Just A Woman (Marina: Part Two: Naughty Nookie Series) (11 page)

“You know,
Sam.  Mute when he wants, loudmouth when he wants.  He told me a lot
about you and I’ve known for a long time that you’re so shored up with
defensive characteristics that the real you is just swamped.  You’re
cocky, yeah, that’s a part of you.  I like that.  You’re strong, I
like that too.  But you’re not strong in the way you think you are. 
You reckon you can take on the world, because it’s yours for the taking.” 
He shakes his head.  “I don’t,
can’t
approve of this brothel of
yours, but I
was
listening.  You helped those girls.  You
saved them from themselves.  Why?  Why help them, when to most
people, they’re scum?  It’s not out of any religious beliefs.  It’s
because you know what it is to be lost.  But you’re strong enough to keep
it together.

“I’m here for you
now, Marina.  I
want
to do this for you and I don’t want any
bullshit between us.”

Even though his
words have me biting my lip, I fall back on umbrage to save me from the
insecurities he’s just broken open.  “What?  So you can curse and I
can’t?”

He rolls his
eyes.  “You see, that’s what you pick up on.  We both know I’ve just
touched a sore spot.  Nobody’s ever come to defend you, Marina. 
You’ve had to do it yourself and all these shields; they’re getting in the way
of the one man who will protect you.  Who will defend you.  Even, if
it’s from yourself.”  He sits up, peers around the armchair.  He must
have caught someone’s eye, because one of the new members, a guy called Lewis,
pops up.  “Can you do me a favor, Lewis?  Can you bring Marina
another portion of chicken if there are any leftovers?  I’d get it myself
but...”  He motions at his torso.  “And Marina’s new to the mess.”

“Sure.  Do
you want extra as well?”

“No.  Thanks,
though.”  He smiles at Lewis, who wanders off to do as bid, before
returning his attention to me.  “You’re not lying; I know you’ve always
been on the point of being too slender.  But those weeks at the hospital
have made you lose weight.  After this, I’m going over to the
clinic.  I want you to come too and I want you to have a checkup. 
We’ll see how much weight you need to put on.”

There’s one word
for the way I’m feeling.

Bulldozed.

“So I have no say
in that?”  Even though I’d like to have added a bit of caustic anger to
the tone of my voice, I’m too weary.  Out of nowhere, the feeling has just
cascaded over me like a blanket of fatigue.

 “No. 
You’re not looking after yourself, so I’ll do it for you.  I want you to
be the Marina you should be.  Not the one your experiences made you. 
And look at your art… those drawings of your sculptures were beautiful.  I
can’t even imagine what the figurines looked like in reality.  You’ve even
repressed that side of your nature; I’ll bet you haven’t picked up a pen to do
a sketch since you left this place ten years ago.  I don’t want that for
you; it isn’t good for your soul. ”

That he’s right
̶ I haven’t had any interest in art since Jimmy’s death ̶ has me
feeling mutinous.

Perhaps he can see
that, because he shakes his head.  “Tomorrow, you can claim a place in the
studio.  It’s time you reconnected with who you really are.”

Before I can
answer him, Lewis appears with another plate.  “Thank you,” I whisper,
feeling anything but grateful. 

Is he right? 
Like most kids, my parents did a number on me.  They made sure I was fed
and watered and that I was nurturing my artistic abilities, but that was
it.  The sum level of their parenting.  I
have
had to build
defensive shields.  I
have
had to learn to protect and fend for
myself.

Does the idea of
Nate taking over sound like a good thing?

A little.

The idea of him
doing this out of his desire to protect me... yeah, I like the sound of
that.  I would never have said that I was a mushy woman.  I’ve always
had my feet planted very securely on the ground.  But I like the notion
that he wants to look after me... will it chafe?  Yeah, I think it will.

I’m
independent.  Have had to be for a long time, but if it’s something I’ve
adopted and that isn’t really a part of me, then doing without might become
second nature to me. 

I think back to
Papillon.  Were there times, when I wanted to share things with
Nate?  Have him lighten the load? 

The instant the
shit hit the fan; I wanted to run to him.  Needed him to help me sort
things out.  I turned to him for advice, needed him to help.

What does that
say?

In a crisis, my
true nature was revealed.  I didn’t want to instruct, but be instructed.

That
, is telling. 

And do I want to
return to the studios?  Has something inside me been dying because I’ve
neglected my artistic talents?  Could be.  The idea of working with
clay, of forging shapes with my fingers, or tapping out pieces of stone and
carving something magical fills me with excitement.

He’s right. 
Again.

This could get
tiring.

“How are the
experiments going?” Nate asks, taking his and Lewis’ attention away from
me.  I’m slightly appreciative but otherwise daunted at the amount of food
on the plate in front of me. 

It’s probably
nothing for anyone here, but I might as well have been given ten roast chickens
to eat, not just a breast, and a thigh. 

Even though my
stomach is still churning, I sit up and forward and make an effort.  The
cursing and the eating as well as the visit to the doctor’s, they’re all part
of his: ‘Don’t defy me’ rule.  I’m not stupid.  I’ll find myself on
my knees getting my ass spanked the instant I refuse to eat or do anything he’s
said.

Each bite is like
a lead weight on my tongue, but with the use of two huge glasses of water, I
manage to swallow down half of the breast and most of the salad out of sheer
orneriness.  But each mouthful feels like it takes a life time to eat and
in the background, I can hear Lewis and Nate discussing what sounds like an
advance on the prototype Nate’s wearing as a prosthetic.

Lewis must be a
part of the team to have developed the bionic hand.

I want to
congratulate him, thank him for what he’s done to Nate but I’m feeling a bit
like Hercules.  Faced with a herculean task of finishing off my
lunch.  I don’t even realize Lewis has gone until Nate’s hand creeps forward
to grab mine.  He makes me jump but ignores my startlement, and tugs the
fork out of my fingers.

“That’s
enough.  Well done.”

Why that
congratulation makes my belly stop its incessant churning, I don’t know. 

“Thank you.”

“I won’t ask if
you enjoyed it.”

His teasing has my
lips twitching.  “No.  Not really.”  I sit back in my seat and
on the brink of taking another sip of water; the sight of a trio on the
opposite side of the room has my brows lifting.  “Oh,” I mutter, making
little to no sense, but hey, I’m shocked.

Spotting this,
Nate turns as far as his wound will let him and stares in a similar direction
as to the one where I’m looking.  “What is it?”

I huff out a
laugh.  “It’s nothing really, but do you remember back in Chicago?” 
The instant the words escape, I wish them back.  Christ, it’s not like he
could forget Chicago, is it?

His eyes are warm
with amusement, but he says nothing to upset me.  “Which part?”

A blush warms my
cheeks.  The sheer uncharacteristic nature of my blushing doesn’t escape
his attention.  His lips quirk and I quickly say, “In the bath.  Do
you remember me telling you about a man who lived here twenty or so years
ago?  He was an amputee, math genius too?”

I’m not that far
gone that I don’t see the sudden interest in his gaze.  It’s more intent
than I would have expected.  He
more
than remembers.  “John?”

“Good memory,” I
mutter, frowning at him, because if I recall and my recollection is A-1, it was
just a passing mention.  

“What about him?”

His eagerness
isn’t lost on me either.  “You see those three over there?”  I nudge
my head in the direction a woman and two men are sitting. 

“You mean Greta,
James and Alexei?”

“Yeah.”  I’d
seen and greeted them all separately this morning.  But seeing them
together comes as a shock.

“James, Alexei and
John were working on something before John killed himself.  They were
really close. 
Really
.  Even as a kid, I remember rumors and I
was eight or so at the time, so I didn’t understand them back then.  I’d
hazard a guess the rumors were about them being in a relationship...
 Maybe?  Then, Greta appeared.  Within six months, all three of
them were drooling over her.  My father was disgusted, because they were
missing deadlines and all sorts of stuff that didn’t interest me at the
time. 

“The three of them
fell out.  You’d only ever see one of the men with Greta.  And then
John died, and it got worse.”

“So why are all
three sitting together, looking so cozy if they were sworn enemies?” 
Nate’s eyes are narrowed and while it’s nice to know his attention is elsewhere
and not focused on my foibles, in a day, I’ve grown rather accustomed to being
in his spotlight.

Rolling my eyes at
my contrariness, I mutter, “I don’t know.  As far as I was aware, the last
time I came to the ranch was to hire you, the men still weren’t talking. 
They must have made up.”

“I’ve seen them
together before and nobody’s commented on it.”

I shrug.  “If
they’re friends again, then nobody will have given it a thought.  It’s
only because it’s weird to me after being away for so long that it came as a
surprise.”

Greta, in her
thirties, had been the commune’s version of a pin-up girl.  She had all
the men drooling, most of the women foaming in jealousy and wherever she’d
gone, she’d managed to stir up trouble.  My father had been on the brink
of evicting her, when she published something miraculous about computer
motherboards that had the still-infant computer industry spinning on its
heel.  Now she
was
a troublemaker and twenty years on, she has lost
her youth but not her looks. 

Blond hair that
gleams as though she brushes it a thousand times a night, thick and wavy,
curling about slim shoulders.  Bright blue eyes, a rosebud mouth. 
Curves to put Marilyn Monroe to shame...  She’s no angel, even if she
looks like one!  In fact, in her mid-fifties, she’s still sexy.  It’s
easy to see why James and Alexei are as hot for her as they ever were.

“Interesting.”

“Why?” I ask,
curious.  It’s weird, when I consider it, but only because I know the
background. 

He shrugs, his
head still turned away from me.  “I like to know the interplay of the
folks I’m working with.”

“Since when?”

Nate’s focus
returns to me.  He cocks a brow.  “How would you know when you’ve
never seen me working?”

Shit.  He’s
got me there.  “I don’t know.  I just wouldn’t have taken you for one
of those people who think interpersonal skills are important.”

He snorts. 
“You saw me in the interview and that’s it.  Even I was shocked as hell,
when you gave me the job.”

“Why?  You
had the skillsets I needed.”

“Since when?”

His astonishment
has me grinning at him.  “You do.  The only thing that let you down
was your inexperience with huge herds of cattle.  Otherwise, you ticked
most of the boxes Uncle Sam insisted on.  You could fly a plane, had a
high IQ, you did have
some
experience of working on a ranch, even if it
was a small one...” 

“I didn’t have an
arm.  How did you know I could ride a horse properly?”

Horses are the
only way to man the ranch.  I don’t mind having horses here, hell, without
them, we’d be screwed.  We need them.  It’s Thoroughbreds that get my
goat.  I jerk a shoulder at his question.  “You’re the most capable
man I know.”

“You didn’t know
me then.”

“I didn’t need to
know
you.  I sensed it.”

“You mean like I
sensed you were submissive.”

Sparks burst in my
eyes.  “You didn’t sense that at all.  Don’t lie.”

“I’m not
lying.  And what you sensed was the opposite.  That I could master
you and you’d take it.  But only from me.”

“Bullshit.” 
The instant the word escapes, I bite my tongue.  Fuck.

“Another
punishment added to the list.”

“But I ate loads
and I’m going to see the doctor even if I don’t have to.”  It doesn’t
escape my attention that I sound more like a teenager than a woman.

“If you hadn’t,
you’d have six infractions instead of just the four.  And you haven’t gone
to the doctor yet.”

“Do you want me to
break the rules?” 

“Rules aren’t made
to be broken.”

“That’s no
answer.”

He shrugs. 
“It’s the only one you’re going to get.”