Just Roll With It: a Just Us novel (11 page)

"So, what you're saying is I already have another man in your life to compete with, huh?" He gently elbows me.

"A very ripped god of a man, with a magic hammer," I tease.

"'You know how to deplete a man’s ego quick," he quips.

"Oh, I'm sure your hammer is magic too."

We end our project for the night and decide to watch a movie. He's behind me on my bed, cuddling. My head's lying on his arm, with his other arm thrown across my middle. The whole thing feels good. No thinking about panic attacks, or worrying about Roman finding me too fragile and having to tip-toe around me. I feel comfortable around him, and as far as he knows, I'm just a regular girl. For now. It feels nice to feel normal, and normal is exactly how I feel in his arms.

I look over my shoulder to the guy who has completely stolen my heart, to find him already staring at me. Studying me, not the movie. He leans in and his lips part slightly. I feel my body move to meet him halfway out of pure reflex. My face and body heats from the core. My chest flutters like my heart did a line of cocaine, pounding so strong I can hear the rhythm in my ears. A sudden tingle spreads from my cheek bones to my toes when I feel his finger brush a piece of hair from my face. His hands now resting on each side of my face pull me forward to close the small gap and his lips finally meet mine. He kisses me slow, soft, and sensual. Lips move against lips, using less tongue. His finger traces down my jaw, taking hold of my chin. With my hands now resting on his chest, I can physically feel him when he breathes out a low groan.

I bust out laughing. 

In some moments, the only appropriate thing to say is WTF. Now would be one of them. 

Uh-oh, he doesn't look thrilled that I laughed, I was so nervous, and come on, everybody knows first kisses are awkward as hell.

"First kisses are funny," I say apologetically.

I still have the biggest smile on my face so he seems to relax a little bit. He rolls to his back, throws an arm over his face, and begins to laugh with me. As our relentless laughter dies down, he peeks over at me from under the arm still covering half of his face.

"I was thinking … Maybe I didn't …" He's having a hard time trying to figure out what to say. "You scared the shit outta me."

"No! No. Not at all. It's, you know, first kisses." As if he will automatically know what I mean.

"Now that you got that out of your system—" his eyes bore in to mine "—and now that the atrocious first kiss is over, I will show you how very not funny this will be." He grabs my face and pulls me back in. This time, I definitely do
not
laugh.

His mouth crashes down on my own. He's inhaling me, making it clear that I'm the air and he needs to breath it. He slides his hand up my neck and into my hair, scratching at my scalp slightly. I think I'm holding on to his arms, I can't tell you for sure. He glides his hand down from my hair, now wandering my body in slow search of my waist. Resting there, he caresses the exposed skin under my shirt.

My body turns heavy, and for the first time, not from panic. His other hand still on my cheek, moves to my chin.

Reluctantly, Roman slowly pulls away. He leans back so he can look down at me and places a gentle kiss on the top of my head. With that, the most perfect kiss I have ever received comes to an end.

"Movie?" he asks, snapping himself out of the intense moment we just shared.

"Huh?" I mutter in a daze.

"Do you think maybe we should finish the movie?" A grin

stretches across his face.

"Hmm? Yeah, sure. Absolutely. Of course."

It's his turn to laugh at me. But, I don't get a chance to overthink. Without warning, he flips me back over so I'm facing the television screen, and explicitly spoons me from behind.

I wake to the start of a brisk bright light gleaming through my still closed lids. I grudgingly prod my eyes open against the overwhelming illumination. The sunlight furiously radiates through my half-opened blinds. I'm groggy as hell, though I know I haven't slept so hard in a while. My nights are typically restless and interrupted with involuntary waking throughout.

I suddenly remember it's Saturday. I wasn't expecting my alarm to go off or anything, but something still feels off, and I've slept later than usual. I feel a wave of warmth fall over me on my left side. I turn halfway over and see him behind me.

Looking completely cute, Roman lies sleeping on top of my covers, still dressed in his clothes from yesterday. We must have both fallen asleep last night during the movie. Usually, I would be pretty freaked out if I woke up with someone else in my bed, but something about having him in my bed is more comfortable than
un
comfortable.

"Are you staring at me? That's kind of creepy," he says with his eyes still closed.

Caught
. "I'm sorry. I'm not used to waking up with somebody in my bed."

"I hope it was more of a pleasant surprise than not."

"Depends," I tell him with a wicked expression.

"On what?" he asks, faking a hesitance.

"On whether or not you're taking me to breakfast."

"Well, I hope not. Because I'm pretty sure at this time of day it's called lunch."

"Eh. Breakfast, lunch, second breakfast, elevensies, afternoon tea. Any food in general, I would be good with."

"Depends," he mimics me perfectly.

"On what?" I hesitate back.

"On whether or not my friend Lyle can join us. He's been wanting to meet yo—" He stops short. "I mean, I would like you to meet him." He winces.

Now his look of apprehension is real. He's not sure if meeting his friend is something I will go for. To be honest, under normal circumstances, I wouldn't. Now, though, I think I am actually excited he wants me to meet one of his friends. That means something.

Throughout the rest of the week, I have learned a few things. One, Lyle comes with Roman, as in they are a package deal. I knew he was his best friend and everything, but it's come to the point where Lyle has food and drinks in my cupboards and fridge neatly labeled with his name on them.

Roman and I will stay up and work on our speeches, and Lyle will hang out in the living room watching TV. Sometimes with Enzo and sometimes just by himself. I'm liking how comfortable I've become with our new routine.

My mom, my grandpa Joe, and Enz have made it insultingly clear how happy they are I finally have friends. What's more is, I haven't had a single panic attack since meeting Roman. Sometimes I forget I even have a problem. I'm hopeful that he may ultimately be my cure. I have never felt better. I am getting better.

We've started spending a lot of time at The Coney
,
a twenty-four-hour diner down the street. We go for coffee almost every day, whether it's before or after we work on our speech. Sometimes both. It's quite nice, and I'll be the first to admit I am happy.

The thought is put on hold when I hear Lyle loudly proclaim, "Keanu, I'm tellin’ ya. He's the tits."

"Absolutely not. No way. I won't get about that. Ever," Roman severely states in return.

"One word,
Constantine
."

"Several words,
Dracula
,
47 Ronin
,
Johnny Mnemonic
. Shall I continue?
Chain Re
—" Roman counters.

"
Matrix
!
Devil's Advocate
. Fucking
Speed
," Lyle interjects, more enthusiastic with every title he names.

Roman rolls his eyes. "Still."

"
Babes in muthafucking Toyland
!" Lyle argues excitedly.

"It physically pains me you've even seen that movie."

"What?" Lyle puts his hands out to his side and shrugs. "I have a kid sister."

"Don't care. He's still possibly the worst actor on the planet."

"You're delusional. He's brilliant."

"The way Kanye is a genius. I'll get on that. Seriously there are no excuses for
Dracula
."

"I firmly believe his acting and accent was for shit on purpose," Lyle maintains, with his chin up and firmly set.

"For what possible reason?"

"Media"

"Media?" Roman challenges.

"All press is good press," Lyle justifies.

Roman lets out an aggravated breath and then replies effortlessly, "You're a dipshit."

Just when I think their absurd argument has reached its end, I hear,

"All right then, Nicholas Cage."

Roman scoffs, "You've got to be kidding."

"
Lord of War
. And I stand by
Constantine
." Lyle points his finger at him in state of his case.

"One decent fucking movie each and you … you latch on to it like it's a goddamn tit, a literal breast of acceptable precedents on which to base an entire professional resume."

"Keanu."

"Shut up," Roman's comeback, though lacking in originality comes across firm.

"Nicholas Cage."

"Vin Diesel," a new voice chimes. A welcome development.

We all direct our attention to Enzo, who aimlessly walks back from the bathroom with his head down, pen in one hand and crossword puzzle in the other.

He looks up from the paper. "What? Did I do it wrong? I thought we were shouting names of bad actors. Is that
not
the game we're playing?" Enzo asks.

"No."

"Yes."

"Kinda."

Lyle, Roman and I reply in unison but with three different answers.

Enzo shrugs us off and continues his mad focus on the grid of squares.

"Vin Di—"

I cut off Lyle before he starts. "Enough! I'm so over listening to you two. I am no longer playing party to Lyle's strange symbiotic relationship with bad acting and your provoking of such behavior."

I get stares from all three men.

"Are you done? You good? Do you feel better?" Roman heckles me.

"I believe so," I rival, crossing my arms to show I mean business.

"Then drop the mic and step off," Roman demands, his voice light with amusement.

"This battle is not yours to fight," Lyle adds.

Unbelievable
.

Lyle is an oddball to say the least. Not in a bad way, But in an unconventional way. He is very tall and skinny, lanky even, with brown shaggy hair. Not unattractive at all, however he's quite a character. Half of the time he is making the funniest jokes, winking and flirting with the waitress. The other half of the time is spent spitting fire about his, apparently evil, ex-girlfriend. I've already decided I like him. He seems to accept me too.

Roman gets up to pay the bill, when Lyle tells me how the first thing Roman did after getting my number was call him and gloat in triumph. He goes on to tell me how Roman is a big softy and actually really likes me a lot. How they have talked about me and what not. It's all very sweet.

Lyle also tells me I'm the sweetest and most "innocent" girl Roman has ever dated. I'm not really sure how I should take that. Does he mean Roman usually dates "experienced" girls? I might not be what he's looking for, if that's the case.

Since meeting Roman, I've given thought to possibly losing my big V. In fact, I know I want to. I have never wanted to before. Not until now. But, now knowing about his so-called "experience", I'm scared.
What if I'm not good at sex? What if I end up getting an attack?