Just the Man She Needs (18 page)

In spite of the loneliness that haunted her daily, Felicia worked long hours, writing and lecturing. Each day, she shifted her column closer to straight political coverage and commentary, and her editor offered no objections. She had some of her lectures at universities and conferences reprinted in the newspaper and posted some of them on the Internet in her newly created blog.

“I’ve got four TV interview requests for you,” her editor told her one morning, “and three of them are from broadcast channels. Only one is a cable channel. The people must be asking for you. We’ve got a bunch of letters for you, too. You want to answer them yourself?”

“Thanks. I’d like to see ’em.”

Why wasn’t she dancing for joy? She was happy, yes, and she needed the recognition of her hard work, but she needed to share the joy…with Ashton.

After a challenging interview on one of the early morning TV shows, she realized that her prominence made her a target. She hadn’t liked the interviewer, and she controlled her distaste with effort. However, her editor liked her performance.

“Senator Hoots has been lining his pockets,” her editor told her, “and he’s got a couple of allies. Where there are three, you’ll find some more. Give me a column on it.”

“Yes,
sir!
”

The following Monday, her story appeared with her name above the column’s title. Pride suffused her. She’d made it at last. However, the paper’s telephones rang constantly, and almost all of the calls had reference to Felicia’s column, and many of the callers denounced and/or threatened her.

“John Underwood is on the phone, Felicia,” her secretary said.

When she recovered her balance, she lifted the receiver. “Hello, Ashton.”

“Hello, Felicia. I’ve been planning to make a personal call to you, but this isn’t the one. I understand that the paper’s phone is jammed with calls about your column, that the fax machine broke down because it became overheated with mail about your column, and that the e-mail box is full. More than half the mail is negative, and that’s all right. People speak louder when they’re against something than they do if they support a thing. But I’m told that most of those faxes and telegrams are threats against you.” Chills streaked through her body, but she said nothing.

“Felicia, I don’t want anything to happen to you. Nothing is worth it, not the news or the paper or anything. Please, Felicia, tone down the next column on this story. I—I couldn’t…I can’t let anything happen to you. These bigots are dangerous.”

“I—I hear what you’re saying, Ashton, but I have to do my job. Of course, if you say I can’t do it, that you won’t print it, I won’t have a choice, will I? After all, you’re the boss.”

His long silence was evidence enough that she had either angered or hurt him, or both. “So that’s the reason why you abandoned our relationship without so much as a go-to-hell. If you had returned my phone call, I would have told you. I hadn’t signed the papers when the story got out, and I don’t count my chicks before they hatch. At least your brother didn’t speak against me.”

She regretted her words and the bitterness with which she spoke them. “Don’t blame Miles for anything. He’s your best ally.”

“Are you going to soften your stance?”

“If I did, I wouldn’t recognize myself. I’m sorry, Ashton.”

“Then you’re going to have a bodyguard and bulletproof transportation to and from work and on any professional trips. That’s that, and I won’t change my mind.”

“You can’t possibly be serious.”

“The next time you start out of that building, even if it’s an hour from now, you’ll find out whether I’m joking. I need to talk with you, but I’ll call you at home.”

With chattering teeth and shaking fingers, she managed to place the phone on her desk, got up and walked across the room to the window. How dare he talk to her like that! She stood there for about a minute, taking deep breaths in the hope of calming herself, then she went back to her desk, sat down and said, “I suppose you hung up.”

“I have better manners,” he said.

“How dare you try to bully me, Ashton? Don’t you know it won’t work?”

She imagined his eyes narrowed when he said, “And don’t you know that I am trying to protect you, to take care of you, since you haven’t a clue as to what you’ve gotten yourself into? Woman, don’t you know I care about you? Yes, dammit, you’re going to have a bodyguard and an armored car. Period.”

As if he’d punched the wind out of her, she slumped in her chair. “I didn’t think it was that serious.”

His voice softened to the mellifluous tone that always melted her heart. “Felicia, is your memory so short? I’m leaving tonight for Rose Hill, and when I get back, I want us to talk. Until then, search yourself to see if you can find any plausible reason for walking out on me, and while you’re looking, remember that I can hurt as badly as you. I’ll see you in a few days.”

“’Bye,” she said, thoroughly chastened.

Minutes later, her editor called. “You’re to leave the building from the garage. Take the elevator down to the garage level and you’ll see a gray Town Car in front of the elevator door with the license plate number 6WAJ50. The driver’s name is Bob. Five minutes before you leave your office, call this number.” She wrote down the number, thanked her editor and realized that, in exchange for success, she’d given up her freedom, for as badly as she wanted to, she knew she’d better not defy Ashton. He was not a frivolous man and he would not have ordered that level of protection for her unless he knew it was necessary.

Too concerned and too drained from her conversation with Ashton to concentrate on her work, she did what she’d always done when in trouble—she phoned Miles.

“I won’t have any freedom,” she told him after relating her conversation with Ashton. “Do you think all that’s necessary? I’m tempted to ignore it.”

“You really don’t want this guy? Is that it? First, you fool around with Jeffrey, although you know you’re not interested in him as a lover. Ashton tries to protect you, not because he owns the paper you write for, but because he loves you and wants to take care of you. But you’re so damned asinine, you want to prove you don’t need him. Yet, you’re in love with him. I don’t get it. Go ahead and risk your life, so Ashton will realize how foolish he is.”

“What do you mean?”

“After the way you treated him, I’m surprised that he cares at all. I wouldn’t.”

She hadn’t wrung her hands since her mother died, but she balled and twisted them then. “Miles, I’m scared. I love that man so much that it frightens me. I know I didn’t do the right thing, but he could have decided any day that…that he couldn’t handle my lifestyle and just walk out, so—”

“So, expecting the worse, you walked out first? I can’t think of anything more stupid. Talk with the guy. Not even in your next life will you find another man like that one, and a man that you’ll love. My last word on the subject.”

She had not encouraged Jeffrey to fall for her, but nonetheless she hoped she hadn’t hurt him. No one knew better than she the pain of a lover’s treachery. Besides, callousness was not in her nature. She couldn’t work, so she decided to go home, access the Library of Congress through the Internet, and get some corroborating information on the senators for her column. She phoned her editor’s secretary.

“Ray said I should let you know when I’m ready to leave.”

“Yes, Miss Parker. The car and guard will be waiting.”

She took the elevator to the garage, stepped out and saw the gray Town Car parked nearby. A tall no-nonsense-looking man got out of the car and held the back door open. She ignored him and walked around to check the license plate. Satisfied that she wasn’t being duped, she thanked the man, and got in.

“So this is what it’s like to capitulate,” she said to herself. “And I hardly challenged him. I must love him more than I thought, because I certainly am not scared of anybody hurting me. I wish I knew where this was going.”

“I’m Bob, Miss Parker. I’ll try to stay out of your way, but I’ll always have my eye on you. You’re safe with me.”

“Thank you, Bob. I don’t doubt it one bit.” What she did doubt was her ability to tolerate the loss of her freedom. “I’m going to have a talk with Ashton about this. It’s more than I’m prepared to suffer.”

Ashton would have preferred not to take Teddy with him to Rose Hill, but he wanted his son to know his uncles and, especially, his great-grandfather. He dressed in a tan summer suit, a white short-sleeved dress shirt, white shoes and socks, and dressed Teddy identically.

“I’m dressed like you, Daddy. Now everybody will know you’re my daddy.”

“They’d know that if we weren’t dressed alike. Tie your shoes. You don’t want us to miss the plane, do you?”

“You tie them, Daddy. When I do it, they always get loose.” He sat Teddy on the bed, tied the boy’s shoes, picked up their luggage and headed downstairs.

“Wait for me, Daddy. I have to find the picture I drew for Granddad.”

Ashton dropped their bags at the bottom of the stairs and looked up at the little replica of himself, his reason for being. “All right, two minutes.”

“I only need one, Daddy.” Ashton couldn’t help laughing. Teddy wanted everything spelled out, and if you didn’t do it, he would. Within a minute, the boy joined him, but he still wasn’t ready to leave the house.

“I have to show Miss Eartha how I look. She says I always get dirty. Am I dirty, Daddy?”

“Of course not, you just put that on. No more stalling here. We have to make that flight.”

“You mean I’m flying? Gee.” He ran back to the breakfast room. “Miss Eartha, I’m flying to Rose Hill. ’Bye.”

Their plane landed in Frederick, and Ashton drove them on to Rose Hill in a rented Chevrolet. Anxious to see the improvements in the building and to examine the new tack, he stopped first at the Rose Hill Riding School.

“I don’t have to ask who you are,” the blonde said to him. “I’ve met Cade and Damon, so you have to be Ashton. Never saw such resemblance.”

“All things considered,” he replied dryly, “you’re the new riding instructor. Is Cade around?”

“He went home a minute ago, but don’t worry. You’re safe. I don’t bite.”

Not sure whether he faced antagonism or her brand of humor, he said, “I rarely worry about anything. If I can fix the problem, I do that. If I can’t, I accept that fact and get on with my life. What’s your name?”

“Leslie Fields.”

“Glad to meet you, Ms. Fields. I’ll see Cade at home.”

Granddad had really done it this time. Ashton got in the car and drove on to the house and, to his surprise, Teddy jumped out and raced to his great-grandfather with his arms outspread and a glowing smile on his face. “Granddad. I brought you a picture I drew for you.” Jake picked the boy up and hugged him with love glowing in his face.

After embracing his grandfather, Ashton said, “Granddad, I know you like pretty women, but Leslie Fields takes the cake. Can she teach anybody how to ride a horse?”

Jake ran his hands through his thinning hair. “She’s really something. Yeah, she can teach, and she’s quite a jumper. Cade seems taken with her.”

“What? You’re kidding.”

“No, I’m not. If you think Leslie’s a sex pot, you’re in for a stunner. She’s an intellectual, and she teaches physics at the university, but she loves the outdoors. So she’s teaching at the riding school during the summer. In October, she’ll be back at the university.”

Ashton sent a sharp whistle zinging through the air. “Danged if she didn’t fool me. I should have realized she had something to back up that sharp tongue.”

“Oh, she’s actually a very gracious woman.”

“I see. If Cade’s happy with her, so am I.”

“Where’s Miss Parker? Didn’t I ask you to bring her the next time you came?”

“Miss Parker and I have to iron out the wrinkles in our relationship. If we do that to suit us both, I’ll bring her.”

A
shton put his bags in his room and went to find his brother, Cade. “I figured you’d be out here,” he said to Cade when he found him lounging beside the pool. “I wasn’t prepared for Leslie Fields. I expected somebody around forty, muscular, makeup-free and flat-chested.”

Cade released a sound that could be called a snicker, raised both eyebrows and then showed all his teeth in a grin, rare for him. “You’re joking. Not in a million years would Granddad choose a woman who wouldn’t finish in the top five of a Miss America contest. He can’t tell me he picked her for her riding skills. He got lucky. The old man may be over eighty, but he still knows a woman when he sees one.”

“So do you, from what I hear.”

Cade closed his eyes and relaxed in the lounge chair. “She’s a breath of fresh air.”

“Don’t tell me you sit around here talking physics and computer science with that woman. She’s Halle Berry and Marilyn Monroe rolled into one.”

“After a while, you don’t notice it. I don’t think she’s aware of it,” Cade said, and put on his sunglasses.

“Well, I’ll be damned. You’ve always been unsparingly honest with yourself and candid with everybody else. Don’t you want to like her? You do, you know.”

“I don’t know, Ash. I don’t know how the hell I feel about it or about her.”

The seriousness of his brother’s tone worried Ashton. He sat on a nearby chair. “How does she feel about you?”

“That’s one of the problems. Neither of us is the type to start a relationship in a hurry. It looks to me as if we’re tiptoeing around each other, postponing the moment when we’ll precipitate an explosion. It’ll be like throwing a lighted torch in a gushing oil well.”

“Whew! Are you planning to do anything about it?”

Cade’s shoulder flexed in a shrug that didn’t fool Ashton. “If she wanted an affair, she could have a dozen, and I am not jumping out on that ‘love-me’ limb again, brother. No sirree!”

“Too bad. You’re going to be very unhappy.” He thought of Felicia, how he missed her and how badly he needed her.

“Yeah. Better to be miserable because I’m smart than to be miserable because I was a fool.”

“That sounds like a new kind of logic to me, but who am I to judge?”

“Right. How are things with you and Felicia? If I had a sister like her, I could discuss these problems that I’m having.”

“You’d do no such thing, so can the hints. We’re offtrack right now, but I intend to work on it as soon as I get back to New York.”

“Glad to hear it. Who’s fault was it, yours or hers?”

“Ours, but I don’t mind making the first move. She means a lot to me.”

Cade sat up and pulled off his sunglasses. “You’re in love with her? Is that what you’re telling me?”

“Yeah. Now that I’m CEO of Skate newspapers, and she works for one of them, she’s uptight.”

“Good Lord. I didn’t think about that. Whatever you do, don’t get heavy-handed with her.”

“I did.” He told Cade about the column on dishonest congressmen and the reaction of readers. “I ordered her to use that limousine with a bodyguard, and I’m not sorry. If I can get within five inches of her, I’ll straighten it out.”

“Don’t let it drag on. How does she get on with Teddy?”

“So far so good. Come to think of it, I’d better find out what he’s doing. He’ll twist Granddad around his finger.”

That evening, he sat around the chrome barbecue and grill machine with his brothers, his granddad and his son. The adults talked of the changes in their business enterprise, and their changing roles in it.

“Now that Damon is taking on the job of legal counsel, what do we do about the escort service?” Jake asked. “Seems to me it’s a source of civil suits against us. We’ve been lucky that none of the men have gotten out of hand.”

“I vote we sell the business. Obviously, there’s a need for it, so we shouldn’t disband it,” Cade said. “It’s served its purpose, anyway. Without it, Ash probably wouldn’t have met Felicia Parker. I say put it up for sale.”

“I agree,” Ashton said. “We sell the escort service, we get a principal to manage the riding school, and another instructor to teach animal husbandry. Anything else?” When none of them offered another suggestion or asked a question, he said, “Okay. Teddy and I will be heading out tomorrow morning.”

“Can I stay here with Granddad and Uncle Cade, Daddy? I won’t bribe Granddad anymore. Honest.”

Ashton looked at his grandfather. “Did he try to bribe you?”

“Well…he’s too little for that, but—”

Ashton walked over to the grill, got a plate of food and gave it to Teddy. “Eat that, and go to bed. I’ll deal with you tomorrow.”

“Yes, sir.”

At two-thirty the next afternoon, Ashton walked into his house, greeted Eartha, and dashed up stairs to his room with Teddy right behind him. He changed the boy’s clothes, went to his own room and sat down. Cade had said, “Don’t let it drag on,” and he was right. The longer a problem existed, the bigger it got. He dialed Felicia’s office phone number.

“Felicia Parker speaking.”

“This is Ashton. I need to see you, and I’d like to meet you when you leave work today. It’s important to me, Felicia.” The long silence drilled an opening in the pit of his belly. He had no choice but to wait for her answer as sweat beaded on his forehead.

Finally, she said, “I…uh…have to go home. Can’t we meet at my house at about seven?”

He let out a long breath, closed his eyes and gave silent thanks. “That’s fine with me. Why don’t I make a dinner reservation someplace?”

“Let’s not go to any place fancy. How about Peter’s Backyard down in The Village?”

“I haven’t been there in ages, but why not. The food’s great. I’ll see you at seven.” He hung up. Why had she decided to go home first? He hoped she only wanted to freshen up, that she wasn’t concerned that her colleagues might see them together. No matter, at least she wanted to be with him.

Felicia had been expecting Ashton’s call, but neither his tone nor his suggestion. It occurred to her that she would have to explain her behavior during the past three weeks, and that if she wasn’t truthful, if she didn’t tell him why she’d backed away from him, she could forget about him. Ashton would know if she withheld the truth. And what of the things they never talked about? Important things, like Teddy, the child’s relationship with his mother—if he had one—and most basic of all, where he wanted or didn’t want their relationship to go. He knew whether she suited him physically, what she was like as a lover, just as she knew he was the man for her. But other than his distaste for the publicity-seekers, and his admiration for her work, what did he really think of her as a woman? She didn’t know, and it was time she found out.

The doorbell rang at seven o’clock precisely, and she dashed down the hall toward it. Stopping so short that she nearly twisted her ankle, she leaned against the wall, verging on hyperventilation. “Good Lord, I have to get myself together. I can’t let him see me like this.” The bell rang again, and she forced herself to straighten up and walk to the door.

“Hi.”

“Hi. I thought you’d decided not to open the door.”

She stared up at him. Had his long-lashed olive-brown eyes always been so beautiful and so enticing? Were they the reason she loved him so? Her gaze wandered down to his perfectly knotted yellow-and-gray paisley tie and back up to the eyes that now signaled what she needed most to see. She gripped his shoulders and the expression in his eyes nearly unglued her. He stepped inside the foyer, kicked the door closed with the heel of his foot and lifted her into his arms. Her hands went to the back of his head and he plunged his tongue into her waiting mouth.

More. She had to have more of him. A sweet and wrenching hunger settle in her. It had been so long. Lord, so long. He moved in and out of her, showing her what he’d do to her if he got the chance, and her hips began the slow dance of love. Try as she would, she couldn’t control the passion that now roared out of control, and she tried to climb his body. He leaned against the wall, letting it take his weight, locked his hands on her hips and held her still.

“You’ll never imagine how much I’ve missed you,” he told her, “and as badly as we need to make love right now, we need an understanding before we get to that.”

She groped for her sense of humor, hoping to add levity to what was almost an embarrassing situation. “And if you don’t get any food,” she said, “you won’t have any energy.”

His eyes sparkled with wicked glints. “If you think
you
won’t need energy, you’re fooling yourself.”

Realizing the import of what she’d said, she leaned back and glared at him. “You misunderstood me perfectly.”

Oh, how his laughter thrilled her! She tightened her arms around him and kissed his lips. “You’re addictive, Ashton. There’s no other plausible explanation for this. Let’s go eat.”

“Me? Addictive? I’d begun to think something quite the opposite. But we’ll get to that later.”

A limousine pulled up in front of the apartment building as they walked out to the street. To her surprise, Bob got out and opened the back door. “Good evening, Mr. Underwood, Miss Parker.”

They greeted Bob and settled into the backseat of the Town Car. “You think I need a bodyguard when I’m with you?” she asked him, a little peeved.

“I used to be pretty good with my fists back in the days when I was a teenager and used them, but I’m well out of practice. Besides,” he said, making himself comfortable, “if there was a problem, I’d probably need a gun, and I don’t have a license to carry one. That answer your question?”

“I told myself I wasn’t going to bring that up, and I’m sorry I did. So, please let’s drop it.”

“Thanks,” he said, and wrapped her hand in one of his. “New York is wonderful at night. Almost as busy as it is in the daytime, and far more colorful. I wonder about the night people, prowling the streets, looking for something to happen.”

“Maybe they’re lonely,” Felicia said.

“Yeah.” His voice took on a distant quality. “And this is one of the easiest places in the world in which to be lonely. And I mean lonely and alone.”

Her head snapped around. “Are you telling me…I mean have
you
ever been lonely?”

“Felicia, I’ve been lonely. I’ve been alone and unhappy all at once.”

“But surely being alone was your choice.”

“When you didn’t return my calls for three weeks, whatever I was experiencing as a result was not of my choice. Right?”

“No it wasn’t, and let’s eat dinner before we get into that,” she said. His fingers tightened around hers, and his warmth flowed into her as a river empties itself into the sea. Her body moved itself closer to him, and he released her hand and eased his arm around her shoulder.

“Something tells me it’ll take a genie to kill what’s growing between you and me. Don’t you sense that?” he asked her.

How could she tell him she sensed it when, although she prayed for it, her own actions worked against the chances of their having a permanent relationship? “I know there’s a good basis for thinking that,” she hedged.

“And I know that’s all I’m likely to get out of you right now.” The limousine stopped in front of the restaurant. “I’ll phone you when we’re ready to leave, Bob. Park in a garage somewhere, get your dinner and save the receipts.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“We have a crowd tonight,” the waitress said. “Your table will be ready in about fifteen minutes. Would you like to have a seat at the bar?” He nodded, and she led them to the bar.

“Do you want to go somewhere else?” Ashton asked Felicia.

“Oh, no. But if I’d known I had to sit on this stool, I’d have worn a wider and longer skirt.”

“That’s no problem,” he said, lifted her and placed her on the stool. Two men sitting nearby applauded. “Right on, man. Way to go!”

She ordered a spritzer, and when Ashton looked hard at her, she explained, “You’re going to ask me a lot of questions, and I need my full mental faculties.”

He whispered in her ear, “Yes, I am.”

She hadn’t thought the noise at such a level that she couldn’t hear him. When his breath caressed her ear, she turned to face him. “I may not be in the mood for teasing, Ashton.”

The waitress came then and led them to their table. “I hope you don’t mind the balcony,” she said. “It’s quieter there.”

Felicia tried to be jocular and to exchange quips with Ashton, but that was not what she wanted from him. She needed him to love her, needed to explode with him buried deep inside of her. She wished she hadn’t agreed to go to dinner, and had ordered something from one of the take-out restaurants on Columbus Avenue.

“What’s the matter?” he asked her. “You’re not your usual vivacious self.”

“I know, and I’m sorry, but I have this awful feeling of an impending disaster.”

He reached across the table and took her hand. “If you love me, what can you look forward to other than happiness? We’re going to talk, because I want us to have a clean slate. After the way we greeted each other this evening, you ought to be feeling great. I am.”

“You’re not the one who put the skids on this relationship. I am, and I know I’m the one who has to pay up.”