Joyful (6 page)

“She is. The new owner, Pippa Reyes, is doing a bang-up job, I heard.”

“I've heard that, too. Have you met Pippa yet?”

“Nope, but I'll fill you in when I see you later.”

“I'll look forward to hearing the latest news,” she replied, and realized she meant every word. It was going to be a pleasant change of pace to think about someone other than herself.

Or Randall.

Or how she felt about Randall.

“See you later, Mommi. I better be on my way.”

“Chin, up, dear. And don't forget, the Lord is always looking out for us. Always.”

Bracing herself, Elizabeth picked up her basket and walked out the door. She had no idea what was about to happen. All she could hope for was that the Lord would be watching over them all.

If there was ever a time in her life for extra-special prayers, this was surely it.

For the first time since they'd met, Judith didn't smile when she let Bernie inside the house. When she noticed that their social worker looked a little less amiable than usual, Judith feared her worst fears had come true.

As they walked into the sitting room, it was taking everything she had in order not to cry.

But good manners still needed to be observed. “May I bring you some
kaffi
, Bernie?”

“I'd love some, but let's wait a minute.” Reaching out, she clasped Judith's hand. “I'm sorry about coming over here on the spur of the moment like this. I have to tell you, I debated for quite some time about leaving you that note. I didn't want to write everything down in a note, but I know my message was pretty cryptic. I'm sorry if you and Ben worried all night.”

So far, Bernie's speech had only elevated Judith's worries. Looking over her shoulder, Judith breathed a sigh of relief as Ben walked in to join them. “Ben, is James all right now?”

“He's
gut
.”

“Was he sick?” Bernie asked.

“Not exactly.” With an amused expression he said, “That boy was up with the roosters this morning. He got cranky pretty early today. He's taking a morning nap.” He smiled slightly at Bernie. “
Gut
matin
.”

“Good morning,” Bernie said as she fished in her voluminous tote bag for her notes and slipped her ever-present reading glasses off the top of her head and onto her nose. “There's no good way to say this, so I'm just going to put it out in the open. Kendra has just been diagnosed with colon cancer.”

Judith felt like she'd just had the wind knocked out of her. All night she'd been worried about herself and her wants. Never had she stopped to be concerned for Kendra's health. “She has cancer?”

“Yes. I guess she didn't bounce back quite as well as everyone thought after having James. She's got some vitamin deficiencies. And there are some other issues. . . .” She looked at them both over her glasses. “Some of this is private and not to be shared. But what I'm trying to say is that her health is not good. Actually . . . the cancer is stage four. It's progressed far. The doctors fear that it's already traveled to other organs, too.” Taking off her glasses, she rubbed her eyes. “Actually, it's a miracle that she was able to have a baby.”

“I feel so sorry for Kendra. Is there a chance she will recover?”

After a pause, Bernie said, “Of course, there's always a chance. But the doctors think Kendra's chances are very slim. What we need to concentrate on, unfortunately, is that there is a very good chance that Kendra won't recover.”

Ben shifted. “But can't prisoners get chemotherapy or something?”

“Her condition might be too far gone.” She pursed her lips. “But that isn't the only reason I came here. I'm afraid there's more.”

“More?” Judith clasped her hands together. “What else has happened?”

“Her two sisters were notified about her situation, and I'm afraid that they are now interested in adopting James. I believe they have also reached out to James's father.”

Judith bit her lip to keep from protesting the sisters' decision. Inside, however, she was practically screaming. Especially since they'd already gone down this road once before, and the sisters had decided to leave things how they were.

“But James's father has been out of the picture, right?”

Bernie's expression remained grim. “I had thought so. But if Kendra dies, it changes everything. The courts will have to give the baby the opportunity to get to know his real father and his birth mother's family.”

Judith's spirits sank even lower. Just when she'd begun to feel like her life was settled, it felt as if the rug had been pulled right out from under her.

“So what happens now?” Ben asked after glancing at Judith. “And what does this all mean to us? Do Kendra's sisters want to pay us a visit?” His eyes widened. “Will James's father visit us, too? Is he dangerous? What will Kendra think about that?”

“Let's take things one step at a time,” Bernie said. “For the moment, everything stays the same. Kendra has begun her battle against her disease, and she's very strong-willed. So there is a hope.”

“And if she doesn't survive?”

“Then I have a feeling James's future will be in the hands of a judge. And while he or she is determining what to do with James, it's very likely the judge might ask for James to be raised in a different environment.”

Judith could no longer hold her peace. “But Kendra chose us,” she sputtered. “We went there and talked to her and she signed the papers,” she said in a rush. “And we've taken James to visit Kendra two other times since then.”

“I know that.”

“But . . . but, that has to mean something. You said it did.”

“Your actions say a lot. And Kendra's opinion means a lot, too. It certainly does carry a lot of weight. But she hasn't chosen you to be her son's adoptive parents. She chose you as foster parents.”

“It's one and the same,” Ben said. “Right?”

“Not in the eyes of the courts.”

“Sounds like you're splitting hairs,” Ben said. “Bernie, I don't want to sound ungrateful for all your efforts on our behalf, but it suddenly sounds like you're not on our side.”

“You forget that I'm always on James's side. That said, I want you to know that I care about you, too. I am on your side.” With a sigh, she pulled her glasses off the bridge of her nose and peered at them both. “I am merely trying to prepare you for what might happen. I want you both to be informed.”

Looking at Bernie closely, Judith suddenly realized that the social worker was just as sad and rattled by the recent turn of events as they were. “This is hard for you, too, isn't it?”

Bernie nodded. “I'm going to be honest with you. I've been doing this job a long time. I like to think that the reason I've been so good at a difficult job like this is that I've been able to keep a healthy distance. To remain professional. But that hasn't been the case with you or with Kendra and James. I've become emotionally involved with all of you.”

She inhaled, took a deep breath, and pushed a chunk of unruly hair off her brow. “I'd love nothing more than to wave a magic wand and make everything work out the way we want them to. But we have to do things the correct way. For James.”

The gentle reminder of who they needed to all focus on helped Judith remain calm. “It sounds like we need to go pay Kendra a visit then.”

“That would be the best thing. Unfortunately, she's too sick to receive visitors.”

“Is she in her cell?” Judith hated to think Kendra was so sick behind bars.

“She's in the infirmary, but I think it would be best to wait a bit to visit.”

“We have to do something, Bernie,” Ben said.

“I agree. How about this? I'll start filing paperwork for you all, asking for custody. Meanwhile, you write her a letter. Tell her you talked to me and ask her to send word when she can have visitors. Or, at the very least, can talk on the phone.”

“That's it?” It sure didn't seem like much. It certainly didn't seem like enough.

“That's it, for now.” She closed her folder and stuffed it inside her tote bag. “Remember, nothing is settled until the judge says so. And that's a ways away. Don't worry about things that haven't happened yet. Doing that will only get you in trouble,” she said wryly. “I promise, I've learned that the hard way.”

When she stood up, Judith and Ben stood up, too. “Thank you for explaining everything so well.”

Bernie grinned, then hugged her tight. “I know this is hard. I know you are feeling confused and a bit at sea, too. But I promise, I'm doing the best I can.”

Ben shook his head. “There's no reason for you to say that. We know you are doing your best. And I know the Lord is looking over us, too. What will be, will be. I have faith in that.”

Only later, after Bernie had driven off and Ben had gone to the store . . .

After James had woken from his nap and after they'd played blocks on the floor . . .

Did Judith dare let her guard down? Only then did she dare to let her mind drift to that very dark place where she'd lived after her miscarriage.

And wondered how in the world she was going to be able to survive another big loss.

As Randall sat on the stoop of the front porch and watched Elizabeth Nolt walk up their long driveway, he gave thanks for small favors. Since he was the only person at home at the moment, no one would catch him staring at her.

He was glad about that, because, well, it was almost impossible for him not to stare.

Seeing Elizabeth walk up to the house, like he'd seen her do countless times before, brought up so many memories. Some were sweet, filled with smiles and laughter, times when they'd been at their best, like when they would joke about his love for all things sweet or her inability to let even her crankiest hen become Sunday supper. At those moments, Randall had been sure that they were experiencing only the first of many happy days together.

Other times were far more difficult to remember, though the memories were as crystal clear as the summer sky. Like every couple, they'd had their fair share of petty arguments. Once, she had gotten miffed because he'd gone on a hunting trip over her birthday. Another time, he'd gotten upset when he'd thought she'd been a bit too friendly with a couple of guys in their circle of friends.

But even those disagreements hadn't lasted all that long, and their moments of making up had always been especially sweet.

Of course, all of that was now in the past.

As Randall continued to watch her, he frowned. The last time they'd been together, he'd been the one walking up her drive.

She'd had on a blue dress and she'd looked beautiful.

He'd been so nervous and worried about breaking up with her, he'd done it in the clumsiest of ways. And then she'd tried not to cry before he rushed out, almost emotionless. But inside he'd felt lower than a cockroach.

To his embarrassment, his eyes had watered as he'd made his way back home. Oh, he'd pretended it was the cold wind that spurred his tears, but he knew better. He'd been as heartbroken as she was.

He'd also been carrying an added measure of guilt.

Now, he could make out her features as she came closer; her pretty brown eyes, eyes he knew were framed by thick lashes. His body was so tense, he felt as if he were about to spring in anticipation. He didn't know if he could have handled seeing her again if they'd had an audience.

When she was halfway to the porch, he walked out to meet her.

And when only a few yards separated them, he attempted to pretend that everything between them was fine and good. Normal. “Thanks for coming over, Elizabeth. I sure appreciate it. I mean, we all do.”

“It's not a problem.”

“Gut.”
Standing there by her side, he felt at loose ends, mainly because he wasn't sure what to do with his hands. Neither shaking her hand nor hugging her like he used to seemed appropriate. Feeling even more uneasy, he stuffed his hands in his pockets.

In response, she folded her arms over her chest.

“I, uh, hope you weren't too taken aback by Levi's visit?”

As if she sensed his discomfort, her lips tilted upward. “I was surprised, of course, but I wasn't upset by what he did. Actually, it would be hard to ever feel that way about Levi. He's a good boy. And he has a good way about him.”

“Most of the time, he does.” Of course, he hadn't been feeling that way when Levi had told him what he'd done!

“I'm glad he came over. It was an opportune time. I am looking forward to hearing more about the job offer, Randall.”

He noticed that her voice was crisp. Businesslike. And her stance was a little rigid. It was all so different from the warm way she used to greet him.

He shouldn't have been surprised, but the difference was chilling. “Ah.
Jah
, it's quite a job, looking after the lot of us.” He paused, waiting for her to laugh, or to say something about how he wasn't all that difficult.

Instead, she looked at him seriously. Almost as if they were strangers.

And maybe they were now? Had his abrupt change of heart changed her?

“I bet you're chilled.” Looking at the sky, he said, “This May weather is such a tease. It looks like it should be warmer than it is.”

“May and June are always like that, I suppose. We get fresh flowers and fields of vivid green, but it's never quite warm enough. At least it isn't raining.”

“The dry weather has been nice. For sure.” Well, they had certainly exhausted that topic. “How about we go on inside now? We'll sit down in the kitchen and talk about everything.”

“That sounds
gut
.”

When she started toward the house, Randall caught up so he could walk beside her. Though they'd seen each other from a distance from time to time, he hadn't spent any time with her since that fateful conversation. Now he was unable not to take in every detail about her.