Joy in His Heart (10 page)

“Dan’s just being crabby,” Joy said and forced herself to laugh. “Nurse Candy has been a great comfort.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Brian said. He snatched Candy up and swung her around, then set her down with a laugh. “Will you three be okay here for while? I need to start looking into other sources of protein.”

“Isn’t the fishing going well?” Joy asked, secretly afraid to ask what he meant by protein. She looked toward the stream. “They certainly seem intent on their efforts over there.”

Brian glanced toward the boys. “It’s fine for now but I’m afraid to count on fish alone. It could get scarce. I’m not sure they can catch two meals a day for all of us for the three days I think we need to be here. I want to go out into the forest and see what’s available. Keep an eye on them, will you? And Kevin. He’s collecting wood. I promise I won’t be gone past lunch.”

Joy saluted Brian smartly and he shot her a pained grin before returning one of his own. She watched him amble off and disappear into the brush. Something about the exchange bothered her but though she felt more clearheaded, what it was eluded her.

Kevin came into the camp then and drew her attention. She noticed him trip as he dropped an armload of wood by the small pile that was already there. He left again and returned quite often with his arms full, but she noticed the boy often tripped over small obstacles he seemed not to notice until it was too late. She invited him over a few times but he was obsessed with pleasing Brian by collecting a mountainous quantity of wood.

Finally, when Joy noticed him straying farther and
farther from camp, she began to get nervous that he’d become lost. She called him over and asked him to keep her company, then sent Candy to ask the fishermen how they were doing catching lunch.

Kevin obediently settled next to her but he fidgeted nervously and pushed his finger against the bridge of his nose. It wasn’t the first time she’d noticed the gesture. “Kevin, do you normally wear glasses?” she asked.

With a shrug Kevin pulled a pair of broken glasses from his pocket and gave them to her. The lenses were thick and Joy could see the boy really needed them. And there was no reason he should be without them. There’d been some tape in the emergency pack meant for just this sort of problem. She’d have them fixed up in no time at all.

“Go on over there and get the tape out of the red box in one of the emergency packs. I have just the thing to get these up and running. So what happened?”

Kevin bounded across the clearing, snatched up the red case and brought it back with him. Handing it to her he explained, “Candy stepped on them when she wandered away that first night.”

“Oh dear, I guess you have several reasons to be angry with her.”

Kevin chewed on his lip, looked up, looked down, fumbled with his fingers and said, “But Doctor Brian says I shouldn’t be mean to her.”

“I suppose Doctor Brian is right. So are you going to be nice to her?”

He answered with a shrug. “Suppose so.”

“Well, I’m very proud of you. And I know Brian
will appreciate all the wood you collected. It’ll make his job much easier.”

“He’s worried about you. ’Cause you’re hurt and sick and his friend,” Kevin said importantly.

She was Brian’s friend? Well, that was news to her. She’d thought what they had going was a wary truce for the purpose of their survival and the children’s. While she had to admit being his friend again held a certain appeal, she saw in it a certain amount of danger.

Danger more perilous than anything nature could toss her way. Danger to her heart.

Because she wasn’t sure she could let down her guard even that much and not love him again. Because she knew she was all wrong for him. Because he needed a different type of woman—a committee-leading, party-giving, Susy homemaker type—the perfect doctor’s wife.

And Joy Anna Lovell couldn’t be any of those things and still be who she was. The problem was, she just might be tempted to try.

J
oy watched Chad and Kevin scamper across the clearing to the stream. Dan was lying on a litter Brian had devised, and Adam supervised today’s fishing effort. The sky above was bright as a new dime. Fluffy clouds floated across the not so distant mountaintops and a warm breeze blew the smoke from the fire away from her for a change. All in all, except that the nearest house was nowhere in sight, it wasn’t a bad day. She wished this was just a nice picnic she was on.

She’d ventured as far as the glittering stream herself a few times and had even fished this morning. Sleeping in the shelter was easier, proving, she guessed, that the human psyche could get used to anything. And though she had come to appreciate the rugged beauty of the preserve, she still wasn’t comfortable being out there.

She glanced toward her and Candy’s shelter, where the little girl had fallen asleep, worn out by another day of overenthusiastic nursing. Once again, on this third day since finding the children, Brian had asked Joy to
keep the children in sight and had headed across the valley to the mountain. Until that morning they’d been able to catch enough fish to sustain them through each day. The children had grown strong on the protein the fish provided. But the meager number they’d had for breakfast had sent Brian off to implement whatever emergency plan he’d come up with that first day.

With time to do nothing but think and heal these last two days after hiking down the mountain to find the kids, she’d finally realized what had bothered her about Brian’s departure that first morning at the camp. It was the way he’d taken such deliberate care to let her know how long he expected to be gone. Had he anticipated her being suspicious that he might try to go to the plane alone? Or had she given her fear away? For which reason had he been trying to reassure her?

Even with time to ponder that disquieting idea and to watch Brian for any sign that he knew the depth of her fear, she had come to no conclusion. The man could hide his thoughts as well as a clam. And she wasn’t unaware of the way he watched her. Even at night across the campfire as he sang and played the old beat-up guitar of Pastor Harry’s that the children had carried with them on their desperate trek, she felt his eyes on her. It seemed as if he’d no longer use such information against her but she was still leery of giving away too much of herself to him anyway.

Just then the boys waved to someone—she assumed Brian. Aside from a certain lack of elation, she knew it couldn’t be anyone else. Pastor Harry had brought along a small cassette player/radio that was now out of juice.
Listening to the news during the few minutes Brian had eked out of it had made it painfully clear that while the eight of them were national news, the rescue parties were searching the wrong areas and moving farther away rather than nearer.

Moments later Joy heard a rustling in the bushes beyond the boulders and campfire. “Brian,” she called, “I assume that’s you?”

“Be right there,” he replied, then came around the tall pile of boulders that stood behind the campfire. Hanging from his hand by their ears were two rabbits. Two very still and limp rabbits.

Joy stared in abject horror. She swallowed with a little difficulty. “Instead of killing Bambi, you killed Thumper?”

Brian looked down at them and winced. “Don’t. Okay? I feel bad enough already. The great and happy hunter I’m not. But the kids need nourishing food and it’s too early in the year to forage for anything edible. If we’re going to start off tomorrow, we all need two more good meals under our belts.”

“I know. I know. But can’t you try to disguise what they are? You may not get those kids to eat them. Especially Candy.”

He looked at the rabbits again and then at her. “It isn’t like I have a big stew pot. I can’t cut the meat off the bone with nothing to cook it in. I have to do them on a spit and they’re going to look like what they are.”

She held up her hand. “Hey, I’m just saying….”

He sighed. “I’ll do my best. After that we’ll all just have to deal,” Brian grumbled and stalked off toward
the stream and the boys. She watched his slightly slumped shoulders and his almost tentative stride. He certainly didn’t look in the least happy to have hunted down those rabbits. She knew the moment the boys knew Brian was there by the way all of them almost came to attention before showing off their catch. Then she knew exactly when they noticed his. From the gestures and their distant chatter, it sounded more as if they were excited than horrified.

So much for their sensibilities. “Boys! Thirty-four or thirteen, they’re all the same,” she groused.

“Did Doctor Brian really kill Thumper?” a small, horrified voice asked from within the shelter a few minutes later.

Uh-oh. Joy automatically thought of Candy’s thin body and the dull look she’d had in her eyes the day she and Brian had happened upon the children. Candy looked so much better but Brian was right. These children, especially Candy, would never make it up the mountain without a few last nourishing meals.

Born of desperation on how to handle the problem of rabbits for dinner, her mind called up a memory. The story about an ex-president and wild hare. She wouldn’t lie but she might be able to confuse the subject enough so Candy would find Brian’s dinner offering more acceptable.

Joy patted the ground next to her. “Come here, sweetie. I was just teasing Doctor Brian.”

“Like Kevin used to tease me?”

Except that I started doing it in self-defense.
“Sort of, but in a friendly way,” Joy admitted, then changed the subject. “Did you ever hear the story of President
Jimmy Carter and the day he was attacked by a ferocious wild hare while he was on vacation? And was that hare ever vicious! You wouldn’t have believed it could happen, what with all the Secret Service protection a president has. But that hare was so determined that he swam out to the president’s canoe to get him.”

Candy, eyes wide, sucked in a horrified breath. “Did he hurt President Jimmy?”

Injecting just the right tone of shock, Joy said, “The poor man had to beat that hare off with his canoe paddle. And did you know hares just happened to look a whole lot like rabbits?”

“They do? Oh!” She laughed. “Doctor Brian didn’t killed Thumper. Thumper is a rabbit.”

“Thumper was in the
Bambi
movie, right?” Joy asked, evading the subject.

“Oh, I love Thumper,” Candy exclaimed. “But you don’t think there are hares out there now that might want to get us, do you?”

“I’m sure we’re perfectly safe from the hares.”

“Oh, good. I’m going to tell the boys about President Jimmy and the hare and that Doctor Brian didn’t kill Thumper. I’ll be right back. Don’t you go anywhere. You shouldn’t walk on your sore leg yet till Doctor Brian says. Okay?”

Joy looked toward the stream and winced. Brian was no longer there. She was at a loss as to how to dissuade Candy from telling her tale and blowing the lid off the rabbit/hare cover story, but then it was too late. Candy was off and running.

Just then Joy heard Brian’s chuckle coming from
behind the boulders again. “Now that was treading close to the line between lying and the truth.”

“Stop sneaking up on me! You’ve been doing it for two days.”

“I’m not trying to sneak up on you. You just keep sending your mind off to some distant planet or something.”

Joy felt her guard go up.
It’s you messing with my mind, pal, but you’ll never know it. That befuddled I’m not.
“Whatever. And I never once actually lied to Candy. I just redirected her attention with an important historical story.”

“Important historical story? Right,” he said mocking the very idea. “The famous president and the hare story.”

She stuck her nose in the air. “I always thought it was a fact that was rather indicative of the times.”

He snorted at that. “Lucky for you, I’d already warned the boys not to identify our dinner to her. I’m sure they’ll listen politely and let it ride. Even Kevin. He’s really come far.”

“Phew. That was close. I was afraid they might set her straight. Yucky as dinner sounds, she needs to eat it.”

“Yucky?” Brian grinned. “I can see you never ate my mom’s hasenpfeffer.”

Joy pursed her lips, annoyed at herself suddenly for not being able to ignore him. He’d developed a tan that made his chocolate eyes look bright somehow and the sun had added more bright highlights to his golden hair. The wind pulled at it now, tousling it and making it glint
in the crisp sunlight. Why did he have to be so handsome that he drew her attention whenever he was around?

And why did he have to be so nice? It was so much easier to remember the painful parts of their past when he’d been mean and annoying and to keep her distance. She was emotionally exhausted after the three days of trying to pretend complete disinterest.

“I was spared the hasenpfeffer,” she replied, her tone purposely and perfectly sarcastic.

Rather than bristle, Brian just chuckled. “And I always thought you were so adventurous. You don’t know what you missed.” Brian shook his head and glanced toward the boys. “Kevin’s glasses are really holding up well,” he said and settled next to her. “I can’t get over how you noticed and I completely missed the fact that he couldn’t see. I examined him for pity sake.”

“It isn’t as if you had an eye chart. You were looking at their general health, not the way they see.”

“I know but I’m supposed to be a doctor.”

She guessed it was more her perception of Kevin’s problem instead that bothered him. “The only reason I noticed was that my cousin was forever pushing his glasses up his nose when we were kids. And when he tried to play without them he tripped a lot.”

Joy shifted her position, but her discomfort was more about Brian’s proximity than the feel of the boulder against her back or any lingering soreness from her injuries. Unless she was walking she had no more pain and even that was now at a manageable stage. “I noticed the unmistakable symptoms is all,” she said, forcing her
mind to think of things other than a growing attraction to a man who would only bring heartbreak.

Making herself face the truth about the kind of life he wanted, she added, “It looks as if you really got through to Kevin about teasing Candy. This morning after you left he even invited her to fish with him. You’ll make a wonderful father one day. When are you going to pick out one of the bevy of beauties you date from the hospital and get serious with her?”

Brian stared at her for long uncomfortable moment. She was sorry she’d said anything so personal. She was just trying to give herself a reality check. After what Kevin reported Brian had said about being her friend, she’d really hoped there was a possibility of building a friendship between them. It appeared she wasn’t any better at friendship than she’d been at romance. “I’m sorry. That was out of line,” she said.

He blinked as if he’d lost track of the lengthening silence. “No. No, it wasn’t. Don’t be silly. It’s just that I don’t have an answer. I’m close to one.” He shook his head. “But not yet,” he finished cryptically.

That surprised her. Brian always had all the answers.

“How about you?” he asked, his expression searching. “Are you going to spend the rest of your life alone?”

She didn’t take as much time as him to answer, but blurted out, “It seems safer. I’m not very good at relationships. Case in point, you and I.”

Horrified by what she’d revealed, she watched Brian’s eyes narrow, but not in anger—in even deeper thought. He frowned and said, “I don’t get it. Since when do you take safety into consideration in anything you do?”

It was anger that made her answer, “Since an engagement ring came with so many strings that I thought I’d strangle on them. Since I found out a heart takes years to mend and not weeks or months like physical injuries. I may be a slow starter, but I learn my lessons quickly.”

Hearing his worst fears confirmed in such a bald statement nearly took Brian’s breath away. He had no reply except to apologize once again but, before he could, he realized more needed to be said. “I never meant to hurt you, Joy. And I’m really beginning to believe you never meant to hurt me, either. I
did
love you and I think you loved me, too. Neither of us would have stayed so bitter all these years and wary of involvement with other people if we hadn’t.”

Joy eyed him, almost suspiciously. “Come on, Brian. Aside from the legion of women you’ve taken out two or three times, I know of three different women who you dated seriously. Your mother expected an engagement any day. Three times. Then it would suddenly be over. It looked like a pattern from where I sat. I felt sorry for them. Each one of them. Because I knew how they felt.”

Thinking back on those relationships he now understood the reason they hadn’t worked out better. And it was a pretty frightening realization—Joy may have ruined him for any other woman. “They were your polar opposites. Did you know that?” he asked carefully.

She shot him a sardonic, crooked little grin. “It was a little hard to miss. Petite, dark-haired and prissy. Were any of them even over five-foot tall?”

Brian felt himself grow a little warm in spite of a
brisk breeze. “Maybe an inch or two over.” He’d been an idiot. No. Scratch that. He’d been a
blind
idiot. “When it turned out you didn’t want the things I did, I went looking for your opposite. It seemed like a safer and more intelligent way to approach the problem.

“Maria Baker was a sweet woman. In fact, she was so eager to please that she couldn’t make a move unless I told her what to do. Pretty soon her lack of independence started to drive me crazy.” Maria hadn’t had an independent bone in her body. Check off one of Joy’s annoying traits and on to the next. “Then there was Justine Houston.”

“The one your mother called Miss High-and-Mighty?”

Brian tilted his head trying to gauge the truth of what she’d said. This was Joy. Of course it was the truth. “Did she? She never let on. But I can’t disagree with her. Fashion, home decorating, how to throw the perfect party and what my next career step should be were all she talked about. She was certainly always perfectly dressed and she helped arrange a couple of dinner parties for me. They were a great success and all my colleagues thought she was perfect for me. It was a while before I wised up. But I didn’t care where hemlines were or if blue was the decorating color of the year. I mean, did I know French country decor from early American, or more important, did I care? As for my career, I just want to save lives. Young lives in immediate jeopardy. In short, she bored me to tears and started really aggravating me in the way she pushed me to get involved in hospital politics.” So scratch the consum
mate doctor’s wife he’d wanted, but that Joy never would be.