Kaleidoscope (Faylinn Series) (29 page)

He exhaled heavily, exasperated. “Oh, I don’t know, Cal. We’ve been friends for six years and there wasn’t one time that you could have slipped in, ‘Hey, Cam, I think I kind of like you’? All of the times we hung out. All of the times we spent in your room talking about life. All of the times we went out to dinner or to the movies. All of the times we spent driving in my car on road trips. None of those times seemed decent enough?” His voice rose with every question.

“I was scared!”

“Did you never think maybe I was too?” he shot back. His gaze softened when he saw the tears filling my eyes. I couldn’t look at him anymore. Not with that look of pity plastered across the face I knew all too well.

“Don’t look at me like that, Cameron. I’m not this fragile thing. I figured out a while ago you’d never be mine. I’ve accepted that and now I’m moving on.”

“You’ve accepted a life without me?”

“There
is
no life with you! Don’t you see that?” His face fell, deflated. My eyes turned down, avoiding eye contact.

“Do you even know why my relationships ended in the past?”

That question caught me off guard.
But
of course I did.
He got bored with one and then went onto the next. But had he ever told me why any of them ended? It hit me that he hadn’t. Had I ever asked? Or had I just accepted it when he moved on to the next?

I didn’t answer.

He laughed bleakly as if I was missing something huge, right in front of my face. “Because of
you
. None of them could accept you as a part of my life.” He trembled. “When they would all eventually ask me to choose—because believe me, Calliope, they all did—they would say, ‘
It’s either her or me’
. And I would say
‘her’
.
You
.”

He chose this time to tell me.
Now
?
Really
?

I moved back to face my bed. “And Isla?” I questioned, staring down at the half empty duffle.

“She accepted you. She never questioned our relationship. Never asked me to choose.”

And there was my answer. He didn’t want me, merely a girl who would accept me as a part of him.

“I really care about these faeries,” I softened my tone, deflecting his words. “They need me.
Me
. As much as I don’t want to believe it and as much of a weight that it puts on my shoulders, I can’t possibly deny them. So if that means I move to Faylinn and become a faery queen, I’ll accept that too.”

“So, you’ll just abandon me? Leave your home. For them. They are
faeries
, Callie.”

He had to throw exhilarant on the fire. “Don’t insult them. Don’t make them out to be some imaginary creatures. In case you haven’t noticed,
I’m
one of them. I need to be where they are.”

“Even if that means losing me?” he countered. “Losing everything we have?”

My stomach sank and I lowered my voice. “I already lost you, Cam. Isla is different. I can see that. You love her like you’ve never loved anyone before. And I’ve thought hard about this. Honestly, who is going to marry me, huh?” I paused, clenching that thought. “What will my children become? A quarter faery? Just another heir for Faylinn to go after? Could I really do that to them? Am I really willing to live a lie for the rest of my life?”

“I’ll marry you,” he said abruptly.

“What?” I snorted, unbelieving. “You’re crazy.”

“What if I love you?” he continued.

I shook my head. “No,” I denied. “You don’t love me. Not like that.”

“How do you know? Just because I never confessed it does not mean I haven’t felt it,” he said infuriatingly.

“If you loved me like that you would have seen it in my eyes. I’m an open book, Cam. You’ve said it yourself. You would have acted on it.”

“What if I didn’t act on it because I didn’t want to risk this?” Cameron motioned between our bodies. “What if it didn’t work out between us? What if a relationship ruined this?” He exhaled and swallowed. “I can’t lose you. You’re too important to me.”

“I feel like I’m worth the risk,” I said quietly. “If you wanted this, you would have taken it.” Turning my back to him, I stuffed more useless junk in my bag. I needed to get out of here.
Now
.

This wasn’t happening, not on the day of my departure. I dug my grave, now I had to lie in it. I had already accepted my fate. I knew where I was meant to be.

Cameron came up beside me, his fingers trailing down my cheek, urging me to look at him. For years I had wanted his touch. This touch. The meaningful kind. The kind that moved my stomach to my heart and claimed my breath. “I can’t lose you now, Callie.”

I swallowed, fighting back the water behind my eyes. “You won’t lose me. Not the important part. You won’t lose our friendship.”

“What if I want more than friendship?” His sapphire eyes were earnest, piercing my heart. The heart that had always belonged to him.

“You don’t,” I disagreed, gritting my teeth and closing my eyes to keep from looking at him.

“What if I do?” he persisted. “Now. What if I want this now?”

I drank the tears in my throat, blocking my airway. The decision was already made. “Then I would have to tell you you’re too late,” I said softly, meeting his eyes. I had to show him I meant it.

“You’re wrong.”

There was determination in his eyes. Cameron snatched me into his arms before I knew what was happening and kissed me. It wasn’t urgent or forced, but it was firm, demanding a kiss back. I didn’t respond at first, but he kept his mouth on mine, working to ignite a spark. He knew I had it in me somewhere. Before I could tell myself to fight it, my walls were crumbling down and I was kissing him back.

It was pointless to fight it. Hadn’t I wanted this all along? His lips were soft as they brushed against mine. My mind slowly became foggy and nothing else seemed to matter in that moment. Everything around us faded into a fog and I felt nothing—breathed nothing—but him.

His hands cupped the sides of my face and he quietly groaned into my mouth, deepening our kiss, drawing me closer toward him. I sighed in liberation, tightening my arms around his neck, breathing in everything that I knew to be Cameron. He whispered my name on my lips, opening my mouth with his. His tongue tangled with mine.

“Calliope?”

His voice pulled me back to reality. I stopped kissing Cam, pausing to compose myself before I spun my head to see Declan.

I
hadn’t spoken yet. My voice was gone, my throat suddenly dry. What was he doing in my house? He stood fully clothed, bow across his chest and dagger at his side. He looked so out of place in my house. I shook off the moment. Something had to be said. I couldn’t just stand there like an idiot.

“You know I don’t like to be called that, Declan.”

I wasn’t sure why I felt guilty. I hadn’t done anything wrong. Declan wasn’t my boyfriend. I hadn’t committed myself to him or Kai. But looking into Declan’s eyes of disappointment I suddenly felt like the scum of the earth. He had thought better of me, highly of me even. I had done something very wrong in his eyes.

“I apologize,” he muttered. “I was coming to check on you. I signaled to you and got no response. It’s long past sundown. I was worried, but I obviously had no reason to be.” He was stumbling back, strangely ungraceful.

“Declan,” I pressed. But he had gone, retreating away as swiftly as he could. There was a thud and crash as I heard him escaping.

The logic clicked. It was because he was away from the forest. He risked his life by coming into my home to protect me. And I was making out with Cameron.

Cameron said my name.

What had I done?

“Cal,” Cam prompted once more.

I shook my head. “I can’t.” I kept my back to him and headed for the open doorway. I needed to talk to Declan, to explain or apologize or to say something—anything.

“Calliope,” Cameron pleaded.

“No, Cam.” I turned back to him. “You should be ashamed too. What about Isla? What are you going to say to her?”

His eyes were focused on me with no hint of shame or regret. “That I’m sorry, but my heart belongs to you. It always has. I just never gave myself a chance to realize it.”

“No.” I shook my head, denying myself this moment—a moment that was supposed to be perfect and blissful. Cameron had just kissed me and confessed his love for me. I was supposed to be jumping into his arms and declaring my love back, but I couldn’t. “No,” I said more adamantly. “That should never have happened. That never happened.”

“Calliope, please.” The look of pain on Cameron’s face twisted my stomach. I’d never done anything to hurt him before. We’d gotten in fights before, sure. But never had he left me feeling this absolute shame. He looked at me as if I’d betrayed him. I had never betrayed him in my life. I had never even considered doing anything that might harm him in the slightest.

“I’m sorry. I can’t. I just can’t be with you,” I said, choking on the approaching tears. I couldn’t keep them at bay anymore. They came rushing like a tidal wave. “Maybe if we could turn back the clock to three months ago, I could see myself with you and we could have been happy. But things have changed, Cam. I’ve changed.” I swallowed. The realization set confidently in. “I’m sorry. This isn’t what I want anymore.” There was no future with Cameron anymore. There never could be.

The look of helplessness twisting his face was more than I could bear. I turned and bolted. I had somewhere I needed to be.

• • •

“Declan!” I ran into the darkened trees, swatting away the drooping vines and random branches. He couldn’t have gone far. “Declan?” I stumbled over the rocks and stumps cloaked in wet green, recklessly in need of reaching him. “Declan, please!”

What had I done? What must he think of me now? I wasn’t blind. I denied it in my mind, but I wasn’t an idiot. Declan cared for me and this was how I repaid him.

A figure stepped out from behind a trunk, I nearly fell trying to stop myself from slamming into him. But it wasn’t the face I was expecting, the face I hoped it would be. I was now face to face with those deep vibrant violet-blue eyes, glowing in the dim night sky.

“Kai,” I choked.

“My queen,” he greeted. “Looking for your Keeper?”

Though it was a new way of addressing me, I didn’t even bother scolding him. “I need to talk to Declan.”

“Well it turns out you did something pretty awful. He doesn’t want to see you.”

I took a breath. “You’re lying.”

“I’m not sure I want to talk to you either, but
someone
has to keep you from running into a trap.” He folded his arms and leaned his shoulder coolly against the nearest trunk as he eyed me.

I combed my fingers through my hair. “It just happened. One second we were talking and the next it just happened. I didn’t mean for it to happen like that. It just did,” I blundered.

“Wait, what? You and Declan?” Kai’s arms fell to his side as he straightened up, alert.

“What? No.”
He didn’t know.

“What happened Calliope?” His tone was probing, yet hesitant as if he didn’t really want to know. He feared my answer.

I opened my mouth to speak, but bit back the words. Did I have to apologize? I shouldn’t have to explain myself to him. I didn’t owe Kai anything. I needed to apologize to Declan. He’d always been so loyal and kind and he’d just walked into the wrong place at the wrong time.

“It’s none of your business.”

“I’m afraid your business is my business, princess,” he said, irritatingly.

“Stop calling me that!” I spat.

“My apologies, it is your majesty now.” He bowed deeply, not in respect, but mocking me.

“Stop!” I screeched even higher.

“My, my, what a temper she has. She’s a feisty little one. I
like
it.”

I spun around and saw a dark silhouette several feet away, leaning against a large oak, his arms crossed over his chest. My eyes adjusted to the darkness to take in his appearance. His ears pointed out from the disarray of hair that stood on end; so blonde it was nearly white. A dark brown cape tied around his shoulders. He brushed it back and stepped forward. He was undeniably handsome.

Kai moved in front of me, blocking my view. “Favner,” he said.

That was
Favner
? But he was so. . .so. . .normal. I mean, aside from his dreadfully good looks and the fact that he was a faery; he wasn’t huge by any stretch or vicious looking. From the way he was described I half expected him to be breathing fire. But this man was lean, a couple of inches shorter than Kai, and didn’t look like he could harm a dragonfly.

I tried peering around Kai, but he shifted in front of me as if sensing my curiosity.

“Don’t underestimate him,” Kai whispered, low enough for only me to hear.

I stayed hidden, but lifted my eyes around Kai to see Favner. Kai couldn’t honestly expect me to just sit back now. Favner stepped away from the shadow of the tree followed by two large shapes. The sound of something being dragged through the leaves trailed behind him. Liam and Owen came into view, devilish sneers formed on their malicious faces, hanging back, flanking Favner’s sides.

“Liam. Owen,” Favner said shortly. That was all the instruction they needed. They came around one side of him and threw a body to the ground in between Favner and Kai. She grunted as she hit the dead leaves.

I felt guilty for heaving a sigh of relief that it wasn’t Declan.

“Thank you,” Allura snapped, but with half the bite I knew she could have dished, “for your never failing kindness.” She spit on their feet, which rewarded her with a harsh smack from Liam. She choked on her breath, spitting blood, and warily sat up, tucking her legs underneath her and glaring at him.

“Allura,” Kai breathed.

Allura’s beautiful face was broken and bruised. Her thin headband, once naturally circling her head like a halo now broken, spilling her dreads over her tormented amber eyes. Filthy and torn, her clothes were barely draped around her body to cover her up.

“Look what I found wandering in my woods.” Favner spoke as if he was talking about the weather and smiled as if he won a prize.