Jolted (Conflicted Encounters #1) (30 page)

I thought of the tattoo engraved on my skin. The feather falling away to be free and dropping away from its home. The birds were breaking away from all they ever knew to be on their own, to become something. I built a life around what I thought I should be and what I should be doing. I needed to rebuild and I pictured Carter silently standing by, smiling and encouraging me as I tried to put the pieces together myself.
 

Footsteps came toward us and I saw a light out of the corner of my eye. "Guys, I hate to break this up, but there are tornado warnings and it's getting really bad," Caleb said, trying to shield himself from the downpour.

I shivered again and let Ryder pull away from me. Behind Caleb, Logan's SUV was parked. The lights were on inside from the door Caleb left open. Scarlett was sitting in the backseat with Logan behind the wheel. Ryder pulled me by my hand and led me to them. Scarlett opened the back door and slid across the seat to make room. I slid over next to her as Ryder silently sat next to me.
 

Caleb jumped in up front with Logan, and Scarlett squeezed my hand as we pulled away from Ryder’s truck and the scene of the accident that once took place. Caleb's phone screen lit up the inside of the cab while he checked the weather. "We should probably just go to your place," he told Logan. Logan nodded and made a U-turn.
 

When Logan's eyes met mine in the rearview mirror, I reached forward and put my hand on his shoulder. When his eyes went wide, I leaned forward, let go of Scarlett, and put my arm around his chest in an awkward hug. He patted my arm wrapped around him. Taking my hand, he kissed the top of it, letting go when Ryder pulled me back and strapped a seat belt on me.
 

Within minutes, we were pulling into Logan's driveway. For the first time, I noticed how close we where to where the accident happened. It always took longer to get to his house for the few bonfires we went to. I then realized Ryder went out of his way to avoid the area and we were always taking a long way around.
 

We ran from the car to the house. The rain smacked my skin and stung with its speed. The wind howled and the darkness was the thickest I had ever seen. The stars and moon were blanketed in the black clouds. We all were panting when we slammed the front door and were out of the elements. I shivered uncontrollably without the emotions and adrenaline keeping me numb.
 

Ryder peeled off his leather jacket and let it hit the floor. "You've got to be freezing. Come on," he said as he pulled me up the stairs.
 

We entered a bedroom with a bare twin bed and a small dresser. There was nothing on the walls; the only decoration was the lamp on the nightstand that he'd turned on. Ryder left me standing in the middle of the unfamiliar room. I trembled and pulled off my soaked shirt. A loud crack echoed and the lights went off.
 

"Kallie," I heard in the darkness.

"I'm here," I called, reaching out into nothing. When I felt the hardness of his chest, I sighed in relief. He found me.

"Put this on," he told me and I felt fabric touching my stomach.
 

I slipped off my shoes, using him to balance. I tipped over trying to pull down my pants and he caught me. He held my shoulders to keep me standing straight up as his hand let go and I felt his fingers graze my bare hips. He slid the wet and thick fabric down my legs. Goosebumps ran along my skin as the cold air rolled over me.
 

He stood and wrapped his hands around my waist, going up until he reached my bra. His hands followed the lace to the clasps in the back. My body was pulled closer to his when he reached to undo it. The snaps unhooked and the straps fell down my shoulders. I heard the splatter of the soaked material hitting the floor.
 

I stood before him, freezing and exposed. I reached out and placed my palms on his chest, finding bare flesh. I sucked in a breath when I felt his muscles flex under my hands. I took a step closer to press against him. I was suddenly warmed up and it had nothing to do with clothing.
 

"Kallie," he said in a tight voice.

"Ryder," I mimicked.
 

"It's not right," he said.
 

I couldn't hear anymore, and I instinctually found his lips with mine. I pushed myself harder into him, not letting him push me away. I poured all of me into the kiss. The pain I felt for losing someone and the pain I felt when I saw what he was putting himself through. I let my fear seep into the kiss. The fear that we could never move past our encounter and our coincidence rose from deep in my chest and played out with my lips.

His fingers dug into the skin of my hips and he pulled me flush against him. We ignored the wind and rain banging on the roof and walls. He fell to his knees and placed light kisses across my stomach. His lips lightly traced the outline of my feather, symbolizing my freedom and letting go. Even in the dark, the lines were there and screaming to be found.
 

Lightening that filled the room followed by a crack of thunder made me jump. Ryder stood up and handed me the large shirt he found for me. I pulled it over my head and it came down to mid-thigh. The wind shook the house around us as he grabbed my hand and quickly led me down the stairs.
 

We opened a door in the kitchen to another set of stairs. I followed closely behind him and could see a soft glow lighting up the damp and cool space. Scarlett, Logan, and Caleb sat against some boxes and random items in storage. Two small oil lanterns sat in the center of them, casting a golden glow over their curious faces.
 

A few pillows and blankets sat in the empty space of the circle. I sat on a pillow and pulled a blanket over my bare legs. Ryder hesitantly took a seat next to me and I flung some blanket over him. Caleb handed me a large glass bottle and I took a drink from it. I didn't care what it was.

I groaned from the burn and handed the bottle off to Ryder. After his drink, he passed it to Scarlett. The bottle made it's way around the circle in silence. The house creaked and cold air leaked in the cracks of the cement blocks around us.
 

"This is nice," I said lamely, looking around. Scarlett spit out whatever we were drinking and laughed hysterically. "What?" I asked defensively.

"Well, thanks," Logan said with humor in his voice. "It's just a dirty and dark basement."

"You're right. And creepy," I nodded. "But safe," I said, raising my finger in the air to signal a point has been made.
 

"True," Logan agreed, peeling at the label of the bottle, and Caleb snickered.
 

"Do you think there will really be a tornado?" Scarlett asked, wrapping her arms around herself.
 

"No, we'll be fine," Logan told her gently as he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close.
 

"Well, if one hits, I hope it takes out the warehouse. I don't want to work in four hours," Caleb grumbled as he situated himself and laid flat on the floor.

None of us spoke for a while. Caleb's breathing slowed and I figured he finally fell asleep. Logan held onto Scarlett and rubbed her arms to calm her. I caught the glares Ryder shot over to his best friend. I also saw Logan ignore them and continue to whisper in her ear as she leaned into him. Interesting.

I leaned against Ryder when I felt like I couldn't hold my body up anymore. I felt his muscles tense under me. I didn't move. I just let his strength keep me stable and his body heat warm me.
 

"Hold me?" I asked quietly, so only he would hear. He shook his head and closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to look at me. "Please. I just want to sleep without the dreams tonight, please," I begged.

He sighed and lifted his arm so I could rest my head in his lap. I smiled as I snuggled close and he ran his fingers through my messy hair. I was hovering between sleep and being awake. My senses were fading in and out when I heard the quiet voices.

"It's not your fault," came a soft voice, sounding like Scarlett.
 

"It is."

"Ry, you can't take that on. She doesn't want you to either."

"I can. I will. I am."

"You will only hurt her more," she said to him.

"You don't think I already did? She should hate me," he said loud enough that I was actually awake now, but unmoving.

"But she doesn't. I know she doesn't and even though you can be an idiot, I know you know it, too."

He sighed and leaned back on his hands, moving me slightly. I stretched and opened my eyes slowly, so they didn't know I heard them.
 

"What time is it?" I asked.
 

"Three. You girls want to go back home? It sounds like it died down a bit," Ryder asked as I sat up.

"No," we both said at the same time. I tried not to smile at her wrapped in Logan's arms still.
 

I didn't want to leave this moment right now. I knew tomorrow would be a new day, with new obstacles and questions. Tonight, with the wind and rain threatening us, Ryder was here to keep me safe. Tomorrow, the sun would come up and light up the mess we made. Emotions would be leveled and heads would be clear.

Would I be angry? Would I hate them for what they did? Would Ryder hate himself more? Or would I still miss Ryder?
 

What I did know was that when I thought of getting in my car and driving back to my parent's house, my throat closed up. I found something here I never had before. Could I take what I learned and found here back with me? Or would I feel empty and hallow again?

Ryder pulled me back and squeezed me against him. I could feel him vibrating inside and he rested his forehead on my shoulder. I turned and tilted my chin up to look into his dark eyes. They were full of guilt and sorrow, and I ached to rid him of it. I pulled his face slowly to mine and pressed my lips to his.
 

I felt his breath rush across my lips when I broke away from the kiss and rested my head on his chest. He held me as he laid down on the floor, pulling me with him. He continued to hold me and rub circles into my lower back while I let silent tears slowly run down my cheeks and dampen his shirt. My eyelids were too heavy to keep open anymore and I started to drift away again. My heart started to crack, feeling as though this was the last time he would ever hold me. I wasn't sure if I was capable of handling that.
 

Kallie

My neck was sore and my head hurt when I started to stir in the morning. My throat was raw, and I felt cold and damp all over. I forced my eyes open and stared up into Ryder's face. He was watching me with an expression I've never seen on him before. His eyes looked pained, but filled with tenderness at the same time.
 

I laid there silently, partly from the surprise of his expression, but mostly because I didn't know what to say to him. I was relieved to see he even stayed with me through the night. Several times I tossed and turned, expecting him to sneak away from me and to wake up alone. I spun the bracelet I made around my wrist.

"Morning," he finally said with a rough voice.
 

"Morning," I replied as I sat up and smoothed down my hair. "Well, that was luxurious."

He let out a short laugh. "I know. I think every one of my bones hurt," he complained, wincing.
 

I looked around him and saw the basement was empty. "What time is it?"

"Early. Probably six or seven," he told me. "Did you have to work?"

"No, I have the week off," I told him, looking down at my hands. When I called Minnie to call off one morning, sobbing uncontrollably into the phone, she insisted that I take off all the time I needed. I didn't even have to tell her what was wrong. She just told me to stay home and she was there when I needed, or wanted, to come back.
 

"You didn't quit?" he asked, sounding surprised.

"No. I never really planned on leaving, Ryder,"

"But, now everything has changed," he whispered solemnly.
 

"Yeah," I admitted.
 

"I wish you would have told me," he glared at me.

"Me too," I shrugged. "But I didn't want to. We can't go back now. We don't get do-overs."

"No shit."

"I meant what I said last night. I was worried that this morning I wouldn't, but I do. It hurt thinking I lost you, Ryder. It really hurt," I choked, tears coming to my eyes. "I know this is crazy and messed up, but I don't want to be without you."
 

Instantly, Ryder grabbed me and pulled me into his hard chest. I let out a shaky breath and inhaled his scent. It was comforting, safe, and all around Ryder. His strong arms encircled me and kept me from falling apart.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into my hair.

"Me too. I missed you. I wouldn't take back what we had. Never." I felt his muscles tense under me. I pulled away and looked into his eyes. He searched my face with trepidation, like he was waiting for the final blow. "What he had, what we have, still happened. It was real and it mattered to me. I don't think I can give that up."

"We don't get do-overs," he said, almost to himself.
 

I stood, unable to contain myself any longer. "Ryder, you made me realize it was okay to feel again. You made me realize it was okay, and I would, I could, love again."

"I killed the one you loved," he hissed.

"No. He died. You were there, but I can't make myself blame you, or hate you. I laid there at Caleb's, at night for hours, trying to make myself hate you for your part. And Logan. I tried to tell myself it was all your fault and find some peace and closure, like Josh wanted." I dropped back to my knees in front of him. My body was drained. "But no matter how hard I tried, I failed. I rarely fail and I try to avoid it all costs, so I'm not trying anymore."

"I can't be your hero, Kallie," he said. "That's not me. I'm not good enough. I can't save you."