Junk Miles (17 page)

Saxon.

Complicated, understanding, infuriating Saxon.

When I finally pulled away, he smiled and his face looked happy.

“
We only have a few days left here.” He tucked my hair behind my ears. “Let’s be exclusive, you and me, alright? International dating buddies. And when you get home, you go back where you belong.”

“
It’s not going to work like that, Saxon.” It was annoying that he was trying to plan my life out, despite his obvious good intentions. “Anyway, I thought you were working on not being someone to have fun with.”

“
This isn’t fun.”He held my face in his hands. “You’re not giving up the goods and it’s gonna be uncomfortable as hell when we get back to good ol’ Jersey. This is just pure indulgence.”

It was that word that did it for me. Maybe my childhood desire to scribble with markers over a perfectly good fairytale had just morphed in my teen life. Because I had all of the elements of a fairytale with Jake, and here I was, scribbling hard with every crazy, relationship-ending color I could find.

“
It sounds like a really stupid idea,” I said, then kissed him softly. “I’m in.”

He took my hand and stood me up. “You know they had to move this in World War II?” He looked at the colossal Nike.

“
Why?”

“
Hitler was an art lover. Kind of. He stole famous art from all over Europe and holed it up for future display in some planned master museum. Anyway, the Germans were marching on Paris, and the museum director got scared, so they moved it.”

“
How?” I liked this storytelling side of Saxon. I liked thinking about historical facts instead of potential emotional intricacies. This was good.

“
They put up all kinds of ropes and pulleys and just pulled her down the stairs.” He chuckled, something in him loving the idea of a Classical statue being dragged down a marble staircase by frantic Frenchmen with Nazis hot on their tail.

It made my eyes pop just to imagine the effort that must have gone into getting it down. “Could you imagine if they broke her?” My voice was hushed with the horror of it.

He laughed, the sound echoing off the big cave of a room. “Brenna, she’s got no head! How much more could they do?”

I looked at the huge, intimidating, marble goddess, who was strangely headless in that way so much ancient art is that I just kind of imagine great sculpture purposefully limbless and beheaded. “Well, there’s the wings,” I said indignantly, but when he kept laughing, I gave up and joined him.

Mom found us standing on the stairs, our arms loosely around each other, laughing hard and leaning on each other for support.

“
What’s so funny?” Mom asked.

“
That she has no head,” I gasped and Saxon leaned his head back and howled.

Mom narrowed her eyes at me a little. The idea of an ancient headless marble statue was practically religious to my mother, and she crossed her arms and glared our laughs dead.

“
If you two jokers are done, we have a lot more to see.”

I left Saxon’s embrace swiftly and put my arm around her waist.

“
It wasn’t really that she was headless that was so funny,” I said soberly, willing Mom to feel less disappointed in my disrespect of the arts. “It was the Nazis trying to steal her…” Yeah, there was no way to explain it that didn’t make us sound like idiot teenage American tourists.

“
The Nazi occupation of Paris was a real hoot.” Mom clicked her tongue. “
Tsk.
Brenna, they have an amazing Dutch landscape section. Would you like to see it? If clouds and dikes aren’t too hilarious for you.”

Saxon choked a little, and I laughed behind my hand, trying hard not to. Mom rolled her eyes, but she smiled. A little.

We went through the rest of the long, cool museum and looked at the clouds and dikes with perfectly respectful appreciation, though Saxon did pinch my arm and wink behind Mom’s back. Lylee joined us, and I found her innuendo and fawning irritating. It seemed like Saxon did too. Finally everyone’s eyes except Mom’s were glazed over from fine art overload.

“
Should we go examine the Rococo display again? I don’t think I really had time to drink that Fragonard in.” Mom clasped her hands over her heart like she was a lovesick teenager.

I could see Lylee and Saxon suppressing groans. “Maybe we should get something to eat first, Mom,” I suggested.

“
Oh! Yes, good idea.” Mom wrinkled her nose. “I just can’t eat at the Louvre cafeteria. Let’s go and grab something…there’s a great little place a few blocks away.”

Lylee seized the opportunity and drew Mom away by the arm. They chattered over each other about sexual suggestiveness in French Rococo paintings. Saxon grabbed my hand.

“
Hey. Sorry if I offended your mother with my headless art and Nazi humor.”

“
Mom is serious about art.” I offered him a tidbit of advice with my smile. “Excepting a racial slur or something less than complimentary about me, I don’t know if there’s anything that would have offended my mother more.”

He watched her walk in front of us and nodded. “I like her passion. She doesn’t care if she’s cool or not, and that’s pretty damn awesome on its own.”

“
Of course she doesn’t care if she’s cool.” I put my hands up. “She’s my
mom
.”

“
Being a mom doesn’t give you automatic self-esteem.” Saxon’s eyes switched focus to his mom’s back, her long, silky black hair swishing around her firm little butt.

“
Your mom seems to have good self-esteem.” I followed his gaze.

“
My mom has a big mouth and lots of opinions. That’s different.” His face hardened a little.

“
Do you two get along?” Before this trip, I felt like Saxon had just sprung to life, fully formed. Or hatched from a giant egg. The idea of him having parents seemed impossible.

“
No.” The word fell out of his mouth bluntly. “My mother likes me, but I don’t really feel any pressing need to be around her much.”

“
Why not? She’s so smart and pretty.” I didn’t like Lylee myself, but it seemed kind of terrible to not like your own mother.

“
Jake’s told you all about how we were when we were younger, right? How I was the bad guy who introduced him to all the crazy stuff he did?” He grabbed my hand tighter.

“
He mentioned it.” I didn’t add that he mentioned it often and angrily.

“
Well, Jake had the option to get rid of me, and good for him, you know? I’m not being bitter. It’s the reason I can’t tell him that we’re brothers. For a friend to drop you on your head, that’s one thing. For a brother to do it? That’s not as cut and dry.”

“
What does this have to do with Lylee?”

“
Lylee was my teacher of the dark arts.” He smiled sardonically. “She didn’t want to be burdened with a kid, especially once my dad left. Once I was remotely old enough to be a little party prop, that’s what I became. And her friends were such liberal intellectuals, they didn’t think there was anything wrong with a ten-year-old sipping beers and smoking cigarettes.” He ran a hand through his hair. “For the most part, I like it, you know? It gives me a freedom to do what I want to do. But it also means that I’m not great at following rules.”

“
You could try following them a little harder,” I suggested. He dropped my hand and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me out of the way of the busy, crowding pedestrians on the narrow sidewalk.

“
You say that like it’s just some switch I can flip.” He shook his head and pulling me closer. “Remember last night you got pissed when I compared you to a pet?”

“
Yes. I was upset because it was a moronic thing to say.” I was prepared to stand my ground on that one.

“
You were upset because I was calling
you
a pet.” He smiled at me. “But we’re all pets. Kids, I mean. Our parents keep us and feed us and make choices for us. We’re just pets until we’re old enough to be our own keepers.”

“
So, I’m just like a hamster to my parents?”

“
No.” He swept a quick kiss on my hair. “Nothing as mindless and disposable as a hamster. You’re like a thoroughbred, like some magnificent creature they’re going to care for and set in the right direction, and bet all of their fortunes on. And probably win.”

“
Weird, but okay.” I thought about it for a minute. “What kind of pet are you, then?”

“
Something no one’s supposed to have as a pet, but they have it because it’s cool. Like an anaconda. I’m like a showoff kind of animal, but I’m not going to show you affection or love.”

“
That’s a stupid comparison, Saxon. You’re not uncaring. You’re just…misguided.” I looked over at him and his face made my throat feel scratched and dry. His mouth was crimped into something like a smile, but his eyes were definitely sad.

“
What am I then?”

“
Maybe you’re like a wolf cub,” I suggested. “Maybe you’re half domestic and half wild.”

“
You’re holding out hope for me?” His hand tightened on my hip.

“
Always,” I promised. “So if you think of yourself as a wolf cub and not a snake, isn’t there real hope that you could give in to your domestic side?”

“
Yeah.” He kissed my head again. “But, shit Brenna, even domesticated dogs go crazy and maul their owners sometimes. Who the hell would trust a wolf?”

He’s right. A wolf. It’s something that I’ve associated with him since I first met him. He’s savage and frightening, loyal and fearless, dangerous and beautiful.

“
Maybe you need to find other half wolves,” I suggested.

He snorted. “I’ve been hanging with misfits and lowlifes my whole life. It hasn’t done anything good for me yet.”

Mom and Lylee walked into a café. Saxon stopped me before the entrance.

“
Thanks,” he said, and kissed me softly.

“
For what?”

“
For voluntarily wading through my bullshit. For being willing to see something good in me, even if I don’t give you much reason to.” He looked at me, and his look was definitely adoring, and definitely made my heart thud a little. “Let’s eat. You look a little faint. It’s been, what, four hours since your last meal? I’m shocked starvation hasn‘t set in yet.”

“
Well, I’m finding you really attractive, so my defenses are obviously down right now. I’m sure how good you look to me has a direct link to how low my blood sugar is.”

“
You find me attractive because you’re a red blooded woman.” He smiled a self-assured smile.

We went in and sat with Mom and Lylee. Mom looked surprised to see Saxon there. He pulled my chair out for me, which I didn’t expect, but liked.

“
Saxon,” Mom asked over her menu. “How has your junior year been? I guess you’re coming close to choosing a college.”

“
My mom has her heart set on Drew.” Saxon reached for his cigarettes, but caught my eye and decided against them. “But I’m looking at taking a year off.”

“
Do you want to travel?” my mother asked, reaching for the one and only reasonable alternative to going on to higher education right away. Mom did not understand the concept of not wanting to be at college.

“
No.” Saxon moved the silverware around on the table in a jerky circle, his hands jittering for something to do. “Just want to take a year to relax a little. I’m thinking of going to Alaska, working in a cannery.”

Lylee chuckled indulgently. “Why would you want to head somewhere where the ratio of men to women is five hundred to one?”

“
Maybe I want to get away from women for a while.” He glared at her.

“
Saxon, you should just embrace who you are. You can’t just hermit yourself in Alaska and think that will make you some introspective monk.” She stirred her creamy coffee and took a sip, pursing her lips so cutely I thought she must have practiced it.

“
I think some honest labor would do me good,” he snapped.

“
Why? We don’t need any more money, God knows that.” She shuddered delicately, like she was talking about more leprosy or more tornadoes.

“
It’s not
my
money.” Saxon’s face colored. I had never watched people fight so intimately and openly in front of other people before. I looked at Mom across the table, and she wore the exact open-mouthed stare I was sure was plastered on my own face.

“
It’s family money, Saxon. That makes it yours. Don’t quibble over the fine print.” Lylee sighed. Then she looked up at Mom and I like she had just remembered we were there. “It’s so rude of us to have a family argument in front of the two of you.”

What was there to say? Mom and I looked at each other, but we couldn’t come up with a single thing between the two of us.

“
Where are you planning to apply, Brenna?” Lylee asked, but it was clear that she wasn’t all that interested.

I shrugged. “I’m still a sophomore. I haven’t really narrowed anything down yet.”

“
Brenna is going to study at Trinity in Dublin this summer,” Mom bragged. “Thorsten and I would be so happy if she went to college overseas.” She reached out and patted my hand. “We would miss her so much, but you have to take these opportunities when you’re young and unattached.”