Just Enough Light (20 page)

As she moved slowly from scar to scar, she suddenly realized Kellen was awake. She lay perfectly still while Dana’s hand moved across her back. Not moving. Barely breathing.

Dana tried to think what could have caused all the scars. In a moment of clarity, she remembered Kellen saying her father had beaten her. And in a move driven by both instinct and need, she leaned closer still and brought her lips to the nearest scar. Leaving soft butterfly kisses, she moved from scar to scar until she’d kissed them all.

Several minutes passed before Kellen even moved, and when she did, she looked at her for a long silent moment. “Dana, I don’t know what to say. This isn’t easy for me.”

“Tell me why. Surely other women have found you beautiful and wanted to be with you.”

“Yes—but I didn’t care what they thought.”

They both remained silent for so long that Kellen wasn’t certain if Dana had fallen asleep. She was nearing that point herself, ready to fall asleep, when Dana’s voice washed over her. “You’re okay with this, aren’t you?”

She thought she knew, but needed to be sure. “With what happened tonight?”

Dana cleared her throat. “Yes…with tonight. And with us.”

“I’m more than good. But I guess it’s also fair to say we’ve got a conversation going unsaid between us,” Kellen murmured. “But not now, if that’s all right. Are you all right to wait?”

“It doesn’t have to be now,” Dana agreed. “I just want the chance to have it.”

Without another word being said, they reached for each other, their lips coming together with a reawakened sense of passion. Hands, mouths, and tongues explored, tasted, aroused.

Seconds—or possibly minutes—later, they were pulled apart abruptly by the sound of whispered voices and Bogart barking. Quickly grabbing the edge of the bedding that had been kicked to one side, Kellen draped it over Dana and looked at the two girls standing in the doorway.

“Sorry, Kellen,” Cody said, uncertainty flickering in her eyes. “Ren was having bad nightmares.”

Kellen immediately understood and sent both girls a gentle smile. “And you thought you’d jump in bed with me until they go away?”

“Yeah, sorry.” Ren nodded sheepishly. “I just need to be with my chosen family. You know it always helps when we come and join you. We just didn’t know…Doc D would be here.”

Kellen turned to Dana, an unspoken question in her eyes. “She means—”

“I know what chosen family means,” Dana responded. Clearly trying not to laugh, she quickly added, “It’s not a problem—if you wouldn’t mind giving us a moment first?”

Kellen relaxed at Dana’s calm response. “I think she means so we can get dressed. Could you give us a minute or two?”

Both girls nodded and stepped out of the room with Bogart on their heels.

“Do they do this often?”

“Not so much lately,” Kellen acknowledged with a smile. “When they first came to me, it happened quite frequently. Both were prone to nightmares, but Ren’s were by far the worse. Whenever it happened, they would come jump in bed with me and we’d cuddle. Does it bother you?”

“No, not at all.” Dana laughed. “But your previous girlfriends must have loved it.”

“Actually, this is the first time they’ve found someone in bed with me,” Kellen said quietly. She got out of bed, picked their clothes up from the floor, then reached into the dresser for a couple of fresh T-shirts. As she turned around to toss one toward the bed, she realized Dana was watching her every move. “Is there a problem? Do you not want to stay?”

Dana shook her head as she caught the T-shirt one-handed. “There’s no problem, and yes I want to stay. I’m just enjoying the view.”

Kellen inexplicably felt herself blush. “Right. By the time I’m done with this body, I’ll be nothing but a bundle of scar tissue.” And that didn’t account for the unseen ones, she thought.

“Stop it,” Dana said, as she got out of the bed and pulled Kellen into her arms. “You’ve got an amazing body. Trust me, I’m a doctor, and I’ve spent years studying the human form. As for the scars, they just tell the story of where you’ve been, not who you are.”

Two minutes later, Kellen, Dana, and two still-quite-fragile young women were cuddled on the bed amidst fits of giggles. There’d been no hesitation as Ren wrapped Dana in an octopus-like grip involving arms and legs.

Dana tightened her hold on the girl and laughed softly. “At least I understand why you’ve got a king-sized bed in here.”

*

The next few days were busy with an average of three callouts per day as better weather enticed more people to hit the trails. It meant she and Kellen didn’t spend any time together except in passing, and it left Dana with far too much time to worry each time Kellen went out with the team.

At least the clinic was open, which meant she had plenty to do. But she was invariably tense until Kellen came back safe and sound and she could check her to make sure there were no new cuts that needed stitching or bruises needing to be iced.

Still, the stress was starting to wear. Especially on days like today, when it had grown dark, the temperature had dropped, and the team was still out searching for a lost hiker.

“She’ll be back before you know it,” Cody said reassuringly, her own nerves showing through in the grip she maintained on Ren’s hand.

“You think so?”

“Absolutely. Kellen’s the smartest person I know. Not in book learning, of course. That would be you. But when it comes to the woods and mountains, and finding her way, there’s no one better.”

Dana studied the two young women, their youthful faces and their old eyes. Not for the first time, she wondered who had hurt them and what each had endured, both before and during their time on the streets. Before Kellen came into their lives. “So you’re telling me not to worry?”

“That’s right,” Ren responded. “Kellen always knows what to do. How to find water and food and shelter. How to track people in the forest and how to make sure she leaves no tracks for someone else to follow. And when she’s in the forest, the wild animals protect her.”

“What do you mean protect her?”

Ren shrugged. “The bears and wolf packs follow her, make sure she’s safe. Keep anything bad away. I think she talks to them. And when she goes fishing, it’s like the fish jump into her hands. She takes only what she needs for us and gives the rest to whoever’s following—the bears or wolves. That’s why you can trust that she’ll always come back. The animals keep her safe.”

Nothing she learned about Kellen surprised her anymore.

But in spite of their show of confidence, Dana could still hear traces of fear and uncertainty in both their voices. It seemed rather than visible scars, the damage they’d endured made itself known in different ways. Like an apprehension around people, something they all shared. Or Ren’s drawings, which were at times dark and violent. Or in the increasing cycle of nightmares Ren and Kellen both had been experiencing of late.

“Doc?”

“Sorry, Ren, I drifted away for a moment,” Dana answered softly. “The answer is yes. I trust Kellen will come back. I just worry that she’ll get hurt.”

“But then you can look after her, right? Stitch her up if she cuts herself?”

“I hope so—if she lets me. Do you have any idea how she got to be so smart about nature and survival?”

“Resorting to questioning the girls to get all the details about me?”

The low, sexy voice spoke softly from just behind her, sending wondrous chills racing down Dana’s back. She turned around to see Kellen, smiling tiredly by the door. “Hey, you. Fancy meeting you here. Did everything go okay?”

“Yup. All the lost have been found and sent safely to their homes and families.”

“I’m glad. And since you’re back, maybe you’d like to answer my question.”

“I’d be happy to,” Kellen said and held out her hand. “Why don’t you walk me back to my cabin so Bogart and I can both eat, and I’ll share my secrets with you?”

She deliberated her answer for the second it took her to grasp Kellen’s hand. They walked arm in arm with Ren and Cody until they reached the girls’ cabin, where they wished them good night, before continuing hand in hand on their own, with Bogart bounding ahead.

*

Kellen stretched out on the sofa with a bottle of water, deciding she really liked watching Dana cook in her kitchen. “I discovered libraries.”

“Pardon?”

She could tell Dana was confused by her expression as she plated the eggs and brought them to the table. “You wanted to know how I got smart about things like edible plants and tracking and such. I discovered libraries.”

“Will you tell me more?”

“Of course.” Kellen ate some of the eggs and murmured her appreciation. “It was when I first found myself on the street. There were always people. Some were willing to share things about how to survive the street, places to go if you needed temporary help. But I never knew who I could trust—actually, I didn’t trust anyone, which meant I’d never survive unless I quickly learned how to do things for myself. Unless I learned how to survive on my own. Does that make sense?”

“Yes.”

“That was when I discovered libraries. The security guards, they weren’t keen on homeless kids coming in, and if they caught us, they threw us out. Me and other kids like me. But I learned how to sneak by them and did so as often as I could. It gave me a place to stay warm, especially when it was bitterly cold outside, and at the same time, I could learn about things I’d never known before. Like how to build a snow cave, how to catch fish with my bare hands, and what kind of plants won’t kill you or make you sick…which is really important when you’re hungry.”

Dana shuddered. “I hate the thought of you being a kid, hungry and alone on the streets. Trying to learn how to survive.”

Kellen pushed her plate away and reached for Dana’s hand. “Thank you for the omelet. It was exactly what I wanted and didn’t even know it. As for the streets, I did more than learn how to survive. I made my way across the country, I saw amazing places I’d only read about, and I read everything I could get my hands on. I picked up odd jobs when I could, sold carvings when I couldn’t.”

Kellen paused when she saw tears glistening in Dana’s eyes. Reaching over, she gently wiped the tears that had fallen with her thumb. “Don’t, Dana. What I learned made me stronger. It enabled me to survive. I put myself through school living on the streets. I used what I learned to build a business that saves lives. And if I can pass on what I learned and help others, like Cody and Ren, then it will all have been worth it somehow, don’t you think?”

Dana’s jaw quivered slightly. “I think you’re an amazing woman, Kellen Ryan. You’re also exhausted, so why don’t I put you to bed and let you sleep? I’ll clean up and let myself out.”

“I’d rather you leave the dishes until morning and stay the night with me. I’ve discovered I sleep better when I can hear your heart beating next to my ear. Would that be all right?”

“That would be perfect.”

*

Dana awoke with a start. For a moment, she lay still. Disoriented. Uncertain what had awoken her. And then Kellen screamed again, a sound filled with anguish and pain.

“Kellen, you’re dreaming.” Her words had no effect, and she was torn, uncertain what to do. Kellen had begun to thrash and the violence of her movements precluded Dana being able to get closer. It was then she saw Bogart, approaching Kellen from the other side. He licked her hand, nuzzled it, then remained still, muzzle in Kellen’s open hand.

To Dana’s amazement, Kellen’s thrashing stilled. Her breathing slowed and then her hand twitched as she began to rub Bogart. “Thanks, Bogart,” she murmured.

After giving the dog an affectionate head scratch, Kellen rolled over, her eyes widening the instant she remembered she wasn’t alone in bed. “Sorry.” Her voice was rough with sleep. “I should come with a warning to use at own risk. I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“No. I’m fine. Does Bogart always help you like that?”

“Yeah, I guess he does. It’s like he knows.”

“Amazing. Do you think you can sleep a bit longer?”

“I’m not sure. Sometimes, yes. Other times, it’s not worth the effort.”

Dana considered her, then extended her arm. “Why don’t we give it a try? Get over here.”

Surprisingly without argument, Kellen moved over and wrapped herself around Dana, who sighed contentedly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“My nightmares?”

“Yes.”

“There’s no pattern. Sometimes I’m twelve again. Sometimes I’m back on the street, cold and hungry. Sometimes, I’ve just been shot. I can’t hold on to the winch cable and I’m falling.” Kellen shook her head and her voice faded. “Thank you for being here.”

Dana lifted her head and placed a kiss on Kellen’s temple. “You don’t need to thank me. There’s nowhere else I would rather be. Now tell me how I can help.”

“That’s easy.” Kellen reached for her hand and linked their fingers together. “Just talk to me.”

“About what?”

“You.”

Dana remained still for a moment. “What about me?”

“Everything. Your favorite color, your favorite meal, your favorite way to spend a rainy afternoon.”

“Oh, is that all?”

“No. I also want to know what you were like as a little girl and who gave you your first kiss. I want to know when and why you decided to become a doctor. And I really want to know how I got so lucky you ended up in Haven.”

Dana’s eyes widened. “You don’t want much, do you?”

“Actually, I do”—Kellen smiled—“but this will make for a good start.”

A long run through the woods hadn’t been enough to banish her demons.

Kellen sighed as she walked across the gym dressed in body-hugging workout gear and thin-soled climbing shoes. The group near the climbing wall parted as she approached, quickly absorbing her into their midst. Their welcome was like a balm after another sleepless night and she was grateful when no one commented on the matching set of shadows both she and Ren were wearing beneath their eyes.

Nighttime had become a time for thinking. For remembering. And for being haunted by what once was and what might have been. Sleeping? That was another matter altogether.