Just Tricking! (11 page)

‘Isn't that hard?' I ask.

‘A bit,' she says. ‘It's kind of lonely.' After a long afternoon we've finally made it
to Waterloo Bay. Roseanne hasn't stopped talking and cracking jokes the whole way. Some of them are almost funny, too.

We're the last ones in. I stagger onto the beach and into the camping area behind the sand-dunes.

‘There you go,' says Roseanne. ‘How's your ankle feeling?'

‘A bit better.'

‘Reckon you'll be right for tomorrow?'

‘I hope so,' I say.

‘Well, if not, give me a yell.'

You know, I hate to admit it but, even with all her stupid practical jokes and wisecracks, Roseanne's not so bad. In fact, to tell the truth, I'm kind of starting to like her.

‘Thanks, Roseanne. I owe you one.'

‘You don't owe me anything,' she says, putting her hand on my shoulder. ‘But could you just do me one small favour?'

‘What's that?' I say.

She gives me this big cheesy grin and winks.

‘Tell ya mum I saved ya!'

t's the last week of school holidays and I'm flying to Mildura to visit my grandparents.

I'm on one of those little thirty-six seater planes.

I've got a window seat, but I want the seat next to me as well. I want to spread out and get comfortable.

I don't think anybody's going to sit there now, but I've laid a piece of rubber dog pooh on the seat, just to make sure.

I'm doing really well. It's almost time for take-off and nobody's sat there yet, and there are still two empty seats behind me.

An old lady boards the plane and shuffles down the aisle.

With a bit of luck, she'll take the seat behind me and then the air hostess will close the door and I can relax.

But the old lady stops right next to me. I can't believe it.

‘No! No! No!' I'm thinking. ‘Keep going!'

‘Excuse me,' she says, ‘is this seat taken?'

‘Um, er, no, not exactly,' I say, ‘but I don't think I'd sit in it if I was you . . . it's not very clean.'

The old lady bends over and pats the seat. She finds the dog pooh, picks it up and strokes it.

‘It's only a piece of rubber dog pooh,' she says. ‘I suppose it's some young person's idea of a joke.'

She puts the pooh into an air-sickness bag hanging in front of the seat.

Pretty cool old lady. But how did she know it was only rubber? That's the very best quality rubber dog pooh money can buy. That stuff even fools my dog.

‘So I can sit here, after all,' she says.

‘You don't mind, do you?'

I want to say, ‘Yes, actually, I do mind! There are plenty of empty seats! Why don't you go and sit in one of them?'

But I don't want to be rude – especially not to an old lady. And I can't just get up and go and sit in one of the empty seats myself, because she might think I'm being nasty. She might be really lonely and not have any friends, and me going to another seat might be the last straw.

It's going to have to be her who moves.

She puts her handbag underneath her seat and settles in with a can of Kool Mints.

This is going to require some pretty quick thinking.

At last the doors are shut and the air hostess welcomes us on board. She points out the emergency exits and life-jackets and oxygen masks. Some welcome, but it does give me an idea.

The engines start up and fill the plane with their low vibrations.

‘I hope it's not too rough a ride,' I say, ‘because I'm a hopeless air traveller. I practically get sick even thinking about planes.'

‘What?' she says. ‘You'll have to speak up!'

I lean close to her old wrinkled ear.

‘I said, I'm a hopeless air traveller! I always get sick on planes.'

The old lady smiles.

‘That's good then,' she says. ‘We can look after each other. I'm not much of a one for air travel either!'

Oh great. Just lovely. Not only does she take up my seat, now she's threatening to get sick all over me as well.

The plane shudders and moves forward with a groan.

Take-off is my favourite part.

The captain's voice comes over the speakers:

‘Good morning and thank you for flying with Southern Australia Airlines. We have almost perfect conditions for our flight to Mildura this morning. We'll be cruising at around five thousand metres, at a speed of five hundred kilometres per hour. We have a slight tail wind and we expect to reach our destination in just under an hour. We hope you have a pleasant flight.'