JOSS: A Standalone Romance (Gray Wolf Security) (19 page)

I woke up feeling slightly disoriented. I ached in several places and the feeling was not unpleasant. I reached for my cell and checked the time. It was not yet six in the morning. Stifling a yawn, I sighed. Why would I be up so early? That was when I remembered. I remembered Nicolas and the night we’d shared. I felt heat fill my body and settle between my legs.

I turned to look at him and found the other side of the bed empty. That was odd. What could have gotten him out of the bed so early in the morning? I climbed out of bed, once again reminding myself that I would have to find an easier way to do that when my belly got big enough to make normal movement more difficult. Naked, I padded into the bathroom to grab my robe, a stupid smile crossing my face as I realized that Nicolas had already seen more of my body than even I had ever seen. The robe was kind of like closing the gate after the cows were already gone, but my modest side couldn’t help it.

However, I couldn’t deny I felt good. Worry had plagued many of my nights these past few months. Worry that he would find me, worry that I would lose the baby, worry about money. All that seemed so unimportant right now. It just seemed like everything was going to be alright.

Don’t get too confident yet. You know nothing has been settled.

That was my inner voice trying to warn me to be pragmatic, but I just couldn’t face it. I was happy and hopeful, and I was not going to allow anything, not even a pesky inner voice, put a damper on the way I felt. With that decision made, I tugged my robe closer to my body and went to find my … well, I had no idea what to call him. Not yet, anyway.

I found him in the living room. He had my laptop open before him and seemed lost in whatever it was he was doing. But as soon as I stepped in, he lifted his head and looked at me. I don’t know how he knew I was there because my bare feet made no sound. Yet, he’d known. I saw something hot and fierce flash in his eyes for a brief moment before they turned so cool that I began to wonder if I’d imagined the heat.

“Hi,” I said, sounding nervous even to my ears. “You’re up early.”

“I can’t sleep past five.” He shrugged, then gestured to the laptop. “Hope you don’t mind.”

I shook my head. “I have nothing to hide.”

“You’re an open book, huh?” There was a glimmer of amusement in his eyes.

“Heck, I’m practically a billboard. What you see is what you get.”

He snorted. “Keep telling yourself that. Maybe someday you’ll believe it.”

“What?”

Hot and cold. Kind and cruel. I didn’t understand what was happening.

“You are quite easy to read,” he said. “I’ll give you that.”

Somehow the way he said it didn’t sound like a compliment. “But…?”

“But, there are parts of you that are
darkly
mysterious.”

Oh-kay??

I might be slow on the uptake, but even I could sense that there was something else going on here. This was not the man who had made love to me till I was out of my mind with ecstasy.

I crossed my arms over my chest as I stared down at him.

“What’s going on? Did I do something to offend you?”

He didn’t even look up from the computer. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m talking about you acting like a total jerk. You weren’t like this last night.”

“That,” he said with a bored look, “was just sex.”

His words hit me like a sucker punch. I drew in a deep breath and let it out in one go. He couldn’t be serious. Tears filled my eyes and I wanted to run to the bathroom, to wash myself clean and then put on as many layers of clothing as I could. I felt vulnerable, and it wasn’t a pleasant feeling.

It might have been just sex to him, but it had been something totally different to me. I held nothing back, not even my heart. As I stood there, feeling like the greatest fool who ever lived, I felt bile rise to my mouth. I fought it back. I knew I was trembling and my heart was beating too fast, but I didn’t know what to do about it. I wanted to cry, but I was damned if I was going to do it in front of him. So, I clutched my hands at my sides, struggling to hold on to my fragile composure.

“Well, you’ve had your fun. Now get out.”

I saw swift fury fill his face and felt a stab of satisfaction.

“You would like that, wouldn’t you?”

I looked at his stony face and the icy glint in his eyes, once again pushing back the tears that were so close to the surface. What had happened to my hot, passionate lover? Who was this man, this stranger standing before me? I felt raw and exposed. I drew my robe tighter around my body. His eyes flicked down to my breast, and—to my horror and shame—I felt the nipples harden. I’d had the robe for several years now, and it was a bit thin, making my body’s reaction to his gaze quite plain to see.

He looked at me, then offered a mocking smile as if to say he knew I had no self-control where he was concerned. I felt the slow heat of shame crawl through my body, and with it came the welcome flame of anger. He was tainting what had happened last night with his cruel behavior and veiled accusations. That was unbearable.

“This is my home,” I said, gesturing vaguely around me. “If I want you to go, it’s my right to ask.”

“Really?” He surged to his feet, his anger quite evident now. “You think I’ll just walk away and leave you—and my baby—like it means nothing? Did you really think that seducing me would give you want you want?” He laughed, a humorless sound that made my head hurt. “You signed a contract, Ana. Nothing about that has changed. I’m not going anywhere without my child.”

I stared at him in shock. I could feel my mouth hanging open and quickly shut it. What kind of mind would come up with such a twisted bit of logic? I wanted to speak, but I had no idea what to say.

I searched his face intently, trying to find a little of the sweet, sexy man I spent the night with, but there was nothing.

“You are a deeply disturbed man,” I said finally. I turned and burst into the narrow galley kitchen. I needed a cup of coffee—even if I was stuck with decaf for the sake of the baby.

I was disappointed. Very disappointed. And just a little heart sore. Somehow, I had thought that this morning would be different. Nothing spectacular really, just a cozy breakfast together as we talked about the baby and how we could make things work. Together. I wasn’t sure what I really expected. I just…I couldn’t bear the idea of giving this baby up. Not now. Not after it had been mine alone for nearly four months.

But Nicolas was impossible and…and a little slow, too. Why on earth would a person be so paranoid? He was the one who came after me—all the way to Dallas—after I left California. He made the first move. He
kissed
me that first time. How did that translate to my seducing him?

I was so agitated that some of the coffee spilled as I tried to lift the cup. The sharp sting took me by surprise, and I recoiled, spilling more on my hand. My eyes filled with tears as I quickly dropped the cup on the counter and stifled a curse. I turned to the sink, but Nicolas was there before me. He took my hand with a frown on his face.

“You need to put it under cold water.”

I restrained myself from rolling my eyes. Barely. “Gee, thanks, mister. Whatever would I have done without your sage wisdom?”

He gave me a measured look. “That is not even remotely funny.”

“It wasn’t meant to be!” I tugged again and pain from the burn rushed up my arm. “Give me back my hand!” I pulled extra hard, and he lost his balance.

Stumbling back, he hit his head against the cupboard with a thud. He let out a string of swear words, and I flinched.

“What is wrong with you?” he growled.

“I’m sorry,” I said in a small whisper.

“Give me that hand.”

Without a word, I gave him my hand.

He narrowed his eyes and then reached out to turn on the faucet and guided my hand beneath the flowing water. His hands were so gentle that I had to choke back a sob. Not for the first time, I wondered what had turned this man into the cynical person that he was.

And that was when it hit me.

It wasn’t
what
but
who…
he’d already told me. His late wife used sex as a way to manipulate him. That must be why he was reacting to me this way. It was habit now to be weary of the motivations of the women around him.

“You misunderstood,” I said. “When I kissed you, it wasn’t about the baby or trying to manipulate you into forgetting why you were here. I was just…caught up in the moment.

He went still. “What?”

“Last night, I couldn’t stop thinking about the last time I saw you. And I…I know it was wrong, but I wanted to be with you. I know it complicates things, but…” He turned to look at me then. “I wasn’t thinking straight. And I’m sorry. I just…when you look at me like that, all thought just flies out of my head.”

It wasn’t a lie. The way he was staring at me…even though his expression was unreadable, I could still feel the heat that existed between us. And it was doing things to my equilibrium that I couldn’t control.

After what seemed like an eon, but was probably no more than a few minutes, he turned off the facet and reached for a kitchen towel, gently patting my hand, his attention fully on the task.

I had my hand now, and I cradled it in the other, even though it didn’t hurt so much anymore. However, I needed the comfort that the action gave me. I had no idea what was going through his head, or if he even believed me, and I found—strangely—that I wanted him to believe me. I wanted it so much, and I didn’t dare examine why it was so important to me.

He let out a sigh and said, “I was an idiot, wasn’t I?” I could hear the chagrin in his voice.

Relief—so strong that it almost knocked me off my feet—flowed through me. My knees couldn’t support me, so I leaned against the sink for support. I shrugged, feigning indifference. “Well, I already mentioned that. So there’s no need to repeat it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Wow. A man who can apologize. I’m in heaven.” I smiled as I said it.

He was looking at me strangely. “You’re not upset?”

“Well, you ruined my plans for this morning,” I said, trying to pout and failing miserably at it. I felt lighter than air, and I couldn’t help the joy burbling inside of me, just waiting to burst out.

“Oh, you had plans….Hmm,” he murmured, his eyes turning smoky.

I laughed then and moved a few steps away from him. “Not plans of that sort,” I said, swatting him with the kitchen towel and moving back several more steps. “I was thinking more like breakfast.”

“Yeah, me too.” He covered the distance between us in a single stride and took me in his arms. When our mouths came together, it was an act of mutual desire.

I felt uneasy about Nicolas. I was still unclear on what his intentions were. I felt vulnerable…naked. Well, I was literally naked, actually, standing in the bathroom before the mirror, my belly sticking out several inches in front of me. I ran my hand over it like a mother might her child’s brow. I often found myself imagining what this baby would look like. Nicolas was so tall and dark, his hair the same caramel color as his eyes. And Aurora was blond, her eyes blue, and tall, but so thin. In my mind, I saw a child with Nicolas’ dark hair but Aurora’s blue eyes, a child as beautiful as a rose that’s just opened its petals. The image made me smile. Then I remembered that I wouldn’t be around to see that child grow into her beauty.

“You’re such a loser,” I said to my reflection. “Did you really think one night of good sex would make a man like Nicolas Costa fall in love with you?” I sighed as I closed my eyes for a second.

I still wasn’t sure what was to happen next. And I was afraid to ask.

I went into the bedroom and dug through my dresser for something to wear. As I did, my cell rang. It was Kelly—my dear, sweet friend—calling to check in.

“Hey, Kels. What’s up?”

“Nothing that can’t be fixed by a night of wild and unrestrained sex,” she said with a grumble that made me laugh. After a long series of disastrous relationships, Kelly had decided to go on a sex fast. She was just entering the fifth month and was absolutely miserable.

“Must be hell,” I teased.

“You can say that again. I haven’t even used my handy pal, you know.”

“No….!” I said struggling to keep the laughter out of my voice.

“You can laugh all you want, but I tell you, I can feel it shriveling up down there. Pretty soon, it’s going to get all blocked up.”

I chuckled softly. I loved talking to Kelly. We’d been best friends for so long. “Where are you now?”

“We’re in Dubai. We’ll be here for the next couple of days before we fly out again. Can you believe I met this extremely hot dude, and I so wanted to jump him, but I couldn’t.”

“Must be tough having to behave,” I sympathized.

“Yeah, I’d much rather go after what I want.”

“It’s what I admire about you, Kelly.” I wished I could be more like her. Kelly was bold and fearless. She did what she had to do and did not believe in regrets. I wished more than anything that I could go after what I wanted, not that I really knew what that was.

“How’s my goddaughter? She kicking yet?”

I rubbed the small, firm bump that was my belly. “No, not yet—though I seem to be growing larger every day. You do know that she might be a boy, right?”

“Well, I would if you would just go check like normal people do,” she grumbled, which made me smile.

“When have I ever been normal?”

“Yeah, whatever…. Heard from the mighty Nicolas Costa?”

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I had not only heard from him, but he had shown up on my doorstep, made love to me, and confused the hell out of me.

“Ana…what’s the matter?”

“He’s here, Kels,” I finally said.

“What? Where? In your apartment?”

“Yeah.”

“When did this happen?”

“He just kind of showed up yesterday and refused to leave.”

Kelly was silent for a moment, and then, “Did you sleep with him?”

Was I that obvious?

“What? No…!”

“Hah, you’ve been in lust with the guy from the get go. Don’t tell me you had him in your clutches and you didn’t even try…?”

“Fine, I won’t tell you.”

“Ana….”

“Jeez, you make me sound like some desperado.”

“Girlfriend, you haven’t had sex in so long…trust me, I know how desperate you are,” she said with a laugh.

“He’s here for the baby,” I said, saying aloud what I’d been denying to myself since the moment I saw him on my doorstep. “He wants to take her from me.”

“Then, you have to make him fall in love with you.”

I almost laughed, then realized Kelly was quite serious.

“Make him fall in love with me,” I repeated. As if that was even a remote possibility. I’d have better luck getting Bugs Bunny to fall in love with me. “Not gonna happen.”

“You never know. He came quite a ways to find you. He could have just had a lawyer serve you with papers, or send some minion to do his dirty work. But he came in person.”

That was true. And it made me wonder—until I turned and found him watching me from the doorway.

“Get dressed,” he said. “We leave in less than an hour.”