Just Listen (6 page)

Casey

Anchor/Kiki Stuart:
As a reporter, I know it’s sometimes hard to know where the line is with somebody’s privacy. We get so wrapped up in the story that we can forget these are real people we’re dealing with. Is that what happened to you?

Casey:
I’m not sure, Kiki. I think some of it was trying to prove people wrong – like my producer and mother and even the douchebag department chair at my college. People who thought the only way I could make it was to use my looks.

Anchor/Kiki Stuart:
I hear that, sister.

Casey:
My ego got in the way, and I was doing things for all the wrong reasons. But I was also going to do whatever it took to make it right.

After we – I would’ve liked to say made love, but that wasn’t at all accurate. After he rang my bell (that’s better) several times, there was no pillow talk.

Well, there was, but it was all about our next move.

I told him my thoughts, how we should just tell the truth about his illness. I was so naïve. I thought it’d be cathartic for him to finally come out of hiding.

Then he told me how much his illness could hurt him in the public eye.

“Why do you even care about that anymore?” I asked.

“Because, Casey,” he said, “I’m coming out of retirement. Dr. Hart says I’m ready to go. The plan was to announce that I’m coming back before the playoffs.”

“What? Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, forgetting we didn’t have that kind of relationship anymore. We never did.

“All the details are still being worked out. But if the Wild management finds out that the reason for my retirement was because I’m bipolar, they wouldn’t be interested in taking me back.”

“What the hell?” I said, getting angry. “Why not?” I couldn’t make sense of what he was telling me.

“Players are like property to teams, Case,” he said. “They’d look at me like I have a major default. An incurable one. Drug treatment is common in sports. Understandable to some degree.”

“Not to me it’s not,” I told him.

“Addiction can be cured,” he said. “But, as far as I know, there’s still no cure for bipolar disorder. It’s a risk, a damn big one, to sign up someone like me.”

“That has to be against the law,” I said, sounding like a little kid.

It wasn’t fair.

“You can’t help this,” I continued. “It’s an illness.”

“The sporting industry is slow to adapt to everything,” Finn said. “It has really only been the last few years that guys are coming out of the closet. It’s much the same with mental illness. And those that do come out are at a huge disadvantage. They are judged more harshly and it’s like everyone is just waiting for them to blow up or go off the deep end. I can’t play that way.”

“Well, what can I do to help?” I asked, becoming all too aware of how much I messed up his life. No wonder he didn’t want to pursue things any further. “I’ll do anything; we’re in this together.”

I can’t believe that before all this came to light I was willing to give up even a second with Finn – career or not. My regret was so consuming and so deep, it was hard to see past it.

“You can help,” he said. “Let’s continue with the addict story.”

“Are you sure?”

“Completely.”

Somewhere I had gotten lost, but now that my head was screwed on right, I would fix this.

I’d also find some way to win Finn back. I’d die trying.

LASER (n.):

A hard, accurate shot.

Finn

I told Case about my idea. She would continue with the drug angle. Tell Phil it was all under control.

We’d made up some bullshit that I had an ankle injury and became addicted to pain killers. One of the most acceptable levels of drug addiction – I’d done the research.

In reality, I wasn’t sure the addiction story wouldn’t do damage to my career. I didn’t know anything anymore. I just wanted to be done with it.

“I’m in,” she said when she heard my plan.

“Case, you have to be sure. Remember, you’re going to have to make up all of your sources and medical information. Basically fabricate the entire piece. If we are found out, you could be fired and your reputation would be destroyed. It’s nothing to take lightly.”

“I said, I’m in.”

“You’re going to need some help,” I warned.

“Don’t worry,” she said. “I actually have a few friends at the station.”

That damn sassy mouth of hers.

The plan was for Casey and crew to meet me after my follow up appointment with Dr. Hart. I’d work with one of the nurses on the down low to get a room for us to shoot in.

Though I didn’t know how the hell I was going to get through this without trying to play doctor with Ms. Scott.

And as I took a shower that night to wash away the stress of the day, that image was exactly what played behind my eyelids as the steaming water ran down my face.

Forget her KXAA Sports Girl get-up. Casey in a nurse’s uniform, tight across her ample rack; the skirt cut just under her ass showing off those toned legs? Nothing could’ve been better.

Christ, I stroked myself thinking about it. How I’d reach up under the uniform to find she wasn’t wearing panties, and there was nothing but her bare pussy waiting for me.

I imaged pushing her over the hospital bed, lifting her skirt, and having my way with her.

And that’s all it took.

I came hard and fast. My body shuddered, and I felt like I could breathe again. Hopefully that would get me through tomorrow.

We’d get through the shoot (with no funny business), Case would air her story, and we’d both save face.

Then, I’d be done with Casey and could get on with my life and take my rightful place with the Wild.

Casey

Anchor/Kiki Stuart:
I know this next part is going to be very difficult for you – a heart-breaking tragedy with all of this going on.

Casey:
When it rains.

Anchor/Kiki Stuart:
In a crazy messed up way, I think I’m finally beginning to see how all of this took shape.

Casey:
Could you fill me in? Because I still don’t get it.

Zack was asleep when I got home, a bottle of whiskey still open on the counter. From the looks of it, my brother went on a bit of a bender.

Shit, he wanted to talk to me yesterday and I blew him off. I had to start paying attention to people in my life. Tomorrow, I’d get up early and make him breakfast.

In the meantime, I needed to move forward with Operation: Save Finn.

I called in a favor to my only two allies.

“I need your help,” I said when Mack answered the phone.”

“What is it?” she asked.

“It’s about Finn. And it’s top secret.”

“I’m here for you, babe. Anything you need.”

“It’s illegal and unethical,” I told her.

“Anything worth doing is,” she responded.

Mack had quickly become one of those people in my life who was priceless. I think she’d help me hide a dead body if need be.

My next call was to Jonathan – though I already knew his answer. He’d be in. No question.

***

I woke up feeling good. Strong. Like things would actually be okay.

I had bacon and eggs in the skillet, waiting for my hung-over brother to wake.

Around ten a.m., he finally made his way downstairs.

“Coffee in the pot, drunk-o,” I said. “Breakfast will be ready in two minutes.”

“Thanks.” He shuffled over and poured himself a cup.

“What happened last night?” I asked.

“We got some news.”

I instantly got the shivers.

“We?”

“Yeah.” Zack rubbed his hands over his face. “I’ll just say it. Dad died, Case.”

I tried to process what he was saying. The word
Dad
sounded so foreign on his lips.

“Uncle Brad thought we’d want his ashes. He sent them here with an urn.”

“When did he die?” I asked.

“A few weeks ago.”

“Did he have a funeral?” I asked, thinking this was an absolutely insane way of finding out your parent died.

“No.”

“Uncle Brad said Dad pretty much used up all his good graces with every last relative. Even stole money from a few of them. Plus, it took a week to find him. He overdosed.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“I know, Case. I know.”

“I have to get out of here for a minute,” I said, suddenly feeling claustrophobic.”

“Do what you need to do,” Zack said. He was calm and sweet. I think he’d already confronted some of his demons.

I didn’t need any further permission. In the next minute, I whipped on my running clothes and took off out the door.

DELAY OF GAME (n.):

Deliberately causing a stoppage of play.

Finn

The next day, I picked up Casey to go over the story with the others.

“Hey, Zack,” I said when he answered the door. “Casey around? I’m supposed to pick her up.”

“Yeah, about that. Sorry, man, but we got some bad news and she needed to blow off steam. She went for a run.”

“Can I ask what happened?”

“We got this yesterday,” he said gesturing to an intricate vase.”

“Okay?” I asked, confused.

“It’s an urn.”

“Jesus, sorry, Zack. Who died?”

“Our dad.”

“Fuck.”

“It’s okay.” Zack waved me off.

“Dude, it’s not okay. Your dad died. That’s heavy. How’s Casey doing?”

As much as I wanted to walk away from her, I didn’t want to see her in pain. It killed me.

“I know this is going to sound bad,” Zack said, “but it’s like a stranger who passed. We didn’t know him. He was an addict and walked out on us when we were little. And I think we both feel guilty, because we don’t feel like we should. You know, losing a parent.”

“Addict?” I asked. Things were finally beginning to make sense with Casey. An addict father who ran out on her. I understood why she had the reaction she did.

“Prescription drugs, I think,” Zack said. “Nobody ever told us, but it’s what I’ve pieced together through the years.

“Shit.”

“Yeah,” Zack said. “But really, don’t sweat it. We knew the day was coming. Casey will be okay.”

Fuck that. I was sweating it, and I would find her.

Casey

Anchor/Kiki Stuart:
I’m so sorry for your loss. How’d you get through it?

Casey:
I had Zack, and surprisingly, I had Finn too.

Finn:
That’s my one regret. I wish I could’ve helped more.

My head was spinning as I jogged the first mile away from Zack’s place. My head flooded as I remembered.

The memories I had of my dad were few. Him picking me up and spinning me around at Christmastime; helping Zack build things in the garage; a dinner here and there.

More so, I remembered the screaming between him and my mom; slamming doors; my mom’s tears. At the time, our home was, most often, a place of unrest. A hot pot on the stove, waiting to boil over. The tension was tangible.

It wasn’t any place for a child.

I always tried to push him out of my mind. He didn’t deserve my tears or sadness or regret. I tried to tell myself he didn’t matter. But, of course, he did.

When he left, I thought it was because I couldn’t be quiet during his
naps
. I thought I was a bad girl who nobody wanted to be around, because, well, it was true.

The thoughts and memories and feelings came rushing back with such force, I didn’t even remember that I was running.

Until my chest burned with fiery pain. I stopped just before I was about pass out.

Bent over, I tried collecting my breath, but that’s when the sobs kicked in. So I was on the sidewalk in the middle of town, hands over my knees, staring at the ground, feeling everything caving in on me.

And that’s when Finn’s truck stopped. He parked it along the road, got out, and made his way toward me.

He didn’t say anything. Just placed a palm to my back, passing his strength and compassion through his touch.

It made me feel worse for everything I’d done to him.

I was no better than my dad – my father’s daughter, that was for sure.

And that made me cry more.

Finn continued to rub my back.

“Hey, don’t start being nice because you feel sorry for me,” I told him. “I know it’s just business between us now.”

“I don’t feel sorry for you, Case,” he said. “Then again, I don’t process things like most normal people. But I am sorry for your loss. I know it’s complicated, but it still has to hurt.”

“That means a lot,” I said.

“I guess I didn’t know how deep the drug issue ran with you. Wish I would’ve known. It makes more sense now.”

Not to me, it didn’t.

“If it’s any consolation, I wish I would’ve known about you too.”

There was so much truth to that statement. If I would’ve known, we wouldn’t have been in a hairy mess. Maybe we would’ve even been together. But I couldn’t think about that, there was too much pain to process as it was.

“What a pair we make.” Finn shook his head.

“Yeah, the orphan and crazy guy,” I tried to make light of the situation.

“That’s crazy guy and orphan to you.” Finn played along and I was grateful for that.

“I’ve missed you,” I said, no longer worried about saving face. This was me. I was sad and vulnerable and in love with Finn. Even though I couldn’t let him know about the enormity of my feelings for him, I could be honest with the aching way I missed him.

“I’ve missed you too, Case. But you know, I’ve been told I’m a good care taker. Want to let me try? Maybe some of it will wear off.” He winked.

“I’d like that,” I said, desperate to fall into his arms.

Yet, I couldn’t. Someone needed me and for once, I would be there.

“But right now,” I said. “I think I better get to Zack. I think he could use a little TLC.”

“See?” Finn’s eyes lit up. “It does rub off.”

I wasn’t sure if that was true or not, but I sure liked the sound of it.