June (26 page)

"Good."

He smiled, and she faltered. Last night he'd called her sweetheart. The term was apparently meaningless to him, but she had rather enjoyed it and wished he'd said more. A woman, any woman, would be likely to take a remark like that to heart. How could he call her sweetheart in one breath and in the next, wish her gone?

Their moment of truth had come. She prayed that when she explained why she was here, Parker would admit his love and forbid her to go-but she thought that terribly unlikely.

"I ... I'm leaving." June avoided his eyes, afraid she might see relief written there. Her heart couldn't accept such open rejection.

Parker's smile faded. "Leaving?"

"This afternoon," June said softly. "I'm leaving Washington, and even though you and I never really saw eye to eye on much, Sam thought you should know." She took a deep breath, refusing to meet his eyes. "Sam also thought I shouldn't leave without saying good-bye." She watched the muscle in his jaw tense.

"Sam thought that."

"Yes, Sam ... and, I guess, I did too."

He took her chin and made her look at him now. "This is kind of sudden, isn't it?"

"No, I've given the matter sufficient thought. The time has come-"

"What do you mean `the time has come'? And how much thought could you have given it? The orphanage only burned last night."

"There's no longer a reason for me to stay on. With Eli gone, the orphanage gone-"

She flinched as his eyes darkened, and his voice lowered. "Did you ever consider there might be other reasons for you to stay?" Each word was an accusation.

"If you're referring to Reverend Inman's crusade, I'm not needed there any longer either. I still believe in Eli and Reverend Inman's dream for the tabernacle, but deep in my heart I know the Lord will bring that vision to pass without my help."

Parker studied her, his eyes reflecting none of what he was feeling. How could he just stand there and say nothing? She longed to cry out, beg him not to let her go.

The silence was unbearable, his face unreadable.

"Where are you going?"

"To Texas, to be with my sister."

"And you hope to find what there?"

"Peace-a sense of purpose. I've had neither in a long tine."

He looked away, as if to sort his thoughts. She bit her lip. Blast that Sam! This was a foolish idea at best. She should have just left and let him find out later that she was gone.

"Well, I need to be on my way." June smoothed her skirt and renewed her grip on the reins. "I-" She blinked back tears. "Good-bye, Parker."

Parker's mouth tensed when he turned back to face her. "You're sure this is what you want?"

June fought back scalding tears. "Truthfully? I'm not certain of anything anymore."

The moment stretched. Would he let her go so easily? If he did, then he surely didn't return her love.

Finally he took a step back. "I wish you Godspeed."

June's lip quivered ever so slightly. "Thank you. And I pray the same for you."

The buggy started to roll, and Parker reached out to grasp the bridle, stopping the horse. June's heart pounded like a tribal war drum. Every nerved tensed. He didn't want her to go! He needed her in his life as much as she needed him in hers!

"Before you go I have something I need to give you.,,

Her enthusiasm waned. Of course. Probably her box of Sunday service supplies.

"Wait here. I'll only be a minute." Parker turned and strode through the open office doorway. He was back in a moment. "I want you to have this. I've been meaning to give it to you for a long time now."

June accepted the small burlap sack, having no idea what it contained. "Thank you."

"Go ahead, open it. There's a story behind it. I know your ship is leaving soon, so I'll keep it as simple as possible."

June opened the sack and dumped a single sizable gold nugget into the palm of her hand. "Oh, Parker. I can't accept this. It's far too expensive-"

"It's fool's gold."

June shot him a look of disdain. Was he now implying she was a fool? He certainly had his nerve.

"Well, if it's fool's gold, perhaps you should keep it for yourself." She handed it back.

Taking her hand, he folded it gently around the glistening nugget. His blue eyes confronted hers evenly. "You don't understand. When Eli and I first met, we had big dreams of striking it rich. We went panning for gold every opportunity we got. Tales of other dusters hitting the mother lode abounded. Finally one day, when we were just about ready to call it quits, Eli panned this beautiful nugget. We hurried into town to stake our claim and weigh the nugget we were certain was worth a king's ransom."

June smiled despite her best efforts to keep a solemn face. It was so obvious Parker had loved Eli like a brother.

"When they appraised our good fortune, we quickly found out it was nothing more than fool's gold."

"I'm sorry.... You must have been terribly disappointed."

"Yes and no. Seems we were the only panners in these parts to hit fool's gold. But Eli was quick to assess the situation. Said that material riches didn't matter, that only love endured."

"Eli was a wise man."

"Yes, he was." Parker's voice dropped. "He and I kept this nugget as a reminder. Now that's he's gone, I want you to have it."

"Oh ... no, I couldn't-"

Parker squeezed her hand shut around the nugget. "Take it, and think about its meaning."

"I have to be going." June still prayed for his last-minute confession-anything that would encourage her to stay.

Parker let go of the bridle and stepped back. "Have a safe trip."

"I'll tiy." June snapped the reins, and the horse trotted on. Hot tears rolled down her cheeks. Thank you, Lord, _ for helping me contain them as long as I did.

Chapter Sixteen

As a cool gray dawn streaked the eastern horizon, Isaac retreated to the solitude of the mountains, something he often did when he was in earnest search of God's answers.

He found a special place of quiet seclusion where he could be alone with the Lord, seeking communion and counsel for his divine purpose in life.

It was late evening when Isaac returned, his heart burdened with unanswered questions.

Ben came running to tell him the sorrowful news. June Kallahan was gone. Hours ago O1' Joe drove her to the docks in the orphanage wagon.

"Did she say why she was leaving, Ben?" Isaac asked.

Ben thought long and hard, his face a tight mask as he tried to remember Miss June's exact words. "To visit her faith."

June had gone to visit her sister. "Thank you, Ben."

"Will Miss June come back, Reverend?"

"What did she tell you, Ben?"

Ben's eyes were confused. He nodded his head. "She will come back. Ben knows she will."

"Pray that she does, Ben."

It was past midnight before Isaac finally crawled between sun-dried sheets. As tired as he was, sleep was slow to come. He tossed and turned, throwing covers aside. Toward dawn he was awakened from a fitful slumber.

Climbing out of bed, he reached for his spectacles and hooked them over his ears. Moving to the window, he looked out, trying to see what had awakened him. Dawn was just breaking over the deserted crusade ground. Nothing was stirring but Ben's old coon dog just coming in from a night of prowling.

His faint reflection gazed back at him from the windowpane, and again he examined his heart. All he'd ever wanted was to glorify God, to give God his best without question or doubt. Had he lost sight of God's will for his life, his ministry? Had the vision of the great tabernacle somehow gone from a powerful edifice for the Lord's work to a personal obsession?

Was he building the tabernacle as a monument for God or for the wife he'd adored for forty years?

Isaac stirred, confused for a moment. Something had brushed his heart. Something light, something intangible, something so sweet and so pure he could have no doubt about its source.

God had just made his presence known.

Tears rolled from the corners of his eyes, and he knew. Knew with crystal clarity that his intentions were pure but somehow he had been obsessed with the tabernacle.

He had misinterpreted God's instruction.

The sermon he'd begun the night the orphanage burned resonated in his mind. That message, more than any other message he usually preached, held the answer.

"For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: naked, and ye clothed me...."

The faces of children appeared before him. Thin faces. Unsmiling faces. The beseeching eyes of orphans asking for no more than the necessities of life.

As the Scriptures and images flooded his mind, he dropped to his knees. Father in heaven, how could I have been so blind? His heart was overcome by the shame of it.

He remained in prayer until a knock sounded. He got slowly to his feet and shuffled to answer the door. A grimfaced Parker awaited him.

"We need to talk."

Nodding, Isaac gestured him inside and complied in a soft voice. "Yes. It's time."

The long passage to San Francisco seemed endless. June spent hour after hour prowling the decks, wondering if she was being too hasty. Should she have stayed longer, given Parker more time to sort through his feelings? He obviously cared for her in his own way. But did he care enough? Now she would never know that answer.

Each time she felt she was making progress at putting the past behind her, everywhere she turned she saw young lovers holding hands, openly displaying their affection. Strolling the deck in the romantic moonlight, they whispered words of love.

On this voyage there was no Sam to give her a warm smile and a comforting hug. No Sam to share cookies and tea. No Sam, period. Sam was with Simon, and June was happy about that. Though it had been only a few days since they said good-bye, she already missed her friend terribly.

Ensconced in her misery, June sought refuge in her small cabin, hoping that behind closed doors she could somehow come to terms with her loss and her questions. But she sat on the small bunk, tears rolling down her cheeks, grieving for Sam, for Reverend Inman, for the children, and for Parker, the man she had loved and lost.

When Ol' Joe drove her to the dock, she had prayed Parker would ride up at the last minute with a shout, proclaiming his deep and everlasting love. Plead for her hand in marriage.

But he didn't.

Ol' Joe saw her safely on board, and she'd felt that surely, this being the last minute ...

Still Parker had failed to appear. As the steamer made its way through Puget Sound, Ol' Joe was the only one standing on the dock, waving back at her perch on the high deck.

She wiped her eyes. She would miss Sam, Simon, Reverend Inman, the children, Joe, and Ben. And ... Parker. Especially Parker.

Something Joe said to her as they'd arrived at the harbor haunted her. He didn't have a lot to say, but he had repeated the phrase by and by several times.

What did he mean by that? By and by. By and by. The phrase rolled over in her mind. When curiosity had overcome her, she'd asked him the meaning of his strange chant. She would never forget the wise look in the old man's eyes as he turned to face her and simply repeated, "By and by."

Joe was a man of few words. Anyone who knew him agreed. Yet June felt an odd stirring in her spirit by the simplicity of his response. Something told her it meant more.

She searched her heart during the days of passage, looking for a single explanation for why God had sent her to Seattle in the first place.

Eli's death.

The senseless fire.

The incomplete tabernacle.

Parker Sentell.

Answers refused to come.

When the ship docked in San Francisco, June traded modest comfort for a cramped stagecoach, continuing her journey to Deliverance.

Squeezed between a portly, balding man and a pencil-thin young woman wearing a large hat fashioned from a dozen bright peacock plumes, she stared morosely ahead of her. The conveyance occasionally hit a particularly deep rut, violently rocking the coach. The woman's ridiculous hat fell sideways across her face, and June found herself repeatedly blowing a feather away from her nose.

A new morning found her sitting next to the window. Texas was as different from Washington as night from day. She supposed it was pretty, in its own right. The cows were interesting, with those horns that looked like racks strapped across their heads.

Day after day she watched unfamiliar landscape roll past. One afternoon, she suddenly sat straight up, staring at what looked to be a huge rat in armor scurrying across the road. The animal had to be the ugliest thing she'd ever seen!

Sitting back, she wondered if the odd creature was dangerous. She made a mental note to ask Faith.

Although the coach was crowded, no one seemed to care for conversation. That suited her just fine. There wasn't much she wanted to talk about anyway.

The stage stopped at every pothole in the road-weigh stations, the driver called them. Passengers got off, and new ones boarded. At night June slept in a small, crowded room with others and got up before dawn to start out again.