Just Like Heaven (15 page)

Today she was wearing sweat pants which struggled to cover her swelling stomach with flip flops as her feet had become too swollen for most of her sneakers. She felt disgusting and wondered if she’d ever again be able to wear something sexy and even if she did, would any guy ever want her? It was too frightening to contemplate that before she could even legally drink she may have eradicated herself from the dating scene forever.

But would anyone ever mean as much to her as Arthur? Despite how terribly she’d been treated by him she still thought about him almost every minute. Love did not have a switch which enabled it to be turned on and off.

“I heard that Arthur leaves for Duke tomorrow,” Hayley said gently, as though sensing that he was on her friend’s mind.

“Oh,” Demi tried to sound as if she didn’t care when inside she was shaking at the news.

“He’ll be back for Thanksgiving though. I’m sure you guys will work things out then.”

“Maybe.”

Demi knew that once Arthur was at college any feelings he’d previously held for her would be gone completely. He’d get drunk, he’d party and he’d have sex with other students, girls who were accomplished and smart and not stupid enough to get knocked up while in high school. Demi would become a painful reminder of a mistake he’d once made.

“And I’ll be back before you know it too. I’ll make sure that your baby knows their Aunty Hayley!”

“Thanks.”

“Do you know the sex yet, like if it’s a boy or a girl?” Hayley asked as she browsed through yet more clothes.

“No.”

“Don’t you want to know?”

“Not really,” Demi admitted. Knowing the gender of her baby would make them seem more real to her and right now she couldn’t handle that.

“A surprise will be nice,” Hayley smiled.

“Yes it will be.”

“Arthur will call before he leaves,” Hayley said earnestly, noting Demi’s glum expression. “The guy loves you; he won’t leave without telling you that.”

####

It was nine in the evening and Demi was starting to seriously doubt if Arthur would call. Hayley had sounded so certain at the mall that she’d almost believed her.

Finally, temptation overwhelmed her and she called Arthur.

“Demi’s calling,” Jared said sleepily as he glanced down at the vibrating phone.

“Oh,” Arthur said as he quickly shut his phone away in a drawer. Jared was in bed and on the verge of sleep and he didn’t want to disturb his peace.

“Aren’t you going to answer?”

“I’ll talk to her later.”

“You need to tell her goodbye before you leave.”

“I will do that.”

Jared smiled and pulled the duvet up beneath his chin.

“I’m always so tired lately,” he moaned, his voice small.

“Being tired is good; it means that your body is healing.”

“Mmm,” Jared replied as his eyes fell shut. Arthur sat on the edge of his bed and watched over him fondly.

They’d had a fun evening together playing video games and eating pizza. For a brief time it was easy to forget their troubles and just be brothers having a good time. Playing the games, lost to the thrill of the action, it didn’t matter that Jared was terminally ill or that Arthur was leaving and about to become a dad. It was liberating to exist just in the moment together.

But the moment was over all too quickly, and on going downstairs to get Jared some water Arthur had overheard a worried conversation between his parents;

“But he’s been at the top of the donor list for weeks,” his mother sighed, a hand clasped tightly to her forehead.

“Something will come up,” Conrad reassured her in a rare moment of compassion. He placed an arm around her and she fell in to him, limp like a rag doll.

“He just doesn’t have much time,” she whispered, on the verge of tears. 

“Everything will be alright, darling, just wait and see,” Conrad had said as he kissed her head.

Like so many things, Arthur shut the conversation out and headed back upstairs.

####

“Do you love Demi?” Jared asked, keeping his eyes shut and he continued to slip in to sleep.

“What?” Arthur asked, taken aback by the sudden question.

“Do you love Demi? Because if you, you should make sure you tell her? Mom tells me every day that she loves me, she says it’s important to do so.”

With those wise words imparted, Jared’s breathing slowed and he went to the land of dreams where he wasn’t a sick, enfeebled boy, he was anything he wanted to be.

####

Arthur hauled the last of his bags in to the trunk of his father’s car and waved cheerily at his mother and Jared who were returning the gesture from their vigil up by the house. There was a slight chill in the air so they couldn’t risk Jared coming out on to the driveway to bid his brother farewell.

“Is that the last of it?” Conrad asked.

“Yeah, that’s it.”

“Well we’d best go, need to make an early start to avoid the traffic.”

“One minute,” Arthur dashed back in to the house, up to his room where he hastily made a phone call.

After three rings, Demi picked up.

“Arthur?” her voice sounded unsure when she answered.

“Yeah it’s me.”

“Why are you calling?”

“I just wanted to say goodbye. I’m leaving for Duke now.”

“Yeah, Hayley said you were leaving today.” Demi’s voice sounded tight and angry as she spoke.

“She did? Yeah, term starts next week so I need to settle in and all that.”

“Lucky for you.”

“Don’t be like that.”

“How am I supposed to be? You’re leaving for college while I’m staying in Collinswood to rot and raise the baby you don’t even want!” Demi was almost crying as she spoke.

“I didn’t want to argue, I just wanted to say goodbye,” Arthur sighed.

“Fine, goodbye,” and Demi hung up the phone and the line went dead as tears streamed uncontrollably from her eyes.

Four years later…

Demi waited patiently for her son, Logan, outside the nursery. She’d stopped feeling self-conscious about how much younger she looked than the other mothers a long time ago. All she cared about was her beautiful, bubbly little boy who would soon come running out of the sky blue double doors to greet her.

She loved how he would smile up at her with unbound love, wanting nothing more than to be swept up in her arms and smothered with kisses. It was the single most important thing in her life.

The sounds of squealing children pre-empted the departure from the nursery. All of a sudden a sea of cherub faces came tottering out to the waiting parents. Logan was always at the head of the throng, eagerly galloping over to his mother.

“Mommy, Mommy!” he called gleefully, holding a piece of paper before him like a baton which he clumsily passed on to Demi.

“What’s this?” Demi asked, taking it from him and noting the stick characters in the picture, one tall and female, the other short and male.

“It’s me and you, Mommy,” Logan explained, already pulling on her hand to lead her to the park where they always went to play once nursery had concluded.

“So it is. It’s very good. I’ll put it up on the fridge when we get home.” Demi smiled fondly.

“We were told to draw our family,” Logan explained.

“Oh?”

“And so I drew you and me. I wanted to draw Grandpa but he doesn’t count.”

“He’s family too though.”

“Yes but it was meant to be Mommies and Daddies.”

Demi felt stung by the word Daddy but continued to walk as though she were completely unaffected.

“Josh Robun teased me for not having a Daddy,” Logan said sadly, his bright demeanour immediately disappearing.

“But you do have a Daddy,” Demi protested, desperate to console her son and not have him consider himself different in any negative way.

“Not at home. And I’ve never seen my Daddy.” Logan looked up at her with wide, sad eyes, desperate to know everything but unable to comprehend any of it at such a young and vulnerable age.

“Just because you don’t see your Daddy doesn’t mean you don’t have one,” Demi explained, grateful that they had just reached the park and Logan forgot all about their conversation and instead scrambled over to the swings.

Recently he’d been asking about his absentee father and it made Demi unbearably sad. She didn’t really know what to say, or how to explain to a three year old that their father hadn’t hung around to raise them. What legitimate reason could she possibly give when there was none?

Her mind heavy with questions, Demi was glad to turn her attention to pushing the swing in which Logan now sat.

“Higher, higher!” he squealed happily.

As she stood there Demi thought of Arthur, and wondered wherever he was, whatever he was doing, couldn’t be better than this; to see pure joy upon the face of your child. She pitied him for all that he was missing out on.

####

Arthur straightened his tie and reassessed his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He looked handsome, smart, yet slightly rugged with a slight amount of stubble. He looked exactly as his boss, Marie, had told him to look. She said if he appeared too clean cut then they wouldn’t get the account.

Nervously, he gave himself yet another once over.

“First meeting?” a senior colleague, Gary Stetts asked as he came out of a nearby stall.

“Third, but I’m still getting the hang of it,” Arthur admitted.

“It’s all about looking the part. You look good and appear confident; the company will have confidence in us. It’s all just a stupid corporate dance we have to play.”

“Yeah,” Arthur agreed though he was really struggling with the self-confidence part. He had only been working at Sterling Steel for three months and still felt hugely intimidated by the job. It was all he’d ever wanted; a successful job in the heart of New York City. Yet still he felt like a fish out of water, unable to erase Collinswood from his roots.

“Just go in there and give them the whole spiel you’ve been working on,” Gary suggested his tone friendly.

“Yeah man, thanks.”

“No problem. Make sure you do good though, I really need my Christmas bonus this year, my kid just turned six and he wants an X-box! Can you believe it? They grow up so fast these days.” Gary shook his head, a broad smile on his face before drying his hands and leaving.

Arthur stood stone still as though frozen to the spot. This happened every time someone mentioned their child; it resurrected the baby from his own past.

Demi had a son; he knew that much from his connections in Collinswood. He would be around three years old now, starting to develop a personality. So many times Arthur had wanted to call and ask about him but how could he? He’d acted so appallingly, just leaving and never getting in touch. There was no way Demi would ever forgive him, she was far too stubborn.