Just Another Girl (20 page)

“Why don't you call your dad while I check on Lily?” Mom suggests. “I'll be curious to hear what he has to say about all this.”

So I go back into my room and dial Dad's number. Unfortunately, it's Jana who politely answers, and when she discovers it's me, her voice gets frosty. After what seems an inordinately long time, Dad comes on. “Hello, Aster.” His voice is stiff and formal.

“Hey, Dad.” I try to sound casual. “How's it going?”

“Well, I was just putting Nelson down.”

“Seems kind of late for someone his age.”

“He had a long nap this afternoon.”

“Oh . . . Anyway, did you get Mom's letter?”

“Yes.”

“So, does that seem fair to you?”

There's a long pause. “Fair?”

Now I realize it might be smarter not to say too much. “You know . . . I mean, all things considered . . .”

“I, uh . . . yeah, I suppose . . .”

“So, Lily would like to come visit you tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Yes. You're not busy, are you?”

“No, but—”

“And you know how much she loves Nelson. I actually think it's going to be good for her to spend time with her baby brother, Dad. It gives her the chance to be the big sister for a change.”

“She was good with him, wasn't she?” I can hear a trace of optimism now. “And he liked her too.”

“So, there you go. Seems like a great setup.”

“And you'll be coming too, Aster?”

“Well, for a while. But then I have something else to do.”

“Oh . . .”

“I better go, Dad. I'll see you tomorrow.”

I hang up and hurry off to find that Lily is making it into bed in time to get a full page of her special princess stickers. She looks very pleased with herself, but Mom looks haggard.

“Guess what, Lily?” I say cheerfully.

“What?” she says without looking up from the Cinderella sticker that she's pressing onto her hand.

“We get to go visit Dad and Nelson again tomorrow.”

She looks up now. “And play in the sandbox and read books?”

“Yeah. Cool, huh?”

She nods. “Cool.”

Then we both listen to her prayers, and I show Mom how she likes the lights and her door. “Good night, Princess Lily,” I call out, and Mom echoes.

“Good night, Princess Aster,” Lily says. “Good night, Princess Mom.”

This makes Mom giggle as we go down the hallway to the kitchen. “I guess that wasn't too bad,” she says. We sit down across from each other at the breakfast bar.

“See,” I say, “it does get easier.” Then I tell her about my conversation with Dad. “He didn't sound totally pleased, but he sounded open.” I don't mention that he sounded disappointed that I wasn't staying the whole time. I wonder if he thought he was acquiring a built-in babysitter.
Think again, Dad
.

The next morning, I get Lily to the rec center, then pick up Mom's car and drive it home. In the afternoon, I pick Lily up an hour earlier than usual, allowing me enough time to get her to Dad's, return Mom's car, and be ready to go out. Lily looks totally surprised to see that I'm driving Mom's car, but she's also pleased that we're not walking since it's hot out. As I drive, I remind her of our plans to visit Dad and Nelson, and she's even more pleased. Then, just a few blocks from Dad's house, I cautiously explain to her that I won't stay there the whole time.

“So you'll have to be really helpful,” I tell her. “And take good care of Nelson and be a good big sister to him.”

“I'm a good big sister.” She announces this new concept with pride.

“You are.”

Nelson is just getting up from his nap when we get there, and Dad looks as if we woke him up as well. Tough life. Lily goes directly to helping Nelson put on his saltwater sandals so they can go outside, and I visit briefly with Dad.

“Well, it looks like everything is under control,” I say. “And Lily knows that I'm leaving. I think I'll spare her the big goodbye and just go.”

Dad nods but looks worried. “If you think so . . .”

“I think Lily is ready for this,” I assure him. “But if anything comes up, you know Mom's number. My phone might be off later.”

He doesn't look too pleased about this. But I just wave and head out the door. This is his problem now. But hopefully, for Lily's sake, it'll go well.

I'm just pulling my bike into the garage when my cell phone rings. I am certain that it's Dad calling to tell me there's a problem and to come get Lily. But to my surprise and relief, it's Rose.

“What's up?” she asks.

I give her the quick lowdown about Lily being at Dad's house. “I'm just crossing my fingers that it'll be okay.”

“Why shouldn't it? He's her father. He should help take care of her.”

Of course, I could list a dozen reasons why it shouldn't be okay, but I don't. Besides, Rose sounds irritated, like
something might be wrong. I mean, besides the fact that she chose to move in with Jared, which I believe is morally wrong. Not that I'm going to say as much. Well, not unless she asks. “So, how are you doing, anyway?”

“All right.”

But the tone of her voice doesn't sound all right. It sounds tight and edgy and like she could be on the verge of tears. “Are you still glad you moved out?”

Now there's a pause, and I'm thinking something is not right.

“Is there a problem, Rose? Is something wrong with you and Jared? Are you sorry you moved out?”

“I don't know . . .”

I go inside the house with every possible scenario racing through my head. Jared is treating her badly. She lost her job. She is pregnant. Or maybe she realizes what a fool she's been and is sorry. “Rose, what's wrong?”

“I don't know . . . I'm just confused, I guess.”

Is this her way of asking me for advice? Will I be sorry if I express an opinion here?

“Here's the thing,” I begin cautiously. “I really didn't think it was a good idea for you to do this. I mean, you and Jared haven't been going together that long, and living together, well, you know how I feel about
that
. But even besides that, Rose, I know how you'd always dreamed of getting married and having the big wedding and everything, and now—”

“I wasn't calling for a lecture, Aster.”

“I know. I'm just saying . . . I mean, if it was a mistake moving out . . . well, you can always come back and—”

“No way,” she snaps. “I'm not saying it was a mistake. I was just feeling a little down is all. I wondered how my family was doing. Is that a crime?”

“Of course not. I just was worried about you, Rose. I thought maybe you—”

“Look, Aster, it seems to me you have enough to worry about. Between Lily and Mom, and now Dad too, your plate is full, sister. And if you ask me, you are way too codependent.”

I didn't even know that Rose knew what
codependent
means. Maybe she doesn't. “What are you insinuating?” I ask.

“I'm not
insinuating
anything. I'm saying that you spend way too much time taking care of everyone else. It's like that's your life, Aster. It's like you need them to need you. And
that's
codependent.”

I blink as I push the key into the lock. So she does know what the word means. And something about what she's saying has a ring of truth to it. The kind of truth that stings a little. And yet she's not totally on track here.

“Well,” I say sharply as I go into the house, “you don't know everything about me, Rose.”

“Really.” She sounds unconvinced. I can just imagine her examining a perfect fingernail, a bored expression on her face. So I tell her about my big date tonight. In fact, I probably make it sound much bigger than it really is. Or maybe I'm just being optimistic.

“Hey, maybe there's hope for you yet,” Rose says.

“I'm doing the best I can,” I say as I drop my bag on the counter. “But it's not like I can just abandon everyone.”
Not like you did
, I want to add, but don't.

“No, I don't expect you could.”

Okay, now I don't know what to say. Apparently she doesn't either. There's a long silence, and then she sighs loudly. “Well, I better go. Tell Mom I called, okay?”

“Want me to tell Lily hi for you too?”

“Yeah . . . whatever.”

“Take care.”

We both hang up, and I decide that I'm not going to let Rose get to me tonight. Sure, I can tell she's unhappy about something—probably just her stupid decision to move in with Jared. Talk about jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. Anyway, I just hope that she doesn't do something really insane like getting pregnant. Honestly, I was afraid that was what she was going to tell me.

But I am not going to think about that now. Here I am with only me and my own life to focus on for a pleasant change. Why not enjoy it? Besides, didn't Rose just lecture me about being codependent? Why shouldn't I take her advice and think about myself instead of her?

I cannot even describe how absolutely fantastic it feels to be
home alone
. Or to be in my
own
room, a room I share with no one, although I suppose that could change at any given moment if things with Jared and Rose don't go smoothly. Plus
a lot of Rose's junk is still in here, although I might box it up in a week or so and put it in the garage.

As I get ready for my date, I still can't believe I've pulled this off—this brand-new sort of freedom. To be able to take a shower and fix my hair without having to sneak around, without having Lily asking me what I'm doing and why, without having to make sure everything is all set for her.

I turn on my CD player, loud, and I actually dance for a while, daydreaming about that night when Owen and I danced in the parking lot at the Greek restaurant. I take all the time I want to primp. I even use a pale pink shade of Rose's fingernail polish to do my fingernails and then my toenails.

As I do these things, I also pray that all is well with Lily and Dad. I need things to be well with Lily and Dad. This could be the beginning of my whole new life!

18

It's weird, but tonight's date is starting to feel like a rerun of the last time we ate at the Greek restaurant. Only not as much fun. I'm not even sure why that is, but I suspect it has to do with what happened at Katie's house on Saturday night. It's sort of like I've put my guard up against Owen. Like I'm not really sure I can trust him anymore. Like some of that old magic is gone. And, sadly, there is no dancing in the parking lot after dinner.

“Miles and Katie are meeting us at the movie,” Owen says as he drives across town.

“Oh . . .” Now, for some reason I don't receive this as good news. And I feel sort of tricked by it. I mean, why didn't he tell me sooner?

“Is that okay?”