idea of what
Sabrina's going through. I think it will help you both."

Respect and gratitude flashed in Carson's eyes. "I'd
appreciate that...."

"We'll start with my parents." Despite her terse
delivery, Gloria spoke straight from the heart. "You'd never understand
them. I doubt you'd like them. Sometimes
I
don't like them. But I do
love them. What's more, Sabrina loves them. And they adore her. She's their
only grandchild. The sun rises and sets on her. They may be elitist and set in
their ways, but they're not unkind or un- feeling. They're frightened.
Frightened of disrupting a lifestyle that's been their foundation for years.
Frightened of being the center of a media circus. But most of all, frightened
of losing Sabrina. The thought of her undergoing surgery, giving up an organ—it
terrifies them. Sabrina knows all this. Which means she's feeling a great deal
of guilt right now—guilt that conflicts with the unexpected emotions she's
feeling for the father who's just come into her life. I'm asking that you
please bear that in mind. It's a heavy responsibility for her to carry on her
shoulders at a time like this."

Carson frowned. "I won't put her through the transplant.... I
told her no.... My kidneys will start working again.... But if they don't, I
won't let her be the donor..."

"You don't have a choice." Gloria stopped him gently,
waving away his protest. "What I said wasn't meant to make you feel
guilty; it was said to make you aware. Sabrina's a very strong-willed young
woman. That shouldn't surprise you. I'm stubborn. You're stubborn. She didn't
stand a chance of turning out malleable. She's made up her mind. No one's going
to change that. Nor should we try. For the record, I admire her decision. I'm
in New York to support it, not to try to undo it. And if it comes down to the
wire, my parents will do the same."

Pausing, Gloria gave a wistful sigh. "I guess what I'm trying
to explain to you is that having a family is a double-edged sword. Not having
one means being independent, answering to no one, and satisfying your own needs
first and foremost. It also means being very, very lonely. You know all about
the list I just ticked off; it's been your life up until now. Well, welcome to
the flip side—
having
a family. You're getting your first taste of that.
It's why you're trying to protect Sabrina's health, even at the expense of your
own. Having a family means accepting emotional responsibility, showing
compassion even when your reserves are dry, and thinking of others before
yourself. It's hard work. It's also the most rewarding gift life has to offer.
You'll see that more and more as you and Sabrina grow closer. In the meantime,
just remember she's torn. Caring is sometimes a hard place to be."

Throughout Gloria's speech, Carson had watched her, listened
intently. Now, he nodded, wetting his lips to reply. "I'll do that.... You
know, I always thought of myself as pretty damned smart... but you're smarter.
Thanks for the perspective.... Sabrina's lucky to have you for a
mother...." He inclined his head, his expression pensive. "You're
right about my knowing a lot about the not-having...."

A quizzical, shoot-from-the-hip look intensified his gaze, and
Gloria sensed that something personal was coming. She just wasn't quite sure
what.

She found out.

"While we're on this subject... let me ask you
something," Carson stated bluntly. "I know how you felt at the time
you were looking for a sperm donor.... You wanted to live life on your own
terms... unattached and independent.... Do you feel the same way now?... When
all is said and done, was the single life all it was cracked up to be?"

An ironic question, one that had been the cause of much
introspection for Gloria these past few days. Still, it never occurred to her
that Carson Brooks had gone down this mental path. About the idea of having a
son or daughter, yes, but not about having a life-partner.

"Are you going to answer?" he pressed. "Or are you trying
to find a tactful way to say it's none of my damned business?"

"Actually, I was thinking it's an odd question coming from
you."

"Why? Because I went the unmarried and successful route,
too?"

"No, because that route seems to suit you now as well as it
did then. It never occurred to me that you contemplated the idea that any other
choice existed."

"You're right. I didn't. Not until fifty crept up on me....
With it came thoughts that I might have a kid... and the rest just followed
suit." He paused to catch his breath. "Talk about alone... You, at
least, had Sabrina.... I had my work, my company, women when I had the time or
inclination... and Dylan, who's like a son to me. But I got him in his teens. I
didn't raise him.... So, I got to thinking..." Another pause, as he
regathered his strength. "You know what? I'll answer my own question
first. No, the single life's not all it's cracked up to be.... You grow older,
smarter, and more alone.... At least
I
did. I have someone in my life
now. Susan Lane. You'll like her. She's great.... But it's not the same as
building something from the ground up.... We've got no history, no memories to
pass on to children... grandchildren. If you ask me, I was a stupid fool....
What about you?"

Gloria sighed, thinking how funny life was. What a shame that you
couldn't be born old and grow young.

"Even twenty-eight years ago, my situation was a little
different from yours," she responded frankly. "And not only because I
had Sabrina soon after, although I thank God that I did. I also had my parents,
my roots, and, as a result, some understanding of what it meant to be tied to
others. Remember, too, Carson, that going into the donor insemination, I was
thirty-three to your twenty-two. I'd been an adult a whole lot longer than you.
I knew that being single was a second-rate formula for happiness. I'd tried to
find my soul mate—repeatedly. It just didn't happen. Sure, that would have been
the better way to go. Unfortunately, it never turned out to be
my
way.
So, no, I don't think living life alone is something to aspire to. But it's
something I'd made peace with by the time I sought a sperm donor. If the
opportunity had presented itself, I would much preferred to have found my other
half, made a life with him, and had children together."

"Does that mean you'd want that for Sabrina?"

Why did Gloria have the distinct feeling she was being led
somewhere in particular?

"Are you asking me if I want Sabrina to stop being such a
damned workaholic and open up that wonderful heart of hers? If so, the answer's
yes. Nothing would make me happier than if the perfect man for Sabrina existed
out there somewhere, and that she'd find him—that they'd find each other. I may
be a realist, but I'm not without dreams."

"Good." Carson settled back on the bed, linking his
fingers on his chest and, despite his pain and exhaustion, looking like the
proverbial cat who swallowed the canary. "Because I feel... the same
way."