Just in Case (12 page)

Peter nodded his head sympathetically. ‘Yes, I guess so. Only…’

‘Only
what?’

‘Only… you’re still alive. She
did
arrive, and you weren’t vaporized. And you were hanging around in an airport, which strikes me as kind of dangerous in the first place. Airports! I mean think about it. They’re a hub, a crossroads for all sorts
of lowlife operators: drug dealers, pickpockets, international criminals, forgers, arms dealers, black marketeers, smugglers, slave traders, spies, deposed dictators…’

As Peter totted up potential horrors on the fingers of his left hand, Justin froze, though it might be more accurate to say that time ceased to advance around him. He experienced a kind of philosophical vertigo, his thoughts spinning wildly as Peter Prince’s words sunk in.

One lucky guy.

His brother hadn’t fallen out the window. He himself had survived a blast of epic proportions that should have killed him. Maybe he was lucky after all.

He didn’t feel lucky, but he was alive. Thanks to luck, and to Agnes. Without her, he had nothing. Without her, it was possible he would cease to exist altogether.

Dorothea wrapped a clean tea towel around Justin’s hand. ‘You’ll live,’ she said, and he stared at her.

Peter glanced around the flat once more. ‘Where’s Boy?’

‘I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since the crash.’

Peter looked genuinely shocked. ‘No wonder you’re so upset.’

And then suddenly Justin remembered why he liked Peter, and was grateful.

They heard a key in the door. Agnes entered grumpily, stomping her feet and shaking the rain off her umbrella. ‘It’s vile out there. Is something burning?’ She spied Peter. ‘Oh, hello. You’re the boy from the track team.’

Peter’s smile was shy. ‘Peter. It’s nice to meet you. This is my sister, Dorothea. It’s your supper that’s burnt, I’m afraid. You look amazing.’

She did. Her mac covered a tiny flutter of patterned skirt, pale green tights and a skinny green turtleneck over which she wore a pink satin Edwardian corset. She sat down and removed her boots and a large green vinyl fireman’s hat, shook the hat violently, and threw it on the back of the sofa. She was secretly pleased Peter and his sister had come, saving her from another tense evening alone with Justin.

‘I could make cheese on toast,’ Peter offered. ‘It’s my fault Justin burnt the meat.’

Dorothea watched Agnes. She takes up a lot of space, Dorothea thought, like a particularly colourful parrot. And she wants him out, that’s for sure.

Peter and Dorothea stayed for dinner. Agnes dug a pizza out of the freezer and scraped a salad together from what was left in the fridge. She poured herself a glass of wine, and as they ate, they talked about a new movie none of them had seen, the latest band from Norway, and endangered birds.

After they left, Justin slugged the dregs of the wine, attempted to kiss Agnes, accepted her cheek with furious self-loathing, and crawled like a cur into bed on the sofa.

On the way home, Dorothea thought about magnets, repelling as easily and naturally as they attract.

34

Justin didn’t sleep that night. He lay awake thinking about luck.

When Agnes returned home the next evening he had showered and dressed. He’d even made a stab at cutting his hair, though not a noticeably effective one. He had managed to tidy the flat, open the windows, put his sheets in the washing machine, fold all his things neatly and stow them in Agnes’s wardrobe, set the table, and put out two wine glasses. He prepared a fillet of pork in a peppercorn sauce that smelled delicious.

Instead of looking pleased, Agnes peered at him closely, her expression worried. ‘How are you, Justin?’

He spoke carefully. ‘I’m feeling a lot better, thank you.’

She waited.

‘Agnes?’

‘Yes?’

‘You know when Peter and Dorothea stopped by yesterday?’

‘Yes?’

‘Before you came home, we talked. I burnt the meat. Peter said they missed me at cross-country.’

Agnes’s smile was strained.

‘He said –’Justin took a deep breath and closed his eyes – ‘He said I’m the luckiest person he knows.’

Agnes burst out laughing. It was so unexpected. ‘What did you say in return?’ she asked, picking up her camera.

‘Put it
away
.’ He took a swing at it, furious. ‘I told him I
am
the luckiest person on earth. And it’s all because of you.’ He paused. ‘I love you, Agnes.’

‘Thank you, Justin. I love you too.’

‘You do?’ He beamed, picked up a carving knife and began sawing thick slices of pork.

‘Justin? What exactly are we talking about?’

‘Love. I love you. I’m madly in love with you. Well, madly obviously, given I’m mad as a mudlark. But you saved my life. I’d be dead without you. And you’re so good to me. And you love me too. How lucky is that? Amazing! Amazingly lucky. I can’t live without you. You’re my lucky charm.’

She felt a sudden desire to kill Justin’s well-meaning friend. ‘I’m not your lucky charm, Justin–’

He interrupted. ‘Have some pork. Oh yes you are. You’re my four-leaf clover. My rabbit’s foot. My amulet. Without you I’m completely at the mercy of the forces of doom –’

‘I am
not
your lucky charm!
Do you hear me, Justin?’

He stopped and stared at her wildly. ‘But I love you, Agnes. I need you. I’m lost without you.’

‘Justin, you know that’s not true.’

‘You don’t understand!’ He was nearly shouting, making alarmingly large, swooping gestures with the carving knife. ‘Without you I would have been killed.
What if it happens again?’

‘Try not to think about it. It won’t happen again.’

‘How can you
know
that?’

‘I just… I have a definite feeling.’

‘A
feeling isn’t good enough!’
He was shouting, despite knowing it didn’t help. He took a deep breath, placed a jagged plank of pork on her plate, and began to spoon sauce over it with a shaking hand. ‘I know you think I’m crazy, but you must realize I can see certain things more clearly than you can. Terrible things are happening every minute of every day. They lie in wait and if you try to avoid them in one direction they spring up in another. Unless you’re lucky. And that’s the problem.
I’m not lucky.
At least, on my own I’m not. With you it’s different. You love me, you said so. And you saved my life, I don’t know how you did it, but you did. And also you’re so…’ He faltered.

Agnes felt infinitely tired. She reached out and took his hand, wishing she were somewhere else.

‘Justin, please try to listen. I don’t want to be your lucky charm. I don’t want to be some sort of metaphysical bodyguard. If I saved you once, it was coincidence, a once-
in-a-lifetime thing. But I can’t do it like a party trick, and I don’t
want
to have to protect you at all, really. My life is complicated enough, though of course I’m happy to do what I can because you’re my friend and I care about you, but it’s been really difficult knowing how to help you lately. I
do
love you, in a way, because you’re interesting and sweet –’

Justin winced.

‘– but at the same time I’m quite worried about your mental state, and to be honest it probably was a bad idea that we had sex that time, even though it was very nice in many ways, because I’m not
in love
with you, and I’m sorry if that makes you feel bad because I know you’ve been through so much lately, but I have to say it because it’s the truth.’ She peered at him and smiled a hesitant smile. ‘Don’t look so sad, Justin, it’s not the end of the world.’

‘Not yet.’ He looked away.

There was an uncomfortable silence. Justin broke it. ‘So, I want to be perfectly clear on this question. You’re saying you’re not in love with me?’

‘Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying.’

‘You just thought it would be nice to take a few pictures to help make you famous and then dump me?’

Her eyes narrowed. ‘You know that’s not true.’

‘Do I?’ His voice took on a pleading tone. ‘Couldn’t you try to be in love with me, just a little? I wouldn’t be nearly so crazy if I knew you were in love with me.’

‘You can turn it on and off?’

‘That’s not what I meant.’

‘I know it’s not. But look at yourself, Justin, you’re bouncing around like a ping-pong ball. I can’t save you, there aren’t enough hours in the day. You’ll get through it, I’m sure you will. You just need lots of time. Peace and quiet. Nothing to confuse you.’ She frowned. ‘Maybe you should see a doctor.’

‘No.’

‘A counsellor?’

‘No.’

‘Would you consider going back home?’

He turned away.

‘Well then… isn’t there somewhere else?’

‘You don’t want me any more.’ His voice was flat.

Agnes sighed. She had once liked the thought of helping him. She just hadn’t realized how much help a person could require.

They ate dinner in silence. The pork was excellent.

‘What about Peter and Dorothea?’ she asked, putting the kettle on.

‘What about them?’

‘Maybe you could stay with them.’

Justin nodded, defeated.

35

There were no last words when Agnes dropped him off at Peter’s house.

She rang the bell, greeted Peter, said goodbye to Justin without touching him or meeting his eyes, and left. Justin was relieved that only Peter was present to witness his rejection.

Peter offered a quick tour of the house, explaining that his mother was usually first out in the morning, followed by the girls, that Justin would meet them all later, and in the meantime should help himself to whatever he could find in the kitchen. Then he took his friend’s bags up to the bedroom they would share, and left for school.

In contrast to the rest of the house, which was filled with books and paintings and too many pieces of hopelessly mismatched furniture, Peter’s room was spotless and noticeably devoid of stuff. It contained two single beds, a large bookcase stuffed nearly but not quite to overflowing, a map of the Milky Way that took up an entire wall, a colourful chart of the periodic table of elements, an
impressive-looking refractor telescope, and a large note on the door that read Feed Alice.

Justin wondered who Alice was.

He slowly unpacked his things, then wandered cautiously down to the kitchen, fixed himself four pieces of toast and Marmite, ate them slowly and returned to Peter’s room. He lay down and tried to read some of Peter’s books, most of which dealt with the finer points of cosmology. He examined the telescope and wondered if it could be used to scan the neighbourhood for suspicious characters. Then he gave up and fell asleep. It was late afternoon when the sound of a cough woke him, and he struggled into a sitting position.

Peter’s youngest sister (he guessed she was about six) stood in the doorway. She had bright blue eyes and fat pink cheeks, but the resemblance to Peter was indisputable. She gripped the end of a long, slim plastic lead.

‘Hello,’ she said, ‘I’m Anna. Peter says you’re going to live here for a while.’

Justin nodded.

She seemed to consider this for a moment. ‘Don’t you have a family of your own?’

Justin sighed. ‘I do,’ he said. ‘But we don’t really get on.’ He thought of Charlie with a pang.

‘I don’t always get on with my sister.’ Anna indicated Dorothea, who had entered the room behind her, and dropped her voice to a whisper. ‘We can be quite horrible to each other.’

Dorothea ignored her. ‘Hello again.’

‘Hello.’ He looked at the two girls. ‘I have a brother,’ he said.

‘What sort of brother?’ Dorothea looked interested.

‘Quite a small one.’

‘Well,’ said Dorothea. ‘Small can be very exasperating. Don’t you miss him?’

Justin did, suddenly. ‘He’s not a usual sort of child. He’s quite unusual, in fact.’

‘In what way?’

He thought for a moment. ‘He seems to
know
things.’

‘Precocious.’ Dorothea shot a glance at Anna. ‘Very wearing.’

Justin looked at the floor. ‘I also had a girlfriend.’

‘Had?’

‘She hates me now.’

Both girls gazed at him with interest. Then Dorothea seemed to remember something. ‘Peter said to ask about your dog.’

‘He’s still missing. But he’s not real anyway.’

She considered this information. ‘What sort of not-real dog is he?’

‘Greyhound.’

‘Hmm. Might have been tricky. Might have been problems with the cats.’

‘And Alice,’ said Anna, brow furrowed with anxiety.

Justin said nothing.

‘Well, we’re glad you’ve come. Mum works much too hard, so we’re rather like orphans and could use the company. Will you cook for us?’

Justin nodded.

‘Excellent. You’re welcome to stay then, as long as you’re kind to Alice.’

He considered the condition carefully. Perhaps it was a trick. Perhaps Alice was impossible to be kind to. ‘All right,’ he said finally.

Their faces relaxed into expressions of relief, as if the subject had been worrying them.

Dorothea extended her hand to seal the relationship. He shook it.

‘Your burn is better,’ she said, examining his palm, then turned to her sister. ‘Alice can come in now.’

Anna tugged gently on the lead and a soft, sleepy-looking rabbit the size of a small mountain lion hopped slowly into the room.

‘This is Alice,’ Dorothea said. ‘He’ll be your pet.’ She looked at Justin dispassionately. ‘You need a rabbit just now. Alice, this is Justin.’

Justin knelt on the floor and made a little clucking noise. The rabbit looked at him blandly.

‘Stroke him like this,’ Dorothea said. She ran her hand firmly from the base of his ears to the middle of his back. ‘Otherwise he gets testy.’ Alice stretched to his full length and rolled over on one side with a little sigh of pleasure.

Dorothea looked at Justin. ‘He’s fairly safe as pets go,
but be careful anyway. Things can happen with rabbits.’

Justin stared at her. Things? What things? Singing-in-butcher’s-shop-type things? He shook his head to erase the image. ‘Why is he called Alice if he’s a boy?’